The return
by thedarkpassenger85
Summary: Ten years have passed Jane and Maura children are now 17 and 10. Wanna see bad ass Janie kicking the crap out off someone who insulted her little brother?Well check this epilogue!LAST CHAPTER IS UP PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Maura's return

**Chapter one :**

**Maura's return.**

That morning just like every other morning Detective Jane Rizzoli was lying in bed trying to find the strength to get out off bed.

When her alarm clock rang at 7 am sharp she mechanically turned her head on the side and hit the snooze button before pulling the covers on her face.

She felt safe under her covers, safe from the painful reality that he life had became since Maura had left her. She knew that the second her feet would touch the floor reality would come slap her face.

Every morning was the same ritual, Jane woke up, got dressed, fed Joe Friday and went to work . She would come back every night and would go to bed to an empty bed looking at Maura's picture on her night table hoping that where ever she was, she was happy.

For Jane every day was the same : mechanical and boring. She wasn't living, she was barely surviving. Sometimes when she was alone at night in her bed she allowed herself to remember what her life was 4 years ago, when Maura was still her best friend. She didn't do that often though, it was too painful, thinking all the breakfasts, take out dinner and baseball games they shared was actually excruciating. Unfortunately from time to time Jane felt the need to put herself through that pain , to feel something that proved her that she was still alive.

That morning Jane woke up cracked her feet on the wooden floor of her bedroom and painfully walked towards her kitchen.

"Hey little man, you wanna go out?Just give me a few minutes alright." Jane said as she was welcomed by Joe Friday who usually liked to sleep in the living room.

After Maura left Jane completely shut herself down from her friends, her family, her colleague. The only presence she cold tolerate was Joe Friday. As the very sensitive dog that she was she quickly understood that something had happened. For days after Maura left Jane stayed in bed refusing to even wake up for anything else then taking her out. Seeing her mommy that sad broke the little dog's heart and she made it her personal mission to make her feel better. Luckily after days and weeks of trying to cheer her up Jane slowly went back to live almost normally and the two had been very close ever since. Joe Friday was the only confident Jane had,she would talk to her when she had something in her mind, cuddle her when she was missing Maura's embrace and smile. Yes, that little dog saved Jane's life.

As Jane was making herself some coffee, trying to wake herself up she suddenly heard someone knocking at the door.

"Come on, not that early MA!"Jane groaned as she walked towards the door.

Little she knew it wasn't her mother who was paying her an unexpected visit.

"Jane, you look well." A familiar voice said as Jane opened the door.

At that precise moment Jane's heart starting to beat faster, she couldn't believe who was standing in front of her.

For the past 4 years every time she opened the door, she secretly took a second to pray God that it was Maura, but it never was.

"Maura, what are you doing here?"Jane mumbled feeling her heart stammering her chest.

"I came to visit Dr Andrews, I heard he was retiring and wanted to pay my respects." Maura quietly replied trying to contain herself.

For the past 4 years Maura had rehearsed the speech she would make to Jane in case they met again. But having her in front of her made loose her words. She couldn't believe that Jane was finally in front of her after all these years. When Jane opened the door and she saw her beautiful face her first instinct was to jump in her arms, she wanted, she needed to feel Jane's body against her, to prove to herself that this wasn't a dream. Unfortunately Maura knew that Jane would probably push her away and wasn't willing to humiliate herself.

"After 4 years that's all you have to say?" Jane frowned crossing her arms on her chest.

"May I come in?"

"No, you lost the right to come into my home the day you disappeared on me without any explanation." Jane replied closing the door slightly to make sure Maura wouldn't force her way in.

"I'm sorry…"Maura said looking down.

"I hope you are, I drove myself crazy over you, I spent the last 4 years trying to find you." Jane hissed split between her happiness to see Maura and the hatred that had been accumulated inside of her for the past 4 years.

"I understand and I had a good reason for not wanting to be found, please let's go have a cup of coffee so I can explain myself to you." Maura offered taking a step towards Jane.

"There is nothing I wanna hear from you, as far as I'm concerned you can go to hell, or back where ever you were hiding for the past 4 years." Jane said shutting the door at Maura's face.

Maura stood in front of Jane's apartment, tears streaming down her face. She knew that she deserved Jane's reaction. 4 years ago she had left without giving her any explanation and did everything she could to make sure that the best Detective in Boston wouldn't find her. Now things had changed, Maura was back in town and she wanted to apologize, to make Jane forgive her, but knowing Jane she knew it wouldn't be easy. All she could do was hope that Jane would had least give her a chance to explain herself, because she had indeed a very good reason to explain her behavior, or

"_Alright, I'll try again later_." Maura said to herself before leaving Jane's building.

An hour after Maura's visit Jane went to work and spent the day filling up paper work, well at least she tried. She tried to focus on work, but couldn't, she had this image of Maura at her door step after all those years stuck in her head. She was split between being extremely happy and rush into Maura's arms and forgive her and giving Maura a piece of her mind. She knew that Maura had sold her house and that there was only one place where she would stay : The Plaza.

After checking with the reception she found out that Maura had in fact checked into suite 312. So she took the elevator and as she stepped out and walked towards the door she tried to calm herself down.

"_Come on Jane, don't lash out at her. She said she had a good reason for leaving and making herself invincible . You should hear what she has to say for her defense before giving her a piece of your mind. Remember don't look at her in the eyes, if you do you won't be able to resist her. You are not here to forgive her, that would be too easy. Who the hell does she think she is to knock on your door after breaking your heart like that?_" Jane said to herself as she walked toward Maura's suit.

As she was standing in front of the door, Jane took a minute to compose herself. As much as she hated Maura for what she had done to her, she wasn't the violent type. If she wanted Maura to understand what she put her through she needed to keep it simple and remain calm.

So Jane knocked at the door and waited for Maura to come open the door.

About a minute later, the door finally opened.

"Maur…Oh I'm sorry, I must have the wrong room." Jane mumbled as she checked the number on the door.

"No, you're Zane, you're here to see my mommy . Come." A shy voice said grabbing Jane's hand pulling her inside…

****So guys, I had the idea stuck in my head for quite some time now, but I needed to finish the other ones first. ** What do you think?I know first chapters are always delicate to write…But you know me and you know it's gonna get better…**

**Sorry for the small cliffhanger, but Ireally enjoy driving you crazy!**


	2. Revelations

**Alright guys, first I wanted to thank you all for the reviews!You rock!I think I managed to make you curious about this story.**

**I hope I won't disappoint you. I have lots of plans and lots of secrets to reveal!**

**Chapter 2:  
>Revelations. <strong>

As Jane was pulled inside by the little girl she barely had time to realize what had just happened. All she could see in front of her was that little girl with curly dark hair dragging her to see her mommy .

"Jane, I knew it was you. Janie sweetie why don't you go play with the new doll mommy got you today?" Maura said kneeling in front of her little girl.

"Yes mommy, it's was nice to finally meet you auntie Zane." The little girl said grabbing Jane's leg squeezing it hard.

"Pleasure was mine." Jane mumbled stroking her hand in the little girl's hair before watching her leaving.

As she was watching Maura's daughter running away Jane was still unable to believe what was happening.

"Janie...Auntie..Mommy...What the ….Oh God I need to sit down." Jane said her hand on her forehead.

"Yes Please have a sit." Maura replied pointing the large beige sofa next to them.

"What…Who..." Jane mumbled unable to articulate a proper sentence.

"She's my daughter Jane, she called you auntie because I told her a millions stories about the woman she was named after." Maura explained.

"She is beautiful Maura, how old is she?"

"I know she's smaller than other children of her age but she's 3 and her half."

"3 and a half…wait…Is this why you left?" Jane asked finally putting the pieces together.

"Yes...I discovered I was pregnant a few days before I left. I'm sorry. "

"Why didn't you say something?" Jane asked rising her voice.

As Jane was sitting next to her demanding explanation Maura knew she couldn't hold the truth from her or lie, she had to tell her everything.

"Because you would have insisted to raise her as your own daughter."

"Of course I would have."

"I know and that's why I didn't say anything. You already did so much for me, I didn't want to put another burden on your shoulders."

"You were my best friend , you were my family. I would have taken care of both of you, not because I felt obligated but because I loved you and I would have loved her."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Is that all you have to say?You left a month after we started dating. Do you have any idea how long it took me to have the guts to face my feelings for you and to come to you and share them?You broke my heart Maura."

"I know. You don't have to believe me, but it broke my heart to, leaving you like that without telling you why. I acted like a coward."

"Yes you did, you know I spent the past 4 years thinking that you left because you realized that you weren't attracted me and you didn't have the guts to tell me."

"No, please do not think that for a second. I didn't sleep for 2 days after you asked me out, all I could think about was the romantic date I knew you were going to prepare for me. And the month I spent being with your girlfriend was the most perfect month of my life, you made me so happy, more than I thought I could ever be."

"If I made you so happy why did you leave me?"

" I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't do that to you, asking you raise someone's else child so soon after we started dating. I wouldn't have been fair to ask you that kind of commitment."

"You know that's bullshit, even if had only been best friends I would have helped you, damn my whole family would have helped you raise her. You were a member or the Rizzoli clan and we would have taken care of both of you."

"I know but we were dating and I knew you would have felt pressured to make things work for her."

"So you think it wouldn't have worked between us, that the only that would have kept us together was Janie?"

"Of course not, but I knew I wouldn't have been able to commit myself to you completely because of Janie and I knew you would have stayed with me even if you weren't happy, for her sake."

"Maybe you were right to leave, you obviously never trusted me or believed in us."

"No, I didn't trust myself, I didn't know what I would have been able to offer you if I had stayed and decided to have the baby."

"I loved you Maura, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I would have had any issues raising her with you even if we were only dating for only a month. I wouldn't have been happy to have a child with you. All I needed and wanted was to be with you."

"Jane.."

"Wait, you said you found out you were pregnant just before you left, How long were you?"

"About 8 weeks."

"Does this mean _he_'s the father?" Jane muttered referring to the man who almost destroyed their relationship.

"Yes he is."

"Oh great, that' terrific, are you married to him now ?"

"No, he doesn't even know. I never wanted him to be a part of our lives. I raised her by myself."

"God, that's a lot to take in Maura… I spent 4 years torturing myself trying to find out what I could have done to make you leave." Jane said rubbing her face with her hand.

At that moment Jane's head started spinning she was replaying the events that lead to Maura leaving her. She remembered that_ he_ almost destroyed their relationship but that she broke it off . After she realized that she could have lost her and she decided she didn't want any other man to ever touch her, so she finally grew a pair and asked her out. Than a month later she was gone, without any explanation, she just left a letter on her pillow. For 4 years had used the department resources to try to found her, but she didn't want to and when you have the kind of money the Isles have disappearing is easy. Now Maura was rising a child, a little girl, by herself. She consciously made the decision to leave her knowing that Jane would have raised Janie as her own daughter, she knew it and she still left her.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm here now, I can answer all your questions."

"Are you staying in Boston?"

"I don't know. I will if you want me to."

"No, No, No, this is too much, If you think you can show up here with a child expecting me to forgive you and to beg you to stay you're wrong. God Maura, that little girl could have been mine, if you had trusted me. I wouldn't have cared that she was his, I would have raised her as my own." Jane said as she suddenly stood up.

"She can still be yours Jane, I told her everything about you, I showed her pictures , home movies we made with your family, she already loves you and couldn't wait to meet you." Maura said taking a step towards Jane trying to reach out to her.

"No, no, no…You are not using your daughter to get what you want from me. That's not fair! I can't stay here.." Jane hissed as she walked towards the door.

"You are leaving me already?" A voice shyly asked a few feet behind them.

"Oh Janie sweetie. Auntie Jane has to go now. I'm sorry." Maura said as she rapidly stood up and walked towards her daughter who was standing in the middle of their suite holding her precious doll.

"But why?I want her to play with me…" Janie said a tear streaming down her face.

"Hey sweetie, it's alright, I'll play with you for a little while if you want." Jane said reaching out to pick up the little girl.

"Mommy mommy can I show Auntie Zane our bedroom?" Janie asked clapping in her hand, over excited to finally meet her auntie Jane.

"If your auntie Jane doesn't mind staying a little longer..."

"Of course not."

"Okay, I want to show you my doll collection."

"It doesn't change anything." Jane whispered towards Maura as she walked away holding Maura's daughter in her arms.

As Jane was lying on the queen size bed with Maura's daughter, she couldn't help but thinking that she looked exactly like her.

"_The resemblance is troubling, the way she talks, the way she moves, her eyes, she's a mini Maura_." Jane said to herself .

Observing the two of them interact Maura realized how stupid she had been. She took her little girl away from the woman who would have loved them both and who would have taken care of them. Jane was right she never really trusted her or herself, all her life Maura had taken care of herself. She was so self sufficient that at the time she didn't want to ask Jane for help , actually she didn't know how to ask for help or how to trust her. All Maura knew is that she was now back in Boston for an undermined period of time and was hoping that Jane could forgive her. She knew she had no right to ask Jane to forgive her and to give her another chance, but she was tired of missing her every night when she goes to bed. She was tired of keeping her daughter from having a second parent . Even if she knew that their relationship was probably damaged beyond repair, Maura was just tired of being miserable and she was determined to do everything she could to make things right. Obviously she couldn't tell Jane the real reason why she was back in Boston because she didn't want it to be the reason why Jane gave her another chance and agreed to spend time with her... She wanted Jane to give her another chance for the good reasons, because she wanted to and felt ready to and because she trusted her again, not out of pity or compassion.

**So guys, what do you think?I replied to some questions you had but I opened doors to other questions. What do you think Maura's real reason for coming back to town is?That reason if Jane knew would make her give maura another chance that's why she didn't tell her..**


	3. Tete a tete

**Chapter 3 :**

**Tete a tete : **

As Jane was playing with Maura's daughter she felt tempted to ask her a few questions to find out what Maura had told her about her and their relationship. She didn't want to use the little girl to found if Maura missed her, but she had so many questions that needed answers, questions she couldn't ask Maura because she didn't trust her to tell her the truth.

"So, we have the same name…" Jane starting biting her lower lip.

"Yes, mommy says that she gave me your name because you're the most courageous person in the whole word."

"So your mommy talked to you about me?"

"Yes. She said that you worked with her and that you loved each other very very very much but that sometimes we can't be close to people we love . You know like my grand pa and my nana, they live far far away. Do you know my nana?"

"Yes, I do."

"She has a lot of dresses, like my mommy, when I grow up I want to have lots and lots of dresses and shoes like my nana and my mommy."

"I bet you do." Jane smiled marveling at the cuteness of that little girl.

"Mommy said that your mommy is very very nice and that she makes the bestest chocolate cookies in the whole world."

"Yes she does, you know your mommy used to love having dinner with my family. "

"I know and she said that you and your brother are always fighting, but you love each other very much, I wish I had a brother to play with me when mommy is busy."

"Well you have me to play with you." Jane said realizing that Maura did in fact told her everything about her family.

"Yes, but mommy says you don't like girlie things."

"No I don't but I like you so I don't mind."

"I like you to auntie Zane." Janie said rushing into Jane's arms.

Feeling that little girl in her arms Jane realized what she had missed, what Maura took away from her. That little girl looked so much like Maura and Constance, she was an Isles and Jane couldn't help but smiling at the thought that a little Rizzoli's touch wouldn't hurt her.

As Janie was buried in Jane's arms she realized that everything her mommy told her was true. Her auntie Jane was very very nice and liked her very much. She wished she had met her before and was hoping she could play with her more .

An hour later little Janie fell asleep, exhausted after telling Jane everything about her life with her mommy far far away from Boston. Just like Jane she felt she had so much to tell her, so much time to make up for.

Feeling the little girl falling asleep in her arms Jane gently pulled the covers on her and turn off the light, before quietly leaving the room.

"Good night, little angel. I missed you." Jane whispered kissing her forehead.

As Jane walked into the living room she found Maura on the large sofa reading.

"She really is a smart kid." Jane said as she sat next to her.

"Yes she's a very bright little girl."

"I think she's actually a clone of you. I mean not only she 's smart but she looks like you' talks like you, she likes shoes and dresses so much, she's a little princess."

"She is, you know little girls tend to imitate their mothers to look like them."

"Yeah well you're a good role model I guess. Anyway I should get going." Jane said as she grabbed her jacket from the sofa.

"Alright, thank you for playing with her, she wanted to meet you for so long , it meant a lot for her ." Maura said standing up.

"It was my pleasure as I said she's a very bright and sweet little girl." Jane replied as she walked towards the door.

As Jane was opening the door Maura's heart started to beat faster, she started to wonder if she'd ever see her again. She knew Jane better than she knew herself and she knew how hurt she was. Actually she expected not to see Jane ever again after she slammed her door in her face. The fact that Jane came to hotel to talk was a good sig, but Maura felt that Jane only came for explanations not to make up with her .

"I came back for you Jane. Leaving without you was too hard. I couldn't take it anymore, so I came back . " Maura suddenly let out as Jane opened the door.

"Too bad it took you 4 years." Jane replied as she stepped out of Maura's suite closing the door behind her.

As the door closed behind Jane , Maura stood there, powerless, watching the love of her life walking away, leaving her like she left her years before. Her first instinct was to open that door and run after her. Unfortunately Maura Isles often listened to her brain rather than her heart. She knew Jane needed time to process, and she couldn't stalk her into forgiving her or even giving her a chance. If Jane was ever gonna come back to her it had to be on her own terms. Obviously it didn't mean Maura had to stay passive and just wait for Jane to make her decision, but she didn't want to pressure her. So Maura didn't go after Jane, instead she walked toward her bedroom and slid into bed next to her beautiful baby girl.

As Jane was walking towards the elevator she had to fight to keep from crying. All this was a lot to take in. On one hand hand knowing that Maura had a daughter and took her away from her made her resent her even more. Obviously she had no right on this little girl, but the thought that Maura didn't want to burden her with a child made her mad to a point she never knew was possible. The way Jane saw things Maura left because she never trusted her or believed that their relationship would last and therefore she didn't see the point of raising a child with her. All the excuses Maura gave her weren't enough for Jane, not enough at all.

On the other hand, Maura told the truth at least on one thing : she really told her little girl every about her and the Rizzoli clan. There was no doubt Maura had missed her during those years and she liked to think that if she told so much to Janie it was because she always planned on coming back…Jane didn't know what to think anymore, she was confused and split…She needed help time to process, alone.

**So guys, what do you think?Obviously Maura's true reason for coming back isn't that she missed Jane. Don't worry her secret will be revealed soon!**

**Thank you for all the reviews guys, I like to see you're passionate about the story!**


	4. Danger

**Chapter 4:**

**Danger: **

A few days later, Jane came home from work and mechanically opened her fridge and grabbed herself a beer before settling on her couch.

She hadn't seen Maura since she went to see her at her hotel. She wasn't ready yet, she needed time to process all the informations she received. She knew she wasn't ready or willing to forgive Maura for now and she didn't know if she ever would.

As Jane was comfortably enjoying a movie, a beer in her hand and Joe Friday on her lap, someone knocked at the door.

"Please, not my mother, not now." Jane said to herself as she stood up and walked towards the door.

Fortunately when she opened the door, it wasn't her mother, it was a much more pleasant and surprising visit.

"Auntie zane!" Janie said as soon as Jane opened the door, rushing in her arms.

"Hey sweetie, I'm so happy to see you, Maura , nice to meet you too, please come in." Jane offered noticing the suitcase Maura was carrying.

"I missed you so so so much." Janie said her arms wrapped around Jane's neck.

As that moment, Jane immediately thought that Maura was here to say goodbye, she was carrying a suitcase and had a sad look on her face.

"I missed you too, hey what don't you go play with my little dog, right there on the couch. I'll be right there in a minute."Jane said as she gently let her down.

"Okay."

As Janie was meeting Joe Friday for the first time Jane and Maura moved towards the kitchen.

"Oh Jane, I'm sorry to barge in like that. I didn't know where else to go."

"Calm down, have a sit and tell me what happened."

"I…I didn't want to bother you with this. I thought I could deal with this on my own."

"You're not bothering me, but you're scaring me. what's going on?"

"About 2 weeks ago, I received a call from Doyle saying that someone was after me, he said that I should be careful until further notice." Maura explained.

"Did he call you back?" Jane asked worried knowing that Doyle wouldn't tell her that if he wasn't sure that she was in danger.

"Yes and he asked me to come to Boston, that it would be easier for him to protect us. I didn't know what to do. You're the one who always protected me before, but you weren't there and now I have Janie, so I couldn't afford to be reckless. So I came back."

"Do you think something happened to him?"

"Yes, ever since I came back I have that weird feeling that We've been followed. I couldn't contact him, so I came to see you, I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do."

"I understand, you did the right thing. Why didn't you say something when you came to see me the first time?"

"Because I knew this wasn't the way to come back into your life, I knew your protectiveness would have compelled you to help me even if you still resented me for leaving you. Besides I came to see you I received a call from him just before I came to see you, telling me that he had things under control, but that's the last time I heard from him."

"You're right, we needed to talk before I could help you. Look, you and Janie are gonna stay here. I'm gonna put Frost on it, he has some good connections, if something happened to Doyle, he'll found out."

"No, No, I can't ask you that, not after what I put you through."

Seeing Maura so scared for her and her daughter's life, Jane couldn't resist having the desire to help her. She couldn't let anything happen to them, not now, not after being away from them for so long. They still had some many things to talk about and to work on, she couldn't loose her again.

"Maura, look at me, this is your life, and Janies' life we're talking about. Am I still mad at you?Yes I am, I'm not ready to forgive you or to give you another chance, or to even consider it, but I won't let anything happen to you or your daughter." Jane said holding Maura's hand.

"Thank you. I promise I never wanted to drag you into this."

"I know, if you had you would have told me the first time you came."

"Yes, I'm scared Jane, what if they hurt Janie?"

"Maura look at me. Since when do I let people I lo...Care about get hurt?"

"You don't."

"Exactly. I will never let any one hurt you or Janie, I promise. "

"I know…I'm sorry Jane, I truly am, you can't imagine how miserable I have been for the past 4 years, how guilty I've been feeling."Maura said tears streaming down her face.

"Please don't do this. " Jane asked pulling her hands away.

"I know, you're helping us but it doesn't change anything. I get it. Thank you."

"You're welcome. How about you put Janie to bed and I'll take the couch?"

"I can't let you do that, You can sleep with her and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Do you remember the last time you slept on this couch?"

"Actually I do. You were sick and I insisted to be your personal physician, but because you were contagious you insisted that we didn't share your bed that night. I remember choosing to sleep here and…"

"And your back hurt for two days after that, you're not use to so little comfort. Don't worry, I slept plenty of time on this couch, I'll be fine."

"Okay, I'm too tired to argue."

"I think it's the first time I have the last word."

"Yes it is. I should go put her to bed now. Thank you I know I don't deserve your kindness ." Maura said as she walked away.

"Maybe you don't but your daughter does ." Jane muttered as she watched Maura walking away.

That night Jane slept on her couch, well at least she tried. Lying there looking at the ceiling she couldn't help but thinking about Maura and her daughter sleeping in her bedroom a few feet from her. It was the first time in 4 years that Maura and her slept under the same roof. For 4 years Jane wished, even prayed for Maura to come back, she thought seeing her again would make everything better. She always hoped that seeing her, hearing her say how sorry she was and begging her for forgiveness would help her feeling so miserable. Obviously she knew she wouldn't forgive her so easily, but she really thought that seeing her would at least help her a little. She thought that hearing Maura explain why she left would help her understand and realize that it wasn't herself and therefore help her stop beating herself up. Unfortunately, it didn't. Seeing Maura, looking at her beautiful face and smile without being able to touch her, to kiss her was excruciating. Seeing her just reminded her of how hurt she was when she left and how miserable her life has been since. She didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive her, all she knew for now was that a little girl was in danger and she couldn't let her bitterness and resentment for Maura affect her safety.

In Jane's room Maura was comfortably lying in bed, her daughter sleeping in her arms like her angel.

Being in Jane's bed, smelling her perfume on her pillow, made Maura feel so comfortable and safe an that was something she hadn't feel in years. The one thing that made Maura love Jane so much was that she always felt safe with her. She felt safe in their relationship knowing she was loyal and supportive but also she felt safe knowing that Jane would protect her from any danger . After not sleeping for the past two weeks, Maura finally felt safe knowing that Jane was in the next room and that she would never let anyone hurt them. Obviously Maura could see and feel how mad Jane was. She knew that it wouldn't be easy to convince her to give her another chance, and she couldn't blame her. Right now she knew Jane didn't even want to talk about it. She made it clear that all she wanted was to protect them, but that it didn't change anything, that she was still mad and not willing to even considering giving her a second change, and she had no choice but to accept it.

Maura Isles wasn't the kind of woman to be overdramatic and to cause huge scenes, so she wasn't going to beg her, but she was willing to do everything in her power to win Jane back. She knew that her only chance would be to be sincere and honest with Jane, to tell her everything she wanted to know, and considering everything that happened to her over the past 4 years, she knew it was going to be painful to talk about it. Unfortunately she had no choice, if she wanted Jane to trust her again she would have to be 100% with her, no matter how painful it might be.

**So guys, are you happy with Maura's secret, it wasn't my original plan, but it's gonna bring some good drama and Frost and Frankie as well!**

**So yes Maura's life has been hell as well for the past 4 years. I have so much so reveal, I hope you're gonna stick around for that!**

**Anyway as always reviews encourage me!tThanks!**


	5. Smart kid

**Chapter 5:**

**Smart kid.**

The next Maura woke up feeling slightly better knowing that she was safe. As she slowly woke up she took a minute to marvel at her beautiful daughter. She was so innocent, she had no idea that her life was in danger. She was only 4 years old and Maura knew she wouldn't be able to understand her mommy's connection and past relationship with a mob lord. All Janie knew was that they were in Boston to visit her aunt Jane, whom she had been dying to meet for a long time. For the past 4 years Maura did everything she could to make sure her daughter knew who Jane was and how important her and the Rizzolis were to her. The good thing was that Janie was immediately comfortable with Jane but the down side was that she asked her many questions. Even if she was only 4 Janie was very smart, smarter than kids of her age. She couldn't understand why Jane never visited them or why they were separate in the first place if her and her mommy love each other so much. Maura knew that once she grew old she would have some serious explanation to do and she was hoping that Jane would have forgiven her by then. She was hoping that she could forgive her for taking her away from her other mommy.

After half an hour of watching her daughter sleep Maura finally quietly bounced our of bed and walked towards the kitchen.

As she entered the kitchen Jane was sitting having a cup of coffee and reading the news paper.

"How did you sleep?" Jane asked as she show Maura walking towards her.

"Fine thank you. I forgot how comfortable your bed was."

"That's because you made me buy this overpriced mattress remember?"

"And I'm sure you sleep much better since."

"I used to, but to be honest I haven't slept much since you left."

"I…."

"It's okay, we said we wouldn't talk about it, so how is Janie feeling?"

"She's still sleeping. I think I scared her, I tried to protect her and not to show how scared I was but she's smart."

"Yes she is, and besides you two are very close so she can feel it when someone thing is wrong. What did you tell her to justify your return?"

"Nothing, I told her we were going away for some vacations, and when I told her we were coming to Boston she assumed we were coming to see you. She was so excited that I didn't have the heart to contradict her. I knew that no matter what happened I couldn't come to Boston without trying to see you anyway."

"You lied. You said you came back because you missed me."

"The first reason why I came to Boston was because Doyle asked me to, but maybe that threat was the waking up call I needed to have the courage to do something I've been dying to do for years."

"Okay. Look I don't want to hear it, that's not why you're here. Let me do my job ."

"I'm sorry for interfering, I know you don't trust me anymore…"

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I deserve it…"

"Look, I don't want to be rude but I said I wasn't ready to talk about it. I asked you the questions I wanted and you replied, I don't want to continue to talk about it anymore. I want to do my job and found out who's be threatening."

"You're right, let's go back to work." Maura agreed knowing that she couldn't push Jane.

Maura knew Jane very well and she could see how hurt she was and what it was costing her to help her and she was determined not to push her luck and do things the way Jane wanted. Her priority was to find out what happened to Doyle and keep her and her daughter out of danger, making it up to Jane would have to wait.

"Alright, I need to ask you a few questions if you don't mind."

"Ask me anything, but I'm afraid I don't know much."

As Jane was about to try to get some information from Maura that could help to find who has been threatening her she noticed that Janie was standing a few feet behind them.

"Hey sweetie, you're up. Don't be shy." Jane said smiling at the little girl .

"I…I'm still tired." Janie mumbled yawning as she walked towards Maura.

"Oh, it's still soon. You should go back to bed." Maura said rubbing the little's girl cheek with her thumb.

"It's alright mommy, I don't like to sleep by myself."

"Well, me neither, that's why Joe Friday sleeps with me. "

"I like her, she smells not good but she's funny."

"How about we have breakfast and then you and I give her a bath, would you like that?" Jane offered.

"Yes, I think I see my favorite cereals but I'm too small." Janie pouted pointed out the cupboard behind Jane.

"Come here." Jane offered opening her arms.

As Janie immediately bounced off Maura's lap Maura couldn't help to marvel at their obvious chemistry. From the first minute they met Jane and Janie have been close. Maura knew that the fact that she talked to her daughter daily about Jane certainly helped but they seemed to have a natural bond.

"So, which one do you like more?"Jane asked as she grabbed her in her arms lifting her up.

"I like this one."

"Honey cherrios, my favorite. Can she have it?I know babies can't have honey."Jane asked .

"Yes she can. " Maura smiled touched by Jane's thought.

"I'm not a baby anymore." Janie frowned crossing her arms on her chest.

"Alright Madame. You think you can grab that box for me?" Jane asked lifting her up a bit higher.

"Yes. Look mommy I got it!" Janie proudly said grabbing the box.

"I can see that, you're a big girl now."

"Yes but I want to eat on auntie's Jane's lap please please please."

"Alright, alright, I'm sure your mommy told you I can't refuse her anything and that I could probably never refuse you anything either right?" Jane replied as she sat back on her chair.

"Mommy says you love her too much to refuse to do things for her." Janie said as she comfortably settled on Jane's lap.

"Yes, would you like some milk with those cereals?"

"Yes please."

"Here you go sweetie."

The 3 women enjoyed a nice breakfast like a family, which was Maura had been dreaming about for the past few years. Seeing her daughter on Jane's lap, talking to her, laughing with her, she knew things war finally the way they were supposed to be. Unfortunately she knew that it would probably won't last, that as soon as they're out of danger Jane would probably push her away. But for know Jane and her were reunited and with Janie they were finally a family and she knew that she'd have to make the best of it.

"Can I ask you something?" Janie said as she drunk the last drop of her bowl.

"Sure."

"How come you never visited us?"

"Hum, well…" Jane mumbled trying to find the most appropriate answer.

"You didn't want to be my mommy?"

"Oh sweetie, no, it's just complicated adults things." Jane said feeling her heart breaking into pieces.

Janie was only 4, she couldn't possibly understand the reasons why they haven't met until now, god knew even Jane didn't understand . Janie was just an innocent child and in her mind, if they never met it was simply because Jane didn't want to and didn't love her.

"Remember, we talked about this, I told you that sometimes people have separate lives far from each other but it doesn't mean they don't love each other very much." Maura explained.

"No!You lied, you lie all the time." Janie yelled jumping off Jane's lap before running Jane's bedroom.

"Janie…" Jane said looking at Maura like she was going to kill her.

"Let me talk to her."

"No, I think you've done enough. Don't you see what you did was wrong?I mean I'm sure you told her everything about me with the best intentions , but she missed me before she even met me. "

"I know, I told her so many things about you that I think she already loved you before you even met."

"She's only a child Maura, how did you expect her to understand why we were apart?Of course she thought I didn't want to be her mommy. You shouldn't have talked to her about me." Jane said as she stood up and walked towards her bedroom.

"Jane…"

"No, let me try to fix this. You've done enough damage." Jane harshly replied.

Jane was right, Maura's intentions were noble but she ended up hurting her daughter. The thing was Maura always hoped that her and Jane would be together again at some point and she really wanted her daughter to know who Jane was so they could due a family. Unfortunately she was wrong to do that and now obviously her little girl was in pain unable to understand why her aunt Jane and her never met.

As she walked into her bedroom, she saw Janie on her bed curled in a bowl.

"Go Away!" Janie yelled burying her face in her pillow.

"I'm sorry sweetie but I can't do that." Jane replied as she crawled in bed next to her.

"I'm sorry I screamed at mommy, is she mad?"

"No she's not, she loves you very much."

"But she lied."

"No, your mother doesn't know how to lie. Maybe she just didn't know how to explain things to you. If you have any questions for me I can try to answer them for you."

"You hurt my mommy before?"

"I don't think I did. Why?"

"She's always sad when she talks about you or when we look at pictures."

"I think she just missed me."

"You were yelling at her when you came to our room and today too."

"I wasn't yelling sweetie, your mommy and I had things to talk about and sometimes I speak loud I'm sorry. If I could explain them to you I would, but even your mommy and I don't really understand ."

"But you're mad at her. Is it because she left?"

"It's not that simple, God you're smart."

"Yes mommy says I'm a genius like her."

"Looks like you are. Look how about your mommy and I talk to you and tell you everything after we find out what really happened okay?"

"Okay but promise we won't have to leave ever ever ever. I want to stay with you and zo Friday."

"Well your mommy and I talked about it and you're going to stay with me and Joe Friday for a little while."

"Is it because someone wants to hurt my mommy?"

"Yes, but I promise that I will never let anyone hurt you or your mommy, you're safe here alright?"

"I know mommy says you're a Detective and that you protect people in danger."

"Yes and I protect people I love even more. How about you stay here and play with Joe Friday while your mommy and I try to find out who is trying to hurt her?"

"Okay. I love you auntie Zane." Janie smiled squeezing Jane tight in her small arms.

"I love you sweetie." Jane replied kissing the top of her head.

A few minutes Jane went back to Maura trying not to show her anger .

"How is she?"

"I think she needs you to tell her why you left. She doesn't understand why you left when you tell her how much we loved each other all the time. She even thought I hurt you ."

"I'm sorry Jane...I never wanted her to think you did something bad, I just didn't know what to tell her, she's just a child."

"A child who apparently is as smart as you. She can't understand things the way we do, but she has a lot of questions so I promised her that you and I would talk to her later and answer all her questions."

"That sounds like a good idea. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now we need to find out what happened to Doyle and who is trying to hurt you."

"Yes. Back to work."Maura smiled.

**So guys, what do you think?I know this was a transitional chapter. I thought it was important to show how smart Janie was and the impact Maura's decision to leave had one her. She never met Jane but her mom told her so much about her that she couldn't understand why they were apart. Drama is coming.**

**Again thanks for the reviews!**


	6. Out of danger

**Chapter 6 :**

**Out of Danger : **

After talking to Janie it was time for Maura and Jane to go back to work and try to find out who was threatening them.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Well, I was home when I received a call from Doyle asking me if I thought I was being followed. He told me that he had reasons to believe that someone was trying to find me and was planning to hurt me to get to him."

"Did he say who?"

"No, but It's probably one of his rivals from another family."

"How did he found you?I mean even I with the department resources wasn't able to find you."

"He visited my mother and told her the same thing he told me, he scared her enough to convince her to tell him where I was and to give my number."

" I'm glad he did. Can I ask you where you were?"

"I was in upstate New-York, not too far from my parents. I knew if I stayed with them or in a big city you would have found me easily, I'm so sorry."

"I know, well at least you were close to your parents. You weren't working right?I mean I know you didn't apply for a medical license in any other state."

"No I didn't. When I first got there I ….I was miserable for a long time, I just hide in the smallest town I could find so you wouldn't find me. Even my mother didn't know where I was."

"I know, I contacted your mother and she told me she had know idea where you were and she was so panicked that I knew she wasn't lying."

"Yes, I don't think she'll ever forgive me , but I needed to be by myself for a while. When I was about 7 months pregnant I went to see her to ask for her help."

"She helped you hide from me?"

"She tried to convince me to go back to you, she said you would understand why I left, that you knew that I actually never cheated on you and that you would have raised my baby . "

"She was right."

"I know she also told me the more I waited to come back the more angry you would be that the harder it would be for you to forgive me."

"Your mother is a wise woman."

"I know but it was too late for me to go back, so I ask her to help me settle down in a bigger city with a descent OBGYN and she did. The reason why I didn't practice medicine wasn't because I thought you would find me with my medical license application but because I wanted to focus on Janie. I knew that I was going to raise her on my own and I needed to be able to give her everything. I tried to give her everything money could buy and my unconditional love but I couldn't give her the only thing she wanted and needed, you."

"You're here now, it's all that matters. She does seem to be a bit mad at you, but that's because she doesn't understand why you left but once she understands it she'll be better. Right now our priority should be to find who is trying to hurt you."

Sitting here in front Maura Jane could see how worry she was about her little girl's safety and how much she hated herself for putting Jane through all this. Jane's first instinct was to just hold her hand and tell her everything would be alright, but she couldn't . The idea of touching her was too painful. For 4 years she had dreamed of being able to touch her, to smell her, to feel her against her, and now that she had the opportunity to do it , it was too soon, she wasn't ready.

"I know, have you called Detective Frost?"

"Yes I have, I told him someone was threatening you and I asked him to look into it."

"He must hate me."

"He...is mad at you for leaving. He's my partner, he's the one who had to deal with me everyday for the past 4 years. "

"I know and I know how supportive he is, you're very lucky to have him. "

"Yes I am, he did a lot for me, he supported me, he never judge me, he dealt with my shit all those years. He's the best."

About half an hour later Detective Frost was at Jane's door, with some news.

"Detective Frost, it's a pleasure to see you again." Maura politely said.

"I can't say the pleasure is shared." Frost grinned.

"Come on Frost, knock it off, We can all be angry and blame each other later, right now something is happening and we need to help her. Please."

"Alright, here's what I found." Frost reluctantly replied handing a file to Jane.

"Gee, when did that happen?" Jane asked as she was going through several crime scenes photos.

"2 nights ago, apparently Doyle's gang met with the Donelly's gang it ended up in a massacre, 9 bodies were found last night."

"Oh, God, was Doyle one of them?" Maura asked.

"No, we know for sure was there, but he apparently survived. "

"He probably found out that Donellys were the one after you and asked for a meeting and things got out of hand." Jane said.

"Knowing him he probably went there with the intention of killing all of them."

"You do what ever you do to protect your family." Frost replied.

"I…are we safe now?"

"Well most of Donelly's most important gun men were killed and knowing that Doyle survived I doubt the rest of the gang is going to even think about going after you, they all know what he's capable of to protect you."

"He killed for me again…" Maura said cupping her face with her hands.

"He did what he thought was right to protect his daughter. You're safe now." Jane said rubbing Maura's back.

As Maura realized what did to her she couldn't help to feel grateful for what Doyle did for her. He killed for her, again, to protect her. On the other hand Maura felt so mad at him, she had worked with Jane for so many years and was a woman of justice who never violence was the answer.

"There were bad guys Maura, don't feel sorry for them " Frost said.

"Yes, they were criminals, but they probably had children and wives and parents. I'm so tired of Doyle trying to affirm his fatherhood by murdering people who try to hurt me."

"That's just who is . He could have come to me for help, but he preferred to act on his own and do things his way. Just be grateful that both you and Janie are out of danger."

"Jane is right, his methods are wrong and he should be sent to jail for that but it was probably the only way to keep you safe. Do you think he's gonna show up?"

"No, he probably knows I'm with Jane, if he's wounded he won't risk getting arrested. Besides he knows I'm safe here. "

"Well I'm glad I could help, I have to go back to the station." Frost said as she walked towards the door.

"THank you, you didn't have to do that."

"I did it for you not for her. I hope you know what you're doing here."

"No I don't but things aren't that simple, but don't worry we're not getting back together."

"I hope not, she doesn't deserve you anymore, not after what she did."

"I know..Look keep an eye on the investigation for me."

"Sure. Please be careful, we all know that you don't think straight around her."

"I will." Jane said as she closed the door behind him.

As Maura was sitting on Jane's couch she was scared. Now that she and Janie were out of danger she was scared that Jane would ask them to leave. She knew how uncomfortable Jane was having them here and that she only offered them a place to stay because they were in danger. Now that the danger was gone, nothing was forcing Jane to continue to talk to her. She could see in Jane's eyes that she still loved her, but she could also see how hurt she was and she was praying that Jane's love was stronger then the hatred and resentment she felt for her.

**So guys, I know this chapter sucks, sorry...Next one will be better though. I didn't want to drag things for too long. They're safe now, so they can focus on fixing they relationship. Don't worry I let the door opened for Doyle's return:)**

**I'm also gonna start revealing a few things about the past 4 years, about where Maura was, how life was for her etc...Also I want to write about Jane's life during that time.**

**As always reviews are welcome!**


	7. The chinese wall

**Alright dear readers just so we're clear : Maura didn't leave because she was threatened by one of Doyle's enemies. She left because she was pregnant and didn't want to bother Jane with that, raising another man's child and all.(Jane thinks it's bullshit maybe Maura will give her a better reason at some point)**

**Maura came back because of the threat, because Doyle told her told.**

**I hope everyone is clear on everything. If you have questions you!**

**Chapter 7:**

**The chinese wall:**

As Jane was closing the door behind Detective Frost, Maura heart started faster, she couldn't breath and her mouth was dry. She knew that now that they were safe Jane had no reason to keep them with her.

"Well, looks like you won't have to sleep on the couch tonight." Maura said her head down not willing to establish visual contact. She knew she wouldn't be able to control herself if she looked at Jane when she asks her to leave.

"You could stay a little longer…"Jane said as she sat next to Maura.

"Do you want us to stay?" Maura asked raising her head.

"Well I think It would be safer for both of you to stay here until we're sure you're out of danger."

"Oh, I 'm sorry, I thought…"

"Oh Maura,I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright. I understand. Janie and I will leave you alone when you feel confident we're not in any danger anymore."

"That's not what I meant. It's just hard to see you. I just need time to process all the informations I received over the past few days. You can't expect me to forgive or forget so soon. I mean It took me years before I could even go to bed without crying myself to sleep. "

"I understand, you need time."

"Yes and I can't promise you anything, so if you want to leave …."

"No, I won't make the same mistake twice. We're here to stay. I would understand if you don't want or can't forgive, but I have to try to make it up to you."

"Please don't get your hopes up."

"No, I'm realistic, I know that after 4 years I can't expect you to even want to try to forgive me, but I also know that Janie would never forgive me If I took her away from you again. I want you to be part of her life if you want."

"I would love that, as long as you understand that it's not a commitment from me and that it doesn't mean that we're going to get back together."

"No, I think I'm smart enough Jane, I get it, you want to be part of her life but not mine." Maura groaned a bit annoyed by how much Jane was insisting on the fact that she clearly didn't want to even try to give her another chance.

"Maura, don't do that."

"I'm sorry, I think I just have to accept what ever you're willing to give me. "

"What I'm willing to give you is a safe place until things cool down. I have no idea what I will be ready or willing to give you after that."

"Then let's take it one day at the time shall we?"

"Yes. I think that sounds reasonable. I'm sorry for insisting, I just don't want to hurt you if I'm never able to forgive you, I want you to be prepared."

"I know. "

"Anyway. I think you should go tell your daughter that you're both safe now. " Jane said changing the subject.

As she was looking at the woman who was once the love of her love, she could see how hurt she was. She knew that Maura wanted them to get back together and that she truly regretted her choice. She knew Maura never meant to hurt her, but she did and she couldn't forgive her that easily. Even if she felt slightly less angry at Maura since they starting talking, Jane actually didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know if she wanted to forgive Maura that's why she insisted, she didn't want Maura to get her hopes up. All she knew was that she couldn't live with so much resentment and darkness inside her, it was killing she wanted to move on with her life she needed to forgive her.

"Did you tell her?"

"No, she asked me if someone wanted to hurt you, I don't know how she found out, maybe she heard you on the phone with Doyle or maybe she's just smart but she knows."

"Alright. I think it's time I stop lying to her, she deserves to know. Would you come with me?"

"Sure."

As Jane and Maura stepped in Jane's bedroom, little Janie was quietly playing with Joe Friday.

"Hey sweetie, your mommy and I need to talk to you about something." Jane said as she sat on her bed.

"Okay."

"Remember I told you that someone wanted to hurt your mommy?"

"Yes."

"Well, my partner Detective Frost says that the man who wanted to her your mommy won't be able to now. Both of you are safe now." Jane explained trying to use simple words she would understand.

"Does it mean we have to go home?" Janie asked a sad look on her face.

"No sweetie you and I are going to stay in Boston now."

"Really for real?"Janie asked, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Yes, I think I made a mistake leaving and now I want to fix it. Do you understand?"

"I think so. I think that when you saw auntie Zane you realized that you loved her very very much and now you don't want to leave her."

"Yes, you really are a smart kid." Maura laughed passing her hand through her curly hair.

"I am. So does it mean we're going to live here?"

"Well you and I are going to stay with Jane for a few days until we are sure that we're not in danger anymore. After that you and I can go visit apartments or houses and try to find one we like, would you like that?"

"I dunno. I don't want to live far from you auntie Zane."

"You won't have to. Boston isn't that big. No matter where you live in the city I won't be far from you. I promise."

"Okay. Can we go outside today? I don't want to stay inside."

"Yes we can, how about the 4 of us go to the park? Joe Friday needs some exercise." Jane offered knowing that it wasn't healthy for her to stay inside like that.

"Like a family?"

"Yes, like a family…." Jane sighed.

As Jane, Maura, Janie and Joe friday were walking towards the park Jane started to ask herself if this was a good idea. God knew she wanted to spend time with Janie, but she knew that the little girl was expecting them to get back together and to be a family and that spending time together might encourage her to believe it was going to happen.

"Okay sweetie. Stay where we can see you okay?" Maura instructed as they arrived in the park a few blocks from Jane's apartment.

"I know mommy. Zo Friday and me will stay close to you." Janie said before running away with Joe friday.

"She really is a joyful kid, full of energy." Jane smiled as they settled under a tree.

"Yes, she's very active, she always wants to try new things, go to new places, but at the same time she enjoys playing in her bedroom with her dolls. She's very adaptable."

"Raising her by yourself must have been hard."

"Logistically speaking being a single mother isn't that hard, not when you're not working, but emotionally speaking it is hard. I… was lonely, we both were. "

"Your parents were there for you right?"

"Yes, they visited us on a regular basis. I think they were worried that I became some kind of an hermit, but I just didn't and couldn't see anyone. Unfortunately when you have a child you have to interact with humans beings. "

"Yes, a child needs to be around other kids and other people ."

"Yes, but it was hard, being around those other mothers at the park or those play groups . I didn't feel any connection with any of them, not as mothers, not as women or as simple human beings either. I think I shut myself down completely."

"I did the same thing. I think I broke my mother's heart. After you left, I just completely isolated myself from her and the rest of my family. Being the over protective and overwhelming italian mom that she is, she tried to help me, but I just pushed her away."

"I'm sorry, I know how close you are to your family. "

"I used to be, now I just want to be by myself. I took them a while but I think they understood that I changed and they accepted it."

"Jane….I'm so sorry I feel that I destroyed your life."

"You're not entirely responsible. I should have been stronger and just let you go and move on, but I didn't. "

"You couldn't move on for the same reason I didn't. You loved me."

"I guess Loving you has always been my weakness. "

"Don't say that."

"It's true but I think that one day I just stopped crying and feeling miserable and heart broken and I realized how horrible and unspeakable what you did was. Then I started hating you and it made me stronger. I built an armor around my heart. I think I'm not even capable of feeling pain anymore. Unfortunately I'm not sure if I'm capable of feeling any kind of emotion anymore."

"Do you still love me?"

"I don't know, I haven't ask myself that question in a long time. It's just too hard. Breaking the armor I built around my heart , exposing it to pain and disappointment is just something I'm not willing to do. I don't know if I ever will. What I do know that bitterness won't lead me anywhere and that I can't let it destroy me anymore. I have to try to forgive you, but allowing myself to love you isn't something I'm willing to do for now, don't know if I'll ever will. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. I knew when I came back that there was a high possibility that you stopped loving me or that the resentment might have overcame your feelings for me. If all I can receive from you is your forgiveness without a second chance, I'll take it. I don't want you to drawn in bitterness and resentment, that's not who you are."

Listening Jane talking about her pain broke Maura's heart. She obviously knew how hard the past 4 years had been for Jane, but she never suspected that her leaving her destroyed her like that. The strong, loving and extremely funny Jane she knew and fell in love with seemed to have disappeared. Now all she could see when she looked into Jane's eyes was excruciating pain and suffering and she didn't know if she would ever be able to fix it. Talking to Jane she realized that Jane had built a wall bigger than the chinese wall around her heart to keep herself from suffering . All she could hope for was that one day she'd be able to break it and make her trust her again and make her desire a normal life again. She knew it would takes months, possibly years for Jane to even be willing to trust her again, but Maura had no plan to go anywhere. All she wanted was for Jane to desire and trust her again, not matter how long it would take or what she would have to do.

**So what do you guys think?Does it makes sense that Jane wants to forgive Maura to get rid of the darkness and the hatred she's been feeling, but that she's still not willing to give her another chance yet?I know lot of anger in this story...It's a process that takes time, Jane can't get over in over night!  
>As always reviews are appreciated! <strong>


	8. Nana Angela

**Chapter 8:**

**Nana Angela:**

Spending time together in that park was exactly what Maura and Jane needed.

Even if the atmosphere was still a bit tense they were able to talk more quietly than when Jane went to see Maura at her hotel. Jane had a couple days to process and to calm herself down.

After about an hour of playing with Joe Friday Janie finally came back to her mother.

"Mommy, I'm hungry now."

"Well I think we should go to the store and buy some food." Jane suggested as she helped Maura to pick up their things.

"Okay, but we have to buy vezzies." Janie smiled as she grabbed Jane's hand.

"How did you raise that kid?"Jane joked impressed that a 4 years old would even want to eat vegetables.

"I taught her the nutritional benefits of vegetables and fruits just like any good parents should." Maura replied.

After a quick detour at the grocery store the 3 women went back to Jane's apartment starving.

When they arrived the door was already opened and Angela was inside cleaning Jane's mess.

"Ma!What are you doing here?" Jane mumbled as she drop the bags next the the door.

"Well I heard Maura was back in town and I needed to see it for myself. Maura it's very nice to finally see you again." Angela said walking towards Maura her arms wild opened.

After Detective cold reaction when he saw her Maura was expected the rest of the Rizzoli clan to be even mad at her. She knew Angela was a loving and caring person and very understanding too, but she hurt her daughter and she had every right to hate her.

"Mrs Rizzoli, it's..."Maura articulated as she felt Angela's warm arm around her.

"And who is that little angel?"Angela asked pointing at Janie who was hiding behind Jane.

"Hey sweetie, this is my mother, remember your mommy told you about her. She's the one who makes the best pie in the world." Jane said kneeling in from of the shy girl.

"Oh, okay. Hi. I'm Zane, I was name after my mommy best best friend in the whole world." Janie said as she walked towards Angela.

"Aren't you the cutest little girl I 've ever seen. "Angela said as she picked her up in her arms.

"If Auntie Zane is like my other mommy does that make you my nana?"

"Janie..." Maura replied embarrassed.

"It's okay Maura. Yes it does. if you want you can call me nana, is that how you call your grand mother?"Angela asked feeling her heart melting instantly.

"Yes. She lives far far away but she visits us sometimes. She has a lot of dresses you know."

"I'm sure she does."

As Jane stood there watching Janie calling her mother nana and herself her other mommy Jane realized even more how much Janie was expected them to be a family.

She didn't want to hurt the little girl and didn't want to gets her hopes her, but how could she tell a 4 years old that her mommy hurts her so much that she could probably never be with her again?

"Hey sweetheart how about you go help your mommy with lunch while I have a chat with my mommy?"Jane said.

"Okay. " Janie replied as Angela let her go and run towards Maura.

As Maura and Janie were preparing lunch in the kitchen Angela sat in the living room with Jane.

"I'm sorry Ma, it just happened so fast. She showed up 2 days ago and then yesterday she told me that she was in danger..." Jane mumbled knowing that Angela would be mad at her for not telling her immediately.

All her life Angela has been Jane's confident. Even if she tried to denied it, she looked up to her mother and respected her as a mother and a woman and was always listening to her advices. At least that how things were before Maura left. After Maura abandoned her Jane quickly isolated herself from her family. She stopped going to sundays dinners, wouldn't reply when her mom would call or visit. At first Angela was hurt, but she realized that Jane needed to morn Maura the same way as if she was dead and that she needed her space to do that.

"I know Detective Frost told Frankie who told me, how are you holding up?"

"When she came here the first time, alone I just shut the door at the face. I didn't want to see her, but I realized that I have been holding things inside for so many years, that I needed to express you know. So I went to her hotel to give her a piece of my mind and hoping to receive some kind of explanations."

"Did she explain why she left?"

"She did, she said that she didn't want to put the burden of raising a child that wasn't mine with her after only a month of relationship."

"That's ridiculous we would have welcomed Janie with opened arms even if you two weren't dating."

"I know that's what I told her. Anyway after our second conversation things came pretty fast you know, the threat against them needed to be taken care of so I invited her to stay."

"I understand. How about Janie?She seems to love you very much."

"Maura told her everything about me and about our family. I hate to say it, but she's hoping that now that they're back in town Maura and I are getting back together and that we could be a family you know..."

"And you're not ready to forgive Maura?"

"No, I'm not. She hurt me, you know that. The thing is that little girl is...I feel such a connection, a bond with her it's almost..."

"A maternal bond?"

"Yes..It's weird isn't it?I mean Until 2 days ago I didn't even know she existed and now I can't imagine being away from her."

"Are they staying for good?"

"Yes, Maura says that she doesn't want to make the same mistake again. She says she wants me to be a part of her daughter's life."

"Do you want to?"

"Yes, but I told her it didn't mean anything, that It didn't mean I was giving her a second chance . She understands I need time and doesn't gets her hopes up. She's smart enough to know that there's a high chance to that I won't be able to forgive her."

"I think you need time to process and understand her, just be careful to gets that little girl's hopes up."Angela said looking at Janie.

"I know, she's...so smart, well she's Maura's daughter so she's probably a genius. I don't want to break her heart, I just don't know what I can explain to her."

"Just speak from your heart, but don't let her believe that you're going to be her mommy and that you and Maura are getting back together."

"I know..."

Half an hour later the 4 women were having lunch like a family. Watching her daughter interacting with Janie Angela noticed something she thought she would never see again : a smile on her face. The two Janes visibly shared a solid bond. She could see in Jane's face that she was already crazy about her just like she could see in Janie's eyes that she worshipped her. She always knew that Jane was great was children so it didn't surprise her to say them interacting so easily after only a few days of knowing each other. What surprised her though was the look in Jane's eyes when she was looking at Maura. She could deny it as much and fight it as much as she wanted but she could see in her eyes that she still loved her. Observing Maura she could noticed how much she loved Jane and how sorry she was. All Angela could hope was that Jane would see how sorry Maura was and eventually give her another chance. Knowing how stubborn Jane was, she knew it wouldn't be a pleasure cruise, luckily she had the feeling that the little girl sitting between them might be the bridge they needed between them to find each other again...

**So guys, transitional chapter but I wanted Angela to meet Janie:)Thanks for the reviews you guys rock!**


	9. Punishement

**Chapter 9:**

**Punishment.**

As Jane, Angela, Maura and Janie were having lunch the 3 women of them felt like a family and that was something they haven't felt in a long time.

Before Maura left she would come almost every sunday to have dinner with the Rizzolis. It was almost a weekly tradition, not to mention the Christmas, Thanksgiving and other holidays she spent with them because her parents were in europe.

But ever since she left Jane had completely shut herself down and didn't wish to attend family dinners.

Today was different, they were all at the same table enjoying a nice meal, talking like if nothing never happened. The main reason behind that joyful atmosphere was Janie, the little girl was somehow trying to make up for the 4 years where she wasn't with them by telling Angela and Jane everything about her life.

"Mommy, can I ask you something?"Janie suddenly asked concerned.

"Of course sweetie, you can ask me anything." Maura replied a little scared. Janie was a bright little girl and always many questions on many various subject and some of them who shouldn't be in a 4 years old mind.

"I miss Bass, he is coming back too?"

"You still have him?" Jane asked.

"Of course, he's not even half way through his life. Well you know I told you that you and I are going to move back to Boston, so I was thinking that after we found a new house here I could ask your grand mother and your grand father to go in our house in New-York and pack our things and bring them to us. What do you think about my plan?"

"I like it because I don't want to go back there."

"Don't you like your house and your school?"Angela asked.

"I like it, but Boston is better because you are here."

"I agree, a city where Angela and Jane aren't there isn't home." Maura replied patting her daughter's head.

"Would you like to see my dolls?"Janie asked.

"Sure." Angela replied .

"Come with me." Janie replied bouncing of her chair grabbing Angela's hand.

"Don't worry we'll take care of the dishes." Jane said.

"Thank you." Angela said as she followed Janie into Jane's room.

"She seems to love your mother very much." Maura said as she stood up and walked towards the sink plates in her hands.

"Kids usually like her and she loves them back. I think she's a bit nostalgic from the time we were kids, she feels that we don't really need her anymore and Pop is never home, she's lonely." Jane replied bringing the rest of the dishes in the sink.

"Well, I'd be sure I will solicit her when I need a baby sitter. "Maura said as she pulled up her sleeves.

"Maura, what is this?" Jane asked pointing Maura's arm.

"It's…it's nothing." Maura mumbled pulling her sleeves down.

"It's not nothing let me see." Jane replied grabbing Maura's arm pulling the sleeve up.

"I…"Maura mumbled obviously embarrassed.

"Maura, those are cuts, what happened?" Jane asked examining her arm.

"Nothing, it's in the past." Maura replied her head down.

"Maura, those don't look like paper cuts." Jane said gently rubbing of the cuts with her thumb.

"They're not." Maura replied a tears streaming down her cheek.

"Oh, sweetie, come here." Jane muttered pulling Maura against her.

Jane didn't need Maura to explain, she had met several cutters in her life and she could easily recognize self inflicted cuts. Those cuts didn't look fresh, some of them looked years old and some only a few months old. Maura had probably been hurting herself ever since she left.

As Maura was in Jane's arms, her head on chest she felt like she was finally right where she was supposed to be. Feeling Jane's heart beat fast, feeling her fingers stroking her hair and her breath on her neck felt so good that she she wished she's never have to leave Jane's embrace. Standing there in the middle of Jane's kitchen Maura never felt to vulnerable in her entire life. She never wanted Jane to find out she had been cutting herself as a punishment. All she wanted was for Jane to forgive her and to trust her again and she never wanted to use those self inflicted cuts to provoke Jane's pity.

"I deserve it. I deserve to be punish for what I did to you." Maura mumbled tears running down her face.

"Don't say that."Jane whispered kissing her forehead.

For 4 years Jane had resented even hated Maura for what she did to her but she never even once considered how painful it must have been for her as well, raising a little girl on her own, not to mention leaving with the guilt of breaking her heart. Now Jane realized how much Maura had suffered, she could literally see in on her skin.

People might think that it was easy for Maura to leave Jane but it wasn't. In fact it was the most difficult thing she ever did in her life. After landing in a small town in upstate New-York she literally spend months, alone in a small house crying. She felt miserable for leaving Jane like that without an explanation. The more she thought about it, the less she could find a valid explanation to her behavior. Every day she would wake up dying to take the first flight back to Boston and beg Jane to forgive her, but she never did. She never went back to Jane because she thought that it wouldn't be fair to Jane to come back without even knowing why she left. Maura had left for a good reason, she had issues to work through and she knew it wouldn't be fair to Jane to go back before she had solve those issue. Obviously Maura also knew that Jane wouldn't forgive her that easily and she had no idea how to make her , so she didn't even try. After Janie was born the guilt became more and more unbearable. Every time she looked at her daughter, who strangely looked a lot like Jane, with her long curly dark hair, she remembered how cruel and unfair she had been with the love of her life. The guilt was overwhelming and she didn't know how to feel better, so she started cutting herself. At first she was cutting herself to make herself feel better but when she stopped feeling better she continued doing it to punish herself and became addicted to the pain. She would sat in her bathroom on her tub and look at herself in her mirror while she cut hew fore arms with her scalpel. It was a way for her to face her ugliness, to say : you deserve it, she's probably miserable because of you, you deserve to be punished for being such a horrible person."

"Hey, I'm going ask my mom to take Janie for a while so we can be alone okay?"Jane offered whipping the tears off Maura's face.

"Thank you, I will be in the bathroom I don't want her to see me like this."

"Okay. "

So Jane went to her bedroom and explained to her mother that she needed some time alone with Maura. Obviously Angela was more then delighted to spend some time with the little girl and was hoping that they would put that time to good use and talk.

After escorting Janie and her mom out, Jane went to check on Maura, scared that she might be hurting herself.

"Can I come in?"Jane asked her head halfway through the door.

"Yes, I'm not hurting myself don't worry." Maura sobbed.

"I know, how about we go lay down for a while?"Jane offered gently taking Maura's hand.

"Okay."

As they were crawling in bed Maura didn't know how to feel. On one hand she was happy to spend time alone with Jane and was grateful for that tender moment they had shared, but on the other hand she was ashamed of her.

So Maura crawled in bed settled on her right side, turning her back on Jane. As she was closing her eyes, she suddenly felt Jane's warm breath down her neck and her arm on her waist.

"I'm sorry, I had no idea. I always thought I was the only one who went through hell. I'm sorry." Jane whispered wrapping herself around Maura, pulling her closer to her.

"I missed you so much." Maura muttered feelings shivers down her spine as she felt Jane's hand on her.

"You're here now, nothing else matters."

As Jane was holding Maura in her hand she started to realized how hard the past 4 years must have been for her. In order to survive she had told herself that Maura was a selfish monster and that she was probably back to her old life, fucking a new guy every week. It was easier for her to picture her as a monster and to forget who Maura really was because if she had stop hating her for even a moment she would have realized that Maura wasn't a monster and that she was probably in pain as well and that would have made things harder for her. As Jane was holding Maura tight she started to feel Maura's pain and realized that they both suffered a lot. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for her to forgive her. Knowing that she suffered helped but she needed to understand the real reasons that made her leave and why she never came back. Although Maura had given Jane several reasons for leaving Jane knew that she must have had other reasons and she knew that she wouldn't be able to put it in the past until Maura revealed that real reason to her. Looking at Maura's cuts Jane started to think that maybe Maura didn't even know why she left and she knew she would have to help her understand if they both wanted to put it behind them. Luckily for Maura seeing her pain somehow made Jane stop hating her a little . She even started to feel butterflies in her belly again...Maybe things weren't that desperate after all, as there was still love, everything was possible.

**So guys, how was that?I know it's dark but to me it makes sense...You know that I'm better with dark subjects ...**


	10. Trust

**Hey guys, thank you guys for your reviews, 2 of you mentioned it wasn't Maura's type to cut herself. I totally agree, she's the type of person who wouldn't eat or sleep, but this is fiction and I write what ever my mind is telling me to write!**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Chapter 10 :**

**Trust.**

Being in Jane's arm Maura felt home for the first time in 4 years. She remembered the day she decided to leave. She woke up that morning very early and watched Jane sleep for two hours before she woke up. She then waited for Jane to go to work before packing her things and drive to the airport. For 4 years the memory of Jane's gorgeous face when she was asleep kept her alive. She would just lay in bed, in the dark, close her eyes and imagine Jane's hands on her, her breath on her face. At first it hurt to think about Jane, but imagining that she was next to her in bed quickly became the only way she could fall asleep. Sometimes she even let herself hope that Jane was also thinking about her at the same time and on some rare occasions she could even hear Jane whisper _"Good night my love."_

Right now Maura wasn't dreaming, Jane was really holding her tight, stroking her hair with her fingers trying to calm her down. She had been dreaming about this moment for 4 years, being able to touch Jane, to feel her fingers on her skin, to smell her perfume . She could barely believe they were finally reunited and that for the first time since she came back Jane was actually kind and comforting.

"I'm sorry." Maura sobbed as she rolled on her left side to face Jane.

"Don't apologize, you needed to let it go and I'm glad you did. I'm sorry I was so selfish, I should have known that things were hard for you too."

"How could you have known?I left without looking back and I did everything I could to keep you for finding me. You had everything reason to think that I was a heartless person."

"I thought I knew you so well, that's why I was so surprised and hurt. After a while I just surrounded to the fact that I didn't know you after all. It was easier for me then torturing myself trying to find out why you left. Do you feel ready to share the real reason with me?" Jane asked knowing that the reasons Maura gave her weren't the entire truth.

"I already told you." Maura mumbled embarrassed.

"I know but I'm not satisfied with your justifications. I understand that you didn't want to bother me with the burden of raising Janie, but I doubt it was a valuable reason for you to leave, not after everything we've been through together. If you want me to try to forgive you, I need you to tell me the real reason, please." Jane said with a much quieter voice.

"I...I...you're right I had other reasons but you're not going to like them..."

"You can't hurt me more then you already did. "

"I just...I just didn't trust you. I mean, when we were friends I knew I could ask you anything, that you would never fail me. I knew you would have given your life for me in a heart beat. Unfortunately dating you brought my abandonment issues to the surface and it got worse when I found out I was pregnant."

"Why were you scared of?"

"I was scared that you would leave me or stop loving me and at first it was okay, I fought it and your devotion helped me a lot. Unfortunately after I found out that I got pregnant my fears of seeing you leave me got became overwhelming and I couldn't take the risk, not with a child on the way."

"I don't understand why you trusted me when we were friends but that you got scared that I might leave you when we started dating. I was still the same trustful person..."

"I don't know, I thought that the commitment would be to hard for you to handle, that I would be to hard to handle. I'm realistic Jane I know I'm not easy to live with and satisfy."

"That was already the case when we were best friends but I never failed you. If I finally opened up to you about my feelings after so many years of denying them it was because I was finally confident that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wouldn't have talked to you about my feelings and asked you out if I had any doubts. I respect you to much to take things lightly."

"I know...I just feel that people always abandon me, you know."

"Do you mean your biological parents?"

"Yes, and also my adoptive mother. She adopted me but barely raised me you know. When I was little I wanted to be with her all the time but she barely have time to spend with me. A mother is supposed to love and support her child unconditionally right?"

"Yes..."

"So if the two women who were supposed to take care of me most abandoned me, how am I supposed to trust anyone? I tried to trust you but being pregnant changed everything."

"I understand. Having a child changes everything. You have to think of her first and me leaving you would have been devastating for Janie. Do you trust me now?"

"I do, I know that you spent almost 4 years trying to find me, that you never gave up. You're the only person who I can completely trust to never giving up on me. I was so stupid, I should have realized it before, please you need to forgive me." Maura begged looking straight into Jane's eyes hoping she would feel the sincerity of her words.

"I want to Maura, I really do, I can't live with that bitterness anymore, It's too hard. I really need to get rid of the anger and move on to a much peaceful place."

"Will there be room for me?"

"I don't know. I mean... I still have feelings for you. Strangely you would think that hating you that much would make me stop loving you but it didn't. I Understand why you left has always been what I wanted. Now that I know I can stop being mad at you, but trusting you again that's another story and I would rather be very careful."

"I understand, you're scared that I might hurt you again..."

"That and I don't want to break Janie's heart. I mean it's pretty clear that she wants us to get back together, that she wants us to be a family. I don't want to try and ending up breaking her heart if we failed you know."

"I know, I don't want to gets her hopes up either."

"Exactly. She's a child and I'm scared that if she sees us become closer she's going to imagine things and be disappointed later. I know that we need time if we want to rebuild our relationship you know and I don't want to feel pressured you know..."

"I know and I share your point. I could talk to her and make sure that she knows that it's not because we're back in Boston and because we spend more time together that we are going to be a family."

"Okay and if she asks me if it's because I don't want to be her mommy I will tell her that you and that we need time to work on our issues but that it doesn't mean it is going to work but that if it doesn't I will still love her very much."

"I think that sounds reasonable. I know I have trusts and abandonment issues to work on but with your help I know I can overcome them, if you think I'm worth the trouble of course."

"Of course you're worth it. How about we take our time and see where things lead us?"

"Alright, but I really want to do something for you to thank you for protecting us, do you think your mother could keep Janie overnight?"

"I'm not sure she will agree to give her back in the morning, but yeah I'm sure she'll be delighted, but don't you think Janie will be uncomfortable staying away from you overnight?"

"I don't think so, she really seems to like your mother and she had sleep overs at my parents before, so I'm sure it won't be a problem."

"Alright then, I'll call her, but wait a minute. Why do you need her to stay at my mother's tonight?What exactly do you have in mind to thank me?" Jane asked a bit scared. She knew that Maura was very straight forward and never hesitated to show what she wanted and ask for it.

"Don't worry nothing you can't handle and nothing inappropriate either. I was just thinking that I could cook you dinner tonight and that we could spend the evening together. I really think we need to spend some time alone. If it doesn't make you feel too uncomfortable of course."

"No, we both agreed that we needed to take things slow so I know nothing inappropriate will happen, I trust you." Jane smiled gently stroking Maura's face with her thumb.

She knew that Maura always had issues to express herself and talk about her feelings and was very proud that she finally confined into her.

After having this open heart conversation with Maura Jane finally started to feel a bit better. She obviously knew that the road towards forgiveness and trust will be long but she knew the the dialogue was opened and that Maura was willing to be honest with her. She also realized how hurt Maura had been during those 4 years and as cruel as it sounded, knowing she wasn't the only one being miserable made her feel better. As she was looking straight into Maura's eyes Jane started to feel that the anger and resentment was slowly disappearing from her heart to make space for hope...

Right after agreeing to have diner with Maura Jane started to feel anxious. She made it clear to Maura that she needed time and to take things slow so she knew she wouldn't try to make her move on her but she was scared of feeling uncomfortable. She knew that what they needed was to take things casually and she knew that Maura would do everything to make things easy and comfortable for her. Unfortunately Jane didn't know if she would be able to just have casual talk around diner with her. She was hoping that the fact that they talked and started to sort things out and that she felt less angry would help with her discomfort, but knew that it would take time for her to be able to enjoy a meal with Maura the way she used to.

**So guys, what do you think?I know lots of dialogues...I know I usually insert a little POV here and there, but they really needed to talk...**

**Is this story getting boring?Do you want more?Does it sounds realistic?Please tell me.**

**Next chapter will be there "date"**


	11. Quiet dinner

**Hey guys, thanks for the reviews and support. As someone said, to be realistic it's better if Maura and Jane don't reconcile right away, so expect them to go back and forth for a while :)**

**Chapter 11:**

**Quiet dinner.**

Lying in bed next to Maura, looking at the scars on her forearms Jane was dying to ask her more about it, but she knew it wasn't appropriate. She realized that for the past few days Maura had really opened up to her about her reasons for leaving and about how she felt while she was away. She knew that she was probably not ready to talk about the way she hurt herself yet. Right now the atmosphere was much lighter and Jane didn't want to compromise that.

"God, it's already 5 O'clock. I should start preparing dinner."Maura said as she suddenly straight up in bed.

"You know you don't have to do that, we can go out or order in if you prefer to stay here."

"Don't be ridiculous, I want to do it. I want us to try to have a normal relationship again, do you remember when you came at my house on sundays to watch games while your mother and I cooked dinner for the entire clan?" Maura said as she bounced out off bed.

A few years ago it was almost the tradition: The entire clan : Frankie, Frost, Korsak, Angela and Jane would gather at Maura's house and have dinner. Maura and Angela would spend the entire sunday cooking. Actually that's how they got so close, even before Jane and Maura started dating. Maura enjoyed teaching some fancy recipes to Angela and Angela enjoyed teaching her more classic Italian recipes.

"Yes, God, we were such stereotypes back then."

"I don't agree, you mother and I enjoy cooking and you don't, so I don't see the problem, how about you go watch some tv while I prepare dinner?" Maura offered as she walked towards the kitchen.

What Maura wanted more than anything was to have a normal relationship with Jane, free of anger and resentment. She knew that the only thing Jane was willing to give her for now was her friendship and that was already more than she expected when she came back. She knew that they needed to be friends again, to regain each other's trust, to learn to talk to each other, to feel comfortable again before thinking about being in a romantic relationship again.

"Not that I don't appreciate the gesture but you don't have to make so much efforts, alright?"

"I know, but I really want to do this, now please go and relax, I know you haven't slept last night."

"No, I didn't, I wanted to stay awake and make sure that no one would hurt you or your daughter."

"I know that's why you need to rest. " Maura insisted as she gently pushed Jane away.

"Alright Dr Isles, I surrender." Jane groaned as she walked towards the couch.

As Jane was watching TV Maura started to prepare dinner. Being here in Jane's apartment, sleeping in her bed, cooking for her brought some great memories back.

Flash back a few years :

_"Come on Maura, would you just relax? It's my parents not royalty." Jane whispered as she snaked her arms around her nervous girlfriend._

_"I know but we are going to tell them we're dating. I want this dinner to be perfect." Maura nervously replied as she checked that she had bought everything sh needed to cook Angela's favorite meal._

_"My parents love you. My mother already thinks we've been dating for months, so trust me when I say she's going to be delighted that we finally admit our feelings. "_

_"I know you mother likes me, but I'm still nervous. I ..."_

_"Don't say another word. You know I love you right?"Jane said a finger on Maura's mouth._

_"Yes." Maura nodded._

_"My parents are going to be delighted, they already consider you as their daughter. Now please let me help you with dinner." Jane said as she gently kissed Maura pulling her against her._

As Maura was standing in the middle of Jane's kitchen she started to remember the night they told Jane's parents they were dating. Jane was right her mother was over excited. She remembered her jumping out of her chair and giving her the warmest hug she ever received to welcome her into their family. Even before they started dating Maura always felt like a part of Jane's family. They accepted her the way she was, with all her awkwardness and her smart talk without ever judging her. Maura was so different from the Rizzoli, actually they had nothing in common but it didn't matter. They got along so well and they made Maura felt part of a family, which was a feeling she never experienced with her own parents. For the past 4 years Maura missed Jane but she also missed her family, she missed being surrounded by caring and loving people. Her parents had stepped in when she told them that she was pregnant but it didn't feel the same as being taking off by the Rizzolis.

Maura was so deep in her memories that she didn't even noticed when Jane walked towards her to offer her help.

"Maura?" Jane said gently squeezing her arm.

"Yes, sorry, did you ask me something?"

"Yes, I was asking you if you needed my help, what were thinking about?"

"Nothing,thank you I pre heated your oven. Dinner should be ready in 40 minutes."

"I see you made a pizza. I was afraid you might cook something more fancy."

"It's your mother's recipe and it happens to be Janie's favorite. Believe it or not but where you have a 4 year old you can't really cook elaborate meals."

"Don't tell me she doesn't share your taste for french food and dishes I can't even pronounce." Jane mocked.

"No, she enjoys simple food, she must got that from you." Maura teased.

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry, it just came out." Maura apologized.

"It's okay she is a bit stubborn like me, but don't worry she's your clone, she's just too young to appreciate fancy food." Jane replied.

The troubling truth was that Janie looked a lot like Jane : She had long curly dark hair, she was has stubborn, protective and had the same sensitivity as Jane.

"It's okay, I don't mind if she looks like you a bit or even a lot. You're a good role model for her."

"So are you Maura. You're a great mom and she worships you."

"I know, I'm her mother, I did my best, but I'm far for being the mother she deserves. I hurt her, but hopefully now I can make it up to her."

"Nobody is perfect, she knows you love her and when she grows up she'll understand why you did what you did. What matters is that you're here now. " Jane said a step closer to her looking down at the smaller woman straight in her big brown eyes.

"It feels good to be back." Maura mumbled swallowing hard as she could feel Jane's breath on her.

"I know." Jane whispered.

"I...I should get the pizza in the oven now." Maura said as she heard the even ringing.

"Yes." Jane replied taking a step back.

Half an hour later the two women were finally having dinner, enjoying the delicious home made Pizza.

"That is some good pizza." Jane said as she grabbed a second slide.

"Thank you, as I said it's your mother's recipe, all the credit goes to her."

"Don't put yourself down, you ve always been a great cook. Do you think Janie is alright?Don't you want to call her?"

"Your mother sent me a text, they've having a blast, don't worry about her. I realized that I selfishly kept her from being around other people you know. That's not healthy, she needs to learn to interact with other adults."

"You just tried to protect her my mother was the same when I was a kid, she had issues letting me go play at others kids houses."

"I can imagine that, Angela is very protective and overwhelming, but I was different, I think I related isolated us from the rest of the world, but now things are going to change."

"I'm glad to hear that, you know where you're going to put her to school?"

"Well it's july already and I was going to enroll her in kindergarten in september. "

"That's such a big step from pre-school and play groups." Jane joked.

"Yes it is, it's a very important step. She was only going to pre school for a few hours a day, in a few months she's going to be away from me all day."

"Oh, I see, it's a very important step for you..."

"I...I know it's stupid of me, but she's my baby. I'm not used to be separated from her for that long."

"Everything is going to be okay, she's going to make some new friends and you said you wanted her to interact with more people now, right?" Jane said holding Maura's hand seeing the emotion on her face.

"Yes I do. Being around kids, having friends is crucial for her and I'm happy that she's finally old enough, she's actually very excited."

"I bet, you know from what I remember kindergarten is fun, and she's a very bright child, I'm sure she's going to learn to express herself more you know, drawing, painting or what ever..."

"I know. I think I should make a few phone calls as soon as we found a house."

"Don't tell me you're considering private school."

"I am, I went to private schools."

"I know and I certainly see the benefits of private school, but this is kindergarten , as I said she's going to draw, paint and sing, so I don't see what benefits a private school will add at that point of her education, but you're a mother, you know best."

"Don't say that, you know I highly value your opinion. I think we should just explore our options. I know that I can't enroll her into a public school until we found a house because the choice of school will be determined by the district we live in."

"I know, have you decided where you want to live yet?"

"Not yet, all I know is that both Janie and I would like to live close to you, if you see no objection of course."

"I would love that, I promised her we wouldn't live far remember?I'm sure you can find a nice house with a nice garden in my neighborhood, unless you want to live in a more fancy neighborhood."

"No, your neighborhood is fine, there are some beautiful parks, great schools and it's safe. You know I'm not as fussy as I used to be. I obviously still enjoyed fine clothes but being a mother made me adjust my life style you know."

"I understand, having a child changes you, you have to make your life around her. Hopefully with her going to kindergarten you will be able to have more time for yourself, have you consider going back to work?"

At that moment Jane remembered that Maura told her she had learned that their Medical Examiner was retiring and that she was in Boston to pay her respect.

"I don't know, I think I have a lot of things to work on before I'm ready to go back to work. I need to focus on myself first, you know rebuilt my life here in Boston, rebuilt our relationship. Those are my priority, I put my career aside for 4 years and I'm in no hurry to go back to work."

"I understand, it's not like you need the money anyway. Coming back to Boston and readjusting might take time so I understand you might want to focus on that and on making sure Janie is comfortable here."

"Exactly, would you like some dessert I made a fruit salad." Maura said as she stood up taking their plates with her.

"Yes please." Jane replied.

The truth was that Maura would have killed to go back to her old position as Boston's chief medical examiner and the fact that their current chief ME was retiring in a few months certainly make this possibility even more attracted. Unfortunately she knew that it was too soon for them to work together. She knew that her and Jane needed to take things slow, not to mention that she knew that Detective Frost and Korsak resented her for leaving like that. Besides as Maura mentioned she needed time to readjust and rebuilt her life before considering going back to work.

After dinner Jane and Maura settled on the couch with some ice cream and watched after hard negotiations decided to watch a romantic movie. Jane hated those movie, she liked action movie or thrillers, but after the efforts Maura put to make sure they spent a nice evening together the least she could do was to comply to Maura's choice of movie.

The two women watched the movie in silence as closed to each other as they possibly could, Maura's head resting on Jane's shoulder.

Feeling Maura so closed to her made Jane feel a bit uncomfortable but she didn't have the heart to push her away. She understood that Maura wanted to put her life back together and to work on her trust issues and she knew she wouldn't achieve that if she rejected her.

After the movie was over Jane looked down at Maura and noticed she was asleep.

"Hey sweetie, wake up, the movie is over." Jane whispered as she gently shook her up a bit to wake her up.

"I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep ." Maura replied a little embarrassed.

"It's alright, next time we'll watch a good action movie so you won't fall asleep." Jane joked as she whipped some hair from her face.

"Good idea, I think we should call it a night. Would you mind helping me changing the sheets?"

"You didn't do it last night?"

"No, Janie was too tired and we arrived it and besides I think she might have colored them a little , I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Id be happy to help you."

As Maura and Jane were changing the bed sheets and the duvet covers both women remained silence and avoided eye contact. Making Jane's bed like that the way they used to when they were dating was something very intimate, something they never thought they would do again.

"Looks like you're all set." Jane said .

"Yes, thank you."

"Well, I better dragged myself to the couch and wish you a good night." Jane said as she walked towards the door.

"Wait."Maura let out.

"Yes?" Jane replied as she stopped and turned around.

"Would you...Would you like to stay?"

"Maura..." Jane sighed seeing in Maura's eyes how much she wanted them to be close again.

"It's not what you think. It's not fair of me to kick you out of your own bed. Janie isn't here tonight so there is no reason for you to sleep on the couch."

"I don't know if that's a good idea..."

"I promise I'll behave your bed is big we can each sleep on one side of it without touching each other." Maura explained desperate to convince Jane to stay.

The truth was she was desperate to share her bed with Jane. Even if she had to sleep a meter from her, sleeping in the same bed as Jane was something she had been dreaming about for years...

"Okay, but you keep your distance, I know I'm damn sexy but please behave yourself." Jane joked as she walked back towards her bed.

"I will try my best." Maura replied appreciative of Jane's humor .

So the two women lied down in bed, Maura on the right side and Jane on the left side. As Maura mentioned Jane's bed was queen size so there was at least a meter between them. Maura was so anxious that she was subconsciously going to move closer to Jane in her sleep that she wasn't able to fall asleep. Being so close to Jane and being unable to touch her, to cuddle with her was hard for Maura. For years she had dreamed about sharing a bed with her again, about being in her comforting arms and after spending hours earlier in the afternoon doing just that, it was hard for her to restrain herself from desiring to do it again.

Maura wasn't the only one to be a bit uncomfortable. Sharing a bed with her made Jane a bit nervous too. She knew nothing would happen, but being there in the same bed they used to share was a unsettling. She remembered buying that bed after Maura convinced her that it was so much better for her bed than her previous bed. She remembered lying in bed next to her after receiving it finally opening up about her feelings. Yes, this bed was the place where everything started between them. Even if they had obviously slept in the same bed before, that night Jane felt ready to open her heart to Maura and when they woke up the next morning they were in a relationship. That's why being in that bed with Maura after everything that happened was hard and Maura was well aware of that.

"Why don't you move a bit closer?I don't want you to fall off that bed and break your nose, it's pretty high." Jane said.

"Okay." Maura nodded as she slowly moved closer to Jane.

Now the two women were considerably closer, their arms could slightly touch each other, and that was the closest both of them were willing to be to each other for now.

**So guys what do you think?Was it good?It was a happy chapter, after 10 chapters of anger and resentment I figured it was time. Drama isn't over, Jane is not completely forgiving Maura yet, so there will be some set backs.**

**Also a few people mentioned that my writing became a bit robotic and cold(on Broken and destiny last' chapters) especially in the dialogues that I didn't show enough emotions, I totally agree!I hope I improved that point in this chapter!Please let me now.**


	12. Please stay

**Hey guys, I must say I was disappointed about the reviews for last chapter, I thought you wanted some happy moments so I gave you one…Please tell me what I did wrong!**

**Chapter 12:**

**Please stay.**

As Jane woke up the next morning she slowly turned her head to her right but Maura was already gone. As she sat up in bed and started cracking her neck and her fingers she could hear Maura making breakfast in the kitchen.

As she slowly got out off bed Jane took a minute to replay last night events.

After spending a nice and romantic evening with Maura and sharing her bed with her she didn't know how to behave with her. She was wondering if things have changed. Obviously Jane was still mad at Maura and she knew that it would take time for them to rebuilt their relationship, but she didn't feel as much anger as she used to. Speaking with Maura, hearing her confine into her and being honest helped Jane get rid of her resentment. All Jane was hoping was that Maura wasn't getting her hopes up and was knew that they were far from being ready to get back together.

As Jane walked into the kitchen she could see that Maura obviously spent some serious time preparing breakfast.

"Wow, looks better than a palace's breakfast." Jane joked.

"Thank you please have a sit." Maura replied serving Jane a plate full of pancakes.

"You know you REALLY don't have to do that."

"Yes I do, breakfast is the more important meal of the day."

"God you sound like a mom, actually when I think about it you always sounded like a mom." Jane joked as she took a bit at her pancake.

"I take that as a compliment, you know being a parent forces you to live a more healthy life."

"Being a mom looks good on you, really."

"She is the more incredible thing that ever happen to it, looking back the past 4 years have been hard but I was with her and she brought so much joy into my life, somehow she made being away bare able."

"I understand. Speaking of her do you know when my Ma is brining her back?"

"Yes, I spoke to her half an hour ago and she's coming in about an hour, which gives us just enough time to talk ."

"To talk, about what?"

"Well I contacted my realtor and he sent me a few pictures of houses in your neighborhood and we arranged for some viewings later today."

"And it's only 9 am, damn and I thought my mother was a morning person!"

"Not that we don't appreciate your hospitality but it's better for all of us if we find our own place soon."

"You and Janie can stay here as long as you need alright?"

"I know but Janie needs space and we said we would take things slow, one step of the time and we can't live together and be on each other's back like that, we need our own space. Besides the longer we stay here with you the more Janie is going to gets her hopes up."

"You're right, I would be happy to come with you guys and give you my opinion."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to trouble you more than I already did, you need to go back to work right?"

"I took a few days off, and you're not troubling me at all. I just want to make sure your realtor doesn't take advantage of you. I don't know much about real estate but I can spot dishonest people a mile away."

"Alright."

The truth was that Maura would have loved to stay at Jane's place for ever, but she meant what she said they both needed space. At least Jane did, she needed to be by herself to take the time to think and to consider their relationship. Even if Maura eager to spend more time with Jane she knew that she couldn't expect things to be the way they were. For the past 4 years Jane had completely isolated herself from her friends and family and abandoning that lonely life style would take time. The last thing Maura wanted was to pressure Jane.

Half an hour later Angela finally dropped Janie's apartment.

"Mommy, mommy look what nana and I made . " Janie enthusiastically said as they entered the apartment rushing into her mom's arms.

"Hey sweetie, well that's certainly a beautiful drawing." Maura replied taking her daughter on her lap.

"I made it for you auntie Zane. It's you, me, mommy and Zo Friday." Janie said handing the drawing to Jane.

"Oh sweetie, it's beautiful I'm going to keep it on my desk at work so I can look at it every day okay?" Jane replied touched by the little's girl's drawing.

"Okay."

"I have to go Jane, you're father is waiting for me downstairs. I will see you later Janie..." Angela said as she kissed the little girl's forehead.

"Alright. Thank you for taking care of me." Janie politely replied.

"You're welcome sweetie."

"Yes Angela thank you." Maura said.

"You're welcome, bring her to me as much as you like we had lots of fun. " Angela said before leaving the apartment.

As Janie was sitting on her mother's laps Maura knew it was time for her to talk to her about her plans for the afternoon. So she took her in her arms and carried her to the couch.

"You know mommy I'm old enough to walk by myself."

"I know sweetie, I know I just like to hold you in my arms." Maura replied as she gentle let go of her.

"I know I like it too."

"So darling, Jane and I have something we would like to talk to you about."

"Alright."

"Remember when we discussed us finding a new house here in Boston?"

"Yes."

"Well I called a friend of mine and we are going to visit some houses this afternoon to see if we found one we like."

"Really?With a garden so Bass and Zo Friday can play?"

"Yes sweetie with a garden." Maura smiled patting her daughter's head.

"What kind of house do you like anti Zane?"

"Small houses, with family pictures on the walls and a big kitchen and a comfortable living room to have family nights, but I know your mother likes big houses." Jane joked.

"But when you love someone you make com... what's the word mommy?"

"Compromises sweetie, but you know Jane isn't going to live with us, you remember right?"

"Yes I remember but why?I thought we were going to move in a bigger house because this one is too small for all of us."

"Because your mommy and you need you own place."

"Don't you love us anymore?"

"Oh sweetie I do, I love both of you very much."

"I don't understand. You and mommy love each other the way nana and grand pa love each other and they live in the same house."

"It's...it's complicated sweetie." Maura replied not knowing how to explains things to her.

Janie was a very bright and curious kid but she was also stubborn and never gave up when she wanted to know something. Most of the time Maura had the answers to all her questions , except when it came to Jane. After 4 years she ran out of explanations and she was glad Jane was with her to help her understand.

"I'm not a child anymore!You always say I'm a zinius but you never tell me the truth!"

"And Jane look at me sweetie. Your mommy love you very much and you shouldn't talk to you like this. " Jane said her voice a little bit deeper showing her disapproval.

"I know, I'm sorry mommy, I don't understand."

The truth was Maura didn't know what to tell her daughter, she couldn't tell her that Jane didn't love her anymore because she hurt her years ago and that it would take time for her to forgive her, if she ever did.

"Well you're right your mommy and I were a couple before you were born, but we're not anymore. It doesn't mean we don't love each other very much alright?"

"But why are you not a couple now that we're back?"

"It's not that easy simple, your mommy and I have been living apart for such a long time that we changed. Your mother isn't the same person she was when she was living here and neither I am. I think your mommy and I need time to get to know each other you know."

"Like when you meet someone new?"

"Yes, even if your mommy and I have known each other for years now that we're different we need time. But you know what? I would never ask you to leave tomorrow or even in a week. Your mommy and you are going to stay until you find the house of your dreams okay?"

"You know mommy is very...picky it can take months..." Janie joked.

"Janie!" Maura objected asking herself where her daughter could have learned that word.

"I know sweetie, well I think I have the perfect solution for you. Do you see that door next to my bedroom?" Jane said pointing the room between the bathroom and her bedroom.

"Yes."

"Yes, it's a storage room. You know a room where I keep my papers, old clothes, or old cases files from work but it would make a nice bedroom."

"Really?" Janie asked her eyes filled up with stars.

"Yes. I was thinking you and your mommy could stay in my bedroom and I could stay in that room, what do you say?Will you help me clean it?"

"Yes!" Janie yelled jumping in Jane's arms before bouncing out of the couch and running towards the room.

"Jane...You don't have to do that." Maura said touched feeling that it Jane actually wanted them to stay a bit longer.

"Yes I do, that couch isn't comfortable at all. I need to sleep in a real bed."

"I understand that but I don't want you to give up your bedroom. Janie and I will take the guest room and you can have your bedroom back."

"No, this room isn't big enough for the two of you. Janie needs space to play and you needs space for your clothes and personal stuff. It's not negotiable Maura."

"Thank you. Don' t worry it's only temporary, I'm sure we're going to find a great place to live soon."

"Take as much time as you need. I kinda want you to stay with me a bit longer." Jane shyly admitted.

"Alright, don't worry I know it doesn't mean that you want us to stay for ever. I know I can't get my hopes up, but I appreciate that you're trying so hard."

"You're right it might not work, but I want us to try and I want us to live under the same roof when we do. I would like to tell you that we're going to fix our relationship in no time and that you won't have to leave my apartment ever again, but if I want to be realistic and honest I can't tell you that. What I can promise you though is to try my best to understand you more and to make real efforts to fix us."

"That's all I'm asking for Jane, a real chance."

"You got it."

That afternoon instead of viewing houses Jane, Maura and Janie stayed home and cleaned up the guest room and went to the store to buy some furniture .

For the first time since she was back in Boston Maura felt that Jane wanted her to stay in their lives. Maura couldn't help but hoping that Jane's offer to stay longer with her was her way of telling her she wanted to try to give their relationship a second chance. But Maura was a realistic and knew she would still have to find a new place because even if Jane was willing to try to fix their relationship nothing could tell that it would actually work between them.

As Jane was getting rid of the last few boxes left in her new bedroom she couldn't help but feeling happy for the first time in years. She knew that her offer would certainly not push Maura to find a place soon. She didn't care all she wanted was to wake up every morning hearing Janie walking around in her house and have breakfast with her and Maura like a family. Jane knew that this arrangement would probably confuse Janie a bit. On one hand her and Maura were telling her that they were not a couple and that they needed to find their own place, but on the other hand Jane had just gave them her bedroom. Jane knew that arrangement could have dramatic consequences on Janie if things didn't turn out the way they were all hoping. She knew that if things didn't work out between her and Maura Janie would be devastating and that she wouldn't understand. Luckily for the little girl Jane was confident that things would work out between her and Maura. Obviously there was still a million things that they needed to work out but who was she kidding?She was crazy about Maura and she wanted to be with her and with Janie. She wanted them to be a family. Jane knew that people wouldn't understand, especially at work. She knew that the only person who understood was her mother, that Frankie, Frost and Korsak resented Maura for leaving her like that, but she didn't care. It was her life and she was determined not to spend the next 40 years being miserable like she had been for the past 4 years just because she was too proud to forgive Maura. Hopefully people would understand and forgive her at some point, but Jane knew it would take time for things to be the way they used to be, but she was confident that if she could forgive Maura, her friends could forgive her too. The funniest part was that it was a 4 years old who helped her see things more clearly. With her innocent child's eyes Janie couldn't understand why Maura and Jane couldn't be together if they loved each other. Her childish and innocent way of view things actually made sense and helped Jane realize that life was too short to live it full of hate and resentment especially when you're lucky enough to have two wonderful women who wanted nothing more than to be with you.

**So guys what do you think?Jane melts in front of Janie and can't let her leave , just like she can't let Maura leave again. She needs them. I won't say things are join to be easy but i couldn't split them up like that, they need to be under the same roof, they'll find a way to have their own space to think.**

**Please guys give me feedback on this!**


	13. Conquer your fears

**brwnsuga : I hope you have your tissues with you!**

**Chapter 13:**

**Conquer your fears:**

After helping rearranging Jane's spare room little Jane was so tired that she almost fall asleep at the dinner table.

After putting her to bed Maura decided to visit Jane in her new bedroom.

"May I come in?" Maura asked her head through the door that was half opened.

"Yes please."

"So how do you like your new furniture?"

"The bed is great but the sheets and covers smell like plastic." Jane joked.

"It smells like new, but I'm sure you're going to leave your sent on them in not time." Maura replied walking towards the bed.

"Yeah, so how's the little monster feeling about all this?"

"She's happy, she was a bit scared that you wanted us to leave. Don't worry I explained to her that this was temporary that we would still look for our own place but that we would take our time." Maura said as she crawled in bed next to Jane.

"Okay. She's a smart kid, I'm sure she understands why you need your own place, she just wants us to be together we can't hold that against her."

"I know, I hope you didn't make us that offer because you felt guilty because she was sad to leave you?"

"I must say that she broke my heart, thinking that I didn't love you guys, but has simple and childish as her point of view is she's right. Why can't we be together if we love each other?"

"You said it yourself it's complicated."

"It's not that complicated, you and I have things to work on but the feelings are still here and I'm tired of denying them and of being bitter. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being mad at you and resenting you, it's too hard, especially when I still have those feelings for you. Stop analyzing this, I thought that's what you wanted."

"Yes, I wanted you to consider giving me, giving us a chance. I'm glad you changed your mind. You're right Janie's way of seeing things is very innocent but she's right. Us adults we complicate things and we mis son so much . I don't want to miss on us Jane, not anymore."

"Me neither."

"Can I stay with you for a little while?"

"Sure, but Janie is probably missing you."

"No, she's not when she's sleeps nothing can wake her up. I had to wake her up to feed up when she was a baby. Don't worry she won't wake up until I wake her up." Maura said as she shyly crawled in bed and slid under the blanker.

"Alright. Don't be shy Come closer."

"Okay." Maura nodded sliding closer to Jane.

Being in Jane's arms, her head resting on her chest Maura was felt and loved. She hadn't felt that in so many years and she was happy that Jane was finally ready to express her love physically. She knew that Jane had her pride and that she wanted to be careful and she didn't expect her to be demonstrative and tactile so soon.

"Do you need another blanket?"Jane asked her arms wrapped around Maura's shoulder.

"No, I'm comfortable thank you." Maura replied her eyes closed smelling Jane's sent trying to enjoy every second of that moment she had been dreaming about for years.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What's up with that lisp she has?"

"She lost a tooth about 3 weeks ago falling off her back. At first it was worse then it is now. I think she's getting used to have a missing tooth."

"Okay. I'm glad to hear that it's disappearing , kids can be cruel."

"Yes, speech defect is hard to correct and it can be humiliating for a child. Lucky for Janie she never had that lisp before . It only came after the bike incident. She made tremendous progress and once her adult tooth grows it won't be a problem."

"Has she tried to go back on her bike since the incident?"

"No,it happened shortly after she finally asked me to take the training wheels off. Now she refuses to try again even with the training wheels. I know it's only been tree weeks but she used to enjoy it so much you know. "

"She's scared, I'm sure I can help her with that. I know a lot about the subject."

"Oh Jane, that's sweet but you don't have to do that, I'm working on it already."

"Hey, I missed the past 4 years of her life, let me take care of her ."

"Okay…I know you have your way of making people feel safe." Maura sighed closing her eyes.

That night Jane and Maura slept in the same bed for the second night in a row. For the first time in years they slept through the night without any nightmares or without waking up to an empty bed feeling empty inside.

The next morning right after breakfast Jane decided to take Janie to the store to try to find her the perfect bike.

As they arrived to the store Janie remained quiet, she didn't know why they were here but was impatient to find out.

As the two women were wandering in the store looking for the right section Janie became even more impatient.

"Why are we in this store?" Janie store holding both Jane and Maura's hands.

"Well, now that you're living in Boston you need a new bike to ride to the park right?" Jane said as they finally found the bike section of the store.

"I don't like it too much."

"Do you want to tell me why?" Jane asked kneeling in front of the little girl.

"I fell, mommy took the training wheels and I fell. I'm not big enough." Janie replied looking down shrugging her shoulders.

"Of course you are, you're a big girl, you just need to practice." Jane said gently rubbing the little girl's belly.

"But it hurt, I broke my tooth and I made mommy worry."

"I know and trust me she's going to worry for you every day for the rest of her life. You know I fell of my bikes dozens of time when I was a child."

Really?"

"Yes, see this scar on my chin I fell of my bike when I was about 10, I broke two teeth, I even needed stitches, but I went back on the next day. "

"I'm scared, I don't want to break a tooth again."

"Look, I can't promise you won't fall again, it happens sometimes, but you're a big girl you have to go back on that bike and give it another try, you liked it before right?"

"Yes. Mommy and I used to go to the park you know. "

"Well if it's something you really like, you shouldn't let fear keep you from it."

"You mean I need to give the bike a chance like you gave mommy a chance even if she made you sad?" Janie said narrowing her eyebrow trying to understand Jane's point.

"Yes, God you have to stop being to smart. " Jane joked patting the little girl's head.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you're exactly like your mother and that's a good thing. So how about you choose one you like and also a helmet and I promise you I will help you to stop being scared."

"Will you hold me?"

"Of course, I will hold you and stay by your side as long as you need me to. "

"Okay. I know I can trust you." Janie said before running towards the bikes.

"Thank you." Maura replied watching her little girl inspecting the different bikes the store had trying to find the perfect one.

"You're welcome, she's a great kid."

"She is . I love the way you are with her, so patient and you're really good at talking to her in a way she understand, you're a natural."

"It's not hard she's adorable, I can't promise I'll always have all the answers to the questions she'll have in the future, because she's obviously as curious and smart as you, but I'll always try my best. Hey look looks like she found one she likes."

"Mommy come see!" Janie said waving towards her mother and Jane.

"Hey sweetie you like this one?"Jane asked thanking God that it wasn't pink with girlie accessories.

"Yes, blue is color I like that most in the whole world. Can I have it?"

"Of course you can. Hey you there, I'll take this one." Jane said calling the sales woman next to them.

"Jane, you don't have to do that."

"As I said I have 4 years to make up for."

"Alright than, Janie what do we say?"

"Thank you very much." Janie yelled rushing in Jane's arms.

"You're welcome . How about we go the the park to try this baby?"

"Okay, can we pleaaassseeee go now?" Janie begged putting her cute face on.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Half an hour later the little family arrived to the park with the bikes.

Maura decided to stay a little behind them knowing that Janie would feel more comfortable with Jane alone.

"So how's the helmet, not too big." Jane asked as she tied it up tight.

"No, it's okay."

"So, I'm going to walk next to you and hold you, you don't need to rush just one step at the time alright?I won't let you fall I promise."

"Okay, I trust you Zane." Janie said a bit worried.

For the next hour Maura sat on a bench observing the two women of her life. Jane was really patient, for over an hour, she walked next to Janie while she was on her bike her hand on her shoulder ready to grab her if looses her balance. Finally after over an hour Maura finally saw her daughter riding towards her without Jane behind her holding her.

"Did you see that mommy?I went all by myself." Janie yelled as she stopped in front of her mother.

"I saw, you're such a big girl I'm proud of you." Maura smiled.

"It's because of Zane, she held me and I wasn't scared when she let me go by myself. "

"I have nothing to do with that your mother is right you're the big girl. I'm proud of you." Jane said kneeling in front of the little girl.

"Thank you mommy. I'm not scared anymore. I love you so so much." Janie jumping in Jane's arms wrapping her small arms around Jane's neck almost making her fall backwards.

Hearing Janie calling her mommy Jane's heart just melt like a marshmallow. Her mother always told her she cried when she and her brothers called her mommy for the first time and Jane always made fun of her but now she understood. A week ago she didn't even know Janie excited but now she was calling her mommy and was leaving in her apartment and Jane couldn't imagine live without her. Jane wasn't Janie's biological mom or even adoptive mother and she wasn't there when Maura was pregnant or when she said her first word but she still felt like her mother. All her life Jane had worried and doubted her abilities to be a good mother and had never considered becoming one but spending time with Janie she realize that you don't become a mother, you are a mother. She realized that even if it was new her relationship with Janie was natural, it was just meant to be, she was meant to be her little girl. Unfortunately Jane couldn't help but thinking that she might break that little girl's heart if things didn't work out the way Janie expected it between her and Maura. She knew that Maura and her needed to make things work because hurting each other was a thing they could live with but disappointing this little girl was something she wasn't willing to do.

"I love you too sweetie. "Jane said holding Janie tight feeling a tears streaming down her face.

It was during those moments , that realized how much she had missed but she had decided not to be bitter anymore and to focus on everything that was coming rather then on all the birthdays and christmas she missed.

"How about you go practice a bit more?" Maura encouraged her daughter.

"Okay." Janie nodded before jumping on her bike and disappearing.

"Did you hear she called me…" Jane mumbled sitting on the bench unable to articulate a proper sentence.

"Yes, I'm sorry I'll talk to her."

"No, I want to be a part of her life Maura. I know that I have no legal rights over but I want to be a part of her life even if it doesn't work out between us."

"I think that's what we all want. I raised her to know who you were and I always knew you would instantly love each other. No matter what happens between us I want you to be part of her life."

"Good because I can't imagine being away from her again."

"Me neither."Maura sighed resting her head on Jane's shoulder.

Maura and Jane spent the afternoon watching Janie ride her bike in the park close to Jane's apartment. Sitting on that bed closed to each other, Jane's arm wrapped around Maura's shoulder the two women even if they were still not dating felt like a couple again, they felt like a family and after 4 years of living in a nightmare that intense happiness they were feeling was well deserved. Maura couldn't help but being thankful that Janie brought them closer. She knew that Jane still loved her and that she didn't give her a chance just because off her bond with Janie but she was smart enough to know that her love for the little girl certainly contributed to Jane's desire to give her another chance. Thinking about it Maura found it quite amusing : the reason she left and broke her heart also turned out to be the reason that brought them closer and helped Jane forgive her.

**So guys, what do you think?How many of you cried a bit or at least smiled during the whole chapter?Come on we all like some fluff right?Thank you for your interest on this chapter, next one will be even more emotional and revealing.**

**As always give me your feedback on this chapter please!thanks !**


	14. Self forgiveness

**Chapter 14:**

**Self forgiveness.**

That evening after spending the day at the park Jane took her two women to her favorite Italian restaurant. After dinner they drove home exhausted by their perfect day.

"Looks like she's sleeping already." Jane said turning around seeing the little girl sleeping on the back seat of her car.

"Yes the past few days have been tiring for her." Maura replied opening her door.

"I got her." Jane replied jumping out of the car.

"Are you sure, she's heavier when she sleeps."

"Yeah, go open the door please." Jane interacted hiding her the keys .

So Jane, as delicately as possible took Janie in her arms and carried her all the way up to her apartment trying her best not to wake her up.

"Here you go princess." Jane said lying her on her bed pulling up the blanket on her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, good night." Jane replied kissing Maura's forehead.

That night Jane went to bed thinking about the wonderful day she spent with the two women who mattered so much to her. She felt happy for the first time in years and was hoping that newly found happiness would last. She knew Maura wanted them to be a family but that it was up to her to make things work. Half an hour after putting Janie to bed Maura surprisingly joined her in her bedroom.

"May I come in?"

"Yes please, did she wake up?"

"No, don't worry that bike ride drained all her energy, she didn't even flinched when I took her clothes off."

"I'm glad she had a good time. It was really a beautiful day."

"It was ." Maura replied crawling in bed next to Jane as naturally as she used to when they were together.

"You know maybe you should stop climbing in bed with me like that."

"I'm sorry. It was very presumptuous of me to believe you wanted me to stay with you tonight I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm joking. We did sleep together the past two nights."

"We did and I understand you need your own space. I just missed sleeping with you."

"I know, so did I."

"I'm sorry Jane, I shouldn't have assumed that what happened today changed anything."

"You mean us spending the day together having fun and your daughter calling me mommy?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, have a good night."Maura apologized ready to bounced out of Jane's bed.

"Don't be ridiculous. Come here." Jane said grabbing Maura's hand pulling her against her.

"Jane, please don't do that. I…"Maura mumbled feeling her pulse rising as she felt Jane's arms around her.

"I'm sorry I'm just lost, but I want you to stay. I want to hold you in my arms. For the past 4 years I slept your pillow holding it imagining it was you. I even bought your perfume just so It would smell like you . It's ridiculous."

"No, I did the same thing. I bought your perfume and spread it on a pillow and held it at night. "

"Talking about to two desperate romantics. Come here, stay with me tonight. " Jane insisting pulling her back in bed with her.

The more they opened up to each other the more both women realized that they went through the same hell while they were apart. During the day it was okay because Jane was busy at work and Maura had Janie to take care off. The worse part of the day was the night when they went to bed alone looking at the empty pillow next to them imagining they were together. They never felt more alone then when they had to go to bed at night without being able to feel each other's arms or perfume. Also there was this second when they woke up in the morning telling themselves it was just a bad dream before turning their head and realizing that it wasn't. Yes for the past 4 years both women had hated going to bed and waking up.

"Im sorry Jane I don't want to be presumptuous but I can't it's too hard. Sleeping in your arms but not being able to touch you and to kiss you is more than I can handle. I know you need time and I'm willing to give it to you but this is hard."

"I know I'm sorry, I just want to do this right. I don't want us to rush into this just because we're overwhelmed by the time we spend together with Janie. We still have a lot of things to work through, you know that."

"So you really want this to work?"

"Of course, you wouldn't be living with me if I didn't."

"I don't want you to feel obligated to be with me because you don't want to loose Janie, I told you no matter what happens I want you in her life."

"I know, I'm not scared that you might take her away from me. I'm here with you because I want to."

"Then there is something you need to know."

"Wow, you sound serious, did you kill someone?" Jane joked feeling how serious Maura was.

After everything Maura had revealed to her Jane was expecting the worse. She knew that Maura had been cutting herself for years and was expecting her to confess she had been arming herself even more.

"No, it's about Janie."

"Is she okay?"

"She is, she's perfectly healthy. God this is hard, I'm sorry."

"Hey look at me Maura, you can tell me anything." Jane replied pulling Maura closer to her, so close that she could feel her breath on her face.

"There was some complications when she was born."

"What kind of complications?"

"Well, to spare you of the details I almost bled out. I was with my mother when my water broke, there was blood everywhere Jane, I thought I was going to die. Lucky for me my mother insisted that I moved in with her during the last month of my pregnancy. We were in the upper west side when it happened so I was transported to one of the best private clinic in the country."

"So you received the best care possible right?"

"Yes, I doubt I would have survived if it had happened where I lived before, my obgyn was competent but they didn't have the equipment or staff to take care of that kind of emergency."

"I'm sorry you had to go trough this, but you're here and Janie is here, everything turned out to be okay right?"

"No, I had no choice but to have an emergency C section and I lost a lot of blood . To control the bleeding my obstetrician had no choice but to..."

Hearing Maura's confession seeing the tears on her face Jane didn't need to hear more, she immediately understood and it broke her heart.

"Come here sweetie."Jane said wrapping her arms around Maura.

"I deserve what happened, I deserved to be punished for what I did to you. I left you, I destroyed your life and now I will never be able to have another child." Maura sobbed bursting into tears.

"Oh baby, don't say that. No matter how much I suffered when you left me you don't deserve what happened to you, no woman deserves to go through this."

Crying in Jane's arms, Maura's entire body was shaking, she could barely breath. For the past 4 years she believed that what happened to her when Janie was born was her punishment for hurting Jane. She knew that she didn't deserve to be a mother after being so cruel with the woman who loved her so much.

Hearing Maura's confessions Jane started to understand how painful the past few years had been for Maura as well. Not only she almost die giving birth to Janie but she spent 4 years telling herself that she deserved it, no wonder she had been cutting herself.

"I'll never be able to give you a child."Maura mumbled trying to catch her breath.

"You already gave me a child, you gave me a smart, funny, caring little girl." Jane smiled whipping the tears of Maura's cheek with her thumb.

"It's not the same, you weren't there during my pregnancy, when she was born, or when she said her first word. I know those are things you would have enjoyed."

"Yes, I wish I had been there for all those events, but I intend tone here for her first day of school, for her first boyfriend, her graduation and her wedding. Those are important too."

"I know but will it be enough?Will one child be enough?"

"Of course it will, I love her and I don't need another child, I think we're going to have our hands full with her anyway."

"Are you sure? You deserve to be with someone who can give birth to your child not someone who breaks your heart and come back 4 years later throwing a child in your arms expecting you to raise her ."

"You didn't throw her into my arms, I welcomed her willingly. You raised her telling her everything about me and my family. When she saw me she already knew everything about me and she already loved me. The way I see it you gave birth to my daughter. She's mine and nothing can change that okay?"

"I know..." Maura sighed.

"You need to forgive yourself Maura, you really need to. If we want us to have a healthy relationship we both need to get rid off our negatives feelings."

"I know, but it's hard for me to stop hating myself after spending the past 4 years ..."

"Harming yourself as a punishment?"

"Yes, I'm not the woman I used to be Jane, the woman you fell in love with would have never hurt herself like that. I'm weak.."

"No you're not, you were in pain, but I'm here now and I want you to stop beating yourself up and to stop hurting yourself okay?"

"I feel so relieved when I cut myself, for a few minutes I don't feel anything physical or emotional pain, but it only lasts a few minutes, afterwards the physical pain starts and it reminds me why I did it in the first place and the emotional pain is even worse."

"See, it doesn't even help you. From now on I want you to talk to me when you feel the way you feel when you cut yourself okay?I'm here and I'm not going anywhere so let me help you."

"I don't deserve your help after what I've done..."

"You do, and for your information I'm not the woman you fell in love with either. I used to be someone close to her family to her friends, now I barely see them. I completely shut them down and I became that angry, resentful , bitter person. I know that now that you're back everything is going be okay. We're going to help each other and fix each other up the way we always did."

"Yes, you're right. As long as we're together we can face everything. "

"Exactly."

That night the two women fell asleep in each other arms. They knew that what happened 4 years ago had affected and changed them very deeply. Jane completely isolated herself from her friends and family and had become very dark, and Maura had started hurting herself as a punishment for what she did to Jane. Both women were both physically and emotionally damaged by what happened but now they were together and hopefully they would be able to help each other heal. That was how their relationship had always worked. They helped each other when no one else could, confined into each other about things they would never tell anyone else. Maura and Jane always lived in a bubble where they didn't need anyone but each other and that's why being apart hurt them so much. For the first time in 4 years they started to think that they could actually recover and heal, that as long as they were together they could overcome anything.

**So guys, I know sad sad sad...I think we're starting to see how badly Maura suffered . She left but things weren't good for her. I think the healing process is going to be interested . They're both damaged and need to heal...**

**As always reviews are welcome. **


	15. The next level

**Chapter 15:**

**The next level.**

The next morning Jane woke up to an empty bed and started panicking thinking that the past week was just a dream.

After about a minute she saw Maura's shoes on the floor and realized it wasn't a dream.

_"Gee Rizzoli, calm down it's not a dream, Maura is back for good._" Jane said to herself cracking her stretching up cracking her vertebras one by one.

As she walked towards the bathroom her eyes still half closed she realized her shirt was still wet of Maura's tears.

Slapping herself trying to wake herself up Jane opened the bathroom door without knocking first.

"Oh God Maura, I'm so sorry I didn't know you were here." Jane mumbled covering her eyes.

"It's okay . " Maura replied embarrassed as she tried to cover herself up.

"For what it's worth you're still in great shape." Jane joked still covering her eyes handing a towel to Maura.

"You obviously didn't have time to see the scar from my C section and my other scars." Maura said wrapping the towel around her.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're gorgeous. I've known you for 10 years and you still take my breath away." Jane said snaking her arms around her.

"I'm not gorgeous, I'm…scarred."

"So am I." Jane joked showing the scars on her hands before lifting up her shirt revealing other scar .

"It's different. I'm ugly." Maura said looking down avoiding eye contact.

"Maura look at me." Jane said palming Maura's face with her hand hoping to make her look at her."You are beautiful to me. "

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Would you mind showing me your scars?"

"I don't think that's a good idea Jane."

"I'm going to have to see them eventually. I promise it won't change anything, can you please trust me?"

"Okay, but you've been warned." Maura replied as she took the towel off dropping it on the floor.

As Maura was now standing in front her in her underwear her eyes closed, Jane took a minute to wander her eyes on Maura's body.

Maura was right, her C section scar was bad but what chocked her most was the cut marks Maura had on her thighs. Jane knew Maura had been cutting herself for years but she thought the damaged we limited to her arms.

Feeling Jane's warm fingers on her belly Maura started to shake uncontrollably.

"This scar is a battle scar you should wear it with pride." Jane said gently rubbing the scar on Maura's belly with her finger.

"What about the other ones?"

"They will fade out with time." Jane said kissing Maura's forehead her arms around her waist.

"Don't you think I'm unattractive without my clothes on?"

"Let me show you." Jane smiled before gently pressing her lips against Maura's kissing her tenderly.

That kiss lasted less then a second but for Maura it felt like eternity. Feeling Jane's mouth against her, kissing her, feeling her arms around her despite everything that had happened, despite all the pain she had caused her was something she didn't think she deserved.

"Jane." Maura sighed breaking the kiss.

"I'm sorry that wasn't very romantic."

"It was. It was perfect, how about you take a shower, I'll get dress in your bedroom." Maura mumbled extracting herself from Jane's embrace before leaving her standing in the middle of the bathroom.

"What just happened?" Jane said to herself scratching the back of her hand.

As Jane was taking her shower she couldn't help but thinking about the scars covering Maura's arms and legs. She had suffered a lot more than she thought she had. Jane always thought that she was the self destructive one, that Maura was too logic and too smart to harm herself like that. Actually Maura was always the optimistic one, trying to make her stop see things so darkly. She was the one who brought her back to life after the shooting, who made the physical and emotional pain go away. She was the one who always saw the positive side of things. Actually she was a lot like Janie is, innocent, unable to understand why people were so complex and deceptive. That's why their relationship was working so well, because they completed each other. Now Maura was the one who was seeing thing negatively and who was lacking self esteem. She needed help to forgive herself and to regain that self confidence that always made her so damn sexy to Jane.

When Jane arrived to the kitchen Maura was, as usual making breakfast.

"I really could get used to that." Jane said as she wrapped her arms around Maura.

"Oh my gosh." Maura yelled as she violently hit Jane in the stomach.

"Gee Maura…I kiss you and that's how you thank me." Jane rasped bending over her arms around her belly.

"Oh Jane, I'm sorry, I…you came from behind unexpectedly." Maura said reaching to Jane.

"Who did you think it was?" Jane chucked still in intense pain trying to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry, do you want a glass of water?"

"Gotcha!You really think you could hurt me?" Jane triumphaly said satisfied that her little prank worked.

"Jane!You shouldn't scare me like that."Maura frowned gently punching Jane's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, it was too tempting."Jane laughed.

"Don't do it again. I think I already hurt you enough."

"Alright, I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" Jane pouted her arms around her.

"Yes, I can if you kiss me …"

"So you're okay with what happened in the bathroom?"

"I suppose I am. It was unexpected. I didn't think you were ready or that you even wanted things to that level."

"Me neither, but you know I tend to do things without thinking about it first. Oh God, I'm so stupid I'm sure you would have preferred that I took you out for dinner first…"

"Don't be ridiculous, Ive been dreaming about this kiss for 4 years."

"Did I live up to your expectations?"

"I think I might need another one to make a fair assessment." Maura joked as she kissed Jane more passionately this time.

This kiss was different than the first one, more passionate. This time Maura rapidly pressed her tongue against Jane's lips asking for access to her mouth, access Jane was more than happy to give her. As they were kissing, they tongue tangling with each other Jane started to wander her hands on Maura's body, caressing her back, all the way down to her lower back. As the two women were kissing they felt alone in the universe, they couldn't hear the noise outside, they couldn't smell Maura's pancakes, or see Janie standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"Ewwwww, that's gross." Janie said discussed by what she was witnessing.

"Janie, sweetie, you're up." Maura mumbled, running her hand through her hair.

"Yes, I woke up a long time ago, I waited for you but you didn't come." Janie said her thumb in her mouth, twisting her hair with her fingers.

"I was…making breakfast, why don't you sit while Jane and I finish to bake those pancakes?"

"Yes why don't you sit down while your mother and I try to find the most appropriate way to explain to you what you just saw?" Jane smiled lifting Janie up installing her on the chair next to hers.

"Okay."

"Jane, what would you say that to her?"Maura said pulling Jane aside.

"Oh, come on Maura she's a child but she's smart. I'm sure if we explain to her she'll understand and besides that's what she wanted right?"

"Does that mean we're back together?"

"I suppose it does, I didn't really think about it. All I could think about were those two wonderful lips of yours." Jane said grabbing Maura, pulling her against her.

"I'm serious Jane. I know we said we would take our time, but when you have a child you can't afford to go with the flow, you need to define things, to put words on them to make them clear for her."

"Okay, how about you let me talk to her?"

"Oh God, I'm sorry I guess I misunderstood those two kisses. You don't want to step into a relationship with me, I understand."

"Gee, would you stop?I do want to be with you, but I think it's better If It comes from me. I'm the one coming between the two of you after all."

"No you're not."

"I kinda am. Come on finish those pancakes and I'll talk to her." Jane ordered slapping Maura's ass.

"Hey…" Maura said chocked that Jane would take such a liberty in front of their daughter.

" Hey sweetie, can I talk to you for a minute?" Jane said bitting her lower lip wondering how she was going to explain what was happening to her.

"Okay."

"It's about what you saw when you came in the kitchen." Jane started taking a deep breath.

"You and mommy were kissing, it's okay I know that's what couples do. It's gross but it's okay."

"First you have to stop spending time with my mother, second do you know what being a couple mean?"

"Of course, it's when two people love each other very much and they live together like nana and grand pa for example or Clara's parents' you know…"

"Clara?"

"My friend from school, she's nice, she's my friend, she comes to play with me and sometimes mommy lets me go to her house."

"Okay , so you met her parents?"

"Yes Clara has a mommy and a daddy and they love each other very much just like you and mommy. "

"Yes except that your mommy and I are both women . "

"Yes mommy explained to me that sometimes a girl can love another girl or a boy another boy but it doesn't matter."

"Yes, you're right it doesn't change anything." Jane smiled amazed by how much Janie knew already.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Janie pouted her head down.

"Why?"

"I called you mommy but I never asked you to be my mommy."

"Oh sweetie, you don't have to ask me anything. I love you as my own daughter and if you want to call me mommy you can alright?"

"Really?" Janie said her face lighting up like a christmas tree.

"Yes. As long as I'm allowed to call you my daughter you can call me mommy."

"Mommy, mommy, you heard what Zane said ? She said I can call her mommy!"

"I heard that, how about you eat your pancakes now?" Maura said a tear running down her cheek.

"Yes, thank you mommy they look yummy." Janie said taking her bite at her breakfast.

"Are you alright?" Jane said pulling Maura on her lap.

"Yes I am, you can't imagine for how long I have been dreaming of this moment. Thank you." Maura said wrapping her arms around Jane's neck.

"You know it's not polite to kiss when I'm eating." Janie said narrowing her eye brows at her parents.

" How old are you again?" Jane joked .

"I'm 4!" Janie said counting on her fingers.

"I'm sure you'll be smarter than me in a few years."

"No offense but she already is." Maura said taking her seat.

"Maura!"

"What? I had her tested a few months ago, her IQ is already higher than mine."

"Really?"

"Yes, but let's not talk about this for now. Janie sweetie your mommy and I discussed about it and we're going to ask your grand mother to put all our things in boxes and send them to us so you can have all your toys with you." Maura explained feeling a little something down her belly when she called Jane mommy.

"Really?Is she going to send Bass in a box too?"

"Of course not, she's going to….drive him up here I suppose. Jane are you okay?"Maura said seeing that Jane had spit her coffee on her shirt.

"Yeah, my coffee went down the wrong pipe." Jane mumbled laughing.

"You know Janie is right, Bass can not be transported by UPS, maybe I should go there for a few days to pack our things and bring Bass back."

"Or maybe you can ask your mother to bring him down here and send the rest of your things with UPS."

"No, I relayed too much on your already for the past few years. I can't possibly ask her to do that. No, really I should go there." Maura insisted.

"How about we talk about this later?"Jane rasped living the table.

"Jane, don't you want to finish your breakfast?"

"I spit coffee on my shirt. I need to change." Jane said walking towards her bedroom.

"Did you say something wrong mommy?She looks mad."

"Yes and I need to fix it. Finish your breakfast sweetie. It shouldn't take long."

"Okay." Janie sighed shrugging her shoulders.

Walking towards Jane's bedroom Jane realized how insensitive she had been, talking about going back there, to the place she spend 4 years hiding from her.

" I like that shirt." Maura smiled standing in the door looking at Jane putting a new shirt on.

"Can you give me a few minutes by myself please?" Jane said turning her back on her.

"I'm sorry I was so insensitive, you know sometimes I don't think before I speak, that's something we have in common." Maura joked snaking her arms around Jane from behind.

"Maura please, don't do this." Jane begged feeling Maura's hand on her skin.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned going back there before telling you first. You know that If I go there I will come back right?"

"Yes, I know, it just scared me I'm sorry." Jane said sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Would you like to come with me?" Maura offered sitting on Jane's lap.

"You don't have to do that. I trust you when you say you're coming back, don't worry."

"I know but I would like you to see where we lived, where I raised our daughter. I want you to know everything about those 4 years and besides I don't see myself packing all our things by myself."

"Oh, so what you really need are my strong arms to pack and lift up carry boxes?"

"Yes, I need your strong italian hands and arms, I admit it."

"Okay then, I'm sure we can rent a van or something and drive there but we would have to leave Janie to my mom…"

"Well I'm sure both of them will be delighted to spend a few days together."

"Yes and we can use some mommies time don't you think?"

"Yes I do. I will talk to Janie and explain to her while you arrange things with your mother."

As they were finishing breakfast Jane suddenly realized that Maura and her were a couple again. She had been dreaming about this for 4 years and now it was reality, expect that in her dreams Maura didn't have a daughter.

Now she had this wonderful little girl who looked up to her and who wanted her to be her mommy and that probably the most precious gift life had given her. Thinking about their road trip Jane couldn't help but being excited. The past week had been great and she really enjoyed getting to know Janie but she was happy to have the chance to spend a few days alone with Maura.

Unlike Jane who was really excited to spend a few days alone with her Maura was a bit more anxious about the "mommies time". She knew Jane would probably want to use this opportunity to get closer to her, physically and Maura didn't know if she was ready for that. Obviously she wanted to make love to Jane but after everything she put her body through she wasn't comfortable with it. Even after Jane saw her scars and told her she found her gorgeous Maura still found herself unattractive and couldn't imagine herself naked in bed with Jane. She knew she would be uncomfortable and unable to give herself to completely give herself to Jane. Unfortunately Maura felt she had to give Jane what ever she wanted, that she ought her that much.

**So guys, this chapter just happened, wasn't planned but it was quite good...I tried to insert some humour that we like so much on the show...**

**Things are moving fast(Maura came back like what a 10 days ago?)but hey it's Jane and Maura right?Road trip should be interested.**


	16. Road trip

**Chapter 16:**

**Road trip.**

A few days later Maura and Jane were ready for their road trip. Unfortunately they couldn't bring Janie along so they decided to leave her under Angela's care. Obviously Jane's mom was delighted to spend a few days with the little angel. Janie who had never been away from Maura for more then a night was a bit anxious . As Maura was explaining to her why she couldn't come and trying to reassure her Jane decided to have a chat with her mom.

"Don't worry she's in good hands with me."

"I know, it's just that Maura and her have never been separated for more than a night."

"You'll be here to keep her company."

"This won't be a vacation Ma, we're going there to pack Maura things and to get Bass."

"Well nothing keeps you from enjoying the trip if you know what I mean..."Angela teased.

"Ma!Come on!We've only been together for a few days!"

"Yes but you've been waiting for this for 4 years, don't restrain yourself okay?You both deserve this."

"I know, we're just taking things slow. Speaking of which just so you're not surprised Janie started to call me mommy."

"Oh no, that's so sweet did you cry?"

"Yeah no, come on us Rizzoli don't cry you know that! But I was touched, she's such a gift you know, take care of her okay?"

"I will, now come on time to it the road!"

"Alright, Maura you're ready?"Jane asked stepping in the living room followed by her mother.

"Yes. Okay remember to brush your teeth and to eat your veggies." Maura said holding her tears.

"Mommy, I know that I'm not baby anymore!"

"I know, you grew up so fast, I love you sweetie." Maura sobbed puling her daughter in her arms.

"I love you two mommy."

After another half hour of goodbyes and tears Maura and Jane finally hit the road. They had at least 8 hours of driving ahead of them and Jane had a feeling Maura wouldn't be talktative.

"She's going to be okay, my mother is really good with kids you know." Jane said her hand on Maura's thigh.

"I know."

"Is it going back there that is bothering you then?"

"Yes. I want to put this town, this house and everything that happened there behind me."

"I know, I understand how painful it must be for you but I promise we're going to do this as fast as we can."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, try to get some sleep if you want. I'll wake you up in a few hours."

And for the next 8 hours Maura and Jane barely exchange a word. Jane was really curious to see where Maura and Janie lived for the past 4 years and to discover what kind of life they had. For the past 4 years she often lied in bed wondering where Maura was and what she was doing or if she was thinking about her. Even if she was happy that Maura had opened up about those 4 years and was willing to bring her to her house Jane knew that Maura had hurt herself in that house and that going back there would bring back those bad memories and that she would probably feel vulnerable being there with her.

Around 8 pm Jane and Maura finally arrived in the small town where Maura had been living for the past 4 years.

"This is it." Maura said getting off the car.

"It's gorgeous Maura, and very…green." Jane said taking off her sun glasses.

"Yes, the good thing when you live in a small town far from the city is you can easily found a nice house with a big garden where you can breath without having to worry about pollution." Maura said walking towards the door.

"Yeah, well don't take it personally but I enjoy the fumes and pollution of Boston."

"Why am I not surprised?" Maura joked as she stepped inside her house.

"Don't worry she's going to be happy in Boston, I know I don't have a garden but the park is literally around the corner."

"I know. As long as we're with you we'll be happy who here, Bass I missed you so much."Maura said kneeling before her tortoise who was visibly happy to see her too.

"See he didn't die of starvation."

"Yes, Clara's mom had been taking care of him, remind me to go see her tomorrow. She's one of the rare friends we have here."

"Sure, you know this house is lovely I love the decoration, it's very…you. "

"Thank you, I think. Come on let me give you the grand tour." Maura said taking Jane's arms dragging her to visit the rest of the house.

As they were wandering in the rest of the house something immediately caught Jane's attention : This house unlike Maura's old house in Boston was warm and welcoming. Her old house, or castle as Jane called it, was very modern, almost cold, filled up with uncomfortable designers chairs and expensive paintings. This house was different though, the furniture was simple and comfortable and there was pictures of Maura and Janie with her grand parents on every walls. Maura had a different life here, she was a mom and obviously her priorities and tastes had changed, for the best.

"So this is Janie's bedroom, as you can see she loves to draw." Maura said pointing the dozens of drawing on the walls.

"I can see that she also loves construction games." Jane smiled.

"Yes, my dad gave her legos for her last birthday and she enjoys them a lot."

"Don't worry she still loves the doll you got her." Jane joked seeing that Maura didn't appreciate her daughter playing boys games.

"I know, let me show you my bedroom."

"Sure."

As they were walking towards Maura's bedroom Jane was a bit anxious. She was wondering if Maura had pictures of them on her night table or if she was going to find men clothes on the floor, god she didn't even want to think about Maura sleeping with men when they were apart.

"So this is my bedroom, I'm sorry it smells a bit, I should open the window." Maura suggesting as she walked towards the window.

As Jane was looking around her she was surprised by the sobriety of the room. Everything from the pillow cases to the curtains were dark and there was no paintings or decorative object of any kind. The room had just the minimum furniture : a bed, a night table, and a wardrobe.

"Don't you want to lie down for a while?"

"What?"

"You said your legs were painful from the driving."

"You're right, I'll go lie down on the couch for a little while. We can have dinner afterwards if you want."

"Don't be ridiculous, come lie down in bed with me." Maura offered taking Jane's hand.

"No, I'd rather not sleep in that bed if that's okay with you." Jane said taking a step back.

"Why?It's very comfortable."

"I don't doubt that, it's just when I think about all the guys who probably shared this bed with you I don't wanna sleep you know."

"Jane, what kind of woman do you think I am?I only shared this bed with women, two of them to be more precise."

"Great, that's just great, you definitely swapped team!I'm glad to hear that Maura." Jane grunted imagining the other women Maura had invited in her bed, who touched her, who made love to her.

"Jane!Don't be ridiculous, I was talking about Janie and my mother when she comes to visit."

"Really?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I should watch what I say. Janie sleeps with me sometimes and I sleep with her and leave my bedroom to my mother when she comes to visit."

"Are you saying that you haven't been with anyone since you left or just that you preferred their houses?" Jane asked confused.

"I'm saying that ever since the first time you kissed me I never desired any other woman or man for that matter. " Maura said taking Jane's hand forcing her to climb in bed with her.

"I'm sorry Maura I just assumed that you dated other people."

"How could I? I was devastating by what I did to you and to be honest with you when you raise a child by yourself you don't really have time to date."

"Oh, so you didn't date anyone because you didn't have time, fair enough."

"I didn't say that. Even if I had the time for example after Jane started school, I wouldn't have dated. I love you Jane and I don't want to kiss or sleep with anybody else."

"Okay. I know what happened when we were apart is none of my business but I'm happy there was nobody else. I feel sick thinking about some guy or woman touching you."

"You don't have anything to worry about. How about you? Was there any other women ?"

"Yeah, tons of them, you know after you left I turned into a real sex machine, going out , bringing a new girl home every night, doing all sorts of things…"

"Oh I see, well after the way I treated you I can't blame you for that."

"I'm joking, seriously I was so depressed, I barely allowed my mother to come in my apartment. "

"Are you saying that you haven't been with anyone else in the past 4 years?" Maura asked rising her eyebrows .

"Nope, I had difficulties living with myself so I couldn't imagine being with someone else and besides I was still in love with you. You know me, I can't just have sex with someone I don't have feelings for and I'm a one woman kind of girl."

"A part of me was hoping that you met someone to make you happy and to help you forget all about me, but I'm glad that no other women touched you. The bad thing is that we might a bit out of practice."

"I doubt that, making love is like riding a bike, you can't forget about it, especially when you share that moment with the moment you love right?"Jane said her hand on Maura's hip.

"Right, you should have some rest okay?" Maura said kissing Jane's forehead before flipping on her side turning her back on her.

"God Maura I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to imply that I was expecting us to have sex while we're here. We have all the time in the world for that." Jane apologized kissing the back of Maura's neck.

"It's okay, we're both adults and after 4 years of abstinence you're untitled to receive satisfaction again and I intent to give it to you, just not now, I'm tired."

"God Maura, you make it sound like I'm a sex maniac."

"No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was that you didn't have sex for the past 4 years and now that we're together again it's perfectly natural that you feel the need to have sex with me and I intend to satisfy your needs ."

"Maura, look at me. I want us to take our time, I don't want to screw this up, besides I know you're not ready yet and as much as I want to, I won't make my move until I'm confident you're ready."

"What makes you think I'm not ready?I missed you too you know."

"I know but from the way you reacted when I saw your scars I'm quite sure you're not confident enough with your body and your scars to make love to me yet."

"You're right, I'm not. I'm not comfortable with my C section scar or with the scars I inflected on myself. I know they don't disgust you but they do repulse me."

"Then we'll have to work on that I suppose."

"We have so many things to work on…"

"And we have the rest of our lives to do so, now have some rest. I'll wake you up for dinner." Jane said kissing Maura's forehead holding her close to her.

Unlike Jane Maura felt quickly asleep. Jane was right : being here was emotionally hard for her . Looking around her Jane realized how empty Maura's life had been, apart for Janie. She felt that just like her Maura had isolated her from the rest of the world and the only connection with human beings she had were because of Janie. Being here in Maura's house she realized that as unbelievable it was Maura was even more damaged by what she had done than she was. Thinking about it Jane realized that once she got rid of the anger and the resentment she was able to start over with Maura but for that things would be much harder for her. She knew that in order to start over Maura would have to get rid of a lot more negative feelings than her. She would also have to stop hating herself and feeling guilty and stop harming herself. She would have to rebuilt her self confidence and start loving herself again. Yes thinking about it the road towards recovery would be much longer for Maura than for her.

Maura fell asleep happy that Jane didn't have se with anybody else. She knew Jane remained abstinent because she was too miserable too date not because she wanted to save herself for her, but still knowing that no other woman touched her felt nice. Maura knew that Jane wanted to have sex again, that she wanted to continue their lives where it was when she left. Unfortunately Maura knew it would take her time to forgive herself and to be ready to through herself in that relationship, but she wanted to satisfy Jane and was determined to give her what ever she needed, she ought her that much after all she had done...

**So guys, I know no sex for any of them for 4 years...not very realistic but so damn romantic.**

**Next chapter is gonna rock your world, I have been keeping it aside since the beginning...**


	17. Janie's choice

**Chapter 17:**

**Janie's choice .**

After two days of packing and loading the van they rented Maura, Jane and Bass were ready to hit the road again. Unwilling to spend another day they left early hoping to be home before dinner time. As they were driving away Maura and Jane both had that feeling that this was the beginning of their new lives together.

Around 7 pm they finally arrived in Boston. When the two women stepped into their apartment they were happy to find Janie on Angela's lap reading one of her favorite book.

"Mommy,mommy, you're here." Janie yelled bouncing of Angela's lap running towards her two mommies.

"We missed you so much."Maura said holding her daughter running her fingers through her hair.

"See who we brought back?"Jane said pointing the poor Bass tied up on a trolley.

"Bass, you didn't forget him!" Janie said running towards her pet tortoise.

As Janie and Bass were getting reacquainted Jane immediately saw the preoccupied look on her mother's face. Something had happened while they were away, something bad.

"Hey why don't you help your mommy untie him?"Jane asked patting the little girl's head.

"Okay."

As Maura and Jane were taking care of Bass Angela took Jane aside.

"What's up Ma, why are you making that face?" Jane asked.

"I got a visitor while you were away."

"Who?"

"The sperm donor."

"Doyle?"Jane asked trying to keep her voice down.

"No, she other one. Janie's donor."

"Fuck!How…Why?What happened?"Jane mumbled feeling her pulse rise.

"He came to see me at the cafe. I don't know how but he found out Maura was back in town and he wanted to see her. Obviously I didn't tell him anything but he already knew about Janie. I'm sorry sweetie."Angela said reaching out to her daughter.

"No, this is not happening, not again. The last time he was here he almost broke us up. I'm going to take care of him, I won't let him take my family away from me."Jane roared walking in circle in her kitchen like an animal in cage.

"I know you'll do what ever it takes to keep your family safe, but you need to talk to Maura."

"No, I don't I'm gonna find him and send him right back to fucking Africa."

"Jane, please be reasonable, remember what lies did to your relationship last time. Maura loves you and she doesn't want to be with him. She raised Janie telling her everything about you not him. He's nothing to them, trust me."

"I know, but he has rights, legal rights that I don't have." Jane said palming her face with her hands trying to find a solution.

Ever since she found out Maura had a child and she fell in love with that little girl Jane was scared that he would barge into their lives again. She remembered the last time he was in town. Maura and her weren't dating yet but he almost break them up. This time she wouldn't let him come between them, not between her and Maura and certainly not between her and Janie. Angela was right he was nothing more than a sperm donor and she would do everything in her power to make sure he wouldn't come near them.

"Go talk to her, I'll stay with Janie." Angela said rubbing Jane's back trying to comfort her.

"Thank you mom. After the way I treated you for the past 4 years I know I don't deserve your help."

"You were in pain, now things are back to normal, now go talk to Maura."

"Yes. Maura can I see you a minute in our bedroom?" Jane said taking a deep breath.

"Sure." Maura nodded as she followed Jane into their bedroom.

"Sit down, I need to talk to you about something." Jane said inviting Maura on their bed.

"Jane, what's going on?You mother and you looked preoccupied."

"Yes. You know how much you and Janie mean to me right?"Jane asked taking Maura's hands rubbing the top with her thumbs.

"Yes and we love you too, you're worrying me."

"Ma received a visitor. Janie's sperm donor is in town."

"Oh God…" Maura let out, terrified.

"Yes, he somehow found out that you were back in town and he knows about Janie. Don't worry I'll take care of him. I'm going to send him right back to Africa. I promise."

"What if he's here for custody?"Maura asked her voice trembling and her hands shaking.

"Maura look at me. I will not let him come between us, not this time. I'll do what ever I see fit to get rid of him for good, I promise." Jane said kissing Maura's forehead.

"He has legal rights, if he takes me to court…"

"No he won't. He's still wanted for questioning by Interpol and the FBI. I only have to make one phone call and he goes to jail."

"How do you know that he's still a fugitive?"

"Because I looked him up when I found out about Janie. If he tries anything I won't hesitate to use that phone call. No one is taking my family away, not this time."

"Don't you think Janie should meet him?"

"What?You want him in our lives?" Jane hissed shocked.

"No, but she deserves to know where she comes from. You know how damaging it was for me not being able to meet my biological mother."

"I know, you're right one day she's going to ask questions and she might resent us for keeping her from meeting him. What happens if she wants to have a relationship with him?God Maura we can't have him in our lives."

"What ever she decides she loves you, you're her mother and nothing will ever change that."Maura whispered her pressing her forehead against Jane.

Hearing Jane's worries Maura could see how painful this was for her. Jane wasn't Janie's father and she had only known her for a couple of weeks and she was afraid that she might loose her or both of them to his profit.

"I know.I don't want to loose you Maura, please don't leave me again." Jane begged falling in Maura's arms.

"Oh Jane, I love you and I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happens between him and Janie I'm with you. I love you." Maura said closing her eyes trying to hold her tears .

Maura said there on their bed, holding Jane rocking her in her arms the way she used to do it when Janie had nightmares when she was little.

Thinking about the pain this was causing Jane Maura felt the guilt building up even more. She knew that Jane's biggest fears was to loose them but that the thought of losing them to him was ever bigger. Deep down Maura was hoping that Janie wouldn't want to meet her dad, she didn't know anything about him after her and never even asked about him.

After spending a good half hour reassuring each other Jane and Maura finally decided to go talk to Janie. After escorting Angela out they made the little girl sit on the couch right between them.

"Is there something wrong?Is Bass okay?"Janie asked seeing the worried look on her mommy's faces.

"Yes Bass his find just a bit tired don't worry about it. Actually you're mother and I wanted to talk to you about something." Jane started seeing that Maura was hesitant and uncomfortable.

"Yes, you know that normally children like you have a mommy and a daddy, like Clara for example."Maura continued.

"Yes, but not me, I'm special, I have two mommies." Janie proudly stated a big smile at her face as she looked at Jane.

"Yes you don't have a daddy to raise you like Jane and I do, but you do have a daddy somewhere."

"I don't understand." Janie frowned trying to make sense out of what her mother was saying.

"Well, a few years ago before your mommy and I were together I was with a man and we made you together."

"Eww, that's gross."

"Janie, stop using that word please." Jane asked rising her voice.

"I'm sorry. What I don't understand is if you made me with my daddy why I never met him."

"Well, he left before I even knew you were growing in my tummy. Now he's in Boston and he wants to meet you." Maura said holding Jane's hand knowing that Janie's answer might break her heart.

"I don't want to see him. I don't know him." Janie replied crossing her arms on her chest.

"He's a very nice person you know. Your mother and I thought that you might need a daddy growing up you know…" Jane said smiling internally at the little's girl determination.

"I don't need a daddy, I have you mommy." Janie said looking into Jane's eyes with such love and devotion almost asking her not to abandon her.

"Oh sweetie…" Jane said feeling tears coming to her eyes.

"Why are you crying mommy?I love you so so so much. I don't want a daddy, I want you." Janie said jumping in Jane's arms.

Feeling the little girl holding her, comforting her Jane's couldn't hold the tears anymore. She realized that what Janie and her shared was behind genetic or law, it was love. Even if they barely knew each other they were bonded by something rare and almost indestructible. Feeling the little girl's love Jane felt like her mother, no one including him could tell her that she wasn't her daughter. Feeling her confidence back Jane was even more determined to do everything in her power to make him go away for good this time. Yes Jane Rizzoli wouldn't be the kind of woman who let someone like him break her family apart, not after all they've been through. Janie and Maura belonged with her, she knew it and was going to fight for them.

Sitting a few inches behind Janie Maura was also crying. She spent the past 4 years telling her daughter about Jane hoping that one day they would be a family.

Unfortunately as an adopted child she knew that at some point in her life Janie might have questions about her biological father. Luckily for her she had underestimated the love that Janie had for Jane. Janie always been a very shy little girl who never went towards other adults easily. Maura had overprotected her a bit too much and as a result Janie didn't like to be around other people, so she was happily surprised to see that in only two weeks she was calling Jane mommy already and that she chose her over her own biological dad. Well actually Maura wasn't that surprised, she did spend the past 4 years telling her how much she loved Jane and what a wonderful person she was without even mentioning once.

"Come here." Jane sobbed pulling Maura against them.

As the 3 women were comforting each other they felt like a real family even more than they already did. Jane was happy that the little girl who she fell in love with preferred not meeting her biological dad and Maura was happy that Janie made that choice as well, showing Jane how she felt about her.

Jane knew that getting rid of him wouldn't be easy and she couldn't blame him for that, she knew she wouldn't quit that easily. Luckily for her Jane had Janie and Maura's unconditional love and support and knew that they didn't want to have anything to do with him and that alone was the most precious gift that no one ever gave her. She knew that she had nothing to worry about, that her daughter and the woman she loved had no interest into spending time with him and that would be the "ego boost" she needed to confront him.

**So guys, what do you think?I wrote this chapter fast, without even thinking. Now you know who Janie's sperm donor is(even if I never say his name.) ****Now guys you tell me!Did you expect him to be the dad?Did you cry when Janie chose Jane over him?I'm quite excited about this chapter and the next one so please give me your feedback!**


	18. Fight for your family

**Chapter 18 :**

**Fight for your family :**

The next morning Jane woke up early determined to put an end to Ian's fixation on Maura.

After watching her sleeps for a little while Jane kissed Maura's lips and left.

Before going to see him Jane dropped by her lawyer's office and asked him to draw some papers for her.

Around noon Jane drove to the address he had given to Angela. The place was a discrete motel downtown. Climbing the stairs, her hand on her gun Jane tried to focus on the two women of her life. She knew that if she listened to her heart rather than her brain she might do something stupid that Janie might not forgive her. She knew that for now Janie had no interest into meeting him but that she might change her mind later so she couldn't physically hurt him.

Standing in front of his room Jane took a deep breath and knocked twice on the door.

"Detective Rizzoli, what a pleasure to see you. Please come in." He ironically said as he opened the door.

"Yeah. Nice little dump you got here." Jane joked looking around the room.

"It's only temporary. I don't see Maura or my daughter, where are they?"

"They're home, in my apartment where they belong." Jane said looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Oh I see Maura doesn't know I'm here."

"Oh no she knows and she doesn't want to see you so you're going to take your shit and go back to Africa on the next flight, you hear me?"Jane asked, quietly at first.

"Right, let me think…..no. I came here to see Maura and my daughter and I will not leave until I see them."

"She is not your daughter, you're merely a sperm donor." Jane chucked looking at the man standing in front of her.

"Right, look I know you and Maura had always been close and I'm sorry that I hurt her when I left but this is my…"

"No, she's not your daughter and Maura is not yours. She never was and never will be . You're going to leave my family alone and for good this time or I swear to God you will regret it." Jane said her voice deeper as she stood a few inches from his face.

"Your family?Oh I see you've been playing family with them, how nice. "

"I haven't been playing family, they are my family. You know Janie, yeah that's her name, Maura named her after me, she's a smart kid and we're pretty close, she even calls me mommy now." Jane said looking at him with that victory smile on her face.

"You're lying." He grunted.

"No, I'm not. You know Maura and I actually have a conscience so last night we told her about you and we asked her if she wanted to meet you and you know what she said?She said she didn't need a daddy because she had me."

"What kind of lies have you been feeding her with?" Ian demanded rage on his face.

"Me?Nothing,it's Maura who for the past 4 years told her everything about me without mentioning you even once. She loved me even before she met me."

"You…took everything away from me, the love of my life, my daughter." He rasped his chest rising higher his breathing becoming faster…

"Maura was never yours , she's her own person and she chose me, she chose to raise her daughter with me, not you. God, she didn't even want to see you today. Do yourself a favor and sign those papers." Jane said handing him the papers her lawyer had prepared.

"Are you fucking kidding me?You're expecting me to give up my parental rights?"

"Yes I am. From now on I will raise Janie with Maura, if she wants to meet you later I won't stop her but for now I want you out of my daughter's life."

"What makes you think I'll do that?What makes you think I'm going to give up the only thing that still connects me to Maura?"

"I don't know , the fact that you probably love your freedom more than you love her?Have I told you about my friend Agent Dean for the FBI?Very sweet guy, he always had a crush on me, so I'm sure he'd love to do me a favor by putting you away for life."

"You wouldn't, Maura wouldn't forgive you."

"Gee for someone who's' such an educated surgeon you're pretty dumb, let me repeat this slowly: Maura doesn't give a crap about you, she's in love with me. So sign the damn papers ."

"You're going to pay for this." Ian groaned signing the paper giving up his parent rights over Janie.

"Yeah I know, I'm going straight to hell." Jane laughed walking towards the doors with the precious documents in her hand."Oh I almost forgot, if you ever come near my family I'll have you arrested in the hour, don't even think about defying me, you'd loose." Jane added closing the door behind her.

Half an hour later Jane was finally home where a home cooked lunch was waited for her.

"Mommy mommy, you're home!" Janie yelled running towards her as she stepped into the apartment.

"Yes I am. Gee what do you have on your hands?" Jane asked picking up the little girl in her arms.

"It's sauce mommy and I made lasagnas."Janie proudly explained licking her fingers.

"That's great, how about you go wash your hands in the bathroom alright?"

"Okay."

"Good girl."Jane smiled kissing her daughter's cheek before freeing her from her embrace.

As Janie was running towards the bathroom Jane noticed that Maura was standing in the kitchen probably expecting Jane to tell her about her encounter with Janie's biological father.

"Hey you, I'm sorry I left so early this morning I had a few things to take care off." Jane said sneaking her arms around Maura kissing her shoulder.

"Did you see him?"

"Yes and this is my welcome home gift to you."Jane said trying to hide her enthusiasm as she handed the papers to Maura.

A few seconds were enough for Maura to spot the title of the papers.

"Oh My God Jane, you made him give up his parental rights?" Maura squealed turning around facing Jane.

"Yes I took the liberty to ask my lawyer to draw this . Now he has no legal right over our daughter. I figured that was the only way to protect our family if he ever decides to come back which I seriously doubt. I hope I didn't overstep my rights on this."

"No, no Jane it's wonderful. I never t bought he would give up his parental rights so easily."

"Are you disappointed that he didn't fight for you more?"

"No, of course not, I'm relieved, but may I ask how you convinced him?"

"Let just say after hearing that you named her after me and that she was calling me mommy already he realized that he didn't have his place in your lives."

"That and he didn't want to spend the next 20 years in jail."

"Yes that too. I love you Maura, I always have, even when I hated you. I want us to be a family now." Jane said pressing her lips on Maura's.

Hearing those words " I love you" Maura stared to feel her heart hammering her chest. Even if Jane had proved her both physically and verbally that she still loved her it was the first time she said the actual words.

"I love you too Jane, we're a family now. " Maura muttered resting her head on Jane's chest.

Now that Janie's donor was out of the picture the tree women were free to be the family they wanted to be, the family they've been dreaming to see reunited for years.

"Why are you sad mommy?" Janie asked her thumb in her mouth as she stood behind them.

"I'm not sad sweetie, come here."Maura said inviting her daughter to sit at the kitchen table.

"But you're crying." Janie frowned trying to understand.

"Those are tears of happiness sweetie." Maura explained whipping the tears off her face with her hand.

"Yes, mommy is happy because we decided that the two of you were going to stay here with me."

"Does that mean we won't have to move to a new house again?"

"Yes, well until we start to feel that this apartment is too small for all of us and when that day comes we'll look for a new place together, as a family."

"You promise we won't be away again?"

"I promise, from now on we stay together."

Now that Janie's sperm donor was out of the picture the 3 women could focus on their family, on discovering each other, on learning how to live together. Jane and Maura knew that they still had a lot to accomplish and to work on, but at that precise moment it didn't matter. All that matters was that they knew nothing could ever come between them. Maura who had first thought she would have to fight like a tiger for Jane realized that even if she was still careful regarding their relationship, Jane was still the same passionate and protective woman she fell in love with and who would do anything to protect her family. That was the most attractive thing for Maura, she felt safe with Jane. She knew that even if they still had to work on their relationship Jane was willing to fight for her and for their family and after spending 4 years thinking Jane was never going to forgive her, it felt good.

**SO guys, enjoyed Bad ass Jane?**

**So their family is safe but I still have a lot of things in my mind, don't worry about it!**


	19. Courage

**Chapter 19:**

**Courage:**

The next morning after spending the entire night considering it Maura decided that it was time for her to go to the station and to face her friends. She knew it wouldn't be easy that Korsak and Frankie might react the way Frost did when he saw her : with anger.. The 5 of them were more than a team, they were a family and when she left she hurt all of them and somehow the team exploded. Now it was up to her to make them understand her and forgive her the way Jane did. She knew she deserved what ever they would have to say to her and that it would take time for them to trust her again but she was willing to find for her friends. After refusing that Maura went to the station Jane finally agreed thinking that there was no reason for them to hide their relationship, that Maura deserved a second chance. Actually Jane wanted to go back to work soon and wanted to make it clear for everyone that Maura was back in her life and that she would stay with her no matter what anybody could say. Also Jane was eager to introduce her daughter to her team thinking that she might help them to forgive Maura like she helped her.

Around 10 am that morning Jane, Maura and Janie drove to the station. When the 3 of them arrived at the cafe where Angela worked they were all there having their morning coffee : Frost, Frankie and Forsak. As they arrived in front of the door Maura stopped for a minute to take a deep breath .

"Hey, just relax, I love you. I won't let them lash out on you." Jane said pressing her lips against Maura's.

"Yes mommy we love you very much." Janie said as she was in Jane's arms her arms wrapped around her neck.

As the new family stepped into the cafe holding hands , Jane carrying Janie in her arms Maura and Jane were anxious. Their hands were trembling and their hearts were beating fast. This was the moment of truth, Jane knew how fragile Maura was and even if they both expected them to reject her she was scared of the repercussions it might have on her.

"Hey guys." Jane said as they stepped into the cafe.

"Jane you're back." Frankie Jr said showing almost no emotion.

"Yes we got back the day before yesterday. We came here because we wanted you to meet our little girl. Janie this is my little Brother frankie and my partner Detective Frost and Korsak." Jane said introducing her daughter to her team.

"Hi, my mommies talk a lot about you, it's a pleasure to meet all of you." Janie shyly said burying her head in Jane's shoulder waving at the team.

"Yes, it's a pleasure to see you again." Maura finally spoke holding Jane's hand.

"Yeah right." Frankie Jr groaned looking at her with despite.

Standing in the middle of the coffee shop surrounded by her mother, Korsak, Frost and Frankie Jane could feel the tension. She knew that none of them were ready to give Maura a second chance and she didn't want her daughter to witness the reunion .

"Hey Janie how about we go into the kitchen, I made your favorite muffins." Angela offered seeing the tension as well.

"Can I go mommy?"

"Sure you can. "Jane replied releasing the little girl who immediately ran towards Angela.

"She's calling you mommy?You must be kidding me." Frankie laughed.

"Yeah and soon she's going to call you uncle Frankie so get used to it."

"Detective Frost, I wanted to thank you for your help regarding Doyle and…"Maura started taking a step towards Frost.

"Don't apologize to me, I don't care why you're back or why you left. All I know is that my partner has been miserable for the past 4 years because of you. You better not leave again."

"I'm not planning too, we're here to stay."

"Yeah right."Frankie chucked her arms crossed on his chest avoiding eye contact.

"Frankie, it's very nice to see you again."

"It's Detective Rizzoli now. And I'm not happy to see you, Frost is right you have no business being here trying to apologize. Who the hell you think you are hum?"

"Knock it off !" Jane ordered her hand on her brother's chest trying to keep her from getting closer.

"Have you forgotten how she left you like an old sock?Cause I haven't. I remember you being unable to get out of bed for weeks and being miserable and pushing us away for the past 4 years."

"I know, I haven't forgotten but wether I choose to forgive her is my choice not yours."

"YOU, You left her, you broke her heart . If you think you can manipulate her and use your kid like that you're dead wrong!"Frankie hissed pointing his finger at Maura who was a step behind Jane .

"I said knock it off Frankie , she's with me now so you're going to show her some respect!"Jane demanded rising her voice.

"You're back with her?"

"Would you two please stop fighting!Frankie, please don't be mad at Jane. I'm the source of your anger so let it out on me , not on her." Maura said coming between them trying to strop them from arguing because of her.

"You're damn right I'm mad at you. We loved you, you were part of our family and you just left, you didn't just left Jane you left all of us. How important were we for you?"

"You were my family and I'm so very sorry for what I did, I know it's unforgettable and that nothing can justify my actions, but I'm willing to do everything I can to make things right with all of you."

"Come on Frankie, If I gave her a chance so can you."

"I can't I'm sorry I just can't."Frankie said storming out of the room followed by Frost.

"Just give him time, he's right you were like a sister to him." Korsak said.

"I know…" Maura nodded in a sob.

"Well I'm happy to see you Doc." Korsak enthusiastically stated hoping to bring a smile on Maura's face.

"I'm happy to see you too Detective Korsak, but aren't you mad at me?"

"Of course I am, but I have enough life experience to know that things aren't always what they seem to be. I'm sure you had your reasons to leave and if you want to talk about them I would be happy to help, but if Jane forgave you so can I." Korsak said walking towards Maura his arms wide opened.

"Thank you." Maura said hugging the older Detective.

Unlike his two younger partners Korsak didn't hate Maura, he sure was mad with her, but he had enough experience to know that life wasn't always as simple as we hope. He knew from experience that hate and resentment never lead anywhere and that if Jane had forgiven her it meant that she was genuinely remorseful for her action. he knew how stubborn Jane was and that if she forgave her it was because deserved it.

After seeing Frost and Frankie Jr stormed out of the cafe Jane, Maura, Janie, Angela and Korsak sat down to have a cup of coffe so they could catch up a bit.

Jane was right on one thing, Janie was like a little magnet and from the minute Korsak laid his eyes on her he never wanted to let her go. Sitting them with Korsak Maura started to feel that they might be a chance that Frankie and Frost might forgive her some day. Obviously she knew that it was their life experience and maturity that helped Korsak and Angela see things from a different angle but she was hoping that with time her two friends would at least give her a chance.

After having lunch at the cafe Jane and Maura went back home with their daughter. It was already 1 pm and little Janie was tired and immediately requested her daily nap. Right after putting her to bed Jane joined Maura in their bedroom knowing that this morning event must have been emotionally hard for Maura.

"Are you alright?" Jane asked as she climbed in bed and wrapped her arms around her.

"Yes, I was expecting those reactions, it's just hard for me to see how many people I hurt."

"I know, I hurt them too with my behavior, just give them time. For now about if we take a nap as well?It was a long morning."

"I want you to call your brother and make up with him, please."

"He completely disrespected you, don't expect me to apologize." Jane objected .

"Do you remember how you reacted when I knocked at your door?"

"I shut it at your face."

"Yes, you were in shock, you needed time to process and the second time we talked you were quite reluctant to hear my explanations, if I can recall properly."

"I remember. That's the way we Rizzoli are, we're stubborn and we're capable of holding grudges for a long time."

"Well, I'm willing to wait until your brother is ready to talk to me and let me explain myself but I will not let the two of you be mad at each other because of me. I think I caused enough damaged and pushed you away from each other enough . So please take your phone and call him, for me." Maura pouted.

"Alright. I'll go now." Jane groaned grabing her phone on her night table.

"I love you."

"I know I love you too." Jane replied kissing Maura's forehead.

As Jane was holding her phone in her hands she tried for a few minutes to find out what to say to her brother. Jane and Frankie had always been close, and when Frankie decided to join the force they grew even closer. When Maura left Jane completely shut herself down and isolated herself from her family. She refused to see her parents and Frankie outside of work. He tried over and over to cheer her up but nothing was working, her big sister was heart broken and there was nothing he could do about it. Frankie himself was heart broken and not only because his beloved sister was hurt. He always considered Maura as a awkward big sister who always took the time to explain things to him and who even helped him study for his Detective exam. Even if Jane and him were close having Maura in her life was different, he would come to see her when he had a date with a sophisticated woman and didn't know where to bring her or when he wanted to impress Jane at work. Yes, somehow Maura was the person Frankie turned too when he needed to talk about things he couldn't tell Jane or his mother. So obviously when Maura left without a word or a phone call he was heart broken too. After talking with Frankie on the phone Jane realized how hurt he had been too and that just like her he just needed time to process and to heal, but that he still loved Maura. Going back to her bedroom Jane knew that things weren't desperate that their lives were slowly going back to normal and that with time and patience they would all soon be a happy family again.

As Maura was waiting for Jane in their bedroom she couldn't help but feeling guilty about the argument that exploded between Jane and her brother. She knew that when she left Jane isolated herself from her family and now because of her the gap between them was even bigger. Maura knew that not only she needed to fix her relationship with Maura but also with the rest of the team and also Jane's relationship with them. Seeing how Angela and Korsak welcomed her and knowing that Frost and Frankie were only protecting Jane she was hoping that with time they would forgive her as well.

**So guys, I know you've been waiting for this for a long time. I think they all need time to forgive her...**

**I'm glad you like the direction this story is taking, I wrote the next few chapters so don't worry I won't stop now, the road is still long and they still have work to do.**

**As always thanks for the feedback!**


	20. Kindergarten

**Chapter 20:**

**Kindergarten**

Two months have now passed and it was the beginning of september. After a period of adaptation Jane, Maura and Janie finally got used to live together with Bass and Joe friday. Living together in such a small apartment was a challenge but no one seemed to bother. Jane and Maura had moved to the master bedroom while Janie had moved to the guest room that she decorated with her drawings and pictures of her and her two mommies or with her grand parents. Even if Jane was delighted to have her two women with her it was hard for her at first because she always lived on her own and wasn't used to arrange her schedule around other people, let alone a child. She was used to go to bed late, leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, forget about her laundry until she didn't have anything clean to wear. Obviously at first having to forget about her single woman's life style was challenging but it was worth it. Living with Maura and their daughter was the best thing that ever happened to her. Now every night instead of coming home to an empty apartment she got to go home to a warm home with Maura cooking in the kitchen and Janie watching tv or playing with Joe Friday. Jane never thought she would enjoy the domestic life so much, but she did, she enjoyed every second of it and making compromises to make it work wasn't a problem.

Shortly after Maura faced the team Jane decided to go back to work. Things were still tensed between Frankie, Korsak and Maura but they were a little more open and willing to forgive her every day. One of the reason was probably Jane's insistence to bring Maura and Janie to the weekly Rizzoli dinner. With Maura back in her life Jane was happy again and wanted to reconnect with her family, but she made sure to impose her relationship with her to Frankie . She wanted to make sure that he respected her choice and the woman she loved. Slowly Frankie started to listen to Maura, to talk to her again and understood the reasons that pushed her to leave. Things were still a bit shaky but they were going in the right direction.

Today was an important. It was Janie's first day of kindergarten. Knowing that being separated from her little girl would be hard for Maura, Jane had decided to take a day off to stay with her. Actually it was the perfect opportunity for them to spend some time together. Even if Jane loved Janie more than life itself she sometimes regretted to have to share Maura with her. Luckily for their relationship Angela always made sure to take Janie to sleep over at her house at least once a week so they could have some "mommy time", time they usually spent talking and rebuilding their relationship. They hadn't had sex yet and decided to wait until they were ready and until their relationship was completely healed. Even if they desired each other very much, neither of them were willing to rush into having sex. They wanted to do things right.

So that morning Maura had waken Janie up early, had given her a bath and had dressed her up for her first day of school. Knowing that Maura was probably dressing her like the perfect little girlie girl, Jane who was patiently waiting in the living room was secretly sympathize with her daughter.

"Nooooooo, I'm not wearing that." Janie yelled storming out of the bathroom running towards her mother's protective arms.

"Hey sweetie what's up with the screams?"

"Mommy, mommy help me. I can't go to school looking like this." Janie said tapping her foot on the floor.

"Alright first of all you need to calm down, second of all, you look wonderful in that little dress and those shoes are very nice." Jane grinned biting the inside of her cheek thinking that she looked ridiculous.

"You mother is right, your clothes are perfectly appropriate for your first day of school." Maura said coming towards her daughter with her hairbrush.

"But, I look like…like a girl!"Janie said agitating her fists in the air.

"You are a girl."

"Mommy, can you please explain to her?"Janie asked looking at Jane rolling her eyes.

"Sure. Well what Janie is trying to say is that she loves those dresses but wearing pants and sneakers would be more comfortable to go to school you know to play around…" Jane said trying her best to spare Maura's feelings.

"Alright, you win. Go into your room and pick up what you like." Maura sighed.

"Thank you mommy." Jane screamed rushing into Maura's arms before running towards her bedroom.

"See, she spends a summer with you and she already shares your taste in fashion."

"Don't worry about it, she's still your little girlie girl. She loves to play with her dolls and to dress up when we go have dinner at my parents' house. I told you the first I met her, she's your clone." Jane said snaking her arms around Maura's waist.

"I don't know about that, she does have 50% of my genes, but she also looks a lot like you, she's stubborn, loud, doesn't compromise easily, she apparently shares your tastes in fashion…"

"You make it sound so awful that she looks like me." Jan frowned offended.

"Let me finish. But she's also as funny, carrying and as smart as you are. "

"She's a perfect mix between the two of us, don't you think?" Jane smiled leaning her forehead against hers.

"She is." Maura nodded pressing her lips against hers.

About half an hour later the little family arrived in front of Janie's school.

After talking about it Jane and Maura decided that sending Janie to a private so soon would be a waste of money, so they enrolled her in a public school ideally situated between their home and the station. As Jane was releasing her from her car seat Maura stayed outside the car standing in silence.

"Why is mommy not talking?" Janie asked her thumb in her mouth.

"Well, today is a very special day and we are a little bit sad." Jane explained taking her in her arms taking her off the car.

"Why? I'm going to make new friends."

"I know but ever since you were born your mommy and you stayed together and she's not used to be separated from you. You understand?"

"She's going to miss me?"

"Yes and so will I, but we're very happy for you and we're sure you're going to make a lot of friends, just give your mommy some time okay?"

"Can you stay with her today if she's sad?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm not going to work. Now go give your mommy a hug." Jane said pushing the little girl towards her mother.

"Don't be sad mommy I'm going to make new friends and learn a lot of new things." Janie said jumping in her mother's arms as she kneeled in front of her.

"I know sweetie. I remember when you were born, you were so little, but now you're a big girl and I'm proud of you, now go meet your teacher, she's waving at you." Maura said holding her daughter tight before finally letting her go.

As Maura was watching her daughter entering the playground she couldn't help but thinking about the day she was born. She was indeed so little and fragile and she almost die with her. Standing there Maura realized that her little girl wasn't a baby anymore. She was getting smarter everyday and was already showing her own personality. Maura knew how important school was but as every mother she wished she wouldn't have to let her go so soon.

"Hey, she's going to be okay. I promise." Jane said standing behind Maura resting her head on her shoulder as they both watch her enter the class room.

"I know, it's just hard for me to let her go and to trust someone else with her."

"I know and I ran a complete background check on her teacher, she's in good hands, now let's go, it's a beautiful day and we won't spend it in front of our daughter's school, that would be creepy." Jane said dragging Maura towards their car.

"What if she needs me?"

"The teacher will call us, come on let's go to the park."

"I would prefer go home if you don't mind…"

"I do mind, we're not spending the day home when we can spend it outside enjoying the weather."

"Alright…"

So Jane and Maura decided to take a walk in their favorite park. As they were lying on the grass enjoying the sun, Maura's head resting on her belly Jane thought it was the perfect moment to bring up a subject they never discussed until now.

"Have you considered going back to work?"Jane asked running her fingers trough Maura's hand.

"Do you think I should?"

"I don't know, but I was thinking with me at work and Janie at school you're going to be alone at home all day and that's not healthy, you need to go out, see other people."

"I thought you liked having me home."

"I have to confess that I do enjoy having a nice meal prepared when I come home at night after a hard day of work, but this is not you. You're not the domestic type, you love your job and you're the best at it."

"I thought you would want me to stay home…"

"Of course not. I know I'm italian, but I'm not that old fashion. What I want is for you to be happy and I know that spending your days home cooking and doing the laundry isn't you. I want you to be yourself okay?"

"Okay, well I can't consider going back to be a Medical Examiner, the hours are too long."

"I know and I would lie if I told you I didn't want you to come back work with us, but you're right the hours are crazy and Janie needs one of us at home when she gets out of school. "

"Exactly, you're right I miss working but our daughter is my priority and I won't neglect her just to fulfill my professional ambitions."

"I know, do you have any idea what you might want to do?How about teaching?"

"That would be a great idea, I would love to teach at my old medical school. I have to do some research and see what opportunities I have."

"With your qualifications and experience not to mention reputation I'm sure you could find any job you want."

"I know that I have the luxury to choose my line of work, and that I can take my time."

"Exactly, you don't need the money so you can take as much time as you need. Have you ever thought about practicing medicine you know on living creatures?"

"Not really, as you know I did some voluntary work with Medecins sans frontieres but I never thought about making a career out of it. My dream has always been to be a pathologist you know."

"I know, well take your time and what ever you decide I will support you and if you need me to cut off my work hours a bit more I will okay?"

"You already sacrificed so much for us. I mean we literally barge into your life and made you change your habits. You've been so understanding and adaptable thank you."

"Don't thank me. I have to say that I never pictured myself with a family, you know I always enjoyed the single life with no responsibilities, no compromise. But my priorities have changed now. You know I used to stay at work until I closed the case but now, when it's dinner time, all I want is to drive home to you and our daughter. I don't want to ever miss diner or bed time you know."

"I know, but if we want to be realistic you're going to miss dinners and bedtimes, but I know you'll always make sure that it doesn't happen too often."

"You can trust me on that."

Around 4 O'clock Jane and Maura picked up their daughter at her school and spent the rest of the day listening to her talking about her fantastic teacher, her new friends . As they were putting Janie to bed Maura realized that Jane was right : she needed to go back to work. Up until now Janie stayed with her at home so her days were pretty busy but with her attending school her days would be empty. Thinking about it Maura had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She was once a Chief Medical Examiner and was ambitious and carreer driven but she changed when Janie was born. She made her daughter her priority and hasn't practice medecine in over 4 years. Jane was right maybe she could teach or practice medecine on leaving creatures. The only thing Maura was sure of was that she couldn't be an ME anymore, the hours were too long and it was too depressing. The dark side of this job never bothered her before but now that she was a mom she wanted to surround herself with life not death. Luckily with her qualitifcations, experience and reputation she knew she would easily find a job, the only thing she had to decide was what kind of job she wanted.

**So guys what do you think?As always feedback and ideas are welcome!**


	21. The proposal

**Chapter 21:**

**The proposal:**

A week after Janie's first day of school Maura finally got used to the idea of leaving her baby in a stranger's hands. After her discussion with Jane she came to realize that she needed to go back to work. Even if she found herself extremely happy being a housewife and taking care of her woman and her daughter, Jane was right she needed to see other people and to get out of their apartment.

That friday morning Maura while shopping at the market met an old friend who made her an offer that she couldn't possibly refuse and she couldn't wait to tell Jane.

Lucky for her friday was the day when Angela usually took Janie for a sleep over so she knew they would have the entire evening and night to talk about it and celebrate.

When Jane arrived home that night a bit later than usual she found Maura in their bedroom signing , visibly happy.

"Someone is happy." Jane said standing in the door way .

"How long have been spying on me?" Maura replied a bit embarrassed.

"Long enough, would you mind telling me what makes you so happy?"

"No,please have a won't believe what happened today." Maura said inviting Jane to sit on their beds.

"I will if you tell me."

"I was at the market today when I ran into an old friend of mine whom I know from medical school. He's a trauma surgeon here in Boston and when he father died last year he used his inheritance to start a foundation and he opened several free clinics ."

"Let me guess he offered you a job?"

"Yes. It's a great opportunity for me to go back to practice medicine, not to mention the hours are flexible so I can accommodate my schedule around Janie's needs. It's perfect."

"You certainly seem enthusiastic."

"I am, you know after years of being surrounded by death I want to go back to practice medicine with the livings."

"I understand, being a medical examiner can be depressing, but I always thought you liked it, speaking for the dead, giving them justice."

"I did, but I can't be surrounded by death anymore, maybe I became more sensitive since I became a mother I don't know, all I know is that I haven't practiced medicine since my time with Medecins sans frontieres and that I'm excited by the challenge it represents."

"Fair enough, I just always thought you would come back to work with me." Jane said her head down her hands on both her legs.

"Please don't take it personally. You know how much I enjoyed working with you in the past, but I thought we talked about this and decided that it was best for our family that found a position with more flexible hours."

"I know, but we can work on that, as the Chief Medical Examiner it's your prerogative to delegate your work right?"

"Jane..." Maura sighed reaching out for Jane's hand.

Seeing Jane's reaction, Maura understood that Jane was expecting her to go back to the Medical Examiner office, that she really wanted things to go back the way they used to be. Unfortunately for Maura this wasn't a possibility that she wanted to considered, not that she didn't miss working with Jane but her life and desires were different now and it was up to her to make Jane understand it without hurting her feelings

"I'm sorry, I just thought you needed time to get back on your feel and to work on your relationship with the guys but that you would eventually come back."

"Oh Jane, I'm sorry. I just think that it's better that we separate our professional and personal lives."

"Why?You didn't seem to have a problem with us working together before."

"I know but things are different now. We're still working on our relationship and you said it yourself : we need our own space and avoid being on each others' back."

"I know what I said, well I guess if you prefer to work with your "Friend" there's nothing I can do to make you change your mind right?" Jane grunted she stood up and started walking towards the door.

"Is this what this about?You're jealous?" Maura said as she grabbed her girlfriend's arm not willing to let her turn her back on her without proper explanation.

"No, I'm not. I'm just...you know what forget about it. Go work at his clinic, as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"You're obviously not happy, please talk to me." Maura insisted pulling Jane against her not releasing her grip on her arms.

"How am I supposed to be happy when you choose some guy over me?"

"I'm not choosing him, I'm considering accepting the position he offered me, it's nothing personal . Are you doubting my loyalty?"

"No, I'm questioning your desire to be with me. I feel...I feel that all you see in me is a mother for your daughter, not a girlfriend or a lover…And the fact that you don't even want to work with me comforts me in that feeling. " Jane replied standing in the middle of their bedroom her arms crossed on her chest protecting her.

"I'm sorry that I have been focusing on our daughter so much. You know I love you and that I see you as the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. If it's so important for you, I'll go back to the Medical examiner's office."Maura said snaking her arms around the taller's woman waist.

"No, I'm sorry. Ever since you came back I couldn't help but noticing that you lost that flame you had your eyes that made you such a happy and over enthusiastic woman. I'm happy to see you so excited about something again, I just wished it was because of me not because of some guy who offered you a job…"

"Oh Jane, please don't think for one second that my current happiness isn't exclusively caused by you. For the past 3 months you literally brought me back to life. I'm smiling because of you,and because of the wonderful family we built together, not because of some job offer, offer that I will not accept if it makes you doubt me or yourself."

"I'm just still scared of loosing you again. I wasn't there when you decided to leave me and I couldn't stop you. I just … I just thought that by working with you again and by being with you 24/7 I will be more likely to be there if you ever doubt us again you know."

"Even if we worked together again, you wouldn't be able to be with me constantly. You have to trust me when I say that I don't want to leave you ever again and that if I ever have doubts I will talk to you about it."

"I know, I just need time to let my guard down. Just tell me you never slept with him."

"I never slept with him and before you asked he knows that I'm with you and that we have a daughter. You have nothing to worry about." Maura said pressing her warm lips against Jane's forehead pulling her back in bed.

"I know, just give me some time to get used to the way things are now. In the mean time tell me more about this job."

"Okay."

As Jane was listening to Maura she realized that things have been easy for the past few months. Maura stayed home all day, so she knew she wasn't going to meet someone else. Now it was time to stop living in a bubble and go back to real life. A life where Maura would go back to work, meet people and might be tempted. Jane knew that she would have to trust Maura , her love and commitment to her . Even if she was scared to death to see Maura being more independent Jane knew that she had no choice but to trust her. She knew that she needed to give her a chance, that doubting her would only make Maura doubt herself and after spending the past 3 months trying to make Maura forgive herself and of helping her regain her self confidence, that was something Jane wasn't willing to risk.

On the other hand Maura realized that even if they lived together with their daughter Jane was still scared. At first Maura didn't understand why Jane was still doubting her, she had moved in with her, she had practically made her adopt her daughter...After considering it Maura realized that as supportive Jane was with her, she was still hurt and that she would probably carry a small doubt with her for a long time. Maura knew that she needed to be patient and that she would need to reaffirm her commitment to Jane constantly until she finally trusts her completely. She knew it would take time, especially considering Jane's jealous temper, but she didn't care, after all she put Jane through that least she could do was to be patient with her.

As the two women had dinner and celebrated Maura's new job Jane felt that things were finally coming into place, that they were finally starting to have a normal life again. Maura had found a new job that she was very excited about, Janie had just started school and after an adaptation period, they finally found their marks and were living in perfect harmony in Jane's apartment. Unfortunately there was something that was still missing in their relationship, something that Jane never dared to bring up: Sex. Yes, after almost 3 months of dating Maura and Jane still hadn't had sex. Obviously Jane was burning of desire for Maura, who could blame her?After 4 years of not seeing Maura and fantasizing about holding her she needed to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her skin under her tongue. Unfortunately Maura wasn't ready yet. Jane knew that it was because of her scars, that she wasn't comfortable with her own body anymore. That was something Jane wasn't accustomed to because as far as she could remember Maura had always been so comfortable in her body, walking around the house naked, or changing on front of her when they were only friends. Jane knew that it would take time for Maura to accept her body with the scars and she was willing to give her that time and to prove to her that she still found her attractive. Unfortunately as patient, loving and understanding as Jane was willing to be it was hard for her to see Maura reject her every time she tried to touch her. Jane knew that was something they would definitely need to talk about, but right now things were good, Maura was happy and after all the drama they went through, she didn't want to ruin that happiness.

**So guys, I feel that ever since I revealed the identity of Janie's father you lost interest...A lot of secrets and dramas are yet to be revealed!So show me some support and interest!**

**Also go read my story " Broken"**

**I don't think I say it enough: you guys are the best!**


	22. Legal rights

**Chapter 22:**

**Legal rights:**

It's now been two weeks Maura since started to work at the free clinic with her friend. After both Maura and Jane explained the situation to Janie the little girl started to get used to idea of having a working mom. At first she thought her mommy didn't want to stay home because she didn't want to be with her anymore. Once she understood that it didn't change anything and that Maura would still pick her up at school and spend a lot of time with her Janie started to came to realize that her mommy was lonely at home and that she needed to see other adults.

Unfortunately Maura had to start early to be able to get off at 4pm to pick her up at school so it was Jane who every morning woke her daughter up, dressed her up and took her to school. Luckily Jane didn't mind, she actually enjoyed watching her sleep for a little while before waking her up and spending some quality time with her before dropping her at school.

Jane was a bit scared at first that Maura would work too much and neglect her and their daughter, but it was the opposite. Maura was so happy to be working again that she was more joyful at home and less depressed which facilitated the transition.

That day Jane, Korsak and Frost were working on a double murder case and were interviewing a witness at his home when Jane received a phone call.

"Detective Rizzoli." Jane mechanically said picking up her phone.

"Hi, this is Mrs Alden Janie's teacher…"

"Did something happened?"

"Yes, but nothing serious don't worry. Janie tripped in the stairs at school and she cut her leg."

"God, is she alright?" Jane replied panicked.

"She is, but we had to have her transported to the ER and she might need some sutures, I'm very sorry, the kids were running and she tripped. I should have contained them better." The young teacher apologized.

"It's not your fault you got 25 of them. Okay, call Maura, I'll be right there."

"I tried and she's not answering her cell phone, can you please make sure she gets to the hospital?"

"Yes. Thank you for calling me." Jane mumbled hanging up.

Even if she knew that nothing bad had happened her heart was hammering her chest and she could barely breath. The thought of her little girl lying in a hospital bed by herself was unbearable, and Maura wasn't picking up her phone.

"Something wrong?" Frost asked .

"Yeah, it's Janie, she tripped in the stairs at school and opened her leg. I have to drive to the hospital." Jane replied walking towards their car.

"Sure, let me drive so you can call Maura."

"Thanks." Jane replied throwing him the keys.

As they were driving towards the hospital Jane tried to call Maura several times and left her messages, but she didn't reply.

As Frost was driving he could see on his partner face how worried she was.

Only a few months ago Jane was completely depressed and hermetic to any kind of emotions but now thanks to this little girl she went back to be the carrying and loving person she used to be before Maura left.

After half an hour of burning every light in the city Jane finally arrived at the hospital.

Jane knew that hospital, she went there often to visits victims, witnesses or even suspects so when she arrived at the reception the clerk recognized her immediately.

"Detective Rizzoli, what brings you here today?"

"My…My daughter has been brought here, she opened her legs at school." Jane explained trying to catch her breath.

"What's her name?"

"Jane Isles, she's 4 and half." Jane replied.

"Yes, she's in exam room 2." The clerk replied looking at his board.

"Thank you." Jane said running toward the exam room.

When Jane stepped into the room Janie was with a young female Doctor sitting on a bed screaming and crying.

"Mommy, mommy!" Jane yelled as she saw Jane entering the room.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"Jane said rushing towards her daughter.

"I'm sorry, I was running and I fell."Janie sobbed wiping the tears of her face with her sleeve.

"It's okay sweetheart, it was an accident."Jane said holding her daughter against her running her fingers through her hair.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Taylor. I'm sorry I'm a bit confused Janie told me her mommy was a Doctor." The young Doctor said looking at Jane's gun.

"Yes, she's volunteering at a clinic downtown , I called her she should be here soon. I'm Detective Rizzoli."Jane replied shaking the Doctor's hand.

"She's my other mommy, I told you I don't have a daddy." Janie added annoyed that the Young Doctor didn't understand her explanations.

"Oh I see, I'm sorry. Well, Janie needs stitches. I cleaned the wound but she refuses to let me stitch her up or to give her an injection for the pain. For now the adrenaline rush is keeping her from feeling the pain, but soon it will awake."

"I know, Maura should be here soon, she'll take care of the stitches."

"I'm sorry, but as Janie's physician, I can not agree to wait until her mother gets here. She needs treatment now, so can you please talk to her or hold her so I can stitch her up." The young Doctor instructed talking with such a superior attitude.

"And I, as Janie's mother am telling you to back off and wait for Maura now please leave us alone." Jane groaned rising her eyebrows as the young but bold Doctor.

"Have you legally adopted her?Because from the information I have here Dr Isles is the one allowed to make medical decisions for her and until she gets here, I will be the one making the decisions for her, or maybe you would prefer that we call the social services?"

"You…" Jane rasped trying to contain herself in front of her daughter."Janie is my daughter I don't care what her birth certificates says. Now I'm asking this one last time. Back the hell off."

As the two woman were staring at each other ready to go at each other's throats like two pit bulls Maura finally arrived.

"Mommy, you're here." Janie said as she saw her mommy stepping into the room.

"Yes, sweetie, I was in a meeting, I'm sorry. What happened?" Maura said going straight to her daughter's knee.

"I was running and I fell, I'm sorry." Janie replied shrugging her shoulders, visibly embarrassed.

"It's alright, it was an accident. Does it hurt?"

"No it doesn't. Can you fix me up mommy?"

"Yes, just give me a minute." Maura said as she turned towards Jane and her daughter.

"Dr Isles, I'm Doctor Taylor. As I was explaining to Detective Rizzoli Janie needs stitches but she wouldn't let me either stitch her up or give her anything for the pain. Detective Rizzoli refused to help me contain her and preferred that we waited for you."

"Yes, thank you. I'm going to look at the wound. Would you call the head to plastic upstairs and tell them you need him for a consult, Dr Thompson right?"

"It's just a simple cut …"

"I know but I want him to have a look at it, I won't let my daughter scarred for life. Now please pick up the phone and call him, tell him I required him personally and he'll come." Maura insisted not liking the tone and the attitude the young blonde was showing.

"I'm sorry Maura, Janie didn't want her to touch her and she's not in any pain right now so I asked her to wait for you." Jane explained hoping Maura wouldn't be mad at her for delaying her treatment.

"No you were right. I don't want a resident to touch our daughter. The adrenaline rush is keeping her from experiencing any pain at the moment . She should be fine until Dr Thompson arrives."

"Yes, you know that B... had the nerve to tell me that as I wasn't Janie's legal parent I couldn't make any medical decision and threatened to call social services."

As Jane was explaining the situation to Maura the young Doctor stepped in after making that phone call.

"You, what are you?Third year?" Maura asked rising her voice.

"Yes."

"You threaten my daughter's mom to call social services?"Maura demanding feeling the anger running through her veins.

"Yes, I'm sorry but she wanted to delay the treatment and her file lists you as the legal parent, not her."

"Do you have any idea how disrespectful that was?Not to mention stupid?"

"I'm sorry Doctor, but the law is the law."

"Yes and my father is a member of the board of this hospital. One phone call and I can have your residency here terminated. Now get the hell out." Maura ordered showing the door.

"As you wish. Dr Thompson will take over shortly." The young woman replied looking down at the floor as she walked through the door closing it behind her.

"I'm so sorry Jane, she had no right to threaten you like that."

"We'll talk about this later okay?"

"Yes. So sweetie, a friend of mine is going to come here and fix you up." Maura explained as she sat in front of her daughter examining the wound.

"Why can't you do it?"

"Because this Doctor is a special Doctor and will do the stitches without leaving a scar. You don't want to have a scar on your beautiful knee right?" Maura asked.

"No…But I'm scared mommy, it's going to hurt like when I broke my tooth."

"Hey sweetie look at me. See those marks on my hands?"Jane asked showing off the scars Hoyt gave her years ago.

"Yes."

"They're quite ugly right?Well if Dr Thompson would have fixed me up I wouldn't have those scars. I know it's going to hurt a little bit, but I will be right here holding your hand."

"You promise mommy?"

"Yes."

A few minutes later Maura's friend was stitching her up. It hurt, but Janie remained quiet trying to be strong and be a big girl. She felt safe in Jane's arms and didn't care that she wasn't legally her mommy, she loved her, was holding her through the pain and she loved her as much as she loved Maura.

Right after Dr Thompson fixed her up Jane and Maura brought her home and put her to bed. After such a scare the little girl was exhausted and fell quickly asleep.

Maura and Jane sat there on her bed, in silence watching her sleep thinking that they loved her more than their own lives and that they would do anything to keep her from experiencing pain but knowing that unfortunately sometimes, she would fall and get hurt.

"I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone when the teacher called me." Maura apologized as they closed the door leaving Janie asleep.

"It's okay, you arrived 5 minutes after me. That's what I'm here for. I can't believe that bitch was going to call social services on me. What if she had needed a operation?What would she have done?Refuse my consent just because I'm not legally her mom?" Jane asked visibly angry at the Doctor.

"Yes, she wouldn't have been allowed to ask for your consent, she would have had to have two of her attendings sign the consent. "

"Gee Maura, how stupid is that? I feed her, I bath her, I help her get dressed in the morning and I put her to bed every night. She's my daughter, I love her." Jane mumbled tears in her voice.

"I know. I think we should do something about your legal situation." Maura said wrapping her arms around Jane.

"What do you mean?"

"Would you like to adopt her?" Maura asked feeling her heart beating fast.

As she was standing in the middle of Jane's living room Maura had no doubt that Janie loved Jane as a daughter and that Janie loved her a mother. She knew that those two were soul mates and that there was no reason not to make things official. Maura saw how scared Jane was and how protective and carrying she acted today. Jane was Janie's mother and she couldn't let any one tell her otherwise, so she asked her to adopt sealing the three of them as a real family.

Hearing Maura's words Jane couldn't believe it. She knew that Maura considered her as Janie's mother and that no matter what happened between them she wanted her to be a part of her life, but she never expected her to have the desire to make things official.

"Are…Are you sure?"

"Yes. You're her mother, and we need to make it official so no one can deny your the rights to make decisions for her. Ian gave up his parental rights on her, so nothing is stopping us from doing this. Well expect if you don't want to of course."

"No, Of course not, are you crazy?Yes I would love to adopt her. I want us to be a real family and I don't want anyone to tell me I'm not her mother." Jane replied tears streaming down her face.

"Good." Maura smiled pressing her lips against hers.

Hearing Jane's answer Maura never felt so happy. Accepting to adopt Janie was the biggest commitment Jane could have made to them. Maura knew that they still had things to work on, but knowing that Jane was willing to make that commitment she realized that she loved her and wanted to spend the rest of her life with her and Janie, no matter what happened in the past. Jane was finally moving on and thinking about their future and their family . Even if she was aware that there was still some bumps to overcome before their relationship could be completely healed, Maura felt relieved to see how committed Jane was and how much she believed in them.

**So guys, This was unexpected . I always wanted Jane to adopt Janie, but I had no idea when. This idea just popped into my head and I just had to write it . I started and let my fingers run on the keyboards only when it was over.**

**What do you thinK?**

**I'm super excited about it?How about you?**

**As always feedback and reviews encourage me!**


	23. The adoption

**Chapter 23:**

**The adoption:**

The next day was a saturday and thanks to Frost's big mouth Jane knew that the entire clan would probably come to visit to make sure Janie was. Around 11 am Janie, still exhausted and in shock was sleeping and Maura and Jane were having a late breakfast after spending the night with Janie watching her sleep.

As they were having breakfast Jane and Maura started to talk about the adoption and what it meant for them.

"So, are you sure you want to do this?I mean this is a big commitment even bigger than marriage." Maura shyly asked hoping that Jane wouldn't change her mind.

"Of course I am. I want to commit to you and to Janie. I don't want you to ever feel that I might leave you or that I haven't forgiven you. I want to put the past behind us and think about our future alright?" Jane replied holding Maura's hands.

"Alright, I will call my lawyer next week so we can start the process. "

"Good. God, I don't want to find myself in a position where some pretentious bitch tells me I can't make decisions for my own ' 's so funny?" Jane asked seeing the smile on Jane's face.

"Your daughter?"

"Our daughter. " Jane grinned.

"I love how protective you have over her and that you love her even if you never made the decision to have her."

"The best things in life come unexpected right?"

"I believe so."

"So how does this work exactly?Will she take my name ?"

"You would like that?"

"Yeah…I mean I would like my …our daughter to have my name just like I would like you to take it if we ever get married. I'm sorry it's a guy thing I guess…."

"No, I understand and I think Isles- Rizzoli sounds pretty good."

"I couldn't agree more." Jane smiled leaning over to kiss Maura.

As Maura and Jane were kissing they were interrupted by the entire clan knocking at their door.

"Must be your family." Maura smiled breaking the kiss.

"Gee, privacy is only a concept to them not a reality." Jane complained walking towards the door.

When Jane opened the door here they were: Frost, Korsak, Angela and Frankie Jr baring cookies and gifts for the little princess.

"Please be quiet she's still sleeping." Jane ordered inviting them in.

"How is my little angel?" Angela asked.

"She's fine it was only a light laceration on her knee. I had my friend who's the head of the plastic surgery department suture her and she won't even have a scar." Maura explained opening her arms to her mother in law.

For the past few months Angela and Janie had developed a strong grand mother/grand daughter relationship.

From the moment Angela met Janie Angela started treating her like her grand child. Unlike Jane she always knew that Maura would come back and when she did she knew that it was only a matter of time before they got back together, so she naturally welcomed Janie into her family.

"Actually now that you're all here Maura and I have something to tell you. Can we?" Jane said looking at Maura for approval.

"Yes, would you please have a seat?"Maura continued leading their guests to the living room.

"So…Something happened when I was at the hospital, something neither Maura and I liked."

"Yes. When Jane arrived at the hospital the Pediatrician who was taking care of Janie was struggling to keep her immobile so she could suture her." Maura explained.

"Yes, she was probably scared to death and she wanted her mommy to fix her up." Korsak said .

"Exactly, when Jane arrived she refused to hold her down and force her to be quiet and suggested that they waited for me to arrive."

"And that..Bitch said that Janie's school file listed Maura as legal parent, not me so I didn't have the authority to make any kind of medical decision. If Maura hadn't arrive a few minutes after me she would have called social services."

"That's ridiculous, you love that child like if she were your own flesh and blood." Korsak said rising his voice scandalized .

"I know, we all know that Jane and Janie shared a true mother/daughter bond, but unfortunately she has no legal rights on her." Maura continued .

"Yes, if anything happened to Maura or if Janie needed an operation and Maura wasn't there I wouldn't be able to make any decisions. "

"And I think that's not the way things should be. So I asked Jane if she wanted to legally adopt Janie and she said yes."Maura proudly announced knowing how happy Angela would be.

"So she's going to become a Rizzoli?"Angela asked.

"Yes,Well Isles- Rizzoli, but yeah…You're gonna officially be her grand mother and you Frankie her uncle."

"You know we don't need a piece of papers to consider her as family." Frankie replied looking at Maura.

For the past months Frankie had put his pride aside and had agreed to listen to Maura's story and to give her a chance. Now even if things were still a bit shaky Frankie considered Maura as a friend again and Janie as member of their clan.

"I know little brother, just like I don't need a piece of paper to consider her my daughter but we need to do it for legal reasons."

"I know and I'm happy for you guys, after all you've been through you deserve it and now I get to be the cool uncle."

That afternoon after the clan left the little family spent the afternoon on the couch watching movies, Janie sitting between her two mommies.

Janie was still in shock and remained quiet the entire day and barely complained when Jane put her to bed.

"So sweetie before you go to bed your mommy and I have something to tell you."Jane said pulling the blanket all the way up to her chin making sure she wasn't cold.

"Okay." Janie sighed sucking her thumb.

"Well…you know that your mommy loves you very much, but that she didn't carry you in her belly…"

"Yes…"Janie frowned completely lost.

"And because I wasn't here when you were born I never got the chance to signs the papers to make you my daughter. "

"But I don't understand I love you, you're my mommy, why do you need to sign papers?"

"Because the law says that because I didn't carry you in my tummy I need to sign those papers so you can have my name and be my daughter."

"I'm going to have the same name as you?"

"Yes, once I sign the papers you will be a Rizzoli."

"Mommy you hear that?"

"Yes, and technically you're going to be an Isles-Rizzoli."Maura replied insisting or that point.

"Well yeah I don't think your grand father Mr Isles would appreciate that his only grand daughter takes someone else's name."

"He's a snob."Janie replied.

"Janie!" Maura hissed scandalized that her daughter even knew such a word.

"What?That's what uncle Frankie said."

"Yeah, I'll talk to him. I'm sorry." Jane replied trying to keep her serious face.

"Well yes…Anyway darling it's time for you to sleep. "

"Okay goodnight mommies." Janie smiled .

That Maura and Jane went to bed over excited at the thought of being a family.

On one side Jane was finally able to believe that Maura would never leave her again and on the other side Maura was finally able to believe that Jane had forgiven her. Both women could finally look at the future peacefully and start making projects for the future knowing that no one or nothing would ever come between them.

So the next week Jane and Maura went to see her lawyer so they can start the procedure. He explained to her that unfortunately it wouldn't be as easy as it was for Ian to give up his parental rights. He explained that Jane would have to see a social worker that would visit their place and determined if Jane was fit to raise Janie , and then report to a judge that would make his decision but that it would obviously only be a formality , that it was obvious Jane loved that little girl.

That saturday morning was a busy morning at the Rizzoli-Isles residence, Maura was baking Janie's favorite cookies while Jane and Janie were giving a bath to Joe Friday. Around 11 am as Maura was finishing cleaning the kitchen some they didn't expect so early knocked at their door.

"Hi, my name is Emily, I'm with social services, I'm looking for Maura Isles." The young woman said as Maura opened the door.

"I'm Doctor Isles please come in." Maura said shaking the social worker's hand before letting her in.

"Thank you."

"Please excuse the mess I was baking ." Maura apologized trying to clean herself up with a kitchen towel.

"Don't worry, I apologize for coming unannounced, but I was in the neighborhood and a meeting was cancelled so I figured I might as well visit you."

"Don't worry, it's perfect , please sit, let me get Jane."

"Certainly."

So Maura walked towards the bathroom trying to hide her anxiety. Both Maura and Jane knew the social worker would visit but they expected a phone call first. Even if there was no doubt Jane loved the little girl Maura was still worried that the Judge would deny her the right to adopt her.

"Hey mommy look Zoe friday looks better now, and she smells good too."

"I see that sweetie, how about you finish drying her up, Jane come with me please we have a visitor."Maura asked looking at Jane who was on the floor with Joe Friday and Janie.

"Do you mean THE visitor?"

"Yes, she's in our living room."

"Okay, I won't be long sweetie finish without me."

"Yes mommy."Janie replied as she continue to rub Joe Friday in a large towel to dry him up.

"Hey, don't worry, everything is going to be okay, I love you." Jane said holding Maura's hand kissing her forehead as they walked towards the living room.

"I know, I love you too."

"Hi, I'm Emily, it's nice to meet you Jane."

"Nice to meet you too. Would you like something to drink?"Jane politely offered trying to hide her nervously as well.

"I'm fine thanks, but I would like to talk to you alone, if that's Okay with you Maura."

"Sure. I'll go supervise Janie. Please behave."Maura teased kissing Jane.

"And you, do not on under any circumstances put things in my dog's hair to make her look like a doll okay?"

"I won't."Maura smiled kissing Jane before leaving the two women alone.

"I apologize, I'm...wet we were giving our dog a bath."

"Janie must love having a dog."

"Yes, well she was raised with Maura's turtle... tortoise but I must say she gets along pretty well with my dog."

"So every one is getting along well?"

"Well I suppose things were a bit shaky at first, you know moving in with new people, you have to adapt to a new life styles, make compromises but I think we figured things out and now things are running as smoothly as they possibly could." Jane explained looking at the note pad the social worker had on her lap.

"How long the 3 of you have been living together?"

"Mmm, about 3 and half months now. When Maura came back I offered her to stay with me for a while and she never left."

"From what I can read on your file Maura decided to leave town when she found out she was pregnant..."

"Yes, we were dating for about a month at the time but we were best friends for years, I'm sure she won't mind talking to you about the reasons that made her leave but we would rather not talk about the past and focus on our future. We had problems, we work through them and we're now as close as we used to be ."

"I understand, being appart for so long must have been hard."

"It was, Maura is the love of my life and I was hurt, I still am actually but as I said living with resentment isn't healthy and we love each other you know."

"I can see that. So can you please tell me a bit more about Janie, when did you found out about her?"

"When Maura came back. She visited me and I must say I wasn't really opened to talk to her, but later I visited her at her hotel and Janie opened the door. I think it was pretty much love at first sight, for the both of us."

"Did she know who you were?"

"She did, Maura not only named her after me but she also told her everything about me and my family so she basically loved me before she even met me. And now I'm the one who's crazy about her. 4 months ago I didn't know she even existed but now I can't imagine myself without her. I know I wasn't here when she was born and that I wasn't here for the first few years of her life, but I feel like a mother and I know she feels like my daughter."

"Do you feel adopting her legally would bring you closer and would legitimate your relationship?"

"No, I don't need to sign a piece a paper to know that I'm her mother just like I don't need to marry Maura to consider her as my wife. No matter what happens and no matter what the judge decides they're my family and no one can ever change that."

"May I ask why you want to adopt her then?"

"Well about 10 days ago she hurt herself at school, she fell and opened her knee and had to be transported at the ER. Maura wasn't reachable so the teacher called me. When I arrived at the hospital Janie was scared and didn't want the pediatrician to touch her. I suggested to wait until Maura arrived and the...jerk told me I couldn't make any medical decisions because I wasn't her legal parent. "

"She was right."

"I know but my daughter was scared and she asked me to basically hold her down so she could stitch her up against her will. Luckily Maura arrived a few minutes later but it made me realized that if anything happened to her I didn't have the right to make decisions for her you know..."

"I understand your point and becoming her legal parents seems to be the most responsible thing to do."

"It is, but you know as I said no matter what happens she's my daughter, I wake her up every morning, I take her to school, I put a roof over her head. I love her and I would cut myself in half before seeing anything happen to her."

"You certainly seemed very devoted."

"I am. I was single for a long time and I never really pictured myself with a family, you know having to make compromise, changing my life style. But now I can't imagine being without my family. I know I wasn't born to be a mom like Maura was but I became a mom when I met my daughter."

"I understand you're a Detective, you must work long hours, how do you conciliate your family life with your job?"

"Well I work a lot and I love my job but I always try to be home at night at reasonable hours and even if I sometimes miss diner and bath time I always make sure to be home to put her to bed. I also do my best not to work on week ends and so does Maura so we usually spend the week end together."

"Well things are never perfect but as long as you find a good compromise you should be fine."

"Absolutely."

"Mommy, mommy!Look Zoe Friday looks like a princess now." Janie yelled as she ran towards Jane, Joe Friday in her arms followed by Maura.

"I can see that." Jane groaned looking up at Maura.

"Who is this lady mommy?" Janie shyly asked climbing on Jane's lap.

"My name is Emily, I came to visit your mommies today and I would like to talk to you for a little while if you don't mind."

"You're the social worker?"

"I am. Do you know why I'm here?"Emily asked surprise that the 5 years old knew who she was.

"Yes mommy told me that you would come some day. Mommy says that if I want to take her name she needs to sign some papers and to do that she needs to talks with you." Janie proudly explained.

"That's right, so Janie, you like leaving here in Boston?"

"Yes, it's cold but it's nice and I won't have to be away from my mommy ever again, she promised you know." Janie replied patting Joe Friday.

"You and your mommy are close?"

"Yes, she's the best best mommy in the whole world. You know my friends have a daddy and a mommy but I'm special because I have two mommies ."

"You don't have a daddy?"

"I have a daddy and he wanted to meet me but I didn't want to meet him."

"Why?"

"I don't need a daddy, I have mommy Zane, she loves me very much you know."

"I know."The social worker smiled seeing the obvious bond between Jane and the little girl.

As Janie was talking to the social worker Jane and Maura were stunned by her eloquence and by how much she loved Jane and how she was making sure that Emily knew it.

Janie was a bright little girl and she wasn't shy so she didn't mind telling Emily about her relationship with her two mommies .

Listening to her the social worker understood how smart but also how happy Janie was. Kids especially that young are usually genuine so had no doubts in her mind that Janie was living in a perfectly happy and healthy home.

"Mommy can I go now?"Janie asked looking up at Jane.

"Sure, why don't you go feed Joe Friday and Bass?" Jane asked releasing the little girl rom her embrace.

"Okay. It was nice to meet you Maam ."Janie said bouncing off Jane's lap.

"The pleasure was mine." Emily smiled walking Janie ran away with Joe Friday in her arms.

"She's very talkative." Jane said almost apologizing.

"I noticed...She's very bright and seems to understands things very well."

"She does. You know we decided never to lie to her, so when she has questions and god knows that happens a lot we try to explain things at best." Jane explained holding Maura's hand.

"So you told her about her father?"

"Yes. Ian and I were together on and off for years but I broke up for good shortly before Jane and I started dating. He never met Janie but 3 months he came to town and asked to meet her , so we explained things to Janie and she decided she didn't want to meet him."Maura explained.

"You know I don't particularly like the guy but I would never keep her from meeting him . I'll introduce her to him if she changes her mind."Jane added trying to make sure Emily understood she had nothing against Ian even if it was a bit of a lie.

"You don't feel threatened by a possible relationship?"

"No, to be honest I don't think he ever really wanted to have a relationship with her, he just learned Maura was back in town and couldn't handle not being with her. When I told him that neither of them wanted to meet him, he agreed to sign papers to give up his parental rights so..."

"I see, well I'm happy that she found the second parent she deserved with you. I still have to give my report to the judge, but it should only be a formality. If Janie chose her willingly over her own biological father who am I to decide against her wishes?"Emily said closing her note pad as she stood up.

"Thank God." Jane said to herself sighing in relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. Janie and Jane love each other beyond words and if anything happened to me I can't imagine anyone else raising her."

"Well I will take that under consideration. Thank you for having me." Emily said shaking the two women's hands.

As Emily was leaving Jane and Maura looked at each other knowing that it would only be a matter of weeks before Janie was finally a Rizzoli. Actually they realized how stupid they were to be anxious to meet Emily. Everyone could see what a loving and close family they were and as the social worker said : "If Janie chose Jane over her own biological father who was she to decides against her will?"

**So guys, what do you think?That chapter was longer then usual and maybe a bit confusing. I knew you were curious to read about the adoption and I hope I didn't screw this up and that you liked it. Gee I have so many good and bad things coming for you guys. I hope you still enjoy my story. Please let me know!**


	24. Happy anniversary

**Chapter 24:**

**Happy anniversary:**

Two months have passed since Janie's little incident and it was now the middle of november.

A few weeks after Emily's visit Jane officially became Janie's mother and the little girl was now a Rizzoli.

Things were almost perfect : Janie was going to school and loved it, she was making a lot of new friends and loved her teacher and was always eager to learn knew things. Maura was still working at the clinic helping unfortunates women and children and was finally slowly, going back to be the brilliant, funny, goofy Doctor Jane had fallen in love with. Jane also was finally starting to see the end of the tunnel and to become her old self again.

Today was an important day, 6 months ago Jane and Maura kissed for the first time.

Jane, despite what she was willing to admit was a romantic and had prepared the perfect romantic celebration. After dropping Janie at her mother's she took Maura to that fancy french restaurant where she took her on their first date.

As They parked in front of the establishment Maura immediately recognized the place.

"Jane…You shouldn't have, I know you hate everything that's french." Maura looking at the restaurant remembering their first date.

"I hate everything I can't pronounce but I have my interpreter with me, I should be fine." Jane replied opening the door and taking Maura's hand helping her to step out of the car.

The two women spent the evening celebrated their anniversary and had the same pleasure spending a romantic date together as they had 5 years ago.

Suddenly in that french restaurant they felt like they had came back in time to the last time they were here. It was 5 years ago and a month after Ian left Jane finally had the guts to open up about her feeling. She had spent years denying her feelings and telling herself that she had all the time in the world to make her move, that the guys Maura slept with never last. Unfortunately when Ian came back into Maura's life Jane immediately knew he wasn't like any other guys, she saw that she had true feelings for him and actually thought she was going to loose her. So when he left Jane promised herself not to take any more chances and finally opened up to her. She remembered taking her to that fancy french restaurant . Her hands were shaking and she could barely articulate a word. She remembered that Maura who didn't suspect anything simply took her hand, squeezed it a little bit and asked her if she was okay:

_"Jane, are you okay?You seem awfully unbalanced since you invited me to dinner yesterday."_

_"I...I just have something I need to tell you but I don't know how."Jane mumbled biting her lower lip trying to find the appropriate way of telling her the truth._

_"Just do what you always do: just say what's on your mind, you know you can tell me anything."_

_"I know, well..."Jane started taking a deep breath."I realized certain things recently, especially since Ian barged into our lives. I realized that I took you for granted and that I was wrong, that I could loose you at any time."_

_"You can never loose me Jane, you're my best friend."_

_"I know, but ...Every time you screw a new guy I say to myself : Don'y worry Jane he won't last a week. But Ian was different you really loved him and I thought I was going to loose you for you good this time. So I decided it was time for me to stop being so afraid of my feelings and finally face the truth. Maura I..."_

_"I know Jane, and I feel the same way."Maura replied smiling realizing how much courage it must have taken Jane to finally opened up about her feelings._

Later that night Jane took Maura home but didn't kiss her, she escorted her inside her house to make sure she was safe and then went back home. Jane was sure of her feelings and didn't regret confiding in Maura but she wanted to take her time. She knew Maura always analyzed things twice and even if she had told her that she shared her feelings she wanted to give her time to think about it, about them an what it would meant to be together.

After Finishing their dessert, a chocolate souffle that they shared, Maura and Jane drove back home. When they entered their apartment it was so quiet : Janie was at Angela's, Joe Friday was with back in the kitchen and they were both asleep. They had the appartement for themselves, which was rare . Even if Angela usually took Janie over at least once a week they usually stayed home to watch a movie eating take out. Most of the time they barely had the energy to do anything else. Tonight was different though, Jane had decided that after 6 months together it was time for her to bring up a certain subject. Obviously Jane had wanted to make love to maura right after their first kiss but she knew that, not only they had things to work on before being ready but also that Maura had body issues because of her scars. So Jane waited until she felt Maura was as comfortable in her body as she used to be.

As the two women slid together into bed Jane couldn't help but seeing how nervous Maura was, probably as much as she was.

"That was certainly a nice evening."Jane said rolling on her side her arm across Maura's belly.

"It was, it was as perfect as our first date." Maura replied lying on her back staring at the ceiling.

"You know how we could make it even more perfect?"Jane said as she started kissing Maura's neck.

As she felt Jane's lips on her skin and her hand under the blanket wandering on her belly Maura knew that her suspicions were correct: Jane wanted them to have sex tonight.

"Jane, please, I'm tired."Maura shyly said trying to escape from Jane's grip.

"Don't worry I'll do the heavy lifting all you need to do is relax." Jane said moving her hand towards Maura's breasts.

"Please don't do this ."Maura hissed pushing Jane away.

"Gee Maura, It's been 6 months, actually it's been 5 years. " Jane grunted lying on her back rubbing her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry Jane, I just…I'm not ready."

"Do you at least want me?"

"Emotionally yes but physically no, I mean you still have that effect on me when we kiss and when you touch me, I feel shivers down my spine, I have trouble breathing but I do not feel the desire to take it further. I'm sorry."

Feeling Maura's discomfort Jane moved back closer to Maura trying to reassure her.

"Is this because of your scars?"

"Yes. I think I'm forbidding myself to listen to my desires because I'm not comfortable in my body."

"We should have talked about this earlier…"

"I know, but we had other priorities. We were rebuilding our relationship, the trust we lost, also we were focusing on making the transitional as smooth as possible for our daughter…"

" I know we had other things to work on that were more important than sex but still…I didn't see how uncomfortable you were. I thought knowing that I'm still attracted to your with your scars would help you stop being ashamed by them."

"It does help but the scars aren't really the issue Jane."

"Tell me please, I need to know if you want me to help you." Jane begged her eyes full of distress.

"I'm scared that you won't love me anymore."Maura said rolling on her side.

"Baby, If I didn't stop loving you after you left you can bet that I won't stop now, please trust me." Jane said snaking her arms around Maura's waist kissing the back of her neck.

Turning around to face Jane, feeling her comforting arms around her and looking into her big brown eyes Maura could feel how much Jane loved her. Actually she always knew how devoted Jane was and what she was willing to do for her, for them, to make her happy and to make things works. Unfortunately knowing how devoted Jane was didn't help, it was the opposite, Maura started to remember everything she put her through and how must she hurt her. She also started to realize that even if she was the one who left and broke her heart Jane was actually the one making all the efforts to make it work since they got back together. She was the one who forgave her, who encourage her to forgive herself, who took them in, who even if she desired her and hadn't had sex for the past 5 years was patient and understanding...Seeing all Jane had done for her Maura felt guilty and didn't want to burden her with another of her issues, but she had no choice, she had promised Jane to trust her and never to hide things from her again.

"I …I'm still in pain from my c section."Maura let out closing her eyes, not willing to see Jane's reaction.

"After almost 5 years?"

"Yes. The obstetrician who operated on me did his best but a C section is quite traumatic, he literally…."

"Tore your private parts apart…." Maura sighed understanding what Maura's problem was.

For the past few months Jane thought that Maura was sexually shy because she was ashamed of her scar but she never even once considered the pain she went through during her C section. She knew that Maura almost died and that the C section was performed unexpectedly and that it must have been excruciating for her, but she never thought that after 5 years the pain would still be here.

"Yes, both my uterus and lower vagina are still painful. I'm in pain every time I go to see my OBGYN and god knows she's very gentle and careful."

"I'm sorry Maura, I can't imagine what you went through, but you don't have to worry, I'll be gentle…"

"I know but being in pain I think I just forbid myself to feel any desire you know."

"I understand that you don't want to try to satisfy yourself knowing that it would hurt, it's perfectly normal."

"Yes and because I wasn't planning on seeing any one I just resigned myself to the idea of not experiencing sexual satisfaction ever again."

"Well we're together now, so we're going to visit my obgyn and see what she can do for you to help with the pain alright?"

"After 5 years it's going to be difficult Jane…"

"Well I'm stubborn and the challenge doesn't scare me. Do you also feel uncomfortable with your body because you can't have any more children?"

"A bit. You know after learning I wouldn't be able to have any more children, I started to feel less than a woman. I didn't feel in touch with my femininity anymore you know…That's why I never bothered to try to fix my problem, but I must say that ever since you and I started dating again and thanks to your love and support I feel much more comfortable with my body now but that pain is still here."

"Well we're going to work on that. We have all the time in the world okay." Jane whispered pressing her lips against Maura's mouth.

"You already waited long enough Jane, really."

"Well too bad you're the one I love and that I can't imagine making love to anyone else."

"I don't know how long it's going to take or if it's even possible for me to get rid of the pain. I wasn't planning on seeing anyone ever again so I never really looked into it."

"Well we're gonna start looking and don't worry about how long it's going to take, I waited 4 years for you to come back to me, I'll wait as much as you need."

"Thank you, I love you."

"I love you too baby."

Holding Maura in her arms, Jane once again realized how excruciating the past years must have been for Maura. She used to be so in touch with her femininity and her sexuality, actually to a point where it was almost embarrassing for Jane. But now she was only the shadow of the woman she used to be. Not only she was ashamed of her body because of the scars the cutting she put herself through left on her, but she also was still in pain from the C section. After spending the past 6 months supporting Maura so she would stop punishing herself and trying to make her feel comfortable in her own skin despite the scars, now Jane had to support her to found herself again, sexually this time.

Feeling Maura shaking in her arms Jane started to think that no matter what issues they solved there was still something wrong, something to come between them. Luckily for Maura Jane wasn't a quitter. She knew Maura loved her and that she could help her. Obviously she was scared that her OBGYN wouldn't be able to help her and that Maura would have to live with the pain for the rest of her life and she knew they would never be able to have a normal sex life if Maura was in pain every time she would touch her. Luckily for Maura Jane loved her and knew there was more important things in life then sex : they loved each other , had a gorgeous daughter together, family and friends who supported them and jobs they loved. Yes, sex was important but they had so many things to live for and even if Jane didn't want to consider what a sexless life would be she knew that as long as she was with Maura and their daughter they would be fine. Falling asleep with Maura in her arms Jane knew that she would have to be extremely patient and gentle with Maura through this. Obviously she had needs and she had so many desires that she kept inside of her for so many years, but she loved Maura and she wasn't willing to do anything to compromise what took them so long to rebuilt.

**So guys, I know, first Maura couldn't forgive herself, after that she was ashamed of the scars, then she started to feel happy, she was working and everything. Things were perfect and now BAM, she can't have sex because she's still in pain from the C section.**

**I told you drama was coming...**

**Are you excited to see how Maura and Jane will face this issue and how their OBGYN will be able to help them?**


	25. Support

**Chapter 25:**

**Support:**

Two days later right after dropping Janie at school Jane took Maura to see her OBGYN. The two women barely exchanged two words since their anniversary. Maura was visibly embarrassed and hurt by her recent confession and Jane understood that perfectly and gave her the time and space she needed. Even if Jane knew Maura just needed some space it was hard for her to see the woman she loved sleep at the other end of the bed. Thinking about it Jane realized that Maura had completely occulted that physical problem for the past 5 years to protect herself. Now that she finally talked about all the pain and frustration she endured for the past few years resurfaced and Jane could see the pain was overwhelming.

So for the past two days, Jane didn't complain everything Maura avoiding her touch, or when she went to bed without a word, or went to work without saying goodbye.

As the two women were sitting in Dr Lowell's office the silence was so intense and cold that it was almost scary. After a few minutes of waiting Jane's OBGYN finally arrived.

"Hi Jane I'm sorry for being late a patient needed my assistance, you must be Maura." Dr Lowell apologized shaking both Jane and Maura's hands.

"Dr Maura Isles, nice to meet you." Maura replied insisting on her professional title.

The truth was Maura was embarrassed to be sitting in front of a fellow Doctor. She was scared that she might judge her for not seeking treatment after 5 years of excruciating pain.

"Yes, right, Jane told me everything about you. So what brings you here today?" Dr Lowell said adjusting her glasses.

"Would you like me to leave?" Jane asked feeling how tensed the atmosphere was and knowing Maura would probably feel more comfortable by herself.

"Would you really leave if I asked you to?"

"Yes, I want you to feel comfortable and if If you need me to leave I will."

"If you want me to be comfortable then why did you drag me here instead of waiting for me to be ready?"Maura asked looking Jane straight in the eyes.

"Because you're in pain Maura, you've been feeling that pain for almost 5 years and you know I hate seeing you hurt." Jane said moving her hand towards Maura's lap.

"I think you want to make sure that the problem is taken care of rapidly so we can have sex."Maura replied pushing Jane's hand away.

"Alright ladies, would you please calm down. Maura would you mind telling me what kind of pain you're experiencing?"

"My uterus and lower vagina are still painful from the C Section I had almost 5 years ago. The obstetrician was competent but he didn't really have time to do things more delicately and the vaginal tearing never properly healed." Maura explained as coldly as she possible could.

"I see, have you atempted any treatment before?"

"No, and I know it's a shame coming from a Doctor, but no, I never really took care of it. I was a single mother and I never planned to resume in any kind of sexual activities so knowing I couldn't have sex never bothered me."

"I understand would you mind undressing so I can examine you?" Dr Lowell said pointing her table.

"Sure." Maura nodded as she walked towards the exam table.

A few minutes later Maura was undressed her legs in the air while Jane was sitting next to her.

"Alright Maura, I know this is going to hurt, but I'll be quick okay?" Dr Lowell said putting her gloves off before grabbing her speculum.

"Okay." Maura knowing unfolding her arms looking for Jane's hand.

"I'm here baby, I'm not going anywhere." Jane said kissing the top of Maura's hand.

As Dr Lowell was examining her Maura tried to stay strong, but Jane could see she was in pain.

As she felt the speculum inside of Maura squeezed Jane's hand as hard as she could trying to keep herself from crying. The pain was excruciating, if felt like Dr Lowell was tearing her vagina apart. Feeling the pain Maura knew she made a mistake waiting for that long. As Doctor she knew that the soonest a condition is treated the more likely the patient is to heal completely. Unfortunately Maura didn't really care about her health. She was alone, away from Jane, she stopped eating healthy, practicing yoga, she started cutting herself, she basically stopped taking care of herself and was surviving only because of her daughter.

"Alright I'm all done, you can lower your legs." Dr Lowell instructed taking off her gloves.

"God, I'm proud of you, I love you so much." Jane said kissing Maura's forehead.

"I love you too. So Doctor, what can you tell us?" Maura asked sitting up .

"Well from what I could see you were right, the vaginal lacerations didn't heal properly, that's why you're still in pain. So I'm going to prescribe a cream that you will need to apply twice a day for the next 3 weeks."

"Will it help the cicatrization?" Jane asked.

"It will, but I can't guarantee that the tearing will heal completely. "

"What if it doesn't help at all?"Jane asked swallowing hard expecting the worse.

"If the cream doesn't help I would have no other choice but to recommend surgery."

"Oh God." Jane let out letting go Of Maura's hand.

While Jane was trying to swallow the news Maura remained awfully quiet and stoic because she knew all this before coming into Dr Lowell's office. She didn't want to worry Jane but she knew that a simple cream wouldn't help and that she would have to have the surgery .

"It's a fairly simple procedure and I would happy to perform it myself but let's not think about this now. I'm going to write you a prescription and it should help, if it doesn't then we'll talk about surgery okay."

"Okay." Jane nodded.

"I'm sorry Jane, you deserve better then this."

"Don't worry about it, how about you get dressed while Dr Lowell writes you that prescription?"

"Yes, thank you."

As Jane and Dr Lowell were back at her desk the young Doctor could see how worried and hurt Jane was.

"Are you okay Jane?"

"Yes, you know she almost died giving birth to our daughter, she literally bled out and I understand the surgeon didn't have time to be gentle but still, it….pisses me off to see in how much pain she's in. I hate seeing her like this."

"I understand, and one of the reasons she's hurt is because she thinks she's a burden for you and that you would be better off without her."

"That's not true I love her, I don't care if we never have sex again. I just don't want to see hurt anymore you know."

"I know but right now, she's hurt both physically and emotionally and you're gonna need to be very patient and gentle with her."

"I will. I love her and I will do my best to remain positive."

"Yes, try to make her feel that there is more to your relationship then sex."

"I will, thank you."

After leaving the Doctor's offices Jane who had taken the day off took Maura home.

As they drove in silence Jane could see from the way she was sitting that Maura was still in pain. She didn't know what to say or to do to make her feel better, actually she was pretty certain that no word in the english dictionary could ever make her feel better. She needed time to process and consider the possibility of having to go under Dr Lowell's scalpel.

As they entered their apartment Maura painfully walked towards their bedroom and climbed in bed positioning herself on her side in fetal position.

"Is there anything you need?"Jane asked wrapped herself around her.

"You, I only need you Jane." Maura sighed.

"You got me. No matter what happens I'm gonna stay by your side, you have nothing to worry about."

"Even if the desire never comes back?"

"Sweetie, don't be pessimistic. I'm sure the cream will help the scaring and if it doesn't the surgery will."

"You don't understand. Even if I get rid of the pain nothing tells us that the desire will come back."

"I'm sure it will, it might take time but once the pain is gone and once you finally feel comfortable in your body again the desire will come back. I'm here to help you with that, we're a team, you're not doing this alone okay?"

"But what if it doesn't would you be able to leave without sex?"

"I lived without sex for the past 5 years…"

"Yes but I was't here. I wasn't sleeping with you everything night, holding you. I can feel how turn on you are every time you touch me Jane."

"I won't deny it, I'm extremely turned on when we kiss and cuddle but sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship. I mean, do you think that what I missed the most was making love to you?"

"I don't know."

"It wasn't. What I missed most was hearing you telling me you loved me, holding you at night, feeling my heart hammering my chest every time you called me unexpectedly. I missed the way you made me feel, the way you looked at me like was some kind of hero, like you felt so safe with me. That's what I missed. That's what I was thinking about at night when I was alone in my bed, not about you naked all over me."

"I just feel so selfish again, imposing you a life without sex just because I can't possibly imagine ever leaving you again. That's the most selfish thing I could do."

"No, it just proves you can't live without me anymore. I love you Maura and we have so many great things going on apart from sex. We have a beautiful daughter, we have careers that we love and friends to keep up busy but most importantly we love each other and we're happy together. Sex is just a bonus and even if I would miss it I won't let that destroy our relationship."

"You would really just leave without sex for the rest of for life?"

"If it means spending it with you yes. I'm happy with you Maura, just the way things are, but as Dr Lowell said, we're not there yet. I'm sure you know that the probability of you not regaining your sexual desire after healing is low right?"

"Less then 5 %."

"Exactly. So don't think about it, just relax and do what Dr Lowell told you, apply the cream and if it doesn't work we'll consider surgery. We're taking this one step at the time."

"Okay."

Feeling Jane's support Maura never felt so selfish. Obviously none of this was her fault but she still felt guilty thinking that there was 5% of chances that she might never recover her sexual sensitivity . She knew that Jane was loyal and faithful and that she actually mean what she said but she had enough life experience to know that a sexless relationship was everything but healthy. She knew that as much as Jane would try to handle it sexual frustration would bring tension between then and she couldn't let that happen. Even if going to surgery scared her to death she couldn't imagine never making love to Jane ever again. She wanted, she needed to feel physically closed to her again and she was willing to do everything she could do make it happen.

**So guys, what do you think?**

**I hope Maura won't need surgery...I never planned to hurt her like this.I wanted their sex life to start with difficulties but I never planned this.**  
><strong>I hope you like that idea I had and that you'll stick around. I think that we're all gonna see the extend of Jane's love in the next chapter :)<strong>

**I won't say anything more, please review, criticize, give me ideas...Anything you want!You guys rock! **


	26. Home sweet home

**Chapter 26:**

**Home sweet home:**

For the next two weeks Maura who was determined to take her recovery seriously this time followed her Doctor's instructions religiously. She applied the cream she prescribed every morning and every night and God knew it was painful.

Every time Maura applied the cream she had to clench her teeth and swallow the pain. Every time she had to thrust her fingers inside of her to apply the cream she suffered like hell and was reminded of what happened on that terrible day when her and Janie almost died.

The worse part was the she didn't even feel it was working. Even if Maura was still in pain she tried to remain optimistic trying to convince herself that it was because she was tensed not because the cream wasn't working.

Jane tried to support her as best as she could, talking to her, encouraging her, forgiving her mood swings caused by that pain and frustration. Just like Maura had expected it Jane has been great ever since they had visited Dr Lowell. Every night night after applying the cream Maura would just crawl in bed in silence and just rest her head on her chest. Feeling Jane's arms around her and her heart beating for her Maura felt safe, she knew she was loved and that Jane wouldn't leave her if she couldn't have sex ever again, just like she wouldn't leave her because she couldn't have anymore kids.

There was one thing Maura noticed though : Jane would come home at night later and later every day, would decline to have lunch with her and would even work on week ends. Actually if Maura didn't know Jane better she would suspect her of having an affair or of avoiding coming home.

That night at almost 10 pm Maura found herself in the living room watching tv while Jane was still at work.

As she was about to give up and go to sleep she finally heard Jane's keys in the lock of the door.

"Good you're alive, now I can go to sleep." Maura grinned as she walked past Jane who had just entered their apartment.

"Gee, I'm sorry, Is she asleep?" Jane apologize taking off her jacket and shoes.

"Of course she is, it's almost ten. She fought as hard as she could but she fell asleep half an hour ago." Maura replied entering their bedroom.

"Fuck!I'm sorry Maura, I got caught up at work, I'll make it up to her this week end."Jane promised falling back on their back.

"How will you make it up to me?"

"Oh come on, you're still awake…"

"I meant for lying to me just now."

"What are you talking about?"Jane frowned suddenly sitting up knowing from Maura's tone that she had probably discovered her little secret.

"I called the station and I was told you left hours ago, it's the second time this week. The first time I thought you were with your mother, but you came home before I could call her, but tonight I did call her and she said you weren't with her."

"Oh, I…I was…. "

"Why don't you sleep on the couch? It should give you time to find the perfect believable lie ." Maura suggested as she was going through her cupboard trying to find an extra blanket and pillow for Jane.

"Come on Maura."

"I thought I made myself clear, I do not wish to share our bed with you tonight." Maura objected throwing her a pillow and a blanket.

"If you want me to sleep on the couch I will but first you're going to listen to me." Jane said rising her voice grabbing her arm.

"Why should I?"

"Because what ever you think you know about where I was isn't true."

"Right, then tell me why ever since our anniversary you've been avoiding coming at home at night, lying about working…"

"I'm not avoiding coming home, seeing you guys and holding you is all I can think about when I'm at work."

"Then tell me Jane, tell me I'm wrong to worry, that you're not trying to break up with me slowly by pulling away or worse that you're not cheating on me."

"Gee Maura, how can you even think I could cheat on you?"

" Because you have been acting distant ever since we visited Dr Lowell, but I understand that the perceptive of spending time with someone you can't even touch isn't enjoyable."

" God you're going to regret making me doing this."

"Will I?"

"Yes…I'm working on something with my dad, actually I have been working on it for weeks but you never noticed before."

"Working on what?"

"On a surprise, something that takes time, so I managed to cut my hours at work to work on it with my dad."

"Really?"

"Yes, It's been keeping my mind pretty busy, I'm sorry you misinterpreted it. I just wanted this surprise to be perfect, but if you don't trust me I'll show you tomorrow…"

"I'm sorry of course I trust you…I ruined it didn't I?"

"You don't know what it is yet so no, you didn't ruin it, now let's get to bed, I'm exhausted." Jane replied exhausted as she pulled Maura in bed with her.

Lying in bed Maura realized how stupid she has been to doubt Jane's loyalty. Hearing Jane's explanations she realized that she was probably preparing something great that was going to take her breath away.

About a week later just two weeks before Christmas Jane's surprise was finally ready. So she drove her little family to see that project she's been working on for weeks behind Maura's back.

As Jane helped both Maura and Janie to step out of the car Jane's heart starting to beat faster. Maura and her never really talked about taking that step and she didn't know how she would react, if she was going to be touched by the gesture and the hard work or pissed that because she wanted them to make that decision together.

"Can I took this off Mommy?I can't see anything!"Janie said annoyed by the blind fold Jane had insisted for her to wear.

"That's because I have a surprise for you." Jane replied amused holding both Maura's and Jane's hand as they both stepped into the surprise.

"It smells like wax in here, it's very unsettling." Maura pointed out releasing Jane's hand.

"Yeah the smell should fade away don't worry, come on take it off now."Jane instructed holding her breath.

"Where are we mommy?" Janie frowned looking around her.

"We darling are in our new house and this is our new living room. Do you like it?" Jane said kneeling in front the little girl.

"Yes, it's so big."Janie replied her eyes wide opened as she looked around her.

"Yep, how about you go check your new room on the first floor, you'll recognize it, your name is on the door. You can read your name right?"

"I'm a genius mommy …"Jane replied rolling her eyes.

"I know, come on…go check it. Your mommy and I will be there in a few minutes."Jane said giving her a gentle pad in the back.

Watching her daughter running to explore her new playground Jane saw how amazed Maura was. That's exactly what she wanted : seeing stars in her eyes and make her feel safe.

Over the past few months Jane and Maura had overcame a lot and Jane thought it was finally time for them to have their happy ending. So right after starting the adoption procedure she started to look for a place to rent first, but finally settled for that house. It took her 2 and a half months working hard on it with her dad and Frankie Jr to make it livable again. Standing in the middle of their new house Jane felt proud : she had accomplished something great for her family, something that would hopefully erase Maura's doubts.

"Jane…What did you do?" Maura mumbled tears in her eyes as she looked around.

"I think I bought us a house." Jane smiled wrapping her arms around her.

"Is that what you were doing with your dad ?House hunting?"

"Well I went house hunting with my mom. At first I was looking for a place to rent but the real estate brought us here and I just had a crush on the place."

"I can see why, this house is gorgeous."

"It is, I got a good deal on it because it needed serious repairs, so I asked my dad help to redo all the plumbing, while Frankie and I took care of the floors…"

"I can see that, those floors are gorgeous, how did you even manage to do that?"

"You know, a few hours here, a few hours there, a few sick days…You know I can be quite resourceful when I want to."

"I know but you didn't have to do that we are perfectly happy in your apartment."

"You're kidding me right?The place is too small for the 5 of us especially 3 women, it's hard enough to get a shower in the morning now so imagine once Janie reaches puberty."

"You certainly got a point. When did you start working on it?"

"When we started the adoption process . I realized that we couldn't live like if we were camping anymore, that my apartment was great for a single person but not for a family. I just wanted to give you guys the perfect house with a little white fence you know. I know it's stupid."

"No it's not. It's the most thoughtful thing you could have done for us. And that's why we love you so much, because you always take such good care of us and you always make sure we're provided for and that we feel safe. "Maura said turning around to face Jane whose emotion was visible.

"Yeah I just want the best for my little family. Here we have plenty of room and a nice backyard, Janie not to mention Bass and Joe Friday are gonna love it When summer comes we can have family barbecues..."

"But, it's too much really I ..."

"Don't say a word. You and Janie deserve this, we deserve this." Jane replied a finger on her lips.

"I know, so do I just never thought…"

"That I really meant it when I said that your physical condition didn't change anything?"

"Yeah, Oh Jane..." Maura sobbed her head on Jane's chest.

"Hey, don't cry on me now, you haven't seen the kitchen and the master bedroom with our own bathroom…Come on you're gonna love it."Jane joked padding Maura's back before dragging her towards the kitchen.

Walking around the house holding hands with Jane Maura could see how proud Jane was to have found and restore such a wonderful place.

For once Maura and Jane shared the same taste : the house was huge with a vast living room and a fire place, big enough to host birthdays and dinner parties, the kitchen was big as well and their was this huge wooden stairs leading to the first floor. It was an old house, full of charm and history where she knew they were all going to be comfortable and happy, a million miles from the overpriced modern house she lived in a few years back. The house had 4 bedroom of reasonable size including one huge master bedroom with its own private bathroom with a huge corner bathtub.

"See how there is absolutely no furniture and how the walls don't have any wallpaper yet…"

"I can see that…"

"Well I figured since I did all the repairs you could take care of the furniture and decoration right?"

"Yes, but let me guess you did decorate Janie's bedroom?"

"Yes, the only room I actually knew how to decorate believe it or not."

"That's because you love her and know exactly what she likes. "

Of the 3 remaining bedrooms Jane had chosen to install Janie in the room right next to their bedroom, knowing that Maura would feel better .

Standing in front of Janie's bedroom Maura was a bit anxious. She had no doubt that Jane had chosen wallpapers and furniture that Janie would love but she was scared that she might not agree with her choice. Ever since Janie met her other mommy she started to mimic her trying to look like her to a point where people usually assumed that Jane was her biological mom. Obviously she was still her little girl, but the older she got the more rebel and strong minded she became and she knew she shared Jane's tastes on a lot of things. She remembered when she was little she used to love dresses and expensive shoes and play with dolls, but now she preferred sneakers and jeans and watch sports with Jane. At first Maura was a bit hurt feeling that she loved Jane more than her but then she realized that Janie was just trying to make up for the 4 years she was away from Jane and that she just wanted to be a little like the extraordinary woman she was named after.

"It's not a princess bedroom but don't worry you're going to like it. " Jane ironically said before opening the door.

When she opened the door Janie was lying on her back on the floor looking at the ceiling.

As Maura she stepped into her daughter's room she took a minute to wander her eyes around her.

Jane was right : it wasn't a princess bedroom,it was actually better.

Jane had painted the walls in a like green and had put framed pictures of their friends and families on the wall and knowing Jane's passion for nature had painted animals and trees on the wall and most importantly she had painted stars on the ceiling. Looking around Maura, one more time, saw much Jane loved their daughter and how much she paid attention to her.

"So sweetie do you like it?"Jane asked joining her on the floor.

"Yes, did you paint the walls and everything?"

"Yes I did don't worry your bed will be brought here soon not to mention you and your mommy and you are going to chose the rest of the furniture . You think you can do that?"

"Super!Can we have christmas here?"

"I don't Maura, what do you think? Can the two of you manage to decorate and furnish the entire house in …two weeks?"

"If your mother helps, certainly. It would be great to have Christmas here with our family and friends."

"Yes, after the year we have we deserve it."

Lying on the floor with Jane, their daughter between them looking at the stellar ceiling Maura finally felt that Jane's family had accepted her. Her dad had helped with the plumbing and Frankie with the floors not to mention that Angela was the one who actually helped Jane finding the perfect house for their family.

Yes looking around her Maura felt that they were finally going to see the end of 5 years of pain and suffering and she couldn't wait to host the very first Rizzoli-Isles Christmas. She knew that this dinner would be a celebration of their love and of all they had accomplished for the past 7 months, a way of saying : it was hard but we made it, we're a family now and no one can take that away from us.

Looking at her little family Jane felt relieved seeing that her little surprise had the effect she hoped. Finally Janie , Maura and her had the happy ending they should have had years ago, not to mention that her entire family helped her putting this together meaning that they finally accepted their relationship and the family they had build together. Yes things were finally right where they were supposed to be and nothing, including what was gonna happen the next day could ever take that away from them.

**So guys, this chapter has been on my mind for a while and I think this was the right time to do it not to mention that they could really use a break from the drama….So I need your feedback on this!Did you like Jane's surprise?Do you think it was the right time!Come on guys tell me please!I love your reviews they make me laugh so hard sometimes!You guys rock!**


	27. Butterflies

**Chapter 27:**

**Butterflies:**

The next day was a monday and Jane and Maura had made a new appointment with Dr Lowell . As they were once again waiting for her in her office the atmosphere was much more relaxed than 3 weeks ago. The two women had spent the entire day in their new house talking about furnitures, wallpapers and planing their Christmas dinner. Jane's choice to present her surprise on that particular day wasn't innocent : she knew that they had the follow up the next day and that Maura was anxious and needed reassurance.

Jane had spent the past two months working on that house with her dad and her brother but she decided to accelerate things to make sure the surprise was ready before Maura's appointment. She wanted her to know, to feel that she meant every word she said and that her love and devotion wouldn't be affected by the outcome of that consultation.

"Good morning ladies, how are we today?" Dr Lowell enthusiastically said as she sat at her desk.

"Jane bought us a house." Maura replied.

"Really?Congratulations, from what I heard the market is down it was the perfect time to buy."

"Yes that and also I was a bit tired of living in my apartment with two Isles, a turtle and my dog." Jane teased.

"Tortoise!And one of the Isles is actually a Rizzoli now in case you've forgotten." Maura replied pinching her arm.

"I know, I know…."

"Well I see things are getting much better between the two of you."

"Yes, Jane and I talked a lot and let just say that I feel more confident now."

"That's good, how about you tell me about the past 3 weeks?"

"I…I do feel a little better. I must say the first time I applied the cream was excruciating both physically and emotionally but now it's better ."

"Good, how about I examine you so we can see how the healing is going?"

"Alright."

Lying on the exam table her legs lifted up in the air Maura was a bit anxious. Yes the pain was less excruciating but it hadn't completely disappeared.

As Dr Lowell was examining Maura Jane couldn't help to cross her fingers hoping that the tearing if not disappeared had at least started to heal. She knew that even if they still have the opportunity to do surgery things would be so much easier if the cream alone was efficient enough. She was afraid that an operation would devastate Maura and would again put a strain to their relationship and to the progress made. As Maura felt the speculum thrusting inside her Maura was surprised to feel only a bit of discomfort which was normal and only a little pain. She didn't know if she wasn't in pain because the tearing was healed or because she was finally relaxed and confident that Jane wouldn't leave her.

"So Maura..." Dr Lowell started pulling her gloves off.

"It barely hurt…" Maura mumbled looking at Jane.

"That's because the tearing is healing nicely, congratulations."

"So what should we do now?" Jane asked holding Maura's hands finally her eyes filled up with hope.

"I would recommend to keep on applying the cream for another 2 weeks but the cicatrization is at about 85 % of its course, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh God, that's great, you hear that babe?"Jane smiled kissing the top of Maura's hand.

"Yes, it's great….I can't believe it's over, after 5 years. I can't believe my obgyn never mentioned that cream before."

"It's actually not on the market yet. It still needs to be approved."

"Oh so you turned Maura into a test subject?"

"Yes I did, I didn't tell her because I was scared that she might not be as enthusiastic and confident in this cream's ability to help her. Don't worry I tested it on other patient, I would have never prescribed a cream to her without being 100% sure it was safe and efficient."

"Fair enough, thank you."

"Are we allowed to…Try to resume intercourse?" Maura asked a bit embarrassed to talk about her sex life.

"That's up to you, but even if I don't see any reason why you shouldn't I would advise you to be careful."

"Don't worry I will, I mean we will."Jane replied already picturing herself with Maura.

Right after leaving Dr Lowell's office Jane could feel Maura was a bit tensed which wasn't what she had hoped for. She expected her to be happy and relieved but instead she was sitting in their car her head leaning against the window her eyes empty of any the weather was particularly terrible that day Maura and Jane had no choice but to home and Jane was hoping they could take that opportunity to talk about their situation. She didn't want to pressure her or to appear desperately in need of sex. She knew that the pain wasn't the only thing that kept Maura from making love to her : she had also lost her sexual desire and that was something that scared Jane more than the physical pain. She knew it would take time for Maura to completely lash out and let herself express her sexual desires again and Jane was hoping that Maura trusted her enough to allow her to take the lead and guide her.

As they were stepping into their appartement Maura mechanically took off her shoes and her coat and walked towards the couch followed by Jane.

As Maura was lying down her legs on her lap Jane didn't know how to bring the subject into the conversation.

"So do you have the day off?" Maura asked.

"Yep, I thought you might have need some support in case the consult didn't go as we hoped." Jane replied gently massaging her naked feet.

"Good..good…" Maura replied discomfort in her voice.

"Hey, don't worry I won't jump on you just now alright?"

"Don't you want us to try?"

"Of course I do, but I think we should wait a couple more weeks, just to be sure."

"But I'm not in pain anymore…"

"I know but I can feel you need time to get used to the idea…I don't want to push you."

"I know… You have been great lately and I appreciate your support I just don't know if.."

"What ever I'm gonna do to you is gonna turn you on?"

"Yes, I mean the pain was a serious issue but you know I haven't had the physical or emotional desire to sleep with anyone since I left so…"

"Well I think it's up to me to re ignite the flame right?" Jane said sliding closer to Maura.

"You shouldn't have to do al the heavy lifting like that I feel like a..."

"Like a virgin?"Jane said gently stroking Maura's hair with her fingers.

"Yes. I mean I know it's like riding a bike, you never forget how to make love and I know you and I have this symbiotic relationship and that you know me so well that you know exactly how to pleasure me . I just don't know if I'm capable of just letting go you know?"

"I think that for the past few years you punished yourself in so many ways and putting a lock on your heart and your desire was one of them. "

"Yes."

"To be honest with you when you first came back I didn't recognize you. You used to be so smiling and optimistic but when you came back you were so dark and damaged, but now things are getting better for both of us."

"I agree, I think that slowly I started to stop feeling guilty for what I did and I started to allow myself to be happy again."

"Exactly, so I'm sure that with a little time and encouragement from my part you're going to start to allow yourself to be happy in bed too."

"I just don't want you to get frustrated or hurt if I don't feel anything when you start touching me."

"Oh don't underestimate an Italian darling, really. Don't worry once we decide we're both ready I'm going to..."

"I get the picture...I think we should jump and get this over with."

"God I love how romantic you are."

"I'm sorry i just…I'm tired of suffering. I want to be happy, I want us to be happy together and to be able to satisfy you, we both waited long enough."

"I agree how about you and I go pick up Janie at school at 4 and then drop her at my parents' so we can have some mommy time."

"I think we should stop dropping her off whenever we want time alone."

"Of course not, she loves being with my parents, remember what happened when my mom was sick last month and couldn't see her for a whole week?"

"Yes she cried every night thinking her nana didn't want to see her and than insisted to spend an entire week end with her. "

"Exactly, those two just love being together so let's make then happy."

"You're right I love how great your mom is with her she really treated her as her own grand daughter since the first minute she met her."

"Yes and now she's legally a Rizzoli she's never gonna leave her in piece, trust me."

"I'm glad that she loves her that much it looks like you and I have a date tonight."

"Looks like it." Jane smiled leaning over as she gently pressed her lips against Maura's.

A few hours later it was already time to pick the little monster at school. As planned Jane and Maura told her she was going to spend the night with her nana Angela and she was as expected over excited. Actually as soon as they arrive at the Rizzoli's house she just ran into her arms almost forgetting her mommies even existed. Maura felt grateful that Angela and Janie were getting along so well. When she came back she expected her to be the one with the more hate towards her, but she was wrong, Angela was actually the first one to welcome her with opened arms even before Jane. Over the past 7 months Maura had the opportunity to ask Angela why she didn't push her away like every one else, that as Jane's mother she was expecting her to not to ever forgive her. Angela explained to her that yes as a mother it was excruciating for her to see Jane in pain, but as a mother she had enough experience to know that she probably had reasons to leave and that when she finally heard those reasons she was able to forgive her. Now Angela and Janie were as close as a grand daughter and her nana could be and knowing that there was someone she could trust who would take care of their daughter if anything happened to her comforted Jane and Maura.

A bit later after stopping for some indian take out Jane and Maura drove home and settled in front of the tv. Strangely Maura didn't seemed nervous, she actually spent most part of the movie her head on Jane's shoulder, her arms around her waist. Jane on the other hand was really anxious and also a little bit turned on. She knew that Maura was expecting a lot off her. She expected her be gentle and to be able to restrain her desire in order for Maura to slowly get in the mood as naturally as possible and that was going to be a challenger. Feeling Maura's fingers caressing her belly Jane was already turned on and had to use her best self control not to rip her clothes off and make love to her on that couch.

"You know what I would like now?" Maura said as the ending credits were finally rolling down the screen.

"No tell me..."Jane mumbled swallowing hard .

"I would like to massage my shoulders, please . I think I pulled a muscle." Maura said innocently.

"Sure. Just take your shirt off, I mean if you feel comfortable."

"I do." Maura smiled knowing the effect the view of her in her bra would have on her.

Feeling Jane's warm breath on the back of her neck and her fingers gently massaging her shoulders Maura slowly started to relax.

Trying to make Maura feel comfortable Jane gently started to slowly massage her shoulders with her thumb, drawing small circles on her skin. She had almost forgotten but massage was probably Maura's favorite foreplay and it was a good opportunity to break the ice and make each other feel comfortable. As Jane was started to wander her fingers on Maura's back while kissing her shoulders she could feel her breathing becoming heavier. She knew that Maura wanted her that all she needed to do was push her over the edge to help her release her inner dirty and sexual self. Feeling Jane's warm fingers gently tickling her back and her wet lips brushing her shoulders Maura started to feel hotter and hotter every minute. Feeling Jane touching her she almost immediately felt butterflies in her stomach and in her panties as well. She didn't know what she was afraid off, Jane still had this effect on her and that ability to make her wet just by kissing her and sensually dragging her fingers on her skin. As scared as she was Maura realized that she actually had nothing to fear, it was her and Jane and they when they were together they basically share on brain, one heart and when they made love only one body. She knew that no matter what happened between them and no matter how long it had been they would never forget how to make love to each other, it was almost like breathing and loving each other, it was almost a reflex and also a necessity.

"Jane..." Maura breathed out.

"Yes love." Jane replied drawing small circles with her tongue on Maura's shoulder.

"Take me to bed now ." Maura almost ordered still turning her back on her.

"Yes Ma'am." Jane replied as she stood up swapped her off her feet.

**I know guys, you hate me...But you know me enough to know that I ALWAYS write love scenes in two parts...It's gonna be interesting and not as easy as you may think or hope :)**

**I'll leave you to that :)**

**As always feedback is welcome!**


	28. Silence

**Chapter 27:**

**Silence.**

As Jane was carrying her towards their bedroom Maura started to feel shivers down her spine and her pulse rising.

As she looked deep inside Jane's eyes her arms wrapped around her neck she could see all the love and support she missed so much for so many years.

As they entered in their bedroom Maura took a quick look at their conjugal bed thinking that only a few months ago she was mostly sharing her bed with her daughter but now she got to share it with the woman she loved. She got to go to fall asleep and wake up in her arms every day feeling safe and loved.

"Here we go darling." Jane said gently lying her on the bed.

"Thank you."

"Is there anything you need?" Jane asked trying not to stare too much.

"Yes I need you on this bed, now, and please take off your clothes." Maura ordered getting herself more comfortable as she slid under the duvet.

"Sure." Jane replied as she unbuckled her belt dropping her pants on the floor and managed to take off her shirt .

As Jane was quickly undressing, Maura who was lying in bed in her underwear used this opportunity to roam her eyes on Jane's body.

Bitting her lip in anticipation, picturing her fingers outlining Jane's abs with her finger tips Maura was almost salivating.

"You like what you see?" Jane asked throwing her shirt on the floor before joining her in bed.

"Yes indeed." Maura replied welcoming Jane next to her.

As Jane and Maura were lying in bed on their side facing each other, for about a split second they didn't know what to do or what to say afraid of not doing it wrong or of taking things too fast. Both women had been waiting for this for years and neither of them were willing to rush things, they wanted to appreciate every second of it.

"God, I missed that body of yours." Jane said marveling at the beauty of Maura's curves.

"My body as changed a lot since the last time we had sex Jane, really."

"Not to me, you're gorgeous Maura, I love you." Jane said rubbing her C section scar with her thumb.

As weird as it might sound apart from the time Maura showed Jane her scars in the bathroom the two women hadn't seen each other in their naked or in their underwear in years. Maura was right both their bodies had changed. Maura's belly was scarred from the 6 c section and her legs were covered in scars caused by the self inflected cutting she put herself through for years, not to mention her breasts were as firm as they used to be because she breast feeded Janie. Jane on her part had spent hours and hours at the gym or running to try to get rid of some of that anger and frustration and subsequently she was in even better shape then she used to be, her abs were even more drawn and her arms and legs were firm as well but without it being masculine or vulgar.

As they were kissing the two women felt like it was actually the first time they found themselves in that situation. Trying to hold their apparent excitement both women took their time to wander their fingers on each other's bodies. As Maura was kissing Jane, her eyes closed, she started roaming her fingers on Jane's back to unhooked her bra. Feeling confident that Maura was comfortable Jane did the same and untied hers as well. As Maura's imposing breasts were released almost in her face Jane couldn't help but staring at them. Even if Jane was crazy of Maura's entire body she met admit that her breasts were probably the part she loved most.

"They're not what they used to be ever since I breast feeded."

"Don't say that, they're perfect." Jane said as she gently approach her hand, slowly enough to give her the opportunity to push her away.

To her big surprise Maura didn't object so Jane cupped her right breast with her left hand and started to draw circles on her nipples with her thumb.

Feeling Jane's finger tip stimulating her like that Maura started to feel those butterflies in her belly again and as she closed her eyes started to feel her arousal rising in her panties.

As the two women were kissing topless their breast almost touching both of their were already turned on.

After a fair amount of time of kissing and caressing Maura's breast and belly Jane very presumptuously started to slid her hand towards Maura's panties as slow as she possibly could giving her again the opportunity to say no.

Feeling Jane's hand dangerously close to her folds Maura started to shake.

"Are you okay baby?I can stop if you want me to." Jane reassured reaffirming her desire not to pressure her and to take things slow.

"No continue, please." Maura replied feeling her mouth dry.

"Okay." Jane nodded kissing her forehead.

Feeling Maura a bit uncomfortable and hesitant Jane almost stopped but she didn't. She was hoping that Maura would have the courage to tell her to stop if she started to feel uncomfortable at any time and she trusted herself enough to know if it was the case.

As Jane's hand finally reached the inside of Maura's panties Jane felt like she just entered a sacred land.

Feeling Jane's middle hand inside her panties Maura lied on her back and parted a legs just wide enough so Jane could access her folds.

Feeling encouraged by Maura's attitude Jane rolled on top of her and started kissing her passionately while gently sliding her middle finger tip towards her clit.

When she finally reached the sacred grail that Maura's clitoris represented Jane could see how wet Maura was. She wasn't as wet as she expected her to be, as she used to make her back in the day, but she was certainly excited.

So to increase her arousal she started to gently stroke her clitoris with her middle finger while blowing kiss on her neck.

As she felt Jane's fingers stimulating her Maura's head started spinning, God it was good and she actually almost forgot how good it was.

Feeling Jane's lips brushing her skin Maura started to relax and to gently caress her back.

Feeling Maura more wet by the minute Jane only had one idea in mind : taste her wonderful girlfriend after 5 years of abstinence. So gently she started to make her way towards Maura's lower belly.

"God I missed you you taste so good." Jane whispered wandering her tongue on Maura's belly.

Feeling Jane's tongue almost tickling her belly and approaching her thighs Maura could barely breath, her head was spinning from the lack of oxygen. She first fear was not to be able to get aroused and now that she was reassured she started to fear the eventual pain. Looking down at Jane she knew she would be gentle but she was still anxious and she knew that not matter how wet she was Jane could still hurt her.

Approaching Maura's belly Jane gently took her panties of and started to blow kissed on her belly button. Feeling Maura's discomfort she didn't go straight to her point of interest. Instead she started to kiss Maura's thighs and scar, outlining each single one of them with her tongue proving to her that they didn't matter. When Jane felt confident that Maura was ready she gently started to kiss her clit before starting to lick it. Feeling Jane's tongue on her wet clit Maura literally stopped breathing.

"_Oh God_." She said to herself holding her breath as she grabbed she shits holding them as tight as she possibly could.

"_God I almost forgot how good she tasted_." Jane said to herself drawing small circles around Maura's swollen magic button.

And for at least half an hour Jane continued to literally devour Maura's clitoris and when she felt she was excited enough, without warning she thrusted her tongue as deep as she could inside of her.

"Fuck!" Maura let out arching her back, surprised by the new stimulation.

Thrusting in deeper and every thrust and out slower each time Jane started to feel the juice coming out of Maura's felt. Just like if she was dying of starvation Jane pulled out and started to lap it as much as she could.

"God you taste so good." Jane said swallowing every possible drop .

"God don't stop." Maura panted feeling electricity running through her entire body.

Feeling that she was swamped Jane gently started to rub Maura's entrance with her middle finger while still stimulating her clitoris with the tip of her tongue.

Looking down at Jane Maura immediately understood what Jane had in mind.

"I …I ned you inside me now." Maura begged her voice febrile by the fear and also the excitement.

"Are you sure?" Jane asked rising her head.

"Yes. I trust you to be gentle." Maura nodded taking a deep breath.

"Okay. " Jane nodded.

The moment was now crucial Jane was about to do something that could either hurt Maura and push them 10 steps back or make her come like she never did. She knew that there was no reason for her to chicken out now so she gently pushed her middle finger into Maura's wet fold.

Clinging her teeth Maura felt a bit of discomfort but new that was perfectly normal.

As Jane started to slowly thrust in and out of Maura she could feel her discomfort and was praying for it to disappear.

"I need more please." Maura asked.

"Okay." Jane nodded again, her only desire being her lover's full satisfaction.

Admiring Maura's courage Jane gently pushed a second finger inside of her.

Feeling the intense pain as she felt the second finger penetrating her Maura almost jumped out of her skin.

"Stop, stop it hurts." Maura begged tear at the corner of her eye.

"Okay, God I'm sorry baby." Jane said pulling her two fingers out.

Seeing Maura's pain on her face Jane started to hate herself thinking they should have waited another couple of weeks.

"I'm sorry just give me a minute."

"I'm sorry babe. I went in too fast." Jane apologized pressing her lips against Maura's.

"No you didn't, I suppose 85% of healing isn't enough to avoid the pain. But I really want you to make me come if you don't mind." Maura pouted.

"Okay." Jane smiled kissing her chin before making her way back down to Maura's folds.

As Jane continued to lick Maura's clit thrusting in and out of her with her tongue Jane said to herself that it wasn't that bad that she didn't need to finger her to make her come. Even if both Jane and Maura always enjoyed fingering each other they always came the harder going down on each other.

As Maura felt Jane devouring her she suddenly felt much hotter, her breathing was short, she was about to come.

"Oh God Jane, I'm gonna…" Maura said before feeling a gigantic spams going through her entire body from her head all the way down her toes.

Feeling Maura's inner muscles tightening around her tongues Jane smiles internally and pressed her tongue on her clit to increase her pleasure.

"Fuckkkkkk!"Maura let out grabbing Jane' s hand as she arched her back.

Feeling Maura's squeezing her hand, almost breaking it Jane could feel the extend of her orgasm. Her tongue still inside Maura's folds Jane could feel her inner muscle tightening and relaxing for a split second before tightening again over and over harder each time until Maura finally fell back on her pillow relaxing her inner muscles completely releasing Jane's tongue in the process.

Trying to catch her breath, running her fingers through Jane's hair Maura couldn't believe how good it was and couldn't stop thinking that she had been stupid not to have done this before.

Licking the last drop coming out Maura's fold before resting her head on Maura's belly Jane was relieved. She was relieved that despite the pain Maura felt when she inserted that second finger that she didn't stop her for good. She was also relieved to know that Maura was still capable of being aroused and of experience earth shattering orgasm.

Catching her breath Maura also felt relieved that she got to experience this incredible pleasure again. Obviously she was a bit upset that she was still in pain but was now convinced that it was only a matter of weeks before the pain disappear.

Lying in bed Jane on Maura's belly the two women didn't talk or move, they didn't need to. Enjoying the perfect moment of calm the couple realized that they had made it: they had rebuilt their relationship and built a family together. Things were exactly where they were supposed to be and no words or gesture could describe or picture how they felt, only silence could.

**So guys, what do you think?God It's hard for me to write love scenes but I think it was good!I hope I didn't disappointed you. Maybe some of you were expecting Maura to ask Jane to stop after being hurt a bit but I figured it wouldn't sound realistic.**

**I expect you guys to give me your honest feedback, remember I'm not comfortable writing sex scene so the more you encourage me the more x rated scenes I'll write!**


	29. Merry Christmas

**Chapter 29 :**

**Merry Christmas :**

Today was the most beautiful day of the year : it was December 24 th.

After 2 weeks of hard work Maura and Angela managed to entirely furnished the knew Isles- Rizzoli residence. Jane obviously wanted Maura to feel comfortable so she give her her blessing to buy what ever she wanted as long as it wasn't too fashionable like the furniture she had in her old house.

To her big surprise Maura only chose very sober, comfortable furniture that made this house warm and welcoming.

Every chair, table or even the couch had been chosen wisely and with consideration. Just like Jane Maura wanted their house to be a family house not a designer house that looks great but isn't welcoming or comfortable.

It was the middle of the afternoon and while Janie and Jane were finalizing the decoration of the tree Maura and Angela were in the kitchen finishing the meals for tonight.

Maura was extremely anxious about this Christmas dinner, because not only it was their first Christmas together as a family and since she came back but also because she was the host this year instead of Angela and she wanted everything to be perfect.

She was flattered that Angela asked her to host Christmas this year saying that it was time to pass the torch to the new mom. Both women grew pretty close over the past 8 months and shopping for furniture and preparing dinner brought them even closer.

Everything was almost set, dinner was cooking, dessert as well, the table was set, decorations as well, and Maura's mom Constance Isles was expected to arrive in a couple of hours, everything seems to indicate that this very special christmas was going to be memorable.

After two hours of hard work Jane and Janie finally decided that the tree was perfect.

"So what do you think mommy is it good enough?" Janie asked looking up at the 9 feet tall tree.

"I think you my dear did a great job." Jane said lifting her up her feet.

"Oh now I can see better." Janie smiled her arms around her neck.

As they were admiring their magnificent Christmas tree Maura suddenly stormed in the room covered in flour and visibly still nervous.

"What are you two doing?" Maura asked agitating her arms as she entered the living room.

"We're looking at the tree, I did most of the decorations but mommy helped, do you like it?" Janie asked proudly showing the result of her hard work.

"Yes, but please if you're done just clean after yourself , look those boxes need to go before the guests arrive, come on we don't have time to just stand there a contemplate that tree!" Maura ordered before leaving the room.

"She didn't even look at it mommy, she doesn't care!" Janie sobbed heart broken.

"Oh sweetie, of course she cares, she's just nervous. Give her some time to finish everything in the kitchen and to calm down a bit okay?" Jane said wiping the tear of her face.

"Why is she nervous?"

"Well, tonight is the first Christmas we organize, so she wants everything to be perfect ."

"Where did you go for Christmas before?"

"At my parents' house, my mother usually cooked dinner and your mommy helped but this year she's in charge and she wants to make our friends and family happy."

"It doesn't excuse being mean." Jane frowned her arms crossed on her chest.

"You're right. How about you clean up a bit when I talk t your mommy?" Jane offered gently dropping her on the couch.

"Okay."

As she entered she kitchen Jane saw her mother and Maura both covered in flour and food every where. She knew Maura was nervous but Janie was right, it wasn't an excuse to be mean to her so taking a deep breath she tried to find the most diplomatic way to explain this to hurt without causing a scene.

"How's the cleaning going?"

"You made her cry Maura."

"What?How did I made her cry?"

"She spent the entire morning decorating that tree and you barely looked at it . All you did was telling us to clean up our mess. "

"Is she still crying?"

"No, I told her that you were just nervous because it was the first year you hosted our Christmas dinner but she's mad at you for being rude to her."

"I"m sorry, I'm just nervous, she can understand that right?"

"Look babe, she might be a genius but she's also a little girl who needs her mommy's approval."

"We both know she cares more about your approval anyway..." Maura groaned avoiding Jane's look.

"Gee Maura, my...our daughter is hurt and you're jealous of the relationship I have with her?"

"Yes, I'm sorry you two are just so close and decorating the Christmas tree has always been our thing but this year she insisted to do it with you..."

Seeing how hurt Maura was Jane understood her attitude. Maura and Janie had lived together for the first 4 years of her life and during those years Janie was Maura's little girl, but ever since they came back to Boston Jane and Janie had build this incredible bond. Ever since the first time they met Janie started to literally worship Jane, trying to talk like her, dressing like her , always asking to spend time with her and Maura slowly started to feel that she was loosing her, that she was becoming Jane's little girl.

"I'm sorry babe, starting next year the two of you will decorate the tree together okay?" Jane said as a peace offering, snaking her arms around her.

"I understand the two of you are just trying to make up for the time you were apart but it hurts when she choses you over me..."

"She doesn't choses me over you, when we're together all she can talk about is her awesome mommy who's a Doctor and who saves lives, you're her hero, don't ever forget that."

"I know, it's just Christmas has always been so hard for me. When I was a kid my parents always had those huge parties at our mansion, it was everything but a familly celebration , not to mention that when I was in boarding school in europe I didn't even come back for the holidays."

"Oh, you were that kid, the one who stays at school during the holidays?"

"Yes. I knew my parents were busy and I didn't want to bother them..."

"Well things are different now, you have a beautiful daughter who loves you more than anything and family and friends who can't wait to spend Christmas with you and who will come back next year even if things aren't perfect. We're here for you Maura and I promise you're never gonna be alone for Christmas ever again. So please just relax okay?"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm going to apologize to her." Maura sighed cleaning herself up.

When Maura arrived in the living room Janie was lying on the couch her thumb in her mouth, watching tv.

"Hey sweetie, I'm sorry for earlier, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I'm just a bit nervous about diner." Maura said running her fingers through her little girl's hair.

"I don't care!" Janie replied rolling on her side turning her back to her .

"God, the more you grow up the more you have your mother's temper." Maura sighed.

"But she says I have your taste."

"Well looking at that tree, she's certainly right."

"So you like it?" Janie replied turning around her face lit up.

"Yes I do. I'm sorry for not paying attention earlier, I suppose I got a bit jealous."

"Because I asked mommy to do it with me instead of you this year?"

"Yes." Maura ashamedly admited .

"I'm sorry Mommy, I didn't want to hurt you but it's the first year mommy is with us and I wanted to show you how we decorate the tree but I still love you mommy." Janie said jumping in her mommy's arms.

"I love you too sweetie." Maura replied holding her little girl as tight as she could.

After apologizing to each other Maura and Jane spent a long moment admiring the tree and taking pictures for the family album. Everything were finally back to normal, the atmosphere was light and joyful again when :

"Well I see my grand daughter inherited my artistic side." A familiar voice suddenly spoke a few feet behind them.

"Grand ma!" Janie yelled running towards Constance Isles who was standing in the middle of their living room.

"Mother, I thought your plane arrived at 5..." Maura said embarrassed trying to fix her hair.

"I took an early flight." Constance said picking up Janie.

"Well we're both happy that you're here. Will you be staying here or at the Ritz?"Maura asked hugging her mother.

"I think I will be staying with you if that's no trouble."

"Yes mommy please please please..." Janie begged.

"Yes of course, it's just the guest room isn't finished yet."

"I'm sure It's perfect darling don't worry, you certainly did a great job with the living room, it looks gorgeous "

Looking around Maura realized what her mess the living room was. There were empty boxes from the decorations everywhere not to mention she was dirty form the cooking. She had worked hard for the past two weeks to make this house presentable but most especially for her mother. Even if she was 35 Maura was still looking for her mother's approval and she knew that she had disappointed her when she left Jane and refused to go back to Boston. Even if she didn't agree with her decisions Constance always supported her and helped her with Janie, actually they grew closer over the past 4 years and Maura was excited to show her the new life Jane and her had built and she wanted everything to be perfect.

"You're all set Mrs Isles, your bags are in the guest room and I took the liberty to turn of the heat a bit" Jane said coming behind them.

"Thank you darling. How about your mommy and you go clean up yourself a bit while Jane and I talk for a little while?"Constance offered releasing Janie .

"Yes, mommy smells funny." Janie laughed.

"Well if both of you think I need to shower then I should go. Come on sweetheart we need to choose what you're going to wear tonight. Mother, it's very nice to see you."

"It's very nice to see you two mother." Maura smiled before leaving the room .

"Well Jane, it seems like you found yourself a very nice house here." Constance said as she carefully inspected the living room.

"Thank you, well it was a mess when I bought it. My dad, my brother and I spent almost 2 months redoing the floors, the plumbing, but Maura and my mother took care of the furniture and the decoration."

"Well you certainly did a fantastic job together, I'm happy Maura decided to come back to Boston."

"So I am, she told me you tried to convince her to do it for a long time and I wanted to thank you for that."

"Well I might have missed on a good part of her life and I might not know my daughter as well as I should but the one thing I know is that she loves you and you love her . I knew she would have been miserable for the rest of her life especially if she had to raise her daughter alone."

"I know, and trust me I was miserable as well, but now she's here, Janie is here and we're a family and I promise I'm going to take good care of them."

"You adopted my grand daughter, gave her your name not to mention you bought this gorgeous house for them, I think I can trust you to give them everything they need and I will always be grateful for that."

"Thank you, actually there is something I would like to talk to you about, well actually there is something I need to ask you..." Jane said taking a deep breath.

As Jane and Constance were talking in the living room and Maura and Janie were cleaning themselves up to welcome their guests Angela was still in the kitchen finalizing the cooking of the last pie they would serve for dessert. Being here in that kitchen, in the house her daughter had bought and renovated for her family Angela felt a bit nostalgic. Only a few years back Maura would come to her house asking her advice on various things including Jane but now it seems that neither Jane or Maura needed her help anymore. They had their own family, careers and had started their own Christmas tradition. She felt that her work here was over, that the daughter she had raised had become this loving mother and partner and she was proud of her and of herself as well feeling that somehow it was because of her.

**So guys, did you like this first part?I know it's more of an introduction then a real Christmas chapter. Don't worry next chapter will be the dinner itself...Some surprises are coming :)**

**So tell me guys do you understand Maura's attitude and jealousy?Or was she over reacted again?**

**As always reviews are welcome...**


	30. Christmas dinner

**Chapter 30 :**

**Christmas dinner: **

Around 6 O clock the guests started to arrive. Everything was perfect : the dinner table was set, dinner was ready, both Janie and Jane had taken a shower and had put their party clothes on. Every one was here : Korsak, Frost, Frank Sr, Angela, Frankie and even Constance Isles had flew from europe to spend Christmas with her daughter and grand daughter. The only person missing was Maura, she had disappear over two hours ago and was still missing.

"Do you know where Maura is?" Jane asked looking around trying to find her.

"She's probably still getting ready. I'll go get her ." Constance offered.

"Yes please, I sometimes forget how long it takes her to get ready." Jane joked.

As Constance arrived in Maura and Jane's bedroom she found her daughter all dressed up sitting on their bed.

"Maura darling, your guests arrived and they're looking for you." Constance said entering the bedroom.

"Thank you, I just need another minute."

"Is there something wrong darling?" Constance asked sitting next to her daughter.

"No, everything is perfect. I'm about to spend Christmas with my friends my daughter and the woman I love not to mention you're here as well, everything is perfect."

"But you feel that you don't deserve all this…"

"I don't, I mean not only I broke Jane's heart but I broke their hearts too, we were a family and I just left them…."

"Well I think that just like Jane they are all adults and they came to realize that you had your reasons and forgave you and maybe it's time that you forgive yourself too don't you think?"

"Yes, I know, how about Jane, do you think she's still hurt?"

"Well she adopted your daughter, gave her last name to her and bought this house for you so it's safe to say that she did indeed forgive you. She loves you Maura, she always has, don't doubt that now." Constance Isles said remembering her earlier conversation with Jane.

Maura never thought that her mother would give her blessing to their relationship. She knew that her mother wouldn't have an issue with her dating another woman, but she expected her to be against her only daughter dating someone that wasn't born in money. Actually Jane and Constance were as different as two people could possibly be and at first Constance was a bit reluctant to see Maura getting so close to the Detective. Fortunately for Jane Constance realized immediately after they met that Jane's only intention was to protect Maura and to do everything in her power to keep her from being hurt even if it meant standing up against her. Constance was actually impressed by Jane's attitude and strength, because as an Isles she wasn't used to people speaking their minds and confronting her like that. Yes from the first time she met Jane she knew that she only had Maura's best interest at heart. So when Maura called her telling her Jane and her were dating she felt somehow relieved knowing that her daughter was taken care of by someone as loving and protective as Jane. When Maura left Jane and told her she was pregnant Constance tried her best to convince her to go back to Boston, that Jane would understand and would be a great mother to her child, but Maura refused. So she took it on her to help raise Janie and be the best grand mother she needed her to be and it actually brought them closer. Unfortunately as close as they became Constance always knew that something essential was missing in her daughter's life . She knew she was never going to be happy away from Boston and Jane and somehow felt relieved when Doyle called her and asked her to put him in contact with Maura explaining that she was in danger and that he needed her in Boston for her own protection. She knew that Maura couldn't go to Boston without seeing Jane but actually never thought Jane would give her another chance that quickly. Fortunately 8 months later here they were, raising her grand daughter together, moving into a new house. Seeing Jane forgiving Maura Constance had no doubt that she truly loved her. She knew how hurt she had been for the past 5 years and what she went through and admire her for giving her a second chance, accepting got hear her side of the story . She knew it took a lot of love and understanding and tolerance for Jane to accept Maura back in her life and to accept her daughter as well and she knew that even if they probably had things to work on like any other couple that her daughter would be taken care of for the rest of her life and as a mother, that's all she wanted.

As Maura entered the room she was happy and overwhelmed to see her friends sitting there in the dinning room around the same table the way they used to before she left.

"Are you alright?" Jane asked as she came out of the kitchen her arms filled up with food.

"Yes, let's join our guests." Maura replied helping Jane with the dishes.

Dinner went well , both Jane's friends and family and Constance Isles were having a good time, enjoying good food, good wine and most importantly good company.

Maura remained quiet most part of the dinner, observing her mother interact with her friends, especially Korsak and Angela who were the closest to her age. Looking around Maura was overwhelmed with this feeling of being finally complete. After months of making incredible efforts she finally felt she was back in the good grace of Frost and Frankie Jr and that they ha forgiven her. Looking ground her Maura felt that her life was the way it was supposed to be : she was surrounded by her mother, her friends and most importantly by Jane and their daughter. Looking around the table Maura knew that she finally had the life she had missed and desired for so long.

Just before dinner Angela felt it was time for the hosts to give a little speech and discreetly spread the word to her daughter.

"Ladies and Gentlemen if I can have your attention please, I would like to say a few words." Jane started clearing her throat with a sip of wine. "Well first of all I wanted to thank you all for coming to our new house, don't compliment me, Maura and Ma ddid all the decoration." Jane started making her audience laugh.

"Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a cop and when I finally graduated from the academy my only purpose in life became catching bad guys. Maybe it was for the thrill of it maybe because I liked helping people, I don't know all I know is that nothing else mattered. Then I met Maura and she taught me that there were things far more important thing in life than work and catching bad even if she helped me open my eyes and heart to the her and to the world I was still pretty wild and reckless. Well that was until she gave me a daughter. Meeting Janie and taking care of her completely changed my way of seeing the world. Now I'm more careful at work and most importantly when it's dinner time, even if I haven't closed the case yet instead of staying up all night I go home because the only thing I want is to spend time with my family. Maura, Janie, you changed my life, now my only priority and purpose in life is to be a good mother and a good partner. Now I go to work every day trying to make the world a better place for you and that even more than adrenaline is the best motivation in the world. We've been through a lot over the past few years but we're still here and I think our love is strong then you, to both of you. To family." Jane said rising her glass.

"Well Jane, that was certainly well spoken." Maura started standing up as well.

"As you mentioned you and I have been through some rough time over the past few years. When I came back I expected you to completely reject me but you didn't, you open your ears and your heart to me. You listen to what I had to say and you gave me a second chance. Actually you all did, and I'm grateful to be surrounded by so many loving and forgiving people. Once again I know what I did was terribly wrong and I can promise you that I'm never going to leave ever again. Being here surrounded by all of you I know that I belong here in Boston . But most importantly being in this house I know that my place is with Jane and our daughter. I know with certainty that my life, our lives is right the way it was supposed to be. Jane, you were right our love is stronger today than it was when I left and I know it's only going to get stronger with time. I can't wait to see what the destiny has planned for us . To family." Maura said rising her glass.

During the entire dinner Janie, a bit impressed surrounded by all those growing up, remained quiet eating her dinner sitting between her two mommies. Even if she was only almost 4 Janie just like her mother was smart and she liked to observe people around her. Even if she was too young to fully understand what happened between her two mommies before she was born she could feel that they were both sad about it, but that now they were finally a family and she one everything was going to be alright as long as she was with her two mommies.

"Can I say something too?" Janie asked pulling Jane's sleeve to get her attention.

"Sure sweetie, ladies and gentleman your attention please , my daughter wants to say a few words." Jane proudly said helping her standing up on her chair.

"I just wanted to say that I'm happy we live in Boston with my other mommy. I'm only 4 so I don't remember much of last Christmas but I remember that my mommy used to be so sad all the time but now she smiles all the time. So I wanted to thank my mommy Jane for buying us this house so we can be a family and I wanted to thank my mommy Maura for being the best mommy in the whole world." Janie said jumping in Maura's arms.

"We love you too sweetie." Maura sobbed holding her daughter against her.

As the clan finished dinner late, Janie started to feel tired so Jane took her to bed :

"Do you need anything ?Does your tummy hurt?" Jane asked pulling up the blanket over her chest.

"No, grand ma's food was awesome!"

"I know right?Well if you're not sick after eating that much food you're definitely a Rizzoli." Jane joked.

"What about mommy?When are you making her a Rizzoli?"

"I'm working on it sweetie..Don't worry."

"Do you at least have the ring we choose the other day?"

"Yes I do, I don't know if I'm going to wait for tomorrow or ask her tonight?What do you think?"

"I think that you should ask her tonight because tomorrow we're going to be too busy playing with all the toys Santa is going to bring me."

"Alright, so you're sure you're okay with your mommy and I getting married?"

"Of course mommy, parents have to be married . I mean all my friends' parents are married you know..."

"I know well your mommy and I like to do things differently, we had you and if she says yes we'll get married soon."

"She's going to say yes mommy, she loves you and I love you too but now I'm tired..."

"Sure darling, sleep well. I love you too." Jane sighed kissing her forehead.

As Jane went back downstairs with her guests to have dessert she started to think about the previous week and the day she brought Janie to a jewelry store to find the perfect engagement ring . She remembered explaining everything to her so she wouldn't feel betrayed and actually asking for the little's girl consent and also Constance's approval a few hours ago.

_"So Jane, why is that you want to ask me?"Constance Isles asked knowing exactly what Jane was going to ask her._

_"Well, about a week ago Janie and I went to a jewelry store and we bought this." Jane explained pulling a little blue box from her pocket._

_"Oh I see, it's quite spectacular I must say, you have great taste Detective." Constance said inspecting the ring like an expert._

_"Yes, well to be fair Janie helped and she definitely has the Isles sense of taste for those things. Anyway, I know you might be thinking it's too early that Maura only came back 7 months ago and that I already adopted her daughter and bought a house for us but I love her. I think I loved her the first day I saw her 10 years ago. I remember being miserable for the 5 years she was away from me and I promised myself that if she ever came back to her I would never let her go again and I would do everything in my power to show her how much I loved her. So tonight or tomorrow morning I'm going to ask Maura to marry me and I know how important your opinion is for her and how close you are now. So I would like you to give us your blessings, please."_

_"Jane, darling, do you really think you need to ask for my consent? You had my consent ever since you stood up to me that night telling me I was hurting Maura. You were the first person to confront me on my failure as a mother and from that moment I knew that I could trust you with my daughter's well being. When Maura told me you too were finally dating I was relieved because I couldn't possibly think of someone more deserving of my daughter's love and of my trust. So ask my daughter to marry her tonight and make an honest woman of her." _

Remembering her conversation with her future Mother in law Jane started to smile but found herself extremely nervous a bit later once the party was over .

As Maura was sitting on the edge of her bed fixing her hair before going to sleep Jane was sitting behind her.

"Maura?" Jane finally spoke taking a deep breath

"Give me a second ."

"No, I've been waiting for this for too long."Jane asked wrapping her arms around her, opening a small blue box.

"Oh my…." Maura let out as she looked down at the beautiful diamond ring.

As she bounced at Maura's feet Jane's heart started beating faster. She had been thinking about proposing for a while but never found the perfect moment , and there it was finally.

"Maura, I love you, I always had, even when I hated you. I spent the past 5 years promising myself that if you ever came back I would do everything in my power to prove to you that I had what it takes to make you happy for the rest of your life. I know we accomplished a lot over the past few months, we got back together, I adopted your daughter and we moved into this house. I think we proved to ourselves and to people that we were meant to be together and that no matter what challenge life would threw at our face we would win because we truly loved each other. So maybe we don't need this because but God I just can't spend another day calling you my girlfriend, we're way too old for that and partner sounds so snob, so please Maura Marry me, I promise I'll take care of you and of our family until my last breath."Jane asked down on one knee tears running down her cheek.

"Jane...I..." Maura mumbled looking down at her beautiful girlfriend pouring her heart out to her.

**Yes, you hate me...So is she gonna say yes?What do you think?Did you expect it?**


	31. Jane Isles Rizzoli

**Chapter 31 :**

**Jane Isles-Rizzoli :**

"Jane...I..." Maura mumbled looking down at her beautiful girlfriend pouring her heart out to her.

Looking down at Jane and realizing what was going on Maura started to feel her heart hammering her chest, and her head started spinning, she couldn't breath, couldn't move let alone give Jane an answer.

"Wow, If I knew it would have caused that effect on you I would have popped the question before, come on just breath." Jane said cupping Maura's face with both hand trying to calm her down.

"I..I'm hyperventilating. Oh God…" Maura mumbled almost unable to breath, her throat dry.

"There is nothing to hyperventilate about. I love you and everything is going to be okay. "

"I…Don't deserve this."

"Shhh." Jane said one finger on Maura's lips .

"Yes, I'll marry you." Maura finally let out wrapping her arms around Jane's neck.

"Thank God." Jane sighed in relieved as she pushed the ring around Maura's finger .

A while later lying in bed Jane and Maura were enjoying this precious moment knowing that as soon as they made the official announcement they wouldn't have a minute for themselves. They knew they would be overwhelmed by their friends and families and the planning of the wedding and that they wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

Resting her head on Jane's chest listening to her heart beat Maura was admiring the beautiful ring Jane had given her. It was perfect, just the way she had dreamed it, the size, the shape, the way she proposed to her, everything happened the way she always dreamed about.

"How long have you been planning this?"

"Not long, last week Janie and I went to a jewelry store to chose the perfect ring and I asked permission to your mother tonight."

"You brought our daughter to the jewelry store?"

"Yes, I explained to her that I wanted to ask you to marry you to make sure she understood what it meant and to make sure she was okay with it and she offered to help me chose the ring."

"I know she's only 4 but she already loves jewelry a lot…"

"Yes and she had a crush on that ring, we both did actually. You know I could have chosen the ring by myself but I wanted her to be a part of it. I wanted her to know that it wouldn't change anything between the two of you, that I didn't want to steal you away from her. It was important that I told her so she didn't feel betrayed you know."

" I understand your point and I'm glad you talked about it. How about my mother, how did she react?"

"She said she was happy that you decided to move back to Boston and that I won her consent the day I stood up to her and made her realize that she had missed on so much of your life."

"I think we're closer today because of you. I'm glad she gave you her blessing. Does your mother know?"

"You're kidding me?If I had told her she would have spent the night staring at us and asking me when I was going to pop the question. You know how intruding she can be."

"She loves us Jane, that's all, but you're right she might have put some unnecessary pressure on you ."

" I'm a cop darling I don't bend under pressure. No matter what happened tonight I knew that at the end of dinner I was going to ask you to marry me. "

"You seem to be so sure of you, of us…"

"Aren't you?"

"I am, I know that I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I just never imagine you would ever ask me to marry you, at least not so fast."

"It's been 10 years Maura, I spent the first 5 years loving you and watching you go out with all those guys and suffering in silence because I was scared to share my feelings with you. After that I spent the other 5 years regretting not showing you that I loved you more during the month we dated. I always thought that if I had showed you more that you could trust me , that together we could face anything, you would have stayed. We waited long enough for the bad reasons Maura. I don't want to be scared anymore , it's time."

"There was nothing you could have done to make me stay Jane. I was scared and nothing you could have done could have changed that back then. You're right we missed on so much because of our fears, I don't want to let anything come between us ever again. You're right it's time, well I mean not right now, we can't possibly get married during winter…"

"Yeah, what about a summer wedding, in june?Weather should be sweet without being too hot…"

"Let me think.. a little over 6 months to organize our wedding…That should be enough…"

"Wow, what kind of wedding do you have in mind?"

"Well you know in my family we take weddings very seriously…"

"Oh god, an Isles wedding, can we just have a Rizzoli wedding?"

"Don't you want it to be perfect?"

"Yes I do, I want to give you the best wedding possible, but you and I we're from different worlds and we do things differently and the idea of an Isles wedding is a bit scary…"

"Well I think we can manage to find a compromise between what we both want. We could have a gorgeous wedding that represents both of us without making it to extravagant."

"Yes, we should do that."

That night the newly engaged couple fell asleep talking about their wedding. Listening to Maura telling her how she pictured that special day Jane realized that Maura was one of those woman who had her wedding plan even since she was a little girl and was determined to give her the fairy tale wedding she had dreamed about all her life.

The next morning Maura was the first to wake up around 9 am.

"Oh God Jane wake up!" Maura yelled jumping out of bed.

"What, what's going on?" Jane mumbled falling off the bed.

"It's already 9 am."

"It's still early come on come back to bed." Jane asked trying to pull her back to bed.

"You don't understand, Janie, my mother and I usually wake up around 7 am to open our presents. It's already 9 am and we haven't put her presents under the tree yet."

"Yeah about that, I took care of it, don't worry…"

"You did?"

"Yes, I woke up around 3 am and remembered your mother telling me about that so I went into the garage and brought all her presents inside so don't worry about it. Actually I'm sure she's already up. We should go check on her."

"Thank you, I must say with dinner and everything I forgot to tell you I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Jane replied putting her clothes on.

As the two women were walking down the stairs Jane felt something she never felt before : for the first time she was about to spend Christmas day with a child, her own child not to mention Maura was now her fiancee... Last night's dinner was pretty random because Maura always spent Christmas with them before she left, but this opening presents with her daughter and her fiancee on Christmas day, that was something she never thought she would experience.

When the two newly engaged women arrived in the living room Janie was already up along with her grand mother playing with all the presents Santa had brought her.

"Mommy, mommy look what santa got me!" Janie enthusiastically said running towards her mommies.

"Wow you certainly received a lot of presents." Jane smiled.

"That's because I was really good this year. Come on mommy I'll show your everything!"

"Jane, Maura, good morning, I hope you don't mind Janie and I started without you." Constance said hoping to receive the good news soon.

"No, it's okay we were both exhausted last night we needed to sleep a bit longer. Thank you mother."Maura replied trying to hide her hands in her pockets.

"Well you certainly received a lot of presents Janie, do you think you're going to play with all of them?" Jane asked as they sat in the middle of the presents that were spread all over the floor of their living room.

"Yes, I'm only 4 you know I have a lot of free time." Janie replied sitting under the Christmas tree surrounded by two dozens of empty boxes.

As Jane and Janie were playing with her new toys Maura and her mother were sitting on the couch enjoying a hot chocolate. Maura was awfully quiet, she didn't know if Jane wanted her to tell her mother or if she wanted to wait until all their loving one were in the same room to make an official announcement. Not telling her mother was excruciating because ever since she was a little girl Maura had dreamed about her wedding. She always knew that as distant as her mother was she would help her to organize her wedding and always hoped it would probably bring them closer. Now that the two women were as close as a mother and a daughter were supposed to be Maura was looking forward planing her wedding knowing that it would be an incredible experience to share with her mother and Angela.

Sitting next to her daughter Constance had no doubt that Jane had indeed proposed to her. If she knew one thing about her daughter was that she couldn't lie or hide her emotions and seeing the smile on her face and the way she sat tapping her fingers on her cup, she knew she was excited.

"Is there something wrong darling, do you need to go to the ladies room?"Constance asked.

"No, what does make you think so?"Maura mumbled blushing.

"Well the way you sitting darling, it really looks like you need to go to the bathroom, or maybe you have something to tell me but you don' t know if you should..."

"Jane asked me to marry her..." Maura let out immediately covering her mouth with her hand.

"Maura!Gee you could have waited!" Jane groaned.

"I'm sorry we've been here for two hours, I couldn't hold it anymore."

"It's alright, yes Mrs Isles last night I asked Maura to mary me and she said yes." Jane proudly said walking towards her future mother in law.

"I'm glad you did, congratulations and welcome into the family Jane." Constance Isles said giving a warm hug to her future daughter in law.

"Thank you Mrs Isles, you know having your blessings means a lot to us."

"I know and I'm sure my husband will be happy to give you his blessing too when he's back from his trip."

"Mommy, mommy, you like the ring?I chose it myself you know." Janie said jumping on her mommy's lap.

"I know, I love it darling you know sometimes I'm scared that you inherited your mommy's tastes but apparently I was wrong, you have the Isles' taste for jewlery." Maura laughed looking at Jane.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean, I chose you right, that alone proves I have great tastes. Not to mention I chose this house, right?"

"You're right, on certain things you have great tastes, speaking of which, your present darling, merry Christmas."Maura said grabbing a small box and an envelope on the coffe table.

"Oh babe, you shouldn't have, you already bought all the furniture ..." Jane replied embarrased knowing how generous Maura was.

"Don't argue with me, open the box first."

"Alright..." Jane sighed opened the blue box.

"Do you like it?"

"If I like it?I love it, it's the coolest watch I ever saw, must have cost you a small fortune." Jane replied pulling out the luxury watch of the box.

"Well it's an antique, it has history and it's almost unbreakable , considering you broke two of them tackling suspect in the past 6 months I thought it would be a good investment."

"Thank you babe, I love it." Jane said pressing her lips against hers looking down at their daughter still sitting on their lap.

"Are you going to do that once you get married? I don't like it when you kiss it's inappropriate." Jane frowned a disgusted look on her face.

"Oh yeah, I love kissing your mommy and I'm not considering ever stopping, you'll understand some day." Jane replied patting her shoulder.

"How about you open the envelope?"Maura asked biting her lower lip knowing this was something Jane had been expecting for a long time.

Opening the large brown envelope Jane found a passport and a birth certificate and a passport . On the passport was written "Jane Isles Rizzoli" and on the birth certificate her name was right next to Maura's name under the "parent" box.

"Oh...Oh God." Jane said almost chocking out.

"Yes, I know it took longer than expected you know being the holiday period but congratulations darling, you're officially Janie's mommy."Maura explained .

Seeing her last name on her daughter's passport and on her birth certificate Jane's heart was suddenly filled up with so much pride. The judge and social worker had approved the adoption 2 months before and they had signed the adoption papers, but this passport and birth certificate were the proof that Janie was finally hers. Even if Janie had been taken care of Janie and had felt like her mother almost since the first day they met knowing she was finally officially her daughter brought a feeling of pride and responsibility to her heart. Now that Maura was going to be her wife, they were her family and her responsibility. For the past 7 months Jane had treated Maura and Janie like her family and had taken care of them but seeing those papers felt like the reality just slapped her face. Now she couldn't screw up or be reckless, she had a daughter and a future wife to think of, she couldn't offered to think about herself anymore, she had to puts her family's needs and desires before hers. Strangely holding her future wife and he daughter in the middle of their new house Jane wasn't scared, she felt more confident and stronger than ever.

**So guys what do you think?Did you like it?I won't go and write about each single gifts they all exchange that would be boring...Next few chapters might be interesting. I know I wrote two Rizzoli-Isles wedding before but this one is gonna rock your mind, nothing like what you ever read before!**

**As always reviews are welcome, I'm curious to see if you enjoy the gift Maura gave Jane.**


	32. Compromise

**Hey guys, as I mentioned in my other story I will not be uploading as often. My writing's quality as been declining and I think I should take my time . So from now on I will only upload when I'm completely satisfied. Don't worry I have a very fertile imagination so you'll still get several updates a week, but I just want things to be perfect!**

**Chapter 32:**

**Compromise : **

A few hours later after cleaning up the house Jane, Maura and Constance sat down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee in front of the fire place. While Janie was still playing with her new toys under the huge Christmas tree the three women were enjoying the beautiful fire, trying to digest last night's dinner.

Holding Maura in her arms, looking at her seeing that she could kept her eyes away from her engagement ring Jane knew she had made the right choice. During the years Maura was away she had prayed for her to come back but never thought she would actually be able to forgive her . When Maura finally came back she first felt more resettlement than she had ever felt and never thought their relationship could be fixed, she thought it their special bond was damaged beyond repair. But here they were 7 months later in a beautiful house, engaged, celebrated their first Christmas together. Jane was realistic enough to know she would never completely forgive or forget what Maura did to her but looking at her daughter she knew she made the right decision giving her a second chance.

"So have you set up a date yet?" Looking at Maura comfortably settled in Jane's arms Constance knew that this day would mark the end of 5 excruciating years for her daughter. She obviously enjoyed taking care of Maura and Janie during all those years but she knew that they were meant to be here with Jane.

"We haven't chosen a precise date yet but we've discussed it and we decided that June would be perfect." Maura replied rising her head.

"I agree the weather won't be too hot but not cold either and it gives us just enough time to prepare the wedding." Constance enthusiastically said her face lighting up.

"Just enough time? It's in over 6 months, I think we have plenty of time." Jane joked not realizing how serious Constance was.

"Not as much as you think Jane. The dress alone is probably going to require several months to be made, actually we should call Claire right after the holidays. She did a wonderful work organizing the Bakers' wedding last year."

"Yes, I remember and she's based here in Boston, how convenient." Maura replied clapping her hands together in excitement.

"Wait a minute…6 months to make a dress?And a wedding planner?Don't you think you're over reacting a bit?What's next? Are you going to ask the mayor to mary us?" Jane joked .

"Of course who else were you expecting to marry you?"

At first having someone so healthy in her life was unsettling for Jane and when she first met Maura she couldn't help but judging her on that. But after learning to know her better she discovered that Maura was different from the other healthy people she had met. She worked hard to be recognized in her field and never thought of herself as above the law and most importantly never tried to buy her friendship. At first it was a bit unsettling for Jane to be friend with someone so different who had been raised in another world. Fortunately Jane quickly realized that Maura and her had more in common than they initially thought : they shared the same taste for justice, the same work ethic and the same values. So Jane made an effort to accept Maura for who she was instead of judging her on her money .

Maura on the other hand always tried her best not to make her uncomfortable and let Jane pay when they went out and didn't offer to pay her share of the house Jane had bought. She knew that by doing that she would hurt Jane's pride, her visceral need of taking care of her and her family. Yes Jane's issue with Maura's money mostly came from her pride and desire to be the provider, the one who taking care of everything.

Sitting there Jane was forced to face with the painful reality : Maura and her were so different , she wanted a simple , modest wedding while Maura would probably want an expensive and fancy wedding.

"Look Mrs Isles, with all due respect I think you're over reacting, Maura and I don't need or want a freaking royal wedding." Jane replied her hand on Maura's thigh, squeezing it gently.

Jane was well aware of everything Constance had done for Maura and Janie during the past 5 years : she took care of them and was there when Maura almost bled out and she would be for ever in her debt for that, but this was their marriage and she needed to make it really clear that they would be the one making the decisions, not her.

"Jane, you're the one over reacting, we're not talking about a royal wedding, we're just trying to plan the best wedding possible. Don't you want to give me the wedding of my dreams?" Maura replied pushing Jane's hand away.

"Of course babe, you know I love you and I want to give you the wedding and the life you always dreamed about, but just like this house I want our wedding to look like us. I want it to reflect who we are you know."

"That's all very romantic and modest of you Jane, but Maura is my only daughter and I intend to give her the wedding of her dreams, the type wedding her name entitles her to."

The tension between Jane and her future mother in law was now palpable, neither of them were willing to back down. Constance wanted her daughter to have the wedding someone from her status was entitled to and Jane wanted a simple wedding that reflected their personalities rather than their bank accounts and most importantly she didn't want Constance to pay for it.

"Again with all due respect Mrs Isles, Maura is going to be my wife so she's going to be Rizzoli and we do things a bit differently in my family."

"Oh so Maura is the one who's going to have to give up her name?"

Sitting there Maura was split between the two women she loved the most. After being estranged from her most of her life they were now as close as a mother and her daughter could be and she didn't want to hurt her feelings and loose her. But on the other hand Jane was right she was going to be a Rizzoli and after spending the past 10 years in Jane's family she changed and learned to do things their way, in a more modest way. Maura loved Jane's family and really wanted to change her last name but she didn't want to hurt her mother and made her think she was rejecting her own family and name and the way she was raised. Maura was torn between who she was raised to be and who she became being with Jane all those years.

"Would you please stop fighting! Jane, you know I love you, but ever since I was a little girl I had this very precise vision of the day I would get married. It might sounds idealistic and childish but when I imagine myself walking down the aisle I picture doing it wearing a custom made italian dress surrounded by the most exquisite flowers and decoration money can buy. When I think about our wedding reception I imagine a gigantic dinner with our friends and family at the Plaza eating dinner cooked by the best chef. I know your family does things in a more private way and you're right once we get married I will be a Rizzoli, but I want this wedding to represent us, both of us so I'm sure we can find a good compromise right?"

Listening to Maura paint her dream wedding Jane realized she was the kind of woman who has been planning it ever since she was a little girl and she was willing to put her pride aside to give her the fairy tale wedding she grew up dreaming about.

"Of course princess, I'm sorry. Believe me when I say I want to give you the wedding of your dreams . I would be happy getting marry at City hall tomorrow with just our parents and closest friends and coming back to our house afterwards to have the dinner my mother would have prepared. But you want things to be a bit more sophisticated and I want to make you happy so I guess we could find a way to compromise." Jane said cupping Maura's face with her right hand gently rubbing her cheek with her thumb.

"Really?" Maura's heart was hammering against her chest. She wanted this day to be perfect and didn't want it to be a cause of discord between Jane and her mother.

After years of making every one she cared about miserable Maura wanted this marriage not only to unify their love but also to mark this end of the pain she cause and the beginning of their new lives. She loved her mother and she was grateful to be an Isles aware of how lucky she had been to have been raised with so many privileges but she also loved being a Rizzoli and she wanted nothing more but to see her two families united to celebrate the most important day of her life.

"Of course, you know I can't refuse you anything anyway. I only have one request.."

"Let me guess, you're not wearing a dress?" Maura mocked rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I think I can compromise on a lot of things for you but I'm not wearing a dress, I'm sure I can find a suit that looks fancy enough so I don't look ridiculous standing next to you."

"You could never look ridiculous next to me Jane." Maura smiled her forehead pressed against her future wife's.

"Well I'm glad we come to a compromise." Constance said relieved that she didn't cause trouble between the two women.

As grateful as Constance was to have had the opportunity to have a second chance to have a normal relationship with Maura and as much as she enjoyed taking care of her and Janie, Constance Isles knew that it was time for her to let them go. Looking at them she knew that they belonged with Jane and she knew both her girls would be taken care of.

"I'm sorry Mrs Isles. Please do not think that I'm not grateful for the way you took care of my family when I couldn't but you know me, I have my pride and I just want to take care of them you know. "

"I understand. I'm thankful for the time Maura and I had to rebuild our relationship and I'm more than grateful that I got to see my grand daughter grow up but you're right. Maura and Janie are your family now and I wouldn't want to interfere. I know what kind of influence you and your family had over the past my daughter 10 years and I'm grateful you welcomed Maura so naturally. We are all adults and I'm sure we can work things out and make this day memorable."

Right after discussing the wedding a bit more, trying to find a way to make it an Isles wedding as much as a Rizzoli wedding Jane and Maura decided it was time to make an official announcement. So that night they invited Angela, Frank Sr, Frankie Jr, Frost and Korsak to their house and told them the good news. When Jane stood up, a glass of wine in her hand and told them that last night she went down on one knee and asked Maura to marry her the entire assembly let an enthusiastic " Finally ". Actually Angela cried for half an hour happy that her little girl had finally decided to forgive Maura, to put the past behind them and to look forward. Angela remembered the first time she met Maura. At first she thought that it would never work, that they would never make an efficient team, but with time she came to realize that it was actually their differences made them a great team . Soon enough Jane started to bring Maura to their family dinners and Angela saw immediately how close they were. She could feel how special Maura was for her daughter by the way she protected her from Frankie Jr's constant teasing and also by the way she looked at her and talked to her. Jane has always been independent and reluctant to make any kind of sacrifices and compromises but she could see that she was behaving differently with Maura. When she was around Maura she was much more quiet and even if the Doctor drove her crazy Jane never lost her temper with her. Instead of making Maura do things her way, Jane would try to see things through Maura's eyes and explain them to her in a way she would understand. Yes Maura turned Jane into a more patient, more relaxed person. So when they announced they were dating Angela couldn't have been happier. She knew that Maura made Jane a better person, that with all her awkwardness she managed to make her open up to her in a way no one ever succeeded to do. She knew that with Maura Jane was a different person, that she could be herself and she was grateful for that. Now Jane was going to marry her and they had a beautiful daughter and after spending the past 5 years fearing that Jane would never be happy again Angela was finally able to breath and sleep at night knowing that Jane was finally living a happy and productive life again.

**So guys, what do you think? Has my writing improved? I promise you from now on I will pay more attention and make efforts to give you chapters you deserve.**

**Oh and don't even try to picture their weddings because there is no way you can guess what I have planned for them!**


	33. Stepping up

**Thank you guys, I'm glad you appreciate the effort in the writing!This chapter is...I can't qualify it, I had that idea in mind for a while...**

**Chapter 33:**

**Stepping up.**

It was now the middle of January and ater considering it carefully Constance decided to temporarily move back to Boston where her and her husband still owned a house. After spending 5 years being so close to Maura and Janie, she just couldn't imagine being away from them, not to mention Maura needed her close to help planning the wedding.

Right after the holidays Constance and Angela came together and decided to make it their personal mission to organize the most perfect wedding for their daughters. Actually against all odds Constance and Angela grew quite close over the past few weeks. Who knew two women who were that different would become so close?Actually they had more in common than people could imagine : they both loved their daughters and they shared a grand daughter and that certainly helped bonding, not to mention that Maura and Jane were so busy with their respective careers and Janie that they barely had time to think about planning their wedding.

That day was a cold day but Janie had insisted to go to the park to ride her bike, so Constance who couldn't refuse her anything decide to give Maura and Jane some mommy time by taking her out.

Both Maura and Jane were grateful two have to wonderful grand mothers willing to take care of Janie when they needed to spend some quality time together. Obviously both women loved their daughter more than life itself but between their long hours and the constant attention Janie required, they barely had time to spend alone. Once they put Janie to bed at night they were most of the time too tired to do anything else than sleeping and on week ends Janie would monopolize their attention, she would wake up early and barge into their bedroom which made it hard for them to even try to share some sexy time.

So that sunday morning as soon as Constance closed the door behind them Jane literally attacked Maura tearing off her clothes and lifted her off her feet and carried her to the living room. Feeling Jane's strong hands around her Maura's heart started to hammer her chest, she knew exactly what Jane had in mind and was already wait in anticipation.

After weeks of fighting the physical pain caused by the traumatic birth of her daughter Maura was now both physically and psychologically healed.. So after over 6 months of refraining their desires Jane and Maura were now able to fully appreciate being together again. For the next two hours Jane and Maura made love on the floor in front of the fireplace, appreciating each single of it. After that long, exhausting love making sessions both women were lying on the carpet, half dressed looking at the ceiling trying to catch their breath.

"Have I told you how grateful I am to have your mother here?" Jane said her arms wrapped around Maura's shoulder.

Lying there with her future wife Jane was happier than ever. Everything she ever dreamed had come true : Maura was finally close to her mother and she was going to be her wife, they had a beautiful, overactive daughter and they were living in that beautiful house. Yes suddenly Jane allowed herself to relax thinking that Maura and her were finally having the happy ending they both deserve.

"I think you mentioned it a couple of times. I'm sorry that we get interrupted every time we try to have sex…"Maura lying in Jane's arms, her head resting on her naked chest wandering her finger tips on her breast also felt overwhelmed with that sensation of pure happiness. For the first time in her life she felt complete and safe with the woman she loved and their baby girl.

"Hey, I understand. I remember when I was little my dad worked his ass off every single day, and most of the time he was already working when we woke up and still out when we went to bed. So when he was actually home Frankie and I would barge into my parents bedroom to stay in bed with him you know, so I understand why Janie feels compelled to disturb us on week ends."

"Do you think we're neglecting her?"

"No, I think it's important for you to have a job, she actually told me she was happy that you were working and making new friends like any other mommies. You know she's only 5 but she's as smart as you and she clearly could see how unhappy you were before you came back."

"I know, but everything is right where it's supposed to be and we're a happy family now, I just hope being away from you for so long won't leave any scars."

"Don't worry about it, she's a very very happy little girl. Come on let's get a snack." Jane suggested pulling her pants up.

"You're such a guy sometimes!"Maura laughed rolling over Jane trying to find her bra.

"I'm not!I'm ...Italian and we get angry after that kind of physical activity." Buttoning her shirt Jane reached out to her phone thinking it was probably Angela calling to give them another of her crazy ideas. Handing the phone to Maura. she realized it was actually Constance probably calling to see if they wanted her to bring back some lunch.

Picking up the phone still on top of Jane Maura had no idea what was coming at them, at least until she heard her mother's shaking voice.

"Mother?What's wrong, you're shaking?What?When?Where are you?Yes, We're coming , just stay with her." Maura said brutally standing up almost stepping on Jane's face.

"Maura, what's going on?" Getting up Jane immediately the fear and pain on her fiance's face, reaching out to her, taking her in her arms trying to calm her, she kissed her shoulder .

"Janie and my mother are in the hospital." Maura replied tears running down her face.

"What happened?"

"They were ran over by a car, mother is alright but Janie is...she's gonna need surgery Jane...Oh God..." Falling on the floor Maura started to picture every single injury being hit by a car might caused to a child of her edge. Most of the time being a Doctor was a blessing but in moment like this she wished she was a teacher or a lawyer because the image of her daughter lying on an operating table knowing exactly what could happen to her was more than she could handle.

Following her fiance on her fall, unable to keep her on her knees Jane's heart broke into a thousand pieces as well. She might have not been a Doctor but she saw enough victims of hit and run to know the damage being ran over by a car could do.

"Maura, look at me. Our daughter is going to be alright, she's strong just like her mommies." Holding Maura's face in her hands trying to make her look at her Jane was trying to hide her own pain and fear.

Ever since they met Maura always counted on her to be the strong one, to support her both emotionally and physically. And even when Maura wasn't expected her to Jane always felt compelled to be the strong one, the bad ass cop taking care of her, making sure she was okay, forgetting her own pain to make sure she was alright. Today both her future wife and her daughter needed her, she couldn't , wouldn't fail them. She knew she would have to step up, make sure Maura didn't loose hope while making medical decisions and also make sure that Constance didn't blame herself. Yes holding her fiancee Jane knew that from the moment they crossed the door she would have to be the one keeping her family together.

After picking themselves up Jane and Maura drove to the hospital. Driving as fast as she could, trying to avoid getting into an accident Jane tried to focus on Maura. Talking to her Jane could see Maura looking through the window her eyes lost, empty of any kind of emotion. Squeezing her thigh, making sure she stayed conscious Jane drove towards the hospital praying that her little girl was still alive.

Stepping into the elevator Jane was still holding Maura's hand . She could feel Maura's entire body relying on her not to brutally fall on the floor again. As the door opened on the surgical floor Maura immediately released Jane's hand to ran into her mother's arm

"Mother, what happened?"Holding her mother in her arms Maura quickly checked her for any visible injuries. Somehow seeing that her mother only suffered from a broken arm made a feel better but only for a split second.

"I'm so sorry…I didn't see it coming…"Still in shock Constance could barely articulate. Her head was spinning, her throat was dried as she tried to recall what happened just two hours ago.

"Constance, look at me, what happened?"Holding both her shoulder trying to make her focus on her voice Jane was picturing her daughter who was as light as a leave being hit by a car, flying in the air before crashing on the floor, unconscious. That thought was more than she could handle, but she had, she needed to make Constance talk.

"We were crossing the street when this car came out of no where, I'm sorry I didn't see it…"Constance sobbed rushing in Jane's arms.

"How is Janie?" Maura asked separating them.

"I don't know she's still in surgery. You weren't here and they needed consent to I gave them…." Trying to put herself together Constance took a deep breath and tried to remain calm explaining the situation to Maura and Jane.

"You did the right thing. " Pulling her mother against her Maura suddenly realized that she could have lost both her mother and her daughter, but thank God they were in one of the best hospital of the country, and Maura knew that the trauma surgeon whose name she just saw on the board was the best in the country.

Holding each other Maura, Constance and Jane stood there in the waiting room trying to comfort each other. Waiting for the surgeon to come out of surgery the 3 women remain quiet both trying in their own way to remain optimistic refusing to believe for one second that their little girl wouldn't make it. After everything they went through Jane refused to believe that God or who ever was upstairs probably laughing at them would take their daughter away from them.

After several excruciating hours, the 3 women finally saw the surgeon coming their ways. Standing up holding hands, trying to read on his face if he had good or bad news to give them the 3 women took a second to pray for their little to be alright.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Benett, I'm the surgeon who operated on Janie, you must be her mothers." The Doctor politely said introducing himself.

"Yes, I'm Jane and this is my wife Maura, So Doctor what can you tell us?"For the first time in a long time Jane didn't introduce herself as Detective Rizzoli and Maura as Doctor Isles. Right now they weren't law enforcement, they were only two mothers scared to death of loosing their little girls.

"Janie lost a lot of blood and was suffering from internal bleeding. When I opened her up her liver was in really bad shape . I was able to stop the bleeding but I unfortunately I was unable to repair the damage to the liver."

"What does that mean?"Wrapping her arms around Maura's waist, expecting her to fall Jane was picturing the worse.

"She's in liver failure meaning her liver is barely assuming its functions and that it won't be able to hold on much longer."

"Does that mean she needs a transplant?"Maura asked squeezing her mother's hand.

"Yes, which one of you is the biological mother?"

"I am…" Rising her head Maura realized something : Janie and her weren't the same type, but Ian was.

After everything she put her daughter through over the years Maura already felt like a failure, she felt that her selfishness had hurt Janie so much and that she wasn't a fit mother. Now that Janie needed her, she couldn't even helped her, but her biological father who never even met her was the one who could save her life.

"We need to have you tested as soon as possible, don't worry we're only going to take a portion of your liver which will regenerate itself."

"I know, I'm a Medical Doctor and I can't give her my liver, I'm A and She's O like her biological father."

"Can you contact him?" Not knowing if Maura had a relationship with the biological father or if they went to a sperm bank the surgeon suddenly felt scared at the possibility that they wouldn't be able to find a match soon enough. Obviously they could ask Constance to get tested but she was over 60 and the risk of her liver not being good enough were higher than for someone of Maura's age.

"No, we're not contacting him. I'm O as well I'll get tested." Taking a step towards the Doctor pulling her sleeve up Jane was ready to give her liver to her daughter.

When she first met Janie she immediately fell in love with her and understood what Maura meant when she told her that she loved Constance not matter what DNA said. For the past 8 months Jane had loved Janie and taken care of her and felt a bond she never felt before that went way beyond DNA. No matter what her genetic profile said Janie was her daughter and she wasn't scared of stepping up and giving her a piece of herself .

"I forgot about that, you give your blood every year right?"

"Yes I do, we have so many wounded officers every day that I know how important giving blood is. What do I have to do?"

"You're going to have to go through an MRI, a doppler ultrasound, an echo and electrocardiogram to see if your heart is strong enough, chest x ray and an arterial blood gas to evaluate your lung status not to mention a liver biopsy which will force you to stay on your right side for several hours." The Doctor's explanation were fast and medically precise. Knowing that Maura was a Doctor he didn't feel compelled to sit down and take her time, actually he knew that they couldn't afford to sit down and talk about it. Without a successful transplant, Janie would probably not survive.

"Then I better go see her now." Hearing the list of the tests she would have to go through before actually giving Janie a portion of her liver Jane felt overwhelmed. She wasn't scared of the pain, God knew she went through worse, she was scared of Janie not surviving the procedure. She was only 5 and was so little, so fragile. Standing there Jane was hoping that her sacrifice would save her little girl because God forbid Janie died, she knew that neither Maura or her would be able to survive it.

"Wait a minute Jane, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, we do not have time to look for Ian and besides Janie is my daughter not his. She's my responsibility and I'll do everything I have to do to help her, even if it mean having each square centimeter of my body checked out and giving her a piece of my liver." Holding Maura's hand Jane tried to minimize the gift she was about to give Janie.

Maura as an MD knew that even if the liver had the ability to regenerate itself, that a transplant wasn't something to take lightly. Luckily Maura knew Jane enough to know better than trying to talk her out of it.

For the past 8 months she witnessed Jane doing everything she could to make up for the time Janie and her were appart and to reaffirm her role as her legitimate mother. She had seen her giving her bath, putting her to bed, teaching her to ride her bike, taking her to school every day, talking to her, trying to give her values. Yes Jane had spent the past 8 months being the best mother Janie could have dreamed about and she was about to do the more selfless thing a mother could ever do for her child. Thinking about it Maura wasn't surprised, it was so typical of Jane. She was willing to go to the moon and back or through hell to help and comfort the people she cared about and today she was about to do the craziest thing she ever did to prove to her that Janie was her daughter and that nothing could ever stop her from taking care of her, even a dangerous medical procedure that would keep her in bed for weeks.

"Thank you." Maura sighed.

"You're welcome, can I see her now Doctor?"

"Absolutely, I promise I will do my best not to keep you away from you for too long but the tests will take a minimum of 12 hours to be performed."

"It's alright, my mother in law will stay here and I'll call my mom as well. Don't worry I won't leave you for too long."

A few minutes later Maura and Jane entered Janie's room in the intensive care unit. Stepping into the room they immediately saw the machine that helped her breath and her little chest rising and falling. She was fighting, their little girl was clearing fighting for her life.

"Oh Jane, my baby." Maura sobbed crying watching her little girl lying in that hospital bed breathing through a machine.

"She's going to be alright, I promise. I'm going to take care of it."

Holding Maura's in her arms looking down at her little girl, holding her little hand Jane started to pray for the first time in years. Being with Maura, she learned a few things and she knew that being the same blood type as Janie wouldn't be enough to be a match. So Jane prayed to be a match to that little girl whom she loved more than life itself. She couldn't, wouldn't call Ian and ask him for support, actually she didn't even know how to contact him. After she made it clear that he wasn't welcome in their lives and made him sign the papers to give up his parent rights, Ian disappeared and never called or wrote. For the past 8 months Jane had done everything to be Janie's legitimate mother, to prove to the world that DNA didn't matter, that Janie was her daughter and now she had the chance to prove herself, to prove that they were not only close emotionally but also genetically. Jane knew that Janie loved her as much as she loved Maura and that she didn't care about Ian. She also knew that no one was questioning their bond but somehow Jane needed to be a match, she needed that physical, biological bond with her daughter.

**So guys, I think I just rocked your world right?I don't wanna brag but of all the crazy chapters and all the stuff I put them through in my various stories this was probably the most intense and unexpected event right?. Do you think Jane is gonna be a match?Please give me your feedback. I worked a lot on that chapter and I hope you liked it!**


	34. Being a parent

**Chapter 34 :**

**Being a parent :**

After spending a few minutes at Janie's bedside Jane left Maura with Maura and followed the Doctor so she could get tested.

12 hours later after a series of endless test Jane was lying in bed recovering from a painful biopsy praying to be a match. After spending the entire day considering it she knew that the only solution left if she wasn't a match was Ian. She knew that Doyle was to old and too much of a drinker to be a good liver donor. Looking down at the little scar the middle made on her skin Jane was enraged at the thought of having to ask Ian for help. Jane was smart enough to know that growing without a father might cause psychological damages to the little angel so for the past 8 months she tried her so hard to be the best parent possible for Janie, to be both her mommy and her daddy . Obviously Janie was surrounded by many men such as Frost, Korsak, Frank Sr and Frankie Jr who literally worshipped her, but she knew that one day Janie might need her father. So for the past 8 month Jane did everything she could to give her everything so the little girl wouldn't feel that there was anything missing in her life. Looking back Jane felt she had done a great job : Janie had adapted pretty well to her new life, her new school, new house and to being surrounded by new people. At first she was a bit shy, but rapidly became more comfortable in her new environment and was now a very happy child.

Observing her daughter Jane didn't feel that Janie was missing her father at all and was secretly hoping that her decision of not meeting him would last for ever. She couldn't bare the idea of them having a relationship. Unfortunately Jane promised Janie not to interfere if she ever wanted to meet her father, but so far things were going in her favor. Now that Janie needed a liver transplant she couldn't imagine having to call Ian and ask for his help. She knew he would use this opportunity to get closer to her daughter and fiancé and even if she had no reason to doubt their love and loyalty she couldn't let that happen.

After a few hours of recovering lying on her right side Jane received the visit of a psychiatrist who was supposed to interview her to determine if she had carefully considered also the risks and also to give her the support she might need to face that terrible tragedy.

Trying to sit down on her bed to have a proper conversation with the appointed psychiatrist Jane immediately noticed how young she was. Thinking she was probably a resident, she probably didn't have children and therefore wouldn't be able to understand, but she didn't have a choice, this consultation was mandatory.

"So Jane, how are you feeling?" The young Doctor was in her mid twenties, with beautiful long red hair. Unlike the other Doctors she wasn't wearings scrubs but a very fancy suit along with a pair of black glasses.

"I'm a bit dizzy but I should be alright, I have been through worse." Jane joked breathing heavily.

"That's what I can see, you got shot a few years ago and you were …."Reading the words describing what Hoyt put Jane through the young Doctor could barely believe that the words were actually accurate.

"I was pined on the floor by a scalpel in each of my hands, so don't worry I have been through worse than a biopsy." Showing her scarred hands and lifting up her shirt revealing her other scar Jane wasn't trying to minimize what happen to her but to show the young Doctor that she was though, both emotionally and physically.

Adjusting her glasses sitting straight in her chair the young Doctor took a few seconds to read the rest of Jane's file.

"You certainly went through a lot. So tell me more about your daughter, I see you share the same first name…"

"Yes, well I …I wasn't there during the first few years of her life, but Maura she gave her my name and told her all kind of stories about me so she would know exactly who I was."

"I'm not sure I'm following…"

"Oh Boy, that's a complicated story. Maura and I met about 10 years ago. I can say without a doubt that I fell in love with her the minute we met but it took us about 5 years to have the courage to face our feelings. About a month after we started dating Maura found out she was pregnant and left." Jane explained.

"Oh I see and she came back last summer?"

"Yes, look as I said to the social worker who helped us with the adoption, what ever happened between Maura and I is our business and I don't want to discuss it." Looking the young Doctor in the eyes Jane made it really clear the she wasn't willing to talk about the most painful period of her life. She was here to talk about the transplant and about Janie, nothing else .

"I understand, so tell me more about Janie."

"Well she's the most incredible little girl I ever met, she's so bright, funny and caring. Actually she's a lot like Maura. I love her more than I thought I could ever love anyone."

"A mother's love is probably the strongest link that could exist."

"I agree, you know people say that the minute you hold your child in your arms for the first time, everything becomes clear, your fears disappear and you know exactly why you're on earth ..."

"Is that how you felt when you met her for the first time?"

"Yes, god knows I was mad at Maura, but Janie she just…she took me by surprise and stole my hear the same way Maura did and from the first day I met her I knew that my only priority life would be to protect her and to make sure she has everything she needs . So today she needs a piece of my liver and I'm going to give it to her just the way I would give her a kidney or bone marrow."

Looking straight into Jane's eyes the found Doctor could see how sincere she was and that there was no doubt that she truly loved her daughter. One thing was bugging her though.

"I see you're a very devoted mother and even if your liver will regenerate what you're about to do is a huge sacrifice, have you considered an alternative, like …contacting the biological father perhaps?" Looking at Jane as she pronounced those words the red haired Doctor knew she had just opened Pandora's trunk.

"We are not contacting him. He gave up his parental rights. I'm her mother and he's nothing and I want to keep it that way." Jane grunted cracking her fingers.

"Do you feel threatened by him?"Pushing Jane a bit further the young Doctor started to understand Jane's motivations more accurately.

"No I don't. A few months ago he came to Boston and even if they never he asked to meet you but she refused. She said she didn't need a daddy because she had me. He's nothing to her or to Maura and he'll never be. They're my family and I take care of my family. "

"That's very noble of you and I'm surprised that Janie didn't feel the need to meet her biological father, you seem to be very close to her. What I'm wondering is if you are doing this because no matter how much your daughter loves you, you're still scared that it might not be enough, that one day she might want to know where she comes from."

"Of course not. I know that one day she might ask about Ian and I'm prepared for that. I do not need to give her a fucking liver to feel as much her mother as Maura is. Being a parent isn't about DNA, it's about loving your child, loving her so much that you're willing to give up everything to keep her from being in pain even for once second. I love my daughter, she's mine no matter what DNA says, so please just sign the consent." Saying those words Jane suddenly became very humble, almost desperate. Even if she knew that if she turned out to be a match they wouldn't refuse her the right to give Janie her liver, Jane needed that shrink's approval. She needed a professional telling her that she was making the right choice but that no matter what happened Janie would still be her daughter.

Tears running down her cheek Jane was trying to deny everything the Doctor just said, but she couldn't help but feeling that she was right. Ever since Ian barged into their lives she had been thinking about that day when Janie would be a teenager and would ask about him. She knew that Janie loved her but somehow she felt that as profound as their bond was, that DNA might be stronger.

She knew Janie wasn't making any distinction between her two mommies, that she loved them the same, regardless of who gave birth to her but somehow she still felt compelled to do that crazy thing for her as a way of proving to herself that she was as much her mother as Maura was . She also wanted to prove to Janie that she didn't need Ian, that she was here for her willing to give a piece of herself to her so she could live.

"I see no reason to keep you from giving your liver to your daughter. Your partner is a Doctor I'm sure she will explain the risks to you." Signing the consent form the young Doctor felt that this was the best thing to do. She could see that Jane had some confidence issues, that for some silly reason she felt threatened by Ian and needed to reaffirm her love to her daughter by giving her liver to her. Hoping that giving that incredible gift would help Jane feel more secure about her relationship with her daughter the young Doctor helped Jane to go back to Janie's room hoping that everything would turn out to be alright.

Taking a deep breath Jane entered she room only to find Maura at Janie's bedside, holding her hand looking at her, talking to her.

Feeling her breath down her neck Maura immediately knew Jane was behind her. Sighing in relief she suddenly felt that everything would be alright. Jane was here and she knew that having her two mommies at her bed side would certainly help Janie and would make her stronger.

Her hands on Maura's shoulders kissing the top of her head, Jane stood there for a minute looking at her daughter lying in bed, pale, breathing through a machine. Gently massaging Maura's shoulders Jane could feel how tensed she was and knew she probably spent the entire day in the same position unable to move her eyes even for a second.

"How is my little princess doing?" Jane finally asked holding her stomach as she sat next to her fiancee.

"She's stable, how did the tests go?"Looking at Jane painfully trying to sit straight on that chair Maura could see that she was in pain from the biospy.

"Good we should have the results in the morning. Don't worry I have been through worse. " Pulling Maura against her Jane felt compelled to have her close to, she needed to feel her, to smell her.

"Oh Jane what are we going to do if you're not a match?We can not ask Doyle, he's too old and to much of a drinker to be a suitable donor." Buried in Jane's arms Maura suddenly gave up, literally bursting in tears. For the past 12 hours she had stayed here with her mother trying to remain quiet and optimistic for Janie because she knew that sending negative waves wouldn't do any good. But as she felt Jane's reassuring arms around her, she was finally able to let go of all the fear, all the pain that had kept her awake during those 12 excruciating hours.

What Jane didn't know yet was that the entire clan came to visit so Maura , as always did her best to stay strong. Being surrounded by her friends who deeply cared about Janie the only thing Maura could think about was Jane. She needed her, to feel her arms around her, to hear her say that everything would be alright, because at the end of the day no matter how many people had told her that, the only voice she would believe was Jane's.

"Let's try to be positive. Frankie is the same group so we'll get him tested and if he's not a match then, I will find Ian."

"You would do that?" Maura asked rising her head knowing how painful it must be for Jane to admit that they might be something that only Ian would be able to give to their daughter.

"I would, God knows I don't want to have him back in our lives but If God forbids I'm not a match I'll do what ever it takes to save our daughter." At the simple thought of having to admit that Ian could give Janie something she wasn't unable to give her Jane's heart broke in a thousand pieces.

"I hope you know that no matter what happens we love you and we want to spend the rest of our lives being your family. No matter what the tests say you're more a parent than Ian could ever be."

"I know, but you know me I'm proud and I just want to give her everything she needs in life and I don't want her to ever miss him or to feel that there are things that he might be able to give her that I can't give her you know. But what matters is her safety and I will put my pride aside If I need to, you're right she's my daughter no matter what DNA says."

Trying to convince herself that the results of the tests wouldn't change anything Jane spent the entire night holding Maura tight, looking at her sleep, unable to close her eyes. Thinking about it Jane started to ask herself what they could have done to deserve this : after years of suffering they were finally living the life they always dreamed about, they were a family and Maura and her were about to get married, but now nothing was certain anymore. Their little girl could die and until they got the results there was nothing she could do about it, and if there was something Jane Rizzoli didn't deal with easily was feeling powerless.

Comfortably settled in Jane's arms Maura slowly closed her eyes confident that Jane would be a match. Obviously as a Doctor she knew that being the same blood type wouldn't be enough to be a good match, but as unscientific as it was Maura knew that Jane and Janie' s bond was so deep that they had to be a match, that they were too much alike not to be compatible.

The next morning around 6 am, the surgeon who was in charge of the transplant team entered Janie's room and gently shook them to wake them up.

Fidgeting both women suddenly woke up hoping for a good news, feeling their hearts hamerring their chests, trying to read the results in the surgeon's eyes.

Rubbing her eyes trying to wake herself up Maura was eager to know if she was a match, taking a deep breath she finally gathered her courage .

"So Doctor, do you have the results?" Holding Jane's hands squeezing it as hard as she could Maura could barely breath. In his hands the Doctor was literally holding Janie's life.

"I think your daughter just won the lottery." The young Surgeon teased smiling handing the tests results to Maura.

"Do you mean she's a 6 out of 6?" Maura mumbled unable to believe it.

"Yes, congratulation Jane, you're a perfect match, our anesthesiologist is going to come to talk to you in about an hour to inform you of the risks and I'll see you at noon in the OR. Do you have any questions?"

Taking a step back sitting on the edge of the bed behind her Jane couldn't believe the words coming of the surgeon's mouth. Looking at Maura smiling, she knew she wasn't dreaming but she couldn't breath, or talk, not because she was scared but because she was relieved, relieved that she was going to save their daughter. Feeling her head spinning and her heart hammering her chest Jane had to fight not to fall on the floor.

"I...Are you sure?I mean I'm not her biological mother you know..."

"I told you Jane, the bound the two you share goes beyond DNA, can you see it now?" Pulling Jane against her, helping her to stand up Maura could see the relief in her fiancee's eyes and also the pride.

Even if she could see how close the two Janes were Maura always knew that Jane feared that one day all the love she had for their daughter might not be enough. Now, in the middle of that room Maura knew that Jane's fears disappeared and it took one of the most traumatic event of their lives for her to realize that nothing could make her less of a mother than her or compromise their relationship.

**So guys, at first I wanted to give you a cliffangher but I didn't feel like it!Next chapter will be a bit lighter...But as intense trust me :)**

**As always your reviews inspire me and motivate me to be a better writer. I know I'm far from being a great or even good writer, but your support helps. So please go crazy on the feedback!**


	35. Failure

**Alright guys my sincere apologies for the delay on this story, don't know what happened…I promise I will update it on more regular basis from now on!**

**Chapter 35 :**

**Failure : **

That morning after meeting with the anesthesiologist Jane found herself having to leave Maura and Janie until it was time for her to go to the OR.

Standing next to her daughter's bed watching their fighting for her life, both women starting praying. Even if both of them had been raised with religion neither of them had gone to church or prayed in a very long time.

Standing there, holding hands, their eyes closed both women were praying God to save their daughter. Maura who was a scientist knew that God, if he even existed wouldn't be able to help Janie , that her daughter's survival was depending on the surgeons, and on the little's girl s body ability to accept the new liver and survive such a risky procedure.

Half an hour later Jane was brought to a separate room to be prepared for surgery.

Lying in that hospital bed tapping her fingers on the metallic edge of her bed Jane couldn't help but being scared to death.

Obviously she had been through a lot mostly because of Hoyt, she had been empaled to the floor, had shot herself but she knew this was gonna be a different kind of pain.

Trying to relax and to keep herself from thinking about the worse that could happen Jane closed her eyes, just for a minute.

When she opened them she was surprised to find her mother sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Gee Ma, you scared the crap out of me." Jane squealed feeling her pulse suddenly rise.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I didn't want to awake you. How are you feeling?"

"Did Maura tell you what happened?" Jane asked sitting up in bed.

"Yes, we spent the day with her and her mother at Janie's bedside while you were getting tested."

"Good at least she wasn't alone, thanks for staying with her."

"You don't need to apologize they're family now. Speaking of which are you sure you want to do this?"

"What other choice do I have Ma?I can't let her die."

"Well you could contact Ian…"Bitting her lip knowing she had just pronounced the forbidden name Angela as a mother was simply playing the devil's advocate and was trying to make sure that Jane had considered every possible solution before making such a drastic decision, but was obviously not going to tell her not to do it.

"No!No way, he's not her father, he's merely a sperm donor. I'm her mother, I'm responsible for her Ma. I'm a match so there is reason to talk about him." Jane groaned rising her voice.

"I know darling, he's nothing to her, you're the one she loves . I'm glad you're a match, I would have hated to have to ask Frankie to get tested, you know he hates needles."

"Yeah, he's such a girl sometimes. I hope you know that if none of us had been a match I would have put my pride aside and contact Ian. I would never let my pride and the way I feel about him put my daughter in danger, you know that right?"

"I know darling, I know. How about you lay down until the anesthesiologist comes to take you to the OR?"

"Will you stay with me?" Jane pouted holding her mother's hand.

"Of course I will and then I'm going to stay with your fiancee and her mother and try to cheer them up a bit. "

"Thank you Ma. If anything happens to me, will you and Frankie take care of them?"

"Of course, Rizzoli take care of each other, come just close you eyes." Angela whispered leaning over kissing her daughter's forehead.

Watching her daughter trying to relax Angela couldn't help but feeling an extreme pride overwhelming her. She always knew how courageous and selfless Jane was, she had shot herself to protect Maura and Frankie after all, but this was different. Over the years, especially when Maura was away Angela always thought that Jane would never find happiness, that she would never get married or have children, that she would stay alone for ever feeling that she didn't belong to anyone. But ever since Janie came into her life Angela could see how Jane had changed : she had became a parent and had started to grow up and make decisions based on her family's needs not hers.

A few hours Jane painfully woke up an intense pain in her abdomen that was probably ten time worse than when she shot herself. Opening her eyes, her vision still a bit blurry she immediately saw Maura at her bedside sleeping her head on the edge of her bed. Looking down at her beautiful fiancee, passing her fingers through her hair Jane could see how tired she was after not sleeping for the past 24 hours. Turning her head Jane saw her daughter laying in the best next to her. Trying to it up in bed Jane noticed that she wasn't intubated anymore and that her skin had regained her full colors, she was obviously much better.

"Thank God."Jane sighed falling back on her pillow.

"Jane!You're awake!"Maura said suddenly waking up.

"Oh sorry sweetie, I woke you up."Cupping Maura's face with her hand Jane could see traces of dry make up on her fiancee's face.

"Don't worry about it, how are you feeling?"Maura said her hand on Jane's forehead checking her temperature.

"It hurts like hell, but it doesn't matter. How is our little angel?Is see she's breathing on her own." Trying to sit up in bed Jane felt an intense pain in her lower abdomen, but nothing could keep her from getting closer to her little angel.

"Easy tiger, you just had major surgery. Janie is fine, she's breathing on her own and her vitals are stables, the next few days are going to be crucial but she should be fine."Her hand on Jane's back trying to help her out of bed Maura could see the determination in Jane's eyes and knew that there was no stopping her.

"I hope she won't reject my liver. Can that happen?"Her hand on her stomach taking on painful step at the time walking slowly towards her daughter's bed Jane was finally able to see how peaceful Janie looked and felt relieved that she was finally out of danger.

"There is always a risk but you were a perfect match and she's going to be on anti rejection treatment. She's going to be okay thanks to you, you saved her life."Standing behind Jane her arms snaked around her neck kissing her forehead Maura felt grateful that Jane was in her life again but couldn't help feeling like a failure for not being able to help her baby girl herself.

The two women stayed at Janie's website for the next day, fingeting every time she blinked or coughed hoping that she was finally waking up. Looking down at her daughter Jane finally understood what being a parent meant, that it was much more than playing ball, putting her to bed or reading her stories. Being a parent was a full time job that came with responsibilities and duties. Up until now Jane only saw the "fun" side of being a parent but she knew that after what happened her relationship with Janie had changed, that from now on she would be scared to death every time Janie would leave the house without her or every time Maura would call her at work. Yes even if Jane felt like Janie's parent from the first moment she met her sacrificing a piece of herself and watching her fighting for her life gave her a new perspective on what being a parent really meant and somehow it didn't scared her, it felt right, being Janie's parent and Maura's wife was all she ever wanted. Actually it was the one thing she knew she was good at and she was determined to take care of her family and protect them for the rest of her life no matter what that could implicate.

Sitting next to Jane her head on her shoulder Maura couldn't help but thinking she had failed Janie once again. For the past 5 years she had blamed herself from keeping her from knowing Jane and now she was beating herself up for not being a match. Maura raised Janie thinking that everything bad that ever happened was her fault, that Janie almsot die during her birth because she failed to take care of herself properly during her pregnancy. Every single day since Janie was born Maura could see that even if she seemed to be a happy little girl, that there was something missing in her life, or someone and when she finally came back to Boston and Janie met Jane for the first time she realized what a mistake she had made, that those two were meant to be together. Yes Maura spent the past 5 years feeling like a complete failure and now that Janie needed her the most she was once again unable to give her what she needed, and it hurts. Knowing that she wasn't able to save her little girl's life after making her miserable for the first 5 years of her life was more she could handle.

As the two women were looking down at their daughter peacefully sleeping both women thanked God that this didn't happened when Maura was away, because they knew how difficult finding an organ was these days.

After several longs hours of slowly going back to life Janie finally opened her eyes.

"Mommy, mommy!It hurts!"Janie cried as she opened her eyes and immediately saw Jane right next to her.

"Oh sweetie, I'm here, everything is going to be okay. I promise." Jane said leaning over, carefully taking her fragile little girl in her arms to comfort her.

Maura stood there watching Jane comfort her daughter, unable to move, not knowing what to do what to say, how to be Janie's mom.

Standing there Maura knew that both Jane and their daughter would need her during their recovery, but she didn't know if she was capable of helping them. She felt like a complete failure and looking down at Jane holding her little girl she suddenly felt that both of them would be better off without her, that Jane would be a perfectly fit mother who could give her a much more stable life than she ever did. Yes standing there witnessing her daughter coming back to life Maura was unable to feel the bond that was supposed to link a mother and her daughter and was scared it was lost for ever.

**So guys, again sorry for the delay, I promise I'm gonna start working on this story like I used to on regular basis!**

**I know the end is sad because Maura feels like a failure, like she hurt Janie all her life and that the one time she needed her she was unable to help her. I think it's going to be interesting to see how Maura is going to handle Janie's and Jane's recoveries and how Jane is going to support her and help her feel like a mother again...**

**As always reviews are welcome they inspire me, so if you want a quicker review next time, you know what to do guys!Thank for the support!**


	36. Finally

**Chapter 36:**

**Finally :**

About 3 weeks later, Jane and Janie were still in the hospital focusing of their recovery. For the first week both of them were in intense pain, especially the little girl, but knowing her mommy was in the same situation and in a bed next to her helped her overcome the pain.

Even after tree weeks in the hospital they still continued to receive daily visits from the Rizzolis and also from Frost and Korsak, not to mention from Constance who couldn't help but blaming herself for what happened.

Thanks to the unconditional support of their loved one Jane and Janie slowly started to recover. Obviously Maura was very present, refusing to leave them even for a single night. Actually as much as Jane hated to see her like this Maura practically never left the hospital : she stayed with them days and nights, only leaving the room when the nurses came to change their bandages. Despite the physical pain Jane tried to take care of both Maura and her daughter. Taking care of the little girl was easy because she didn't complain but Maura was another story. Jane could see how hurt she was and how disappointed in herself she was for not being a match, but she refused to talk about it. Even though she wanted to collapse and burst into tears every time she came into their room Maura kept her head up and did her best to hide her pain, because she knew her family needed her and she didn't want to fail them more than she already had. Despite Jane's best efforts Maura refused to express her pain and Jane couldn't help but to dream about the day they would finally go home hoping that being in their house knowing that Janie was safe would help her express her feelings.

On the 21st day Jane and Janie were quietly watching tv in bed when Maura suddenly barged into the room a smile on her face.

"Someone is happy." Seeing the smile on her fiancee's face Jane immediately thought Maura was going to tell them they were finally able to go home.

"Are we finally ready mommy?" Sitting on her bed in her favorite pajamas Janie was getting better everyday. For the first ten days she was barely able to get out off bed but she was not now able to walk around and visit other sick children and was able to eat normal food again.

"Yes we are, your grand mother will be right here with you in a few minutes, alright? Jane you're coming with me." Maura enthusiastically said grabbing Jane's hand.

"Okay mommy!" Janie said clapping in her hands.

Following Jane trying to keep up with her fast pace Jane was now convinced that the two of them were going to be released from the hospital today and couldn't feel happier. After 3 weeks of laying in that uncomfortable bed, eating disgusting she was eager to go home, sleep in her own bed with her gorgeous fiancee.

"Maura, why are we here?You know both of us are going to be alright..." Jane frowned as they stepped inside the hospital chapel.

"I didn't bring you here to pray Jane." Maura explained taking a deep breath as she went down one knee.

"Maura, what...what are you doing?" Jane mumbled seeing Maura down on her knee looking up at her with so much love hat her heart almost stopped beating.

"I love you Jane. I love everything about you, I love the mother you are to our daughter, the fiancee you are to me, the Detective that you are to the people of Boston. For the past 9 months you supported me through hard times, and even if I hurt you you always kept an open mind and you gave me a chance. 5 years ago you declared your feelings to me and I knew for that very minute that my life had changed for ever. After what happened 3 weeks ago I can not imagine living another day without being your wife. So Jane Rizzoli, will you marry me right here, right now, no fuss?" Opening a small box revealing an gorgeous engagement ring that matched hers Maura could fell the tears running down her cheeks. For the past 9 months Jane had made tremendous effort to listen to her, to forgive her and to trust her again in order to rebuild their relationship. Now that their relationship was fixed she couldn't imagine spending another day without being married to her.

"But...But...I thought you wanted a big fancy wedding?" Painfully going down on her knee as well whipping the tears on her fiancee's face Jane could see how sincere and determined Maura was to marry her on the spot.

"Yes, but the past 3 weeks taught me that it doesn't matter if we get married on a private beach, or if we have our reception at the Plaza. All we need is our friends, family and our daughter and someone to marry us. As long as we have each other nothing else matters, I don't need all the fuss, so what do you say? Will you make an honest woman off me?" Her voice slightly shaking Maura couldn't believe how far they had came. A year ago they were still apart, miserable but now they had a beautiful daughter and the rest of their lives to make up for those missing years.

"Yes, Dr Isles I'll marry you." Jane sobbed pressing her lips against hers.

Kneeling in the middle of the chapel Maura and Jane finally felt the fight was over, they were finally going to get married, tying their lives together, for better and for worse, and considering they had already put each other through hell they knew that only the best was to come.

"Will you help me stand up please?"

"Yeah, here lean on me." Maura replied her arms around her.

"I hope you're not getting your hopes up for our wedding night..." Jane joked her hand on her stomach.

"Of course not, you need time to heal, but Janie and you will be allowed to go home later today and I have every intention of taking care of you."

"Alright..." Jane smiled picturing herself home, with her making love for the first time since the accident.

"So what I want you to do now is go in that small room over there and get change, your mother should be here soon." Maura instructed pointing a door a few feet behind them.

"Okay..."

Standing in the middle of the chapel spinning her engagement ring around her finger Jane couldn't believe that this was finally hapening : After 5 excruciating years and 9 months of slowly rebuilding their relationship Maura was finally going to be her wife.

Stepping in the small room at the back of the chapel Jane immediately spotted her uniform laying on a chair. After struggling to put it on Jane found herself standing in front of the mirror trying to calm herself down trying to come up with the most romantic and sincere vows possible.

"When I come in?" Angela shyly asked her head half way through the door.

"Ma, you're here, how do I look?" Jane asked relieved to finally see her.

"You look beautiful. Oh Jane, finally, I thought this day would never come." Angela rushing in her daughter's arms.

"Hey, don't you cry on me now okay?One of us needs to be strong." Jane replied rubbing her mother's back.

"I know, I'm sorry it's just after all those years you and Maura are finally having the happy ending you deserve." Angela sobbed whipping the tears off her face.

"I really hope so Ma, I mean there are still things we need to work out you know..." Jane said sitting on a large bench behind her.

"Like what?" Angela frowned hoping that it was nothing major that could compromise this wedding.

"Well for starters she still hasn't really opened up about what happened to Janie, I know she already felt like a failure for almost losing her during birth and for keeping her away from me and now she's beating herself up for not being a match, not to mention that she can not have kids anymore. She feels like a complete failure." Jane sighed.

"I understand how she feels,t being a woman and not being able to have a child is hard. You feel useless and powerless. "

"I know, she told me she felt she failed me because she knew how much I would have enjoyed to be there for her during her pregnancy you know holding her hand during ultrasounds, feeling the baby kick and grow inside of her... She feels she took that away from me and feels guilty because I won't get to experience that now."

"I understand and it's up to you to make her understand that even if you missed on 5 years of your little girl's life you still feel extremely close to her and that you love her as your own daughter."

"I know Ma, I'm working on that. Obviously I would have loved to be there during her pregnancy but it doesn't matter anymore. We're a family and I feel I have everything I ever wanted you know, I hope she will believe me someday."

"I'm sure she will. Now come on let's get your hair and make up done."Angela said holding her against her determined to make this day the best days of their lives.

Half an hour later Jane was standing in front of her family, her friends and Maura's mom wearing her prestigious uniform. After a few minutes of waiting the music finally started and Maura appeared wearing the most gorgeous wedding dress Jane could have imagined. taking her breath away instantly. It was very simple, but fit her perfectly. Looking at Maura walking towards her with her father and with their daughter preceding them wearing the most adorable matching dress Jane knew that she had no reason to worry. Even if they still had things to work on they truly loved each other and the past 9 months had taught her that they could overcome everything as long as they loved and trusted each other. Looking around Jane could see all the flowers, lights and candles her mother and Maura had set up around the chapel creating a warm and intimate atmosphere.

And as her daughter was only a few feet away from her, throwing rose petals on the floor, followed by her beautiful bride Jane suddenly stood straight feeling extremely proud to be finally marrying the woman she had loved for the past 10 years.

"You like the decorations mommy?" Janie said rushing in Jane's arms.

"Yes darling, and you're beautiful." Kneeling in front of her daughter gently caressing her cheek with her thumb Jane couldn't help but feeling proud of her little girl and their relationship. She could still picture her opening that door calling her auntie Jane and remembering falling for her almost instantly.

She remembered seeing her the first time and being amazed by how much she looked like Maura, the way she walked, talked, but the more time passed the more Janie started imitate her as well and now people always assumed that Jane was her biological daughter, mostly because of her long dark curly hair and her of her temper.

"Jane, you look radius in your uniform." Maura smiled as she finally joined them in front of the alter.

"So are you, God I hope I'll feel better soon because right now all I want is to rip this dress off with my teeth." Jane joked pulling Maura against her almost forgetting about the audience looking at them.

"Ladies, when you're done, maybe we could start?" Korsak said breaking them up.

"Yes Vince please..." Maura politely apologised taking a step back.

Standing in front of her partner, Jane couldn't be happier that Maura had asked him to marry them. For the past 15 years he had helped her becoming a better cop, had helped her study for the Detective exam, had comforted her when Maura left and most importantly he had supported her when she decided to give Maura a second chance.

"Ladies, and gentleman, family, friends. We're gathered here today to celebrate the love of two women who are very important to me. I remember meeting Jane right after she graduated from the academy telling to myself that with that temper I would probably have to be very patient and understanding. Luckily for both of us her temper was never an issue. Even if she's the most passionate and dedicated cop I ever met I must say I never saw her crossing the line. I have been on the job for 30 years now and I never had a partner who I knew I could trust like that. I think being with you I learned almost as much as I taught you, you made me a better man and a better cop and I wanted to thank you. Actually I don't know if I taught you anything over the past 15 years but I know that Maura did. I remember the first time she arrived on a crime scene with her fancy dress and shoes. I remember us betting she wouldn't last a year among us, but we were wrong, she stayed and became our most effective Chief Medical Examiner. Maura, I think I can speak for all of use when I say that you changed our lives for the better. Being surrounded by death all day you could have been the most morbid person on the planet, but you're not. You're the most optimistic, joyful woman I never met. Even if everyone thought that you and Jane had nothing in common, you quickly developed a very tight bond, that went beyond anything I ever witnessed and when you finally told everyone you were dated, I was relieved that you finally had the courage to face what everyone already knew. 5 years later here you are with your beautiful little girl, about to seal your lives together. I know the two of you have been through a lot, but I truly believe that the bond you share is indestructible and that the 3 of you are going to be insanely happy for the next 50 years." Standing in front of the Isles- Rizzoli clan Detective Korsak couldn't have been prouder to be the one officiating to their wedding.

"Thank you Vince. Jane, I don't even know where to start. 10 years ago when we met I first thought you and I would never get along, but I was wrong. I don't know how or when it happened but you became my best, my only friend, the only person I could be myself with, who I knew would never judge me or ask me to change. 5 years ago, you took me to lunch and after spending half an hour avoiding eye contact you finally confessed your feelings. I remember not sleeping for 2 days before our first date and spending 3 hours choosing the proper dress and matching shoes. That's just the effect you have on me, on one hand you make me feel beautiful , special and safe and you give me strength but at the same time when you walk towards me you still catch my breath away and when we kiss I can barely breath, my head is spinning and my vision is blurry. You make me feel good about myself and I know I'm a better person because of you. When I look back on the past 10 years and I see everything we've been through together, I'm proud to say that we survived every single challenge and our love only came out stronger. I know most people spend their entire life looking for that someone to lean or, who would help them want to fight, and I know I found my reason to live 10 years ago. Being with you today after you donated a piece of yourself so our daughter can live, the way you took us in and raised her as your own comforts me in that feeling I had for the past 10 years Jane. I love you, you're the one for me and by putting this ring on your finger I promise to always support you, to respect you, to trust you, in sickness and in health for richer or poorer until death do us part." Pushing the ring around Jane's finger Maura was shaking. Standing in front of all the people she loved professing her eternal love to Jane Maura never felt so vulnerable in her entire life but also stronger than ever. She knew that no matter how hard her life had been for the past 5 years now it was all over.

"Maura, I..I feel I'm the luckiest woman on earth because I'm marrying my best friend, the one person on earth besides my mother who can handle my temper and who supported me through thick and thin without ever asking me to change. When people see us together they assume we're complete opposite but it's not true, deep down you and I share the same work and moral values and now ten years after we first met we're raising the most beautiful little girl I could have dreamed about. When I look back I realize how much our lives have changed since we first met and if someone had told me ten years ago that we would be engaged and that we would be raising a child together I wouldn't have believed it. You're right people search all their lives for something or someone to give them strength and a reason to fight and when I look at the two of you I know that I'll always have the best reason to fight. Being with you and being and Janie's mother made me a better person, it literally brought me back to life and I know I'm the woman I am today because of you so by putting this ring on your finger I promise to always support you, to respect you, to trust you, in sickness and in health for richer or poorer until death do us part." Jane said taking a deep breath as she pushed the ring on Maura's finger.

"By the power given to me by the our lovely state of Massachusetts I now pronounce you married. Jane you may kiss your bride." Korsak proudly stated .

"I love you babe." Jane let out pulling Maura against her as she kissed her hearing the audience clapping in their hands behind them.

"Mommy, mommy, I want to say something!" Janie shyly said pulling Maura's dress trying to separate her two mommies.

"Of course darling come here." Maura smiled picking her up in her arms.

"I just wanted to thank you mommy because before we came back to Boston mommy was always sad but now she's always smiling and I know it's because of you. I also wanted to thank you for giving you a piece of your..mommy what's the word?"

"Liver darling." Maura smiled kissing her cheek.

"Yes, thank you for giving me a piece of your liver. You're the best mommies in the whole word and I'm very proud to be your daughter."

"Oh sweetheart I'm the one who's proud to be your mom. Come here." Jane said as she painfully grabbed her from Maura's embrace.

Standing there holding each other the 3 women felt like a family. They had been through a lot of pain and drama over the past 5 years but it suddenly didn't seem to matter. Right now all that mattered was they were here, healthy, happy to be alive knowing that they had the rest of their lives to make up for the time they lost.

**So guys, I know I wrote so many Rizzles wedding that it's hard to be original in the vows ...I told you this wedding would blow your mind :) What do you thinK?**

**I hope you enjoyed it I thought it was a nice touch to have Janie say a few words at the end. Also I wanted to adress Maura's issue so you don't forget that drama ain't over yet...lol**

**As always reviews are welcome, I realize that I have neglected this story but I feel inspired again So I'm gonna alternate with my other story from now on!**


	37. Punishment 2

**Chapter 37 :**

**Punishment :**

About a month later Jane and Janie were finally almost fully recovered. Right after the wedding both Jane and Janie were discharged and after spending their wedding night in the honey moon suite of the Plaza Jane and Maura went home eager to start their new married life together. For the next month Maura took care of her girls, cooking for them, making sure they took their pills and that they stayed in bed as much as possible. Janie who was now a little over 5 years old surprised her mothers by her strength and courage and by never complaining about the pain or having to take a dozen pills every day. Obviously such a treatment and recovery weren't easy for the little girl whose only interest in life was to go to school and be able to play with her family and friends. Luckily knowing that her mommy was in the same situation somehow helped her overcome this terrible situation. Actually recovering at the same time brought Jane and her daughter closer than ever. It was the perfect opportunity for them to tighten their already strong bond by spending more time together. Maura on the other hand was still refusing to talk about what happened and would just push Jane away when she tried to bring up the subject. No matter how much Janie loved her Maura still failed as a failure for not being a match and was trying to compensate by taking care of her, making sure she recovered fully without any complications, ignoring her own pain.

Today marked Maura and Jane first month wedding anniversary. In order to spend the evening with her wife Jane asked Constance who still feel extremely guilty about the accident to take Janie with her for a sleep over.

Around 6 pm after Constance left with Janie, who was over excited to spend the night alone with her nana, Jane joined Maura in their bedroom and found her laying on their bed in fetal position.

"Oh Maura, don't be sad, I'm sure she's going to have a blast with your mother." Jane said climbing in bed snaking her arms around her.

"I know, I'm just not sure she's ready for a sleep over yet. She's still so fragile." Maura sighed heart broken to be away from her little girl for the first time since their wedding night.

"No she's not, it's been two months Maura. We both followed the Doctor's orders and she's not showing any sign of rejection. She's going to be just fine both psychologically and physically alright?" Looking down at her wife Jane could see how exhausted she was. For the past two months Maura regulated her life around them ignoring her own pain or her own needs and the fatigue was starting to show. She had lost weight, looked constantly tired and her eyes were empty of any emotions.

"I know but she's still my little girl, I can't help worrying for her, but I have to admit she made a quick recovery, probably because you were recovering at the same time."

"I guess seeing me in the same situation made her feel less alone."

" I think so...Gosh, I don't know what we would have done without you."

"Hey, Maura look at me, she's fine now, and so am I, so how about we put this behind us and focus on our future? I can't believe that we're actually married." Laying in bed her arms snaked around her wife, Jane couldn't help but fixating on their wedding bands, symbol of their eternal love and commitment.

"Me neither, I can't tell you for how long I have been dreaming about this. I feel we lost so much time you know..." Maura replied resting her head on Jane's belly, her legs snaked around her.

"I know but we have the rest of her life to make up for it alright?" Holding Maura against her, passing her hand through her hair Jane couldn't help but feeling that even after getting married Maura was still punishing herself and was still blaming herself for making Jane miserable and she was running out of ideas to prove to her that she had forgiven her.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you even feel there's anything missing in your life?"

"Let me see, I'm married to the woman I have been in love with for the past 10 years, we have a beautiful daughter together, I have family and friends that support us and I have a great job not to mention we live in a gorgeous house. I have everything a human being could dream about. Do you feel that there is anything missing?"

"Well…I would really love to give you another child Jane." Maura said rising her head waiting for Jane's reaction.

"Are…are you sure about this?"Jane always knew that at some point in the future Maura and her were going to discuss having another child but she never thought this day would come so fast and she wasn't prepared for it.

"Yes. I want us to give a little brother or sister to Janie."

"I think she's going to be a great big sister."

"I know, very protective and caring just like you..."

"I hope so. Well If you're sure, we could start looking into adoption as soon I'm declared fit for duty again, God knows I'm going to need energy..." Jane joked already picturing herself holding their baby.

"I'm not talking about adoption Jane, I'm talking about giving a child that I would carry myself."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because I took this experience away from you, you'll never be able to tell Janie how you discovered I was pregnant or how you felt when you found out she was a girl or the day she was born. I know you love her as much but...I just... I want you to be there when I take the pregnancy test and for every single ultrasound . I want you to caress my belly and feel our baby kick and to cut the cord when he or she is born . I just want to give you all that, I want us to share that experience together."

"I understand, and trust me I would love nothing more than to experience all that with you, but you said that you couldn't have any more children?"

"I know, the Doctors told me that I even if my ovulation cycles have became irregular I was still perfectly fertile but that they didn't believe my uterus was strong enough to allow me carry a pregnancy to term because of the damaged caused during the birth."

"Then, what are you suggesting?"

"We should consult other specialists, it's been 5 years, my uterus had time to heal and medicine had made so much progress over the past few years. I know it's a long shot but I really want us to try."

"Okay, if that's what you want, I'll support you."

"Are you sure?It won't be easy Jane. We may have to try several time, it might be both physically and emotionally painful."

"I know and I would rather not having to put you through this I will do everything I can to help and support you if that's what you want. I love you and I would love nothing more than making another little Rizzoli with you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

That night Maura and Jane celebrated their anniversary by staying home, cuddling and watching old movies in bed. Jane couldn't help but being spit in two regarding Maura's desire. On one hand she was delighted to have another child and to be there for Maura during every step of her pregnancy, but on the other hand she was worried. Jane didn't have a medical degree but she had an small idea of the damaged caused to her uterus during Janie's birth and she couldn't help but being pessimistic regarding Maura's ability to get pregnant again. Obviously she knew how important this was for Maura and couldn't share her doubts with her. She knew how much of a failure Maura felt and she was hoping that having another child would help her to finally recover from everything bad that had happen. Unfortunately Jane was also worried for her wife's safety, she knew that even if Maura was still fertile carrying the pregnancy to term would be the hardest part, that she might miscarry several times before succeeding, risking her life every time, and she didn't even want to imagine her going through that kind of pain.

About a week later Maura booked an appointment with her obygn who also happened to have a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility.

Sitting in front of her desk, waiting Jane and Maura started to remember the last time they were here : it was when Maura was still in pain from her C section making it impossible for them to make love. Luckily for them Dr Lowell had helped them and Maura was now about to enjoy her sexual life as fully as she did before the C Section.

"I'm sorry for being late, again. How are we today?" Dr Lowell said sitting behind her desk.

"We're good. Thank you for the flowers and the stuffed bear, Janie loves it." Jane replied holding Maura's hand tight.

"I'm glad she did. I was sorry to hear about the accident, are you both fully recovered now?"

"Yes, well my scar hurts a bit when I laugh but other than that, we're perfectly fine actually we just celebrated our first month anniversary."

"Congratulations, after all you've been through you deserve your happy ending."

"About that Doctor, Jane and I talked about it and we would like to have another child and I would like to carry it." Maura said squeezing Jane's hand.

"Alright. Well from what I read in your medical file, my colleague who followed you in New-York believed that carrying a pregnancy to term was very unlikely and I tend to agree with her assessment."

"Unlikely but not impossible…" Looking straight into her colleague's eyes showing her determination Maura wanted to make it clear that nothing would stop her, not even the unlikely.

"No, getting pregnant shouldn't be a problem, but if I remember your last exam correctly, even if your uterus had time to heal over the past 5 years,it's still damaged I doubt that it's strong enough to hold a baby.I'm very sorry Maura."

"What would she have to do to to make it happen?" Jane asked unwilling to give up that easily.

"Maura would have to stay on bed rest for the entire duration of the pregnancy and even with all those precautions there is still a 85% chance that Maura will miscarry during the first trimester, damaging her uterus even further." Dr Lowell said trying to be as professional as possible but also as human as possible.

"15% chance is better then nothing. I think we're going to take that chance." Maura replied looking at Jane for approval.

"Maura, baby, I understand how important having another child is for you and I'm willing to do everything I can to give you that but I won't risk your life . I just got you back I won't loose again. "Jane said caressing Maura's hand.

"You don't understand." Maura replied rising her voice pulling her hand.

"Yes I do. You feel that you took that experience away from me, that because of you I missed Janie's birth and the first 4 years of her life, but it doesn't matter anymore. We have a beautiful girl who I love as much as if I had been there with you during your pregnancy. If you really want another child, we can adopt or use a surrogate, hell I'll carry it myself if you want, but I am not putting you at risk." Jane said trying to make her wife look at her, trying to be as diplomatic as possible, knowing that beinf rude with her would only push her in a corner.

"Sometimes I wonder why I even came back." Maura muttered grabbing her bag before walking towards the door without even looking back.

"Maura…" Standing up in the middle of Dr Lowell's office Jane wanted to collapse on the floor. After all they have been through, after getting married and almost loosing their daughter they were still going to have to go through something painful and she didn't know if she had it in her to survive it this time.

"I'm sorry Jane. I know some OBGYN who enjoy challenging themselves, but I think about my patient first and this is really not a good idea."

"I know I just…no matter what I do, no matter how good things are she's never gonna get over this feeling of being a failure ."

"She will, but it's going take time. What ever you decide I will be happy to help you."

"Well in the mean time I better call a cab, cause I'm quite sure she left without me." Jane joked trying to keep her courageous face on.

About half an hour later Jane was finally home and was surprised to see Maura's car parked in their drive way.

"Maura, where are you?" Jane yelled entering the house trying to find the best words to apologize and to once again try to reassure her.

Not receiving any replies from Maura Jane searched the entire house without being able to find her, until she saw light in the bathroom.

"Maura, I don't care if your naked in there I'm coming in." Jane said after spending ten minutes talking to the door trying to convince her to open it.

When Jane finally stepped into the bathroom she immediately found Maura on the floor, a razor blade in her hand, cuts marks on her fore arms and blood everywhere.

"Oh God…"Jane let out as she immediately grabbed a towel and kneeled in front of her wife before wrapping the towel around her arm trying to stop the bleeding.

"I'm so sorry."Maura sobbed rushing in Jane's arms, dropping the blade on the floor.

"Don't apologize baby, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm gonna take care of you now. I promise." Jane whispered kissing her forehead pressing the towel harder on the wounds.

Examining the wounds on Maura's arms Jane could see that they weren't deep enough to indicate Maura was trying to kill herself. Holding her wife in her arms Jane remembered the day when she found out about Maura's cutting habits. She remembered seeing the scars and finally realizing that Maura had suffered too when they were appart, she also remembered promising herself to do everything in her power to make sure Maura never feels the needs to cut herself like that ever again. A year after Maura came back Jane thought that she had put this behind her and was happy enough now not to feel the urge to punish herself like that. Unfortunately it seems that despite of all the good things that had happened to her Maura was still punishing herself and she wasn't sure how to help her this time.

**So guys, see a new update only a week after the last one!So yes Maura is cutting herself again. I know it's not like her , but this is fiction. When I wrote that part of her personality I always knew that it would come back at some point. I think we can all understand how she feels right?**

**I'm sad to say that this "issue" will be the last and once it's resolved I will end the story. I know you guys enjoy it very much but the lack of inspiration shows that this story has ran its course...Don't worry I still have a few chapters in me :) and you re going to have the ending you deserve!**

**In the mean time please give me your two cents on this terrible chapter!**


	38. Asking for help

**Chapter 39 :**

**Asking for help :**

After long minutes of sobbing in Jane's arms Maura finally fell asleep right in the middle of that blood bath that was their bathroom.

When she woke up almost two hours later she was in bed and had bandages on her arms.

"Jane?" Maura mumbled sitting in bed, her vision blurry and a strong taste of blood in her mouth.

"Just lay down okay?You lost a lot of blood but you should be alright." Jane smile caressing her wife's cheek with the back of her hand.

"Oh Jane, what have I done?" Maura asked seeing the bandages on her forearms feeling her head pounding from the blood loss.

"You tell me…Why did you do this Maura?I thought this habit of cutting yourself was behind you." Holding Maura's arms seeing the blood through the bandage Jane couldn't help but feeling stupid for not acknowledging this issue before and try to do something about it.

"It was, I haven't felt the urge to do it since I came back. I just….between the accident and what happened at Dr Lowell's office I just felt so powerless and…"Maura muttered unable to face the distress in Jane's eyes.

"And what Maura?You couldn't trust me to make it better so you decided to harm yourself thinking it would help you get rid of the pain?" Feeling her pulse rise Jane was now showing her anger freely. She couldn't understand why Maura would choose to harm herself when she was there the whole time, patient, willing to help her.

"I don't know Jane, I'm sorry…" Hearing Jane rising her voice on her Maura understood that she was no longer worried, but mad and disappointed and she was unfortunately unable to provide a valid explanation to justify her behavior.

"No Maura you don't get to apologize. Look I love you and you know I would go to the hell and back for you. I would cut myself in two, God I would give my life for you but can not continue blaming yourself for everything that ever happened to us okay?You are not responsible for almost dying during birth or for not being a match or for not being able to have another child."

"That's easier said than done Jane." Maura chucked annoyed that Jane was still unable to understand her.

"I know how you feel babe, if I hadn't been a match and Ian had been trust me I would have feel terrible too not being able to help my own daughter and I can't possibly imagine how not being able to have another child must make you feel but you have to stop Maura, for the sake of your daughter and our marriage, you have to stop."

"Are you saying you want to leave me?"For the first time since they met 10 years ago Maura felt that Jane was almost giving up on her, on them.

"Of course not. I love you and I'm not the kind of woman who leaves when things get though you should know that. I'm just saying that I don't know what to do or say anymore. I have done everything I could, now it's up to you."

"You didn't support me Jane. All I wanted was a child and you didn't support my desire."

"How can you say that?I want another child as much as you do but I can not let you risk your life."

"I wouldn't be risking my life Jane, I will be on constant monitoring."

"You heard what the Doctor said, you will have to stay on bed rest the whole time and even doing that there was still 85% of risk that you will miscarry and I will not gamble with your life."

"I understand. I realize I'm being selfish, we have a daughter and I can not offered to put myself in uncessarry harmful situations."

"Exactly,Look I'm sorry, I was a bit hard on you but I just don't know what to do to convince you that I'm here for you and that you don't need to harm yourself like this."

"I know. I knew it would take time and I thought that being with you again would help but it doesn't but I think having another child would, would you still agree to look into adoption?"

"Absolutely and I understand what you're saying. You feel that having a child would help us put the past behind us and start our new life together ."

"Exactly."

"Unfortunately you know that to adopt a baby we must go through psycological evaluations ."

"I know and trust me I 'm aware that after what just happened I'm clearly not ready to have another child."

"I know but we have all the time in the world for that. All that matters is that you finally get better, how about I come more regularly to your therapy sessions?It's been a while since the last time I joined you. " Jane offered climbing in bed with Maura wrapping her arms around her.

"I would love that."Maura sighed feeling safe and comfortable in her wife's loving arms.

For the next 6 months Jane and Maura attended weekly therapy sessions. Slowly Maura started to open up about her feeling of being a failed mother, about the self hatred she has been punishing herself with ever since she left Jane and most importantly she opened up about cutting herself. Maybe it was the perspective of having another child and knowing she needed to be fully recovered to be declared fit for adoption or the fear of loosing Jane for good but Maura really started to open up. Even if it was hard at first to completely be honest during the sessions and at home, she slowly started to feel more comfortable confiding in Jane on daily basis. After longs hours of therapy Maura understood that she refused to allow herself to be happy because she couldn't forgive herself from hurting Jane so much for so long. Luckily for her with the love of her wife and daughter Maura slowly started to forgive herself . Looking at things from Jane's perspective Maura realized that she had to put the past behind her, that her life was perfect, she was married to the love of her life not their daughter had fully recovered from the transplant. Slowly she started to look towards the future, a future that she could only picture with her two Janes and another baby.

During those 6 months Jane took it on her to go to every sessions, listening to Maura blame herself over and over. It was hard for her because she felt that no matter what she did Maura would still continue to blame herself. Seeing that even after marrying her and adopting her daughter Maura was still not able to forgive herself Jane almost quit and even considered leaving her, but looking at their beautiful daughter she felt that she ought it to her to try. Yes even if Jane was tempted to quit from time to time all she needed to do was think about the 5 miserable she spent missing her to immediately change her mind and convince herself that even if it might hurt for a while, being away from Maura would actually be far more painful. Luckily for her after months of intensive care and support Maura was finally started to heal and Jane was finally started to picture the next big step in their relationship : a baby and was over excited.

**So guys, I thought it was important that Maura got help but didn't want to bore you to death with separation that would tell you what you already read in the past. I think it was important not to make things easy and for Jane to express her anger towards Maura and also the fact that she actually considered leaving her.**

**As always feedback is welcome.**


	39. We're having a baby

**For those who follow Online Connection thanks for your support!You're right I won't even bother paying attention to haters!They're only jealous!You guys rock and your support means a lot especially when someone like ...(I won't even say her name) is stalking me and insulting me. Feeling that you have my back is great!You guys rock!**

**Chapter 39:**

**We're having a baby : **

6 months after seriously intensifying her therapy Maura was now almost fully recovered, she wasn't ashamed to confide into Jane anymore and was never tempted to cut herself again. After 2 months of recovery Jane had decided to go back to work while Maura had decided to stay home to focus on her own recovery.

Now almost 8 months after the accident and 7 months after getting married things were finally the way they were supposed to be. Janie went back to school shortly after Jane went back to work and was as happy as she used to be. Obviously she still had to be closely monitored and take a relatively heavy treatment to avoid rejection but the little girl never complained. After the accident Constance decided to move to Boston on a more permanent basis and was fighting with Angela every week end to determined where Janie would have her weekly sleep over. Luckily for Constance Angela understood how guilty she felt and the need she felt to spend time with her. Surrounded by her two loving mommies, grand parents and friends Janie was able to go back to a completely normal life. Now about 15 months after Maura and Janie came back to Boston the little family was finally living the happily ever after they always dreamed about and deserved.

Even if everything seemed to be perfect there was still something missing : Maura was still craving for another child and had worked hard in therapy to prove to Jane that she was capable of having a second child with her. Even if her life was perfect and even if she had everything she could have hoped for Maura was convinced that having another child was the key to put everything bad that happened behind her.

It was now the end of august and Janie was supposed to go back to school in a couple weeks.

As the two women were enjoying a sunny afternoon in their backyard watching Janie play with Joe Friday and Bass Maura suddenly felt it was time to bring up the"baby" subject.

"Jane?"Maura said laying down on a long chair her sun glasses and hat on .

"Yes darling?" Jane replied slightly turning her head, narrowing her sun glasses.

"I have been thinking…." Biting her lower lip carefully considering every single word coming out off her mouth Maura wanted to make sure to bring this subject up as delicately as possible because she didn't want to make Jane feel she was trying to impose her anything.

"Oh…wow…Dr Isles has been thinking…" Jane said laughing as hard as she could as she sat up on her long chair.

"This is not funny Jane!I…"

"Alright, alright, calm down, you know you can tell me anything right?"Joining her wife on her chair Jane knew exactly what she was dying to talk to her about, but knew it had to come from her and that she needed to try to make her feel comfortable enough to express her thoughts.

"I know. Well I have been thinking and I feel I'm ready for another child. I mean I continue therapy, and I am not blaming myself anymore and I haven't felt the desire to cut myself in over 6 months."

"I know, I can see the efforts you made and what you have accomplished and I'm proud of you. Actually I'm relieved that you finally succeeded in forgiving yourself because to be completely honest I had started to loose hope that you would ever get better."

"I know, but I'm better now and I promise you I will never go back to that pessimistic, self loathing state of mind ever again."

"I know, I trust you. So anyway, another baby?Don't you think we already have our hands full with this one?" Jane joked pointing out Janie who was literally laying on the grass rolling imitating Joe Friday.

"Janie!Would you stop this, you are not a dog!Come here so I can clean you up!"Maura said rising her voice.

"Don't be so hard on her, she's just fooling around." Jane said witnessing her daughter walking towards them, her head down knowing she was in trouble.

"I'm sorry mommy but I missed Joe Friday so so so much when we were on vacation…" Janie pouted .

"I know sweetheart you have two weeks to make up for. Come here." Maura said pulling her daughter against her before starting on try to get rid of the grass on her clothes.

"So your mother and I have been talking and…"

"Jane!Don't you think we should talk about this together before telling her?" Maura objected covering Janie's ears.

"Why?I thought that you had made up your mind about having another baby already?"

"Another baby?I'm going to have a little sister?"Janie squealed clapping her hand.

"See, now you got her all excited!Yes darling, your mother and I have been thinking about having another child." Maura replied trying to make Janie stop jumping of excitement.

"How do you feel about that?Would you like a little brother or sister?" Jane asked taking her on her lap.

"I don't know. I mean…Are you going to make this baby with my daddy?" Janie grinned. Even if she was only 6 years old Maura had already told her how procreation worked and how she was brought into this world so she was obviously skeptical on how her two mommies could make a baby together.

"No, no, of course not Janie, your father and I haven't seen each other since the day we made you. I love your mother and I have no intention of ever going back with your father okay?"Pronouncing the word "father" Maura realized they never talked about Ian since Jane managed to get rid of him. Janie knew about him but never felt the need to ask them questions about him and even if she was the only child raised by a same sex couple in her entire school, not having a daddy didn't seem to bother her.

"I know that mommy, but I thought you needed a boy and a girl to make a baby…" Janie frowned unable to understand.

"Not necessarily, a Doctor could help us to have a baby without having to ….be with a man." Jane explained looking at Maura desperate for her to take the lead on this.

"Oh I see …So who is going to carry the baby in her tummy?"

"Actually neither of us. Your mother is right thanks to the progress we made in Medicine we could make a baby together but we decided to choose another option." Maura explained.

"Why?Didn't you like having me in your tummy?"

"Oh darling of course I did, being pregnant was probably the most amazing experience of my life but unfortunately there was complications when you were born so now I can not carry another baby." Maura explained taking a deep breath, her voice slightly trembling.

"I understand, but mommy you can carry a baby in your tummy right?"Janie asked looking up to Jane.

"Yes I can, but we decided it wasn't a good idea, you know because my job is dangerous and something could happen to me or the baby and we wouldn't want that wouldn't we?"

"You're confusing me now. If none of you is going to have the baby how are you going to give me a little sister" Janie grinned her arms crossed on her chest.

"Well your mother and I talked about it and we decided to adopt a child." Maura explained.

"Oh like Lena in my school, her parents went to china to adopt her you know."

"Yes darling. You know that a lot of babies are born without parents and need someone to love them and to take care of them, but we're probably not going to china, there are a lot of orphans right here in Boston who need a home."

"I think you're right chinese people talk funny anyway and mommy doesn't like to be in a place where she doesn't understand the language."

"That is so not true, I just don't like french that's all! But your mother is right there are a lot of kids who need a home right here in Boston. So what do you think?You think you would make a good big sister?"

"I think so, I can help her to do her homework and I can protect her like you do with uncle Frankie."

"Exactly, wait a minute her?So we're having another girl?"Even if she hasn't mentioned it yet Jane was secretly hoping for a boy this time. Even if her and Janie were extremely close and even if they spent tremendous amount of time together Janie wasn't into sports or any other things Jane loved. Even if Maura was convinced that the older she gets she more she looked like Jane, Janie was a little Maura, she enjoyed playing with her dolls, trying her mommies clothes, cooking with her nana Angela and Jane couldn't help but hoping to have a little boy to who she could teach to play ball.

"I hope so, guys are gross."

"Janie!You know what ?I quit, if you want to use inappropriate language fine, but in the mean time how about you go upstairs and draw yourself a bath?I will be there in a few minutes." Over the past year Maura had noticed Janie change, she was imitating the way Jane talked and would repeat every cursing words she would hear and no matter how hard she tried neither Jane or Janie were willing to stop swearing.

"But I took one yesterday already!" Jane complained tapping her feet on the ground.

"Don't argue with your mom Janie, come on."Jane said thinking that Maura might actually be right : the older Janie got the more stubborn she was becoming.

"Alright, alright…"Walking towards the house followed by Joe Friday Janie was mad at her mommies for forcing her to take a bath like this but was also excited to have a new sibling.

"I'm sorry about the cursing thing. I try to watch my language but gross seems to be her favorite word."

"It's alright let's just hope she doesn't talk like that in front of her brother or sister." Maura said her arms around Jane's waist resting her head on her shoulder.

"So we're ready doing this?"

"I believe we are."Feeling her heart hammering her chest Maura realize that her dream was finally coming true : after months of therapy Jane finally trusted her and felt confident she was well enough to extend their family.

"Good, so how do you want to play this?Should we use your family connection to speed up the process?"

"We could do that but it wouldn't fair wouldn't it?"

"It's not we would be using your connections to cheat on our taxes or to get away with a crime , right?"

"I suppose you're right, well I will call my mother tomorrow so she can put us in contact with the private agency they used when they adopted me."

"Sounds like a plan then."

About a month later thanks to her mother's help and after filling up tones of paperwork and submitting themselves to psychological evaluations Jane and Maura were meeting with someone from the private agency the Isles used when they were looking to adopt a child over 35 years ago. Even if they had received the social services and a family judge's permission to adopt another child Maura was extremely nervous to meet the lady from the agency.

"Would you please calm down." Grabbing Maura in her arms keeping her close to her Jane was trying to make her stop walking around in circle bitting her nails.

"I can't, this is serious Jane!."Unable to stop shaking Maura was unable to stop shaking.

"I know but this woman we're meeting is from the agency, she's not like the social worker who literally inspected our house and interrogated us?Her job is to help her have a child, she's on our side so you have nothing to worry about." Jane said kissing her wife's shoulder gently jiggling her from side to side to calm her down.

"I know."

About half an hour later the lady from the agency was finally sitting in their living room a note pad and a pen in her hand carefully taking notes.

"So Mrs Isles, Mrs Rizzoli, I have a few questions for you before to complete your file."

"It's Rizzoli, I took Jane's last name after we got married." Maura said sitting straight , her legs crossed, holding Jane's hand.

"Right, I'm sorry. So I wanted to thank you for providing you with everything we asked for, it takes most people weeks to gathered all those information." Seeing how nervous Maura was the lady was trying to break the ice and make her relax a little bit.

"Yeah, my wife is really organized, unlike me who used to keep my receipt in a shoes box, she keeps and thoroughly classifies everything."

"I like order, it makes me feel safe and it keeps me focus, I can not live or work in a place that's not perfectly clean and tidy, it just...bothers me you know."

"Well when you're a parent, having order in your house is essential because with children running around disorder can quickly become chaos ."

"Exactly." Maura nodded.

"So anyway I'm only here to have you a few complimentary questions, nothing complicated. For instance would you consider international adoption?"

"Yes, we would love to adopt a child from another country but we do believe that there are enough orphans right here in Boston who need a family, you know." Maura said looking at Jane for approval.

"Yes, we would obviously be thrilled to be able to have a second child and we don't care where he or she comes from but as a cop I meet a lot of street kids who grow up in foster families and it breaks my heart everytime."

" I understand, the second thing I would like to know is if you absolutely want a baby or if you would consider adopting an older child."

"Well we haven't talked about this but I suppose we would much rather have a baby if possible, right Maura." Jane replied , unsettled because they actually never consider having a child who wouldn't be a toddler.

"Yes, I think establishing a bond will be easier if we have a baby. Actually I was thinking that you could maybe find us a pregnant woman who wants to put her child for adoption, that way we could meet her and convince her that we're fit parents which I'm sure will reassure her, not to mention that we would love to witness the birth of our child." Maura added.

"Yes, damn, I never thought of that but yeah meeting the biological mother while she's still pregnant would allow her to be there for the birth."

"Alright, I will keep that in mind, but you know there is always the risk that she changes her mind after the birth and take the child away from you?Adopting a child already in the system would prevent this kind of disappointment."

"We know but seeing our child's birth is important for us. I mean Jane wasn't there when I gave birth to her daughter and during the first few years of her life and I would like to keep that from happening again."

"Alright then, you're right witnessing the birth of your child will help built the bond between the tree of you. Last question but not least... Would you prefer a boy or a girl?"

"Actually, about that babe...I would really like a little boy this time..." Jane replied biting her lip.

"Really?"

"Yes, I mean I love our daughter, but she's so...girly and as much as she's fighting you to take her bath or to brush her air, she's a mini you and even if I love the quality time we spend together I would really love to have a child who I can teach how to play ball and other boys games you know."

"Alright, well I think I would love to have a little boy too. I think the relationship you have with Frankie is great and I would love for our daughter to have the same kin dof relationship with her younger sibling and unfortunately sisters are often rival rather than best friends ."

"Alright then, well at least you know what you want...I better get to work then."

"Well obviously if you find us a little girl we would be as thrilled you know, all that matters is that we have another child." Jane said realizing how picky and difficult Maura and her were.

"It's alright it's my job to give you what you want."

"Thank you." Maura replied smiling picturing Janie running around in that house and playing with her little brother.

That night the two women went to bed their heads full of dreams, dreams about meeting a potential pregnant mother, being there for the birth of their child...Yes after spending weeks being interviews and filling up paper words Jane and Maura were now concretely in the first stage of making their dream come true. Actually even if Jane never mentioned it she was really scared to death that the family Judge would deny them the right to adopt based on Maura's cutting habits but luckily for them Maura's psychiatrist wrote a vibrant recommandation saying that Maura was much better now an that her professional opinion was the she was a wonderful mother and that she was completely fit to raise a second child. Yes after months of struggling everything seems to finally go smoothly for them and even if they knew that adoption process could take months especially since they were very specific about what they wanted, Jane and Maura were confident and were willing to wait as long as it would take. After being appart for so many years and fighting so hard to heal from what had happened to them patience was definitely a precious quality they had learned.

**So guys, what do you think?God they're so picky!but I figured they would like to have a boy this time and adopting a child that's not born yet and being there for the birth would be interesting right?I can picture a meeting with a pregnant birth mother don't you?Also I think it was important that they explained things to Janie and I think you all laughed when she asked if Maura was gonna sleep with Ian again, right?**

**As always feedback is welcome, this story is obviously ending soon and I'm doing my best to give it the best ending possible!**


	40. Meeting the biological mother

**Chapter 40 :**

**Meeting the biological mother : **

A month later was the end of september and the entire Rizzoli- Isles clan gathered at Jane and Maura's house to have one last barbecue before the weather would keep them from enjoying this american tradition.

Having a good time with their families allowed Jane and Maura to keep their mind off the adoption. It has been a month since their last interview with Helen, the lady from the agency and they were waiting for her to call them back with a good news. Even if neither of them were superstitious they decided not to tell any one except Maura's mom that they were adopting a baby because they didn't want people to get excited and therefore putting unnecessary pressure on them.

Around 1 pm this afternoon right in the middle of their family barbecue Jane and Maura were surprised to receive a visit from Helen.

"Helen, what are you doing here on a saturday?" Maura said opening the door.

"I have good news for you and I figured you wouldn't want me to wait until tomorrow to tell you, may I come in?"

"Yes, sure, please, we're having a family barbecue, please make yourself at home I'll go get Jane."

"I think that won't be necessary." Helen replied pointed at Jane walking towards them.

"Helen, is something wrong?" Jane nervously asked thinking that if she visited them of a saturday it must be to tell them a bad news.

"Actually no as I was telling Maura I actually have a great news. I found a mother who is 7 months pregnant and who wants to give her baby up for adoption. Here is her file." Handing the file to Maura expecting them to be overexcited Helen was carefully observing Maura and Jane, giving that kind of good news has always been her favorite part.

"Oh really?That's great." Maura said a tear streaming down her cheek as she started to read the file.

"Have you talked to her?Does she know we're a same sex couple?" Jane asked trying to catch a glimpse of her file too.

"Yes, actually her brother is gay an she was thrilled when I told her about you."

"That's great, right honey?"

"She's working on her PHD in anthropology…" Maura said handing the file to Jane.

"Yes, she received a full scholarship and is one of the top student in her class, she's brilliant, she just doesn't feel ready to have a child and would rather focus on her PHD, but you will be able to talk to her and ask her all the questions you want when you meet her tomorrow."

"She wants to meet us?" Feeling her heart hammering her chest Maura suddenly felt a step closer to realizing their dream, somewhere in Boston there was a pregnant woman who wanted to meet them to possibly adopt her unborn child.

"Yes she read your file and wants to get to know you better, so how about tomorrow at lunch time?"

"We would be happy to, thank you." Jane said seeing Maura struggling to reply.

"Alright I will pick you up tomorrow around noon." Helen said before leaving the two women in the middle of their living room, stunned by the news she had just given them.

"Can you believe it?" Jane said slightly shaking Maura trying to bring her back to reality.

"Not really, our families are waiting for us, we should go back to them." Maura replied standing up, trying to put herself together.

"You're right ."

As the two women stepped outside to join their families, everyone suddenly stopped talking wondering what took them so long.

"Who was that?"Angela asked taking a bite at her burger.

"Should we tell them now?"Jane asked looking at Maura for approval still feeling her shaking.

"Yes. Well about a months ago Jane and I contacted a private adoption agency, actually the same my parents used and just a few minutes ago we were told that they had found us a 7 months pregnant woman who wanted to meet us ." Maura said feeling Jane's arm around her.

"Really?You finally found me a little sister?"Janie said jumping off her chair, running towards her mommies.

"Actually darling I know we wanted a little sister but it's going to be a boy." Maura said picking her up.

"It's okay. Uncle Frankie is a boy and mommy always say he's the best brother in the whole world."

"Exactly." Jane nodded passing her hand through her dark curly hair.

"You told Janie but you didn't tell us?" Angela asked shocked, a bit offended not to have been kept in the loop.

"I'm sorry Ma, we kept it a secret because it was already too much of a stress for us and having every one asking us news on daily basis would have made things words."

"Yes, Jane is right. We told Janie because it was important for her to understand what we where about to do and make sure to prepare her for that big change in her life."

"I understand, well congratulations, when are you meeting her?"

"Tomorrow." Pulling Maura's chair Jane knew that the end of lunch would be dedicated to talk about this "potential" baby and she actually didn't mind. She was actually eager to tell everyone about her plans to transform one of their bedroom into a nursery and was also desperate to ask Angela some advice.

Even if Jane was now an experienced mother Janie was over 4 years old when she came into her life. She never had to change diapers, give her a bath or wake up in the middle of the night to give her bottles let alone hold Maura's hand when she was born.

As strong and confident Jane was on her parenting skills, all those things that happened in the early stages of a child's life scared the hell out off her. One thing was sure though : she couldn't wait to hold her son in her hands and was secretly dying to cut the umbilical cord herself and be the first to hold him and she knew that her fears would fade away as soon as she would lay her eyes on him.

The next day the future mothers were meeting Claire, the pregnant woman who was considering giving them her baby. Standing in front of her appartement Jane and Maura were holding hands, excited but extremely nervous, especially Maura who still doubted her social skills and who was scared of saying something inappropriate.

"Claire, nice to see you again, meet Maura and Jane." Helen said introducing the tree women.

"Nice to meet you, we brought you chocolate chips cookies." Maura said handing her a container full of home made cookies.

"Sweet…thank you please come in." Claire replied licking her lips in anticipation.

"My mother made them, she figured that since you're 7 months pregnant you would enjoy them." Jane said embarrassed that her mother actually made cookies for a complete stranger.

"Please don't forget to thank her, those are my favorite and yes I do spend my entire days eating and sleeping which obviously isn't easy for me considering my studying schedule."

"Well it seems the tree of you are getting along, I'm going to leave you for a little while, please call me on my cell once you're done, take all the time you need." Helen said before leaving the tree women together.

"I can understand that , when I was in medical school I was overwhelmed but I managed to maintain my sleeping schedule . The key is to be organized and to draw a studying schedule and to sleep as much as you can, trust me you do not process informations properly when you're tired."

"I noticed that yes. Please have a seat." Claire said impressed by Maura's eloquence.

"So you're working on your PHD?" Sitting on Claire's couch keeping Maura as close to her as possible Jane was actually amazed by how tidy and clean the apartment was.

"Yes, I'm an anthropologist I'm specialized in south american civilizations."

"So you must travel a lot."

"Yes, well I used to, I haven't been on a plane since I found out I was pregnant, I know it's safe until the Thirty second week but I don't want tho take any risk."

"That's good…So you're file says you're in your last year, that must be hard for you considering raising a child so close to finally have your PHD."

"It is. I know it might sounds terrible but I worked my entire life for this and I know a child would require my full attention and I can not imagine putting my career aside to raise a child and besides I'm only 25, I'm just not ready for this."

"We understand. So many couple have children they never planned on having and sacrifice a lot for them and sometimes they end up resenting their children for taking their youth or ambitions away from them. Your decision is actually very mature." Jane said impressed to see how down to earth and smart this young lady was.

"Well actually it would have been easier if the dad was around but he's not, raising a child in my situation would already be a challenge but without his father, that's not something I want to impose to him or to myself."

"I can completely understand that. I raised our daughter by myself for the first 4 years of her life." Maura explained hoping to create a connection with the single mother.

"Oh really…you weren't together when she was born?"

"Oh boy, this is complicated. Maura and I met about what 11 years ago now?"

"Yes, it's actually closer to 12 years."

"Yeah, almost 12 years and after several years of you know fighting our feelings we started dated and month afterwards Maura found out she was pregnant."

"Yes. One of my…previous lovers came visited me a few weeks before we started dating and I got pregnant. When I found out I panicked and left and I just came back a year and a half ago and we've been married for 9 months now."

"Geee… you two were just meant to be together."

"Yeah, that's what we like to think. Getting back together, putting the past behind us, raising a daughter was hard, but we overcame this and now we're a happy family." Jane said her voice slightly shaking as she squeezed Maura's hand remembering the past year and a half.

"I bet… Did you know she was pregnant when she left?If I may asked?"

"We have nothing to hide. No Jane didn't know I was pregnant, she found out when I came back."

"Yes, Janie was already four and a half but what I can can I tell is that it was love at first sight and a few months later I adopted her ."

"Yes, Not only Jane forgave me for leaving her but she also accepted Janie with opened arms and never stopped treating her as her own daughter even since."

"How does she feel about having a brother?"

"Well to be honest she was hoping for a sister at first but now seeing how close my brother and I are I think she's really excited."

"Good. Before I forgot, there is something you need to know about this baby."

"Is there something wrong with him?"

"Oh no, don't worry he's perfectly healthy, he's actually bigger than average."

"Good, you scared me for a second. "

"I'm sorry, it's just that his father is….black, I hope that's not a problem."

"Of course not, we couldn't care less about that, don't worry." Jane replied.

"Good, well just so you know he's a 4th year surgical resident, and he's only 25, he's a genius which probably explain why he didn't want to settle down with me or any other girl, he's too much into his residency and his own world."

"Oh, a future surgeon and a future anthropologist… Please God, do not make him be a genius…." Jane teased.

"Oh, would you have a problem with having a child with enhanced intellectual abilities?"

"Of course not, Jane is joking, right baby?"Maura groaned narrowing her eyebrows.

"Of course I am, it's just that I'm married to a woman who can not stop google talking and our 6 years old daughter already speaks french fluently and is currently learning spanish with her so I was hoping for a child who wouldn't make me feel like a complete idiot in my own house."

"Oh I don't believe you're a complete idiot, your file says you're Boston most decorated officer and first woman to work Homicide as a Detective."

"My wife is very modest, she's probably one of the brightest person I ever worked with."

"Speaking of which I see here that you're not working at the moment?"

"No, I obviously quit my Chief Medical Examiner position when I left Boston and I spend the next 5 years focusing on Janie, which was a full time job for me. When I came back to Boston I started working in a free clinic downtown but our daughter got into a car accident a few months back and she obviously needed my assistance during her recovery and I haven't returned to work yet."

"Oh God, is she okay now?"

"She is, I donated a portion of my liver because hers was seriously damaged but she's fine now."

"God, your life is certainly …unusual and full of surprises…"

Sitting there trying to make a good impression on Claire Jane and Maura started to wonder if they weren't being too honest. All they wanted was for her to see that they loved each other and that they could provide a stable environment for her unborn son. Luckily for them Claire didn't care about how crazy their lives were, all she cared about was how much they loved each other and what they had sacrificed for their daughter. All she could see was how they overcame adversity on numerous occasions and how strong their marriage was despite all those challenged that life threw at them. Even if she didn't say anything right away Claire literally had a crush on Maura and Jane and a few hours after meeting them decided to call Helen to tell her that she didn't need to meet other couples, that she had found her son's parents.

**So guys, I know filling up chapter but I think it was important for them to meet the mother and to tell them everything about their life even if it has been challenging and complicated. you might feel they revealed too much but I don't think so. I think Maura couldn't help herself and would be honnest telling thing sshe shouldn't.**

**Anyway next chapter is gonna be great. I wrote two Rizzles Birth already but this one...is special and Janie is gonna take a big part in it!After neglecting this story for weeks I wrote 3 chapter straight last night(til 3 am actually)...As always encourage me by giving me lots of feedback!**


	41. Best Christmas Ever!

**Following the absence of reviews on this I decided to re post this chapter, maybe reviews were down or something...**

**Come on guys show me some love, you were waiting for this chapter for so long and I gave it to you, there is only one chapter after this one so come on tell me what you think, please!**

**Chapter 41 :**

**Best Christmas ever!**

Two months later after spending weeks rearranging one of the bedroom of their house to welcome their little boy and organizing everything to welcome him Maura and Jane were finally ready to become parents for the second time.

Over the past two months they grew really close to Claire, visiting her on weekly basis. Maura as the perfect Doctor that she was took her to every single OBGYN appointment and had already made arrangements for her to give birth in Boston's fanciest clinic. Jane on the other hand was there for moral support, unlike Maura who has already been through birth once this experience was completely unknown to Claire and her. So several times a week Jane visited Claire without Maura and just talked to her, trying to reassure her. Unfortunately Claire had lost her parents when she was only 19 and feeling surrounded by two parents who took such good care of her helped her apprehend the last two months of her pregnancy with more serenity. After talking about it Maura and Jane decided that Claire, if she wanted would receive regular updates on her son and that if one day he asked to meet her they would allow him to .

Even if Claire was touched by Maura and Jane's offer she didn't really want to received news or pictures of her son, at least at first, knowing that it would be too painful. Even if she really didn't want to be a mom she knew that giving him for adoption would be something hard and painful for her and that it would take time for her to heal and was convinced that hearing from Jane and Maura and see pictures would just make her too sad. Obviously she had nothing against meeting him later if he ever asked for her but she just wanted to stay away from him and let him have the great life she knew Maura and Jane would give him.

Today was the 24th of december and Jane and Maura were preparing Christmas dinner at their house, assisted by Angela and Claire who was painfully trying to help out despite being 9 month pregnant about to give birth any minute.

"Claire, sweetheart you're due in less then a week would you please sit down or your water might broke right in the middle of our kitchen." Maura said seeing her struggling to even move around.

"Yes Claire, I don't want my little brother to be born in our kitchen, that would be gross, come with me." Janie said holding her hand.

"Alright young lady, I surrender, actually I would like to elevate my feet for a little while." Claire said following Janie in the living room.

"Do you think she might give birth tonight?She looks tired…"Jane asked worried trying to get busy helping out in the kitchen which was unusual.

"She's due in a week but don't worry, the baby is fully developed, even if she gives birth today or tomorrow or any other day before her due date there is no reason to believe our son won't be perfectly healthy."

"I know…I'm just scared, you went through this before I haven't so forgive me for being concerned."

"I'm sorry Jane, I sometimes forget that you're less experienced then me or your mother in that department, but you were here during all the birth classes and you paid attention. I'm sure you're going to do great." For the first time she they met her Maura could actually see Jane scared of not being able to do something. If there was something Maura could always see was how determined and confident Jane was especially when it came to her family and she never saw her that panicked in front of a new challenge.

"I hope so, thank God I'm trained to resist pressure."Jane joked completely unsettled and panicked. Even if she was trained to resist under pressure and even if she had paid attention in classes Jane still had no idea how she would react when the time came, unfortunately she wouldn't have to wait long to find out.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy…."Janie yelled rushing into the kitchen.

"Wow…wow young lady no running in the house." Maura said stopping her in her course.

"I know, it's Claire…I think she's hurting, she peed on the couch and asked me to come get you…" Janie said struggling to escape Maura's embrace.

"Oh…Her water just broke." Maura said taking a deep breath trying to remember the last time she actually assisted a birth, which was during medical school over 15 years ago.

"Come one Mommy, you're the Doctor she needs your help." Janie said pulling Maura by her sleeve.

"Yes…Jane get the car please." Maura quietly said walking towards the living room dragged by her 6 years old daughter who seemed to be on top of this situation more than she was.

"Right, the car. I'll call our mothers too." Jane mumbled running towards their bedroom trying to remember where her car keys were.

Stepping in the living room Maura immediately saw Clair on the couch holding her belly.

"How are we doing?" Maura asked immediately sitting next to her.

"I'm good, my water just broke, I'm sorry I ruined your couch." Claire managed to replied between two contractions.

"Don't worry about it. How close are your contractions?"

"About ten minutes apart just like the past two days, how can my water broke if the contractions aren't closer?"

"It happens, would you please relax? Jane is going to drive us to the clinic, everything is going to be alright."

"Mommy, mommy I got your Doctor's bag." Janie said out of breath.

"Good girl." Maura smiled padding her little's girl head.

For the past 2 months, despite her young age Janie had done her very best to understand what was going on and to help out as best as she could. Actually she helped Jane decorate the nursery and put the furniture together. Even if she was only 6 and a half she was already a very concerned and responsible big sister and couldn't help to finally meet her little brother.

A few minutes later Jane finally found her keys and was able to carry Claire in their car.

"Janie darling are you alright?Are you scared?" Jane asked looking in her rear mirror.

"No, I'm good I can't wait to meet him." Janie said holding Claire's hand tight.

Both Maura and Jane were amazed how mature and quiet Janie has been acting for the past two months. She knew that being a big sister was a big responsibility and she was taking it very seriously. Now a few hours from finally becoming a big sister there she was holding Claire's hand telling her that everything was going to be alright calmer than adult would be.

When Maura and Jane arrived at the clinic they were surprised to be welcome not only by the medical staff but also by Constance who was already there.

"Mother, how did you come here so fast?" Maura said as she was getting Janie out of the car while Jane was carrying Claire on the gurney.

"I was here to see my ophthalmologist when Jane called me. How is Claire doing?"

"Her water broke but she's only 5 centimeters so we're going to be here a while can you please take Janie with you and get in touch with Angela? She should be here soon." Maura said handing Janie to her mother.

"Sure, come here sweetheart." Constance replied happy to be helpful.

"Noooooo! I don't want to leave Claire and my brother!" Janie yelled trying to escape her grand mother's embrace.

"Maura we're ready!" Jane yelled from the other end of the parking lot as they were stepping into the clinic, Claire on a gurney visibly in pain.

"Mommy!" Janie screaming finally escaping from her grand mother's grip.

"Janie, come back here!"Maura said running behind her.

"Hey sweetheart, why don't you calm down, alright?" Jane said intercepting Janie before she could step foot inside the clinic.

"She's hurting mommy they need me, I need to be there."Janie cried remembering what her mother had told her about her birth.

"Sweetheart look at me. She's hurting because the baby is coming, it's perfectly normal. What is happening has nothing to do with what happened when you were born, nothing bad is happening. The baby is fine and so is Claire." Janie said palming her daughter's face with her right hand looking her straight in the eye.

"You promise?"

"Yes, and I promise you that you will be the first person that will hold him once he's born okay?"

"Really?"

"Yes, as soon as the Doctors checked him out and clean him up a bit I will bring him to you, but right now what I need to do is go with your grand mother, you know how women from your mother's side tend to panic and over react in that kind of situations?"

"Yes, but luckily for them us Rizzoli are always courageous and calm."

"Exactly, so I'm gonna need your help to keep her and every one else quiet because the last thing we need is our entire family worrying and causing a scene here, you think you can do that?

"Yes I can, I will take care of our family."

"Good, not go. I love you."

"I love you too mommy. Good luck." Janie said hugging her before rushing back in her grand mother's arms.

Ten long hours later around midnight the entire clan were still in the waiting room, Janie sleeping on Angela's slap refusing to go home. Luckily for them Jane who knew how impatient and worry they were kept on giving them updates on hourly basis, but this baby was really in no hurry to meet them.

Finally around 1 am Jane arrived in the waiting room a big smile on her face.

"Any news?" Frankie Jr asked standing up waking Janie up in the process.

"The baby is finally coming. She's fully dilated and they're going to ask her to push soon."

"Finally. Go be with them, we have everything under control here." Angela said holding Janie tight keeping her from escaping again.

"Right, I'll come back when my son is born." Jane proudly said loving the sound of that word.

A few minutes later, Jane was back into Claire's room ready to finally meet her son.

"Alright Claire, I need you to push now." Maura said settled at the end of the bed between her legs.

Even if the clinic was one of the best in the country Claire insisted that Maura assisted with the birth.

At first Maura was obviously nervous because her obstetric rotation was so far away but also flattered that Claire only trusted her to help with in the most difficult thing she would ever have to do in her entire life. Sitting there ready to welcome her son in her arms Maura had taken all necessary precaution and had the chief of obstetric standing right behind her in case there was any complication.

"God it hurts!" Claire said pushing as hard as she could following Maura's instructions.

"Come on Claire you can do this. Just breath." Jane said holding her hand.

Feeling surrounded by the two loving and competent parents Claire felt had all the support she needed to apprehend this birth with serenity. Following Maura's instructions, pushing and breathing, resting when she told her to Claire gave birth to a beautiful baby boy at 2 am, on the 25th of December.

"Oh God…" Jane said her mouth wide opened as Maura was holding their son in her hand.

"Would you like to cut the cord?"Dr Morales, the Chief of Obstetric offered seeing how emotional both women were, feeling they needeed help to take that next step.

"I would love to thank you." Jane said walking towards the baby.

Following Maura's instruction Jane proudly cut the umbilical cord. As much as it hurt her to admit it Maura was right : this was an incredible experience and she was grateful that she got to live it at least once.

"How is he?"Claire mumbled still in pain.

"He's perfect, Dr Morales is going to clean him up and check him up now, but you need to continue pushing the placenta is coming."

"God, this is never gonna end." Claire complained rolling her eyes.

"Come on sweetheart you can do this." Jane said kissing her forehead.

Half an hour later Claire who declined the opportunity to hold her son for now was brought into a recovery suite and the baby to the nursery. Walking towards the waiting room unable to hide her enthusiasm Jane felt so hight on emotion that the fact that it was almost 3 am didn't even bother her, she wasn't tired at all.

"Is he here?" Angela asked holding her breath.

"Yes he is. He's 53 centimeter for 3.2 kilo and he's perfectly healthy." Jane proudly stated .

"Congratulations darling!" Angela said pulling her daughter in her arms.

"Thank you Ma."

Feeling the love and support of her parents and Maura's mother and also Korsak and Frost Jane knew the little boy was the luckiest kid in the world and that he would be raised surrounded by people who loved him.

"So are you calling him Jesus?" Frankie jr Joked.

"That would be a good idea, let me submit it to my wife." Jane replied gently punching his shoulder.

"I'm not sure my daughter would enjoy that name Frankie, even if we raised her in religion she never really showed any interest when she got older."

"Mommy, mommy, you promise me something remember!" Janie said pulling Jane's sleeve.

"Of course I remember. I promised you would be the first to hold him, would you like to meet your little brother now?"Jane said painfully going down on her knee to pick the little girl up.

"Yes mommy I have been waiting here all night!" Janie replied.

"Alright."Jane smiled amazed by how resilient and determined her daughter was when most children of her jail would have cause a scene, especially on a Christmas day Janie sat there for 12 hours, in silence eager to meet her little brother.

Walking towards the nursery holding her daughter Jane could see her proud and impatient the little girl was and couldn't wait to see her reaction.

"Which one is he?"Janie asked as they arrived in front of the nursery.

"The one your mother is holding darling."

"But he's black…" Janie grinned narrowing her eyebrows asking herself how in hell could he be black when Claire was as white as a snow ball.

"We told you his daddy was black remember?" Jane explained knocking at the window trying to get Maura's attention.

"Oh I forgot about that. He's really really tiny like a doll." Janie said as Maura was walking towards them holding the precious little thing.

"Actually you were smaller than him when you were born." Jane said releasing her, allowing her to walk towards them.

"Hey sweetie, I would like you to meet your little brother." Maura said kneeling in front of the little girl.

"He's….oh…."Janie mumbled caressing his little hand , unable to articulate a proper sentence.

"He's cute isn't he?" Jane said marveling at the daughter literally melting in front of her new sibling.

"He is…" Janie sighed looking at him like if he was the most wonderful thing in the entire world.

"Would you like to hold him now?" Jane offered knowing that she had been waiting for this moment for over two months.

" I don't know, I don't want to break him."Janie replied shrugging her shoulders.

"You won't here, take him in your arms, here hold his head…" Maura instructed gently handing him to her 6 years old daughter.

Looking at Janie carefully holding her little brother Jane and Maura witnessed the mutual bond that seemed to was immediately created as soon as the baby reached her arms. Seeing her being so gentle, carrying and careful with him the two parents knew that this baby was going to have the best big sister he could have dreamed about, a sister who would teach him to ride his bike, who would protect him just like Jane did with Frankie.

"I think we should bring him to meet everyone." Janie said as she slowly started to walk towards the waiting room taking on step at the time as carefully as she could.

Following the little girl neither Jane or Maura were worried that she might drop him, to the contrary they were impressed by how confident and confident she was holding him for the first time.

Proudly stepping into the waiting room Janie suddenly felt much older and knew that from this moment she wasn't an only child anymore, that she now had someone who would depend on her, someone she would need to take care off and protect and she couldn't wait to take care of him.

"Oh he's adorable." Angela said feeling her heart melting as she saw the little girl carrying her little brother.

"Everyone, please meet my little brother." Janie proudly said walking towards the little group .

"Your brother is actually a brother ." Frost said smiling when he saw the little boy was black.

"Yes he is. I'll send him to you if he ever wants to learn hip hop." Jane joked.

"Have we found a name yet?" Constance asked.

"I was thinking Frank Rizzoli-Isles. What do you think pop?" Maura said looking at her father in law well aware that this first name as been given to man in his family since his grand father.

"I would be honored." Frank Senior said feeling a tears running down his cheek.

Half an hour later the entire clan decided to finally go home to get some rest determined to come back later with Christmas dinner. A few minutes later Janie, Jane and Maura decided to go visit Claire who was still recovering.

"Hey Claire, how are you feeling?" Janie asked walking towards her bed still refusing to let him go.

"I feel tired I'm fine and look at you big sister holding him like a champion." Claire smiled amused.

"He's not that heavy you know, would you like to hold him?" Janie offered not knowing that she had refused to hold him when he was born.

"I would love that if that's okay with your mommies."

"Absolutely ." Maura said gently taking the baby from Janie's arms before handing him over to Claire.

"Oh God, he's so beautiful…" Marveling at the beauty she had created Claire never felt so sad in her entire life, but was convinced she had made the right choice. Seeing the tree women around her and knowing their entire clan had stayed the entire night she was convinced her baby could not have find a better family .

"He is, thank you so much for this Christmas present you gave us." Jane said standing behind Maura, her arms around her.

" No thank you, I couldn't have dreamed of a better family for my little boy." Claire replied gently kissing his forehead.

A few minutes later Claire fell right back to sleep exhausted after 12 hours of labor. Walking back towards the nursery Janie still carrying little Frank the newly extended family never felt so happy. A year ago around that time Jane had proposed to Maura and now they were spending Christmas with a new member in their family. Suddenly the pain of the past years completely disappeared and all Jane and Maura could think about was their little family and all they could see were the next 50 years they had ahead of them.

After dropping little Frank at the nursery Jane and Maura drove back home listening Janie complained about leaving her brother and promising her to come back the next morning.

"But mommy I'm not tired at all." Janie protested as Jane was putting her to bed.

"Darling I know you slept in the waiting room but it's close to 5 am. I promise you we're going back to the clinic later but you need to get some sleep."Jane said pulling up the covers on her.

"But mommy he's all by himself there, can you imagine how he's going to feel if he wakes up and I'm not there ?"

"Don't worry about him when he wakes up for his bottle in a few hours, a nurse will take care of him, but we need to rest so we can go back there and take care of him tomorrow, well technically later today…"

"Alright…You're right." Janie sighed unable to keep her arms opened.

"Good night darling." Jane said kissing her forehead.

A few minutes later Jane joined Maura in their bedroom, dropped her clothes on the floor grabbed a pair of boxers and a tank top and climbed in bed .

"How hard was it to get her to sleep?" Maura asked feeling Jane's arms around her.

"Not that hard, poor thing was exhausted."Jane said resting her head on Maura's shoulder, her arm across her stomach.

"Well she refused to go home with my mother, she insisted on staying up all night."

"You have to admit she takes her new role very seriously, did you see how she was holding him?"

"Yes. I think she's going to be a great big sister just like her mom." Kissing Jane goodnight feeling her eyes slowly closing Maura was finally happy, truly happy.

Helping Claire give birth to their son was a great experience for Maura, it was a way of making up for almost dying during Janie's birth. Thinking about her baby boy she knew this child was her chance to do things differently this time, to trust and lean on Jane instead of running away like she did 7 years ago. Falling asleep that night Maura felt finally fully happy for the first time in seven years knowing that today was the first day of the rest of her life, a life she was determined to live free of guilt and self loathing. She was determined to be the mother she knew she could be and the wife Jane deserved.

Falling asleep that night Jane finally felt that Maura and her were finally able to put the past behind them and start a new life with their family.

Witnessing Maura help Claire give birth to their son Jane finally saw the look in Maura's eyes she hadn't seen in a long time. She could see how confident she was and how much she trusted herself to bring this child into this world safely.

That night Jane closed her eyes eager to wake up and spend the rest of her life taking care of her little family knowing that everything would be alright now.

Around 1 pm the little family was finally back at the clinic and were surprised to find the entire clan standing in front of the nursery waiting for them to give them permission to hold the precious child.

Later that day lead by Angela the clan had transported their entire Christmas dinner that had been waiting since the previous night to the hospital and had arranged to have dinner in a familial room the clinic was more than happy to put at their disposal.

A few hours later after finishing their dinner Janie, her mommies and her little brother went home, exhausted but happy.

For the next several days the little family did their best to adjust to their new routine. Luckily for Janie she was on holidays so she was able to spend her days with her mommies, helping out as much as she can.

Looking at Janie giving him his bottle and changing his diapers without complaining Jane and Maura were once again amazed by how growing up she suddenly became and how carrying and protective she was .

Yes looking back at the past two years Jane and Maura had been through a lot, they had overcame and accomplished more then most people would have in their entire life. Actually when most couple would have just give up or stop loving each other Jane and Maura never gave up and their relationship came out stronger than it ever was before Maura left. Thinking about all the pain they felt an caused to each other's Maura and Jane actually didn't regret a single day because every single challenge they faced made them stronger and brought them right here right now to that perfect life they had built. Now they were married, they were raising two beautiful children and knew they could feel the love and support of the people sharing their lives. Yes looking back, it was all worth it because as hard has it has been at times Jane and Maura loved each other and there was Ian or no mafia or cutting disorder or self hatred who could even break them up.

**So guys, I know this chapter was pretty long and intense but I couldn't just cut it in two.**

**I wanted Janie to take part in this birth as much as possible. She's a little Jane so it makes sense that she would be protective over the little guy right?**

**Next chapter will be the one and it's gonna a fast forward a few years a kinda Brother'Big sister bonding thing!**

**This chapter was important for me and I enjoyed writing it very much so I'm now waiting for your feedback!**

**Can't believe it's one chapter away from being over lol!**


	42. Epilogue

**Alright guys, this is the end...**

**Chapter 42:**

**Epilogue: **

Ten years later Janie was now almost 17 and little Frankie was now almost 10. After taking a 6 months maternity leave after Frankie's birth Maura had decided to go back to work where she belonged : Boston Homicide departement. When she first came back to Boston she was more than reluctant to reprise her old position because she was convinced that working together with Jane before they completely solve everything would be a mistake. Almost 3 years after coming back Maura finally felt ready to be Jane's partner again. At first she was a bit nervous because she hadn't performed an autopsy and most importantly hadn't work with Jane in over 7 years and she was afraid that their professional chemistry wouldn't be there anymore. She knew that both of them had changed, as professionals and as human beings, that their methods of work had changed, but luckily for her things went back exactly to the way they used to from the first minute she step foot on her first crime scene. Their first investigation together was the murder a prostitue found in an abandoned factory, and it took exactly 35 seconds to Maura to refuse to call what was on the victim's shirt "A reddish brown substance " and 5 seconds to Jane to reply " come on Maura, can't you just call it blood!". Just like that they started to argue the way they used to years ago. Working together again was a blessing because they got to be together all day and than at home. The first few months had been hard because they needed to adapt their work schedule to fit their children's need. Janie was going to school was making a lots of friend and had obviously inherited Maura's intelligence and after helping during her brother's birth couldn't stop talking about being a Doctor. Frankie on the on other who was just a few months old was the luckiest little guy on earth because unlike other babies who had to go to nurseries he had two grand mothers who were taking care of him and who were almost fighting about their baby sitting schedule. Yes after everything they had been through Jane and Maura and their two children finally had their happy ending.

That day Maura and Jane were having lunch trying to find out what to get to Janie and Frankie for Christmas .

"I still thing buying her an old car that we could restore would be a great idea." Jane said sitting in front of her wife holding her hand playing with her wedding bands .

"Well she's 17 and a car would be a great idea but you know she's not really into mechanic, how about we keep that idea for Frankie when he's old enough."

"You're probably right, God I'm glad we had a guy who into sport and mechanic, I remember when you first moved in with me you were worried that Janie was taking too much after me , but now she doesn't even want to carry groceries bags because of her manucure."

"I was right when we first moved in with you she was eager to bond with you and started to talk and dress like you which worried me a bit but I'm glad she turned out to be a very feminine young woman, but don't worry she's still your little girl and she still worships you." Remembering the first months when they arrived in Boston Maura remembered how close Jane and their daughter were, Janie wouldn't only agree to go to bed if Jane read her favorite story and she would struggle to stay awake if Jane was kept at work. At first Maura was a bit jealous but she quickly understood that both of them were just trying to make up for the time they were appart and now at the age of 17 their daughter was a perfect mix off the two of them.

"I know, you know she taught that " what would Ma do?" to Frankie?"

"Yes, I heard her a few days ago, I think it's flattering to know that when they're confronting to a situation they try to put themselves in your shoes and try to figure out what you would do. It proves they respect your experience and way of dealings with problems."

"I know, I'm glad I'm a role model for them, we both are..." Jane said feeling a phone vibrating on the table.

"That's mine. Dr Isles speaking, she did what?Yes my wife is with me we're coming."Maura said standing up.

"What happened?"

"Your daughter got into a fight with a girl from school."Maura replied moving quickly towards the exit door.

"What?Wait my daughter?How come when she does something wrong she's my daughter?" Jane replied following her to their car.

"Where do you think she gets her temper?" Violently opening the door of their car Maura knew that there was a high chance she might get expelled from her class.

"Okay, would you please calm down?I know she gets her temper from me and I'm sorry but I'm sure she was only defending herself."

"I don't care she could get expelled, 6months before graduating!"

"Considering that we pay 30000 dollars per head and per year I doubt they're going to expel her for good and like I said she must have had a good reason."

Half an hour later Jane and Maura found themselves in front of the headmaster's office.

"Just breath okay, if she feels you're mad at her she's never going to tell us what really happened." Jane said holding her wife's hand trying to calm her down.

"I know, I'm breathing see." Maura replied taking a big breath as she knocked on the door.

Maura knew Jane was hard, as stubborn as she was coming at her directly blaming her never did any good. Unlike what people might think Maura was the severe parent especially when it came to education, when on the other hand Jane was more comprehensive and always try not to push her children too hard knowing that it would probably produce the opposite of what they wanted. She knew that the best way to talk to a teenager was to actually listen and Maura trusted her enough to talk to their teenage daughter when something was wrong.

"Please come in. Dr Isles, Detective." The headmaster of Janie and Frankie's private school was a very tall and imposant man in his late 50's who literally scared the shit out off his students but who in reality wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Thank you for calling us, would you mind telling her what happened?"Maura asked sending a killer look at her daughter who was sitting a few feet away from her.

"Nothing it's just a big misunderstanding." Janie grunter sitting on a chair her arms crossed on her chest.

"I don't believe so young woman, your daughter assaulted another student in the hallway, here it's all on the surveillance tape." The head master replied turning his computer screen towards Maura and Jane.

"What in hell were you thinking?We didn't raise you to use your fists like that!"Maura yelled chocked as she watched her daughter literally jumping at the other's student's throat.

"You're kidding me?Ma gets in more fights on weekly basis then mohamed ali was his all career!"

"Hey, don't talk to your mother like that. I'm a cop, I do not fight, I protect myself, it's not the same thing and you know it."

"What ever…"Janie replied rolling her life.

Standing there watching their daughter giving them the worse attitude positive and looking at the surveillance footage the two parents couldn't believe what could have went through her mind. Even if Janie had her temper she never even once got into trouble, when most teenagers of her age smoked and could only think about boys she was a straight A student who was studying hard to get into the same Medical School as her mother.

"Would you mind giving us a second here?"Jane asked knowing that her daughter was already in her shell and that pushing her would only make things work.

"Certainly, I think you stand more chances of making her talk then us."The headmaster said inviting Maura to step out.

"Oh no I'm not going anywhere until she tells me exactly what happened."Maura objecting determined to find out what had really happened.

"Maura, look at me, what is the worse quality you always say she gets from me?" Jane asked her hands on Maura's shoulders, looking her straight in the eye.

"Her stubbornness."

"Yes, trust me she's going to talk to me, but not if she feels we're pushing her in a corner like that ."

"Okay…"Maura sighed leaving Jane taking the situation in her own hands.

"So young lady, wanna told me what happened?" Jane said sitting in the chair in front of her daughter.

"Or what?You're going to use your interrogations techniques on me?"

"Of course not, I keep that for the day I really need to use them, but you're going to tell me one way or another or would you rather I guess?"

"Right, you're a good investigator but you're not that good."

"So you actually had a good reason for doing this. Let me see, the way I see it, there are only two reasons for you to go ballistic like that : either she said something about you having two mommies which I doubt otherwise she would be at the hospital or she said something about your brother, did she?"

"Crap, I hate that you're a cop!" Tapping her foot on the floor Janie suddenly hated her mom, not only she knew her very well but she was also Boston's most decorated Detective which made it for her to lie to her.

"See I told you, now come on tell me what she said."

"You know his best friend Jack is at the hospital because he had his appendicitis removed?"

"Yes, he should be back in school next week actually."

"Yes but in the mean time he was sitting by himself at the cafeteria so Emily and I went to sit with him to keep him company and that bitch heard me calling him little brother and said that he wasn't even my real brother that it was basic biology, that because he was a N...you know, he couldn't be my brother." Cracking her finger telling her story Janie suddenly felt her pulse rising.

"The little brat! Did she actually use the N word?"

"Yes she did, that's why I went after her. I'm sorry Ma."

"Don't worry, come with me will you?" Grabbing her daughter's hand Jane suddenly shared her daughter's thirst for revenge and justice and wasn't allowed to let that spoiled little rich girl get away with this.

"Why?God I hate that look on your face!"

"Because I might just arrest her for hate crime."

"Sweet…"Smiling as she crossed the door Janie suddenly never felt prouder to have a Mother who was a Detective.

"So have you made her talk ?"Maura asked.

"Yes I have, where is this student now?"

"At the infirmary why?" Seing the look on Jane's face the headmaster understood Janie had told her what happened and suddenly started to believe that the other student must have done something really wrong.

"Because I'm going to arrest her ." Her handcuffs in her hand, walking towards the infirmary Jane was determined to give justice to her son.

"On what charges?"

"She told our daughter Frankie wasn't his brother because he was black, well she actually used the N word, so I'm gonna bust her for hate crime, now move.."Jane asked, politely as first as the head master was trying to block her the access to the infirmary.

"As you wish Detective." Stepping aside he knew that if Jane's reputation was accurate that there was no stopping her.

"Is that her?" Jane asked pointing at the other student sitting on a bed cotton full off blood in her nose.

"Yeah."Looking at the other girl, her arms crossed on her chest Janie was savoring her victory, knowing her mom she knew she was about to step into hell.

"Good cops are here, I want her arrested for assault officer."The other girl said pointed at Jane.

"First it's Sergeant, second I'm Janie's mom and I'm here to arrest you. Turn around."

"On what charges?"

"Hate crime, you should have thought more carefully before calling my son the N word."Pulling the girls' arms behind her bar closing her handcuffs on her Jane remembered she was dealing with a teenager and wanted to scare her not hot her.

"Damn, now I see why you fell in love with her mom." Janie sighed witnessing her mother dragging the criminal out in front of the entire school.

"Yes, her sense of justice has always been so attractive to me. Come on let's get you home. Sir thank you for receiving us, expect a call from our lawyer later today."

Later that night Maura and Jane were at home trying to find the most appropriate way to talk about what happened to both of their children. They knew they couldn't possibly teach their daughter to use her fists to solve her issues but they were proud of her for standing up for her brother like that. Around 6 Clock the atmosphere in the house was fairly relaxed, Janie was playing with Joe Friday who was almost as old as her now and Frankie was studying in his room.

"Have you seen your brother your brother?I haven't seem his since he came back from school." Jane asked walking through the living room.

"He's upstairs, doing his homework, I think he's a little embarrassed."

"Why?He didn't do anything wrong."

"Well first his big sister had to stand up for him and then his mother arrested the girl who bullied him in front of the entire school. He's only ten but he has his pride you know."

"Oh, he would have rather taken care of this himself?"As close as Maura and Jane were to her children sometimes they acted following their maternal instincts instead of remembering what it was like to be a child, trying to be respect at school.

"Yes."

"He's only ten, he's not capable of defending himself, that's what we're here for."

"Yeah but he's a Rizzoli, men in our family have their pride right?"

"You got that right…I will go talk to him." Walking towards her son's room Jane knew that Janie was right, just like any Rizzoli the little guy had his pride and even if she knew he had been made fun off before because he was black and had two moms he never complained.

As much as Jane and Maura tried to protect him, intolerance was everywhere and they couldn't always protect him, but most of the time he was okay, even if he was only ten he was extremely smart and mentally strong. This time was different though, this insult seemed to have hurt him deeply and Jane needed to know why.

"Hey buddy, how is this homework going?" Jane shyly her head halfway through the door.

"Good, I'm waiting for mommy to help with my calculus test." Frankie replied shrugging his shoulders without a look for his mother.

"Right, that is not my strongest subject. " Jane smiled slowly stepping inside his bedroom trying not to invade his privacy.

"I know, it's alright mom told me she would help me after dinner." Still avoiding eyes contact Frankie was fighting hard to hide his pain and embarrassment.

"In the mean time would you like to talk about what happened?" Sitting on his desk looking down Jane immediately saw that he was drawing, she didn't know where that gift came from but he was very talented and had always used that form of art as a way to express himself.

"No, I'm good."

"Why?You know you can tell me anything right?" Passing her hand through her his hair Jane started to think that this wasn't about the insult, that something far deeper was troubling him.

"I know but I don't want to yell at you Ma, so please just go away."

"You're mad at me?"

"Yes, at both of you!Why did you have to arrest her in front of the entire school and why did she have to fight with her?"

"I agree your sister shouldn't have hit that girl, but I arrested her because what she did is called a hate crime and she needs to learn that she can't get away with this just because her parents are loaded."

"I can take care of myself!I'm not a child anymore!"Frankie yelled swiping his stuff from his desk before storming out of his room.

"Fuck!"

"Where are you going like that?" Maura trying to catch her son running towards the door.

"Away!"Escaping his mother embrace, slamming the door behind him little Frankie was hurt and didn't want anyone to see him like this.

"Jane, what happened?"

"I think we might have hurt his pride by standing up for him Mom, I'll get him don't worry." In those situations Janie knew that she was the only one he wouldn't push away. Ever since he was born the two children had been as close as Jane and her brother were, doing everything together.

"The more they grow up the more they look like Frankie and you…"

"I know…I think I might have over reacted arresting her, what do you think?"

"I think that you did what was right and you stood up for you family just like you always do. What that girl did was wrong and she needed to understand it, besides you know how much I love seeing you use your handcuffs."

"I know that..That's why I bring them home so I can used them on you…"Jane smiled pulling her handcuffs off her belt.

"Hold that thought, once everything is settled down you and I are going to lock ourselves into our bedroom and you're going to tight me to our bed and..." Maura whispered going on her tiptoes sensually murmuring at Jane's ear.

"God woman, how can you still have this effect on me after over 20 years." Swallowing hard, the simple fact of hearing Maura talking dirty to her excited Jane to a point that was almost unbearable.

Following her brother outside Jane knew exactly where he was going : to the tree house her Ma and her had built him on for his last birthday. Even if he had several good friends Frankie was an artist and therefore often needed to be alone to paint or draw and this tree house was his safe place.

"Hey there, may I come in?"

"What ever…"Sitting in a corner looking through the window trying to wipe the tears off his face he knew that he couldn't escape his big sister and that he might as well let her in.

"I won't bother you for too long, just wanted to apologize. I know you're old enough to take care of yourself."

"I know and I usually don't pay attention about what people say, I mean this is Boston there blacks at every corner..."

"What is it then?"

"It's about the other thing she said...that I wasn't your brother."Finally admitting was truly hurt his feeling the little boy suddenly felt relieved knowing that his big sister would probably found the perfect words to make things better.

"Oh that's bullshit you're as much my brother as Uncle Frankie and Tommy are Ma's brothers alright?"

"I know , mom always says that DNA and Blood don't matter that Grand pa and Grand Ma love her as much and that it's the same for us but sometimes I just wonder…"

"About your biological mother?"

"Yes, you met her right?"

"Yes I did but I really shouldn't be the one talking about her, just ask mom she'll tell you."

"No, I don't want her to think I don't love her or Ma."

"Oh, she would never think that. You know she was adopted too and always wondered about her biological mother so she knows how we feel alright?"

"We?Does that mean you wonder about your biological dad too?"

"Not really. I remember when I was about 4 or 5 he came to town to meet me but I refused."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't and still don't care about him. Ma is my dad, she's the one who welcomed and protected us when Mom and I were in danger and who gave me her liver . I don't care what DNA's says I'm not related to that man."

"I see what you mean, but at least you know he wanted to meet you, I know nothing about my mother except she didn't love me."

"Oh no, don't say that, she loved you very much."

"Please tell me…"

"Alright. Well she was 7 months pregnant with you when we met her. She was really young and was still in school and she didn't feel ready to raise you that's why she gave you to us. She knew we would take good care of you. Please don't ever think she didn't love you."

"She was right you did take care of me. Tell me about the day I was born."

"Well I was only 6 but I remember exactly how it happened. It was Christmas eve and we were all preparing dinner when her water broke. I remember running into the kitchen screaming because I thought she was hurting."

"Was she?"

"A bit, she was having contractions so we took her to the hospital and I remember that I didn't want to leave you alone, I wanted to go with you in surgery you know but I wasn't allowed."

"What did you do?"

"I went with Gran ma, but only after Ma promised me I would be the first one to hold you ."

"I bet she kept that promise."

"You bet she did. I remember that we waited in the waiting room until 2 am when after 12 hours of making us wait you finally decided you wanted to meet us. I remember Ma taking me to the nursery and mom giving you to me. I was so scared to drop you but I hold you so tight ."

"Was I crying?"

"No, you never cried when I was holding you. Actually when you were little every time they couldn't calm you down all I needed was to hold you and you would stop crying. I think we bounded right when I hold you the first time. See blood doesn't matter, you're my brother, I fed you, gave your bath, changed your diapers and today I kicked the crap out of that bitch who was insulting you and I would do it again, so don't ever let anyone tell you you're not my brother ."Holding her little brother in her arms Janie remembered the day he was born and the extreme pride she felt holding him and how responsible she felt . From that day she knew that she would love him and protect him unconditionally no matter what it would cost her.

"Thank you Sis."Safe in his sister's embrace Frankie realized that he was way out of line he was a Rizzoli and he would never let anyone tell him otherwise ever again.

"You're welcome. Now we should go back inside you know how mom can be sometimes, she 's probably crying asking herself what she did wrong…"

"Right."

A few minutes later his tears dried Frankie went back into the family living room holding his sister hand, determined to apologize for his irrational behavior.

"Hey look who's back, do you feel better?"

"Yes, I'm sorry ma, I shouldn't have yelled at you like this."Frankie let out running into her arms.

"Hey I understand, I would have hated my mother is she had done what I did."

"I could never hate you.."His head on his mother's chest feeling her heart bit fast Frankie felt so stupid to have reacted like that. In the past ten years, Jane and Maura and Janie had done everything to make him feel part of the family.

"I know, come on go finish your homework now, while we talk to your sister oh and can you please fed your turtle he's driving me crazy banging against your bedroom door like that."

"Tortoise!"Janie, Maura and Frankie yelled at the same time.

"Damn, sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own house." Jane joked padding his back before watching leave towards his bedroom.

"Love you ma."

"I love you too son."

"So what did the two of you talk about?" Maura asked as soon as Frankie was out of sight.

"He asked about Claire."

"Oh, What did you tell him?"

"The truth, that she didn't gave him up because she didn't love him and I told him about the day he was born, I'm sorry I know you wanted to tell him but he begged me."

"It's okay, well he's 10 it's perfectly natural that he asked about her. "

"I know, he asked me about my dad and if I ever wanted to meet him you know."

"What did you say?"

"I said that I had the opportunity to meet him when I was little but that I didn't want to, that I couldn't care less about him."

"You still haven't changed your mind?"

"Nope, that man isn't my dad you are, I mean you're my ma and my dad. But I suppose it's easier for me because I'm biologically related to mom and I actually look like you a lot too but he doesn't look like any of us well except uncle barry…So obviously feeling related to us is harder you know…"

"I understand, even if I was adopted too people always told me that I resemble your grand mother a lot. I suppose physical resemblance helps feelings closer ."

"I agree, I mean he knows how much we love him and he loves us too but I think he should maybe meet her see where he comes from."

"He actually he has her eyes."

"You're right, well thank you darling, you're a good sister."

"I know…"

That night Jane and Maura went into their son bedroom to talk to him about meeting his biological mom, which he declined. Just like Janie, and thanks to her help he realized that he didn't need to meet his biological mom to know where he came from, that all he needed to know was that his family loved him very much. Obviously he didn't look like any of them but thinking about it carefully he knew that he inherited a lot of characteristics from both his mother : just like Jane he was stubborn and sometimes acted impulsively and he also shared her passion for baseball and crime novels, on the other hand he had adopted Maura way of talking and her passion for etymology. Yes thinking about it the little boy realized that he was as much their son than he could have ever been if they had been blood related.

That night going to bed and looking back at the 13 years that had passed since Maura came back to Boston the two women realized how much their lives had changed how much that had evolved as human beings. When Maura first came back Jane literally shut the door at her face almost disgusted to even see her face after 4 excruciating years of wondering why she had left. It took Jane a lot of effort and patience to understand why Maura had left and to forgive her and even after that they still struggled to go back to bring their relationship back to the way it was before Maura left. When Maura came back she was as much broken as Jane by the years spent away from her : the enthusiastic, full of life, positive woman she was had turned into a self loathing, self harming mother who was only kept alive by her daughter. It took Jane and Maura years to rebuilt their relationship and themselves and to heal from what had happened to them, from what Maura had done. There was one thing though that never required any particular effort : their children. Both women agreed to admit that if Janie hadn't been there to seduce her and make her see Maura differently Jane might have never forgave Maura. What linked Jane and her daughter has been powerful right from the first minute they met, so strong that Janie refused to meet her biological father and that Jane didn't hesitate a second when Janie needed a liver transplant. Also both women knew that having another child helped tighten their bond and seal maura's recovery. As much as they both loved Janie they wanted just like any other couple to have a child they would see grow up together and even if Jane was denying it at first witnessing her son birth and hold him afterwards was the most incredible experience of her life.

Yes looking back the two women knew they had been through a lot over the past 20 years, they had lost a lot including themselves but looking back it was all worth it. Now they were happily married, working together again, spending every living second together, arguing over dead bodies just like they used to 20 years ago. And when they get home they had to spend their nights with their two beautiful children, watching grow and learn, helping and supporting them as much as they could. Looking at them Jane and Maura knew that their children appart from their marriage was their most impressive achievement. They had raised them as best as they could but knew that as human being they still had the choice of doing good or bad things and after seeing how Janie stood up for her little brother they realized that they had succeeded in teaching them right from wrong and in putting family first.

Yes looking back at the past 13 years every bad things that ever happened suddenly seemed meaningless especially when they looked at what they had together and imagined what they still had to accomplished together. Looking back Jane never regretted giving Maura another Jane because she had everything she always had always dreamed about : the career she had work her entire life for, the woman she had loved for the past 20 years and two great children. Maura never regretted coming back either, her life had dramatically changed since she had left, being her mother changed her, made her less career driven, less selfish. Coming back has been as hard as leaving if not harder but thanks to her daughter and wife's support she healed and was not happier than ever working with the woman she loved and coming home their two wonderful children.

If one thing life had taught Jane and Maura was that forgiving was essential than moving on, that hate and self loathing weren't ways to live, that to move forward you sometimes need to take chances even if it hurt because it was far more painful to live without each other than trying and eventually getting hurt. What Maura and Jane share,their love, their bond was unbreakable , it had survived, shooting, hostage situations, mobs threats, Ian, infertility, cutting habits but they knew that as long as they loved and trusted each other they would always overcome everything.

**Alright guys it was such a longgggggg chapter, I know.**

**This concludes this fantastic story. I just wanted to show how closed Janie and Frankie were(I swear it didn't seem that confusing when I named them lol)**

**I don't know if the lack of reviews on last chapter was because it was long but if you can take 15 minutes to read this you can take 15 seconds to review right?You encouragements are what make me continue, when I don't feel encourage i loose my inspiration. I know pitiful but true lol!I write for myself but also for you guys!**

**Check out my new story : unconditional support !  
>thank you! <strong>


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